Having not read the book in question (though based on the quoted excerpt, I look forward to it), I have a general question for both Stephen & James:
Does the cathartic process of writing a memoir, and then releasing it for public consumption + whatever rewards that brings--ultimately outweigh the toll such an act claims on personal relationships?
I imagine the cast of friends/family members/acquaintances you chose to include in your respective memoir narratives must have expressed disappointment or worse at some point.
I suppose a more boneheaded way to phrase this would be, "Has it been worth it?"
@snugbug: Hi Snugbug. I think that's something writers have been working through for a long time. Personally, I don't have a great answer. I try to be kind and generous, in real life, and hope that same generosity comes across in my writing. I change the names and identifying details of everyone who is not a public figure, and say so in the very beginning of the book. But ultimately it's all gray area. I don't think that I have some moral right to write about people who share my life, even if I hide their identities, but it's what I do. I'm at peace with it. I have my own lines I don't cross and I stand by them. Other people define things differently.
The idea of it being "worth it" is interesting. I don't know how to exist without writing. I started writing really young. I've never made very much money off of it. If you can be fulfilled doing just about anything else I would say you should do it. But when I'm unable to write (and when you write, if you're like most writers, you will be driven to publish) I'm miserable.
I did a longer essay called Why I Write. You can see it here. It might answer your question more thoroughly.
First of all, congratulations on the publishing of this book and the success of the "pass it along" program. What's the most number of signatures you've seen on one particular copy of the book so far?
The excerpt featured in this post is great! You know something is enthralling when you start to wonder why it's taking you so long to read it and then realize that it's because every single sentence draws you in and makes it hard for you to say goodbye and move on to the next one. That's the best way that I can describe the above passage.
My question to you: What inspired the title of your book? I assume that you are/were taking Adderall -- do you feel that it helped to define you or some of the important moments in your life? Did it affect you in any significant way?
@mattchew03: Hi Matt. Well, I started taking Adderall in 2002 (Adderall is like Ritalin). At some point I quit, because I don't think it's good for you. I mean, it's basically pure amphetamine. But I entered into a long period of writers block. This wasn't related to the Adderall, it happened before I quit taking it. Nontheless I got to the point where I was really suicidal, and at that point there's no reason to be healthy. So I started taking Adderall again. Originally I was documenting that, hence the title. But then these murder stories entered my life and the book became about other things. Though my relationship with Adderall hovers over all of it, and is gone into a certain amount.
I'm still taking Adderall. I know people want the book to have this clear arc, and in many surprising ways it does. But life is messy and doesn't really work that way.
I think being a person who takes Adderall is something that has affected me quite a bit. One of the main things, though, is that it really seems to help me with depression. I have no idea who I would be without it, which is one of the tragedies of any drug use.
@Stephen_Elliott: Thank you for giving such a thoughtful and thorough answer, and it all makes much more sense to me now. I, too, have been prescribed Adderall before, so I can relate to some of the experiences you've had with it.
@alanemiles: The house readings are great. James just asked the same question and there's a much longer answer below. But I'm really enjoying them. And to be honest, I've never enjoyed a book tour before.
@cmpeterson31: It was really cool having all these people read the book in advance. 400 people participated in the library and I had a lot of direct contact with them. So in that way it was really rewarding. I think it helped get the word out about the book before it was released and there was a lot of talk about the book on the blogs because of the lending library. And now I'm doing a book tour that's almost exclusively in the homes of these people that participated in the lending library, mostly people I've never met. So that's all great. It's amazing to connect with readers that intensely. I mean, that's the whole point of publishing a book. I write to communicate. It's been really fulfilling.
At the same time, it's a ton of work. Managing the lending library was like having a job in customer service. And now I'm on a plane almost every day until December 9 when I finish in San Antonio (unless we add more home readings). As a writer you kind of have to ask yourself if it's worth it. I wouldn't do it for an anthology, for example. But The Adderall Diaries is my best book. I put everything into writing this book. So yeah, if I ever write something I feel this strongly about again, then I would probably do it.
@James Frey: I started this book after almost two years of writer's block. I had basically given up. Which is a great way to start a book, because you have a lot of freedom when you're writing for yourself and not worried about publishing or making money.
@Stephen_Elliott: And you knew what you wanted to write, or t formed as you did it? There are multiple narratives, one of you and one of the trial. How'd they find each other?
@Stephen_Elliott: I just started writing whatever I wanted. And then I heard about Sean Sturgeon's confession to 8.5 murders. I didn't know Sean, but we had a lot of overlap in our lives. In 1999 I had done a bondage photo shoot in his apartment. I was just following threads. I had no idea what the book was about or where I was going with it. I was probably 90% done before I understood the structure. And I didn't realize it was really a book about writing and being a writer until a year after I had turned the book in.
@James Frey: The narrative formed on its own. But of course there were connections. There's always connections when you look. For example, why was I interested in this murder confession? One was because Sean had been abused and was raised in a commune (or so he said). I was raised in group homes. Another was that my father had confessed to a murder in his unpublished memoir (I was pretty sure it was a false confession, I'm less sure now).
@Stephen_Elliott: Was it written in pieces? Or beginning to end with the structure finding itself? And what's up with a bondage shoot in the apartment of a confessed murderer? Fun?
@James Frey: Bondage shoots are generally pretty fun. And if you're dating a professional dominatrix it's likely something they'll want to do. The book was written in sections, but not rigidly. It's a memoir, but it's also a diary. But it's heavily edited and rewritten and combed over. Finding the story, the links between memories and things that interest you, the process of self-discovery, is what I really love about writing. That's why I never pitch articles or books or sell things I haven't written yet. The process of finding the story is always what I'm writing about and if I knew what it was about, and how I was going to tell it, I wouldn't want to write it.
@Stephen_Elliott: So both confessed to murders, and you're not sure either of them did it, but they might have. Both are basically storytellers. Not much different from you and me in that respect. From a legal and practical standpoint, the validity of the confessions is important, but as writer, was it?
@James Frey: There's more. Sean Sturgeon's former best friend, Hans Reiser, was on trial for murdering his wife. So there were three possible murders. Hans ultimately confessed, and he did murder his wife Nina Reiser, but the confession is false. So there are three false confessions in the book, which is why the book is ultimately not about murder but rather the elusiveness of truth. And how when someone lies the lie enters into the story, mixing with the facts like red and yellow paint to become orange. And you'll never separate the red and the yellow out after that.
As a writer, for me, what was important was the pursuit of the truth. If you're writing memoir, and you're honestly trying to figure out who you are in this world, that's like a detective story, and the reader will follow you on your search. As long as you're honestly searching. People confuse writing honestly with not lieing, but that's not what it's about. It's about really looking hard, putting everything out there. But not just exposing yourself so much as examining yourself. Because your experiences, and how you process those experiences, are what make you unique. It's what you have to share with the world. And it's what other people can learn from.
@Stephen_Elliott: @James Frey: So is memoir a marketing term, or something valid? And where do fact and truth, which are different things for me, come into it? It seems like there's some third form, something that isn't pure fact, but can honest and truthful, that isn't a novel or a memoir.
@James Frey: That's a really good question. If On The Road was written today, it would be a memoir. And in most of the generationally (sp?) novels in America from this past century the protagonist is a stand-in for the author (ie The Sun Also Rises).
I think there are facts. Hans Reiser killed Nina Reiser, that's a fact. I entered the mental hospital August 30 (or 31, I have the paperwork somewhere) 1986. That's a fact. But the minute you try to put two facts together you enter a realm of memory and interpretation. For example, I say I ran away from home at 13 because my father was abusive. He says I was a spoiled child. My father remembers the group homes I was in as very nice places and I remember them as gladiator arenas where I got beat-up a lot. But, and this may sound crazy, his memories, and interpretations of those memories, are every bit as valid as mine. Your memories, and how you interpret them, are what define you. And when I think of the term "memoir" that's what it means to me. It's about memory.
You know, after my novel Happy Baby, my father launched a kind of campaign, calling journalists and telling them I was lieing every time I talked with someone about the group homes. I had to realize that our truths, though contrary to each other, could exist side by side. That my memories were true to me was what was important. And, I also had to realize that I loved my father anyway, in spite of everything.
So that's a long answer to your question. But as far as a memoir being pure fact? No, it's impossible. It doesn't exist outside the most narrow circumstances.
@Stephen_Elliott: I think the way you've marketed the book, with the lending library, is smart, cool, fresh. A great way to use the internet and connect to readers. Almost every writer I know, including me, is concerned about the state of publishing, and trying to anticipicate the future. Where do think we are, and where are we going?
@James Frey: Boy. That's tough. I have no idea where we're going. I tell my friends who are sitting on books to hurry up and publish while there's still book stores.
At the same time, writers are always going to want to write. And if you write something good people will want to read it. A certain group of people. There's no book that appeals to everybody.
It's always weird to me to even use the term marketing, though I know it's totally accurate. I just want people to read my book. I'm sure it's not different from when cavemen did some wall painting and wanted other cavemen to check it out. Art, with some exceptions, is about sharing. So when I'm letting 400 people read advance copies of my book, more than anything else it's about sharing my work with 400 people. You hope that convinces other people to read the book, if the first group liked it enough. But it's not really about selling, it's, as you say, about connecting to readers.
@James Frey: So far it's been great. When you do a reading in a person's home the crowd is a reflection of the host. Like in Las Vegas I did it at the home of Laurenn McCubbin. She's an artist and frequently draws and paints sex workers, so the crowd was primarily artists and sex workers. In Lincoln Nebrasks it as at a twenty-something rocker's home and everyone who showed up was a twenty-something rocker. A lot of these people are telling me they've never been to a reading before.
In some cities, like Richmond Virginia, I'm doing two different house parties. In other cities, like New Orleans, the hosts have organized it with an art gallery or a cafe.
In every way this is most interesting book tour I've ever done. I stay in these people's homes and really get to know them and they're community.
Nothing crazy yet. But I've only done four of them, plus two universities. I have more than twenty coming up. I'm hoping nothing goes seriously wrong, but that would be surprising.
@Stephen_Elliott: The book, with three separate murder stories, sections about your life, and serious ideas about writing and truth and fact, is fairly complicated. How do you describe it to people?
@James Frey: You know, it always takes me five minutes to explain the book because there's so much going on. But here's the thing, it's not a complicated book to read. Nobody has complained of being unable to follow the story. You can do a lot in 200 pages.
Somebody asked me the other day what my "elevator pitch" was. I said my elevator pitch is go see a movie. If you can sum up your book in one sentence then it probably shouldn't be a book.
@Phyllis Nefler: Hi Phyllis. I really enjoyed Night of the Gun. And I interviewed David Carr for the San Francisco Chronicle. The thing about about that book is people think it's "reported", somehow more true than other memoirs. And it isn't. It is a beautifully written book, but your friends memories of you are probably more over-blown and even more inaccurate than your own.
@Stephen_Elliott: I need to sign, get back to writing my next book. Thanks for doing this, very interesting,very cool. Good luck with the book, hope it sells, and hope you have fun on tour.
@Stephen_Elliott: That answer is the dumbest fucking thing I've heard in a long, long time. An elevator pitch is 30 seconds, but that aside: if you can't describe your book in one sentence, you're long-winded. And if you can't do it in two, you're long winded and you need a better editor. And if you give an answer like "it probably shouldn't be in a book," you're the kind of pretentious asshole that prevents people from even bothering with good books because they get the misconception that they're only for assholes who wouldn't gag on answers like that. I hope Marilynne Robinson meets you in a bar and kicks your teeth in.
@Stephen_Elliott: Stephen, you've been gracious, thoughtful and poised here. I look forward to further investigation of your work, which seems to come from a resonantly personal place. with that in mind, could you explain the comment lodged directly above yours? I'm trying to parse the tone (that is to say, understand how it could possibly be justified in any collegial setting), looking for the possibility there's a tongue in cheek intention there. is there a backstory we should be aware of? I'm a little befuddled!
No, her name is not Helena -- it's Elisa. She is indeed a nurse but of Puerto Rican descent and is also the ex-girlfriend of Jack Donaghy, Vice President of East Coast Television and Microwave Oven Programming at GE . . .
10/13/09
Does the cathartic process of writing a memoir, and then releasing it for public consumption + whatever rewards that brings--ultimately outweigh the toll such an act claims on personal relationships?
I imagine the cast of friends/family members/acquaintances you chose to include in your respective memoir narratives must have expressed disappointment or worse at some point.
I suppose a more boneheaded way to phrase this would be, "Has it been worth it?"
10/13/09
The idea of it being "worth it" is interesting. I don't know how to exist without writing. I started writing really young. I've never made very much money off of it. If you can be fulfilled doing just about anything else I would say you should do it. But when I'm unable to write (and when you write, if you're like most writers, you will be driven to publish) I'm miserable.
I did a longer essay called Why I Write. You can see it here. It might answer your question more thoroughly.
[therumpus.net]
10/13/09
First of all, congratulations on the publishing of this book and the success of the "pass it along" program. What's the most number of signatures you've seen on one particular copy of the book so far?
The excerpt featured in this post is great! You know something is enthralling when you start to wonder why it's taking you so long to read it and then realize that it's because every single sentence draws you in and makes it hard for you to say goodbye and move on to the next one. That's the best way that I can describe the above passage.
My question to you: What inspired the title of your book? I assume that you are/were taking Adderall -- do you feel that it helped to define you or some of the important moments in your life? Did it affect you in any significant way?
Thanks!
Matt
Forgot to add: I'm going to order the book now.
10/13/09
I'm still taking Adderall. I know people want the book to have this clear arc, and in many surprising ways it does. But life is messy and doesn't really work that way.
I think being a person who takes Adderall is something that has affected me quite a bit. One of the main things, though, is that it really seems to help me with depression. I have no idea who I would be without it, which is one of the tragedies of any drug use.
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At the same time, it's a ton of work. Managing the lending library was like having a job in customer service. And now I'm on a plane almost every day until December 9 when I finish in San Antonio (unless we add more home readings). As a writer you kind of have to ask yourself if it's worth it. I wouldn't do it for an anthology, for example. But The Adderall Diaries is my best book. I put everything into writing this book. So yeah, if I ever write something I feel this strongly about again, then I would probably do it.
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As a writer, for me, what was important was the pursuit of the truth. If you're writing memoir, and you're honestly trying to figure out who you are in this world, that's like a detective story, and the reader will follow you on your search. As long as you're honestly searching. People confuse writing honestly with not lieing, but that's not what it's about. It's about really looking hard, putting everything out there. But not just exposing yourself so much as examining yourself. Because your experiences, and how you process those experiences, are what make you unique. It's what you have to share with the world. And it's what other people can learn from.
10/13/09
10/13/09
I think there are facts. Hans Reiser killed Nina Reiser, that's a fact. I entered the mental hospital August 30 (or 31, I have the paperwork somewhere) 1986. That's a fact. But the minute you try to put two facts together you enter a realm of memory and interpretation. For example, I say I ran away from home at 13 because my father was abusive. He says I was a spoiled child. My father remembers the group homes I was in as very nice places and I remember them as gladiator arenas where I got beat-up a lot. But, and this may sound crazy, his memories, and interpretations of those memories, are every bit as valid as mine. Your memories, and how you interpret them, are what define you. And when I think of the term "memoir" that's what it means to me. It's about memory.
You know, after my novel Happy Baby, my father launched a kind of campaign, calling journalists and telling them I was lieing every time I talked with someone about the group homes. I had to realize that our truths, though contrary to each other, could exist side by side. That my memories were true to me was what was important. And, I also had to realize that I loved my father anyway, in spite of everything.
So that's a long answer to your question. But as far as a memoir being pure fact? No, it's impossible. It doesn't exist outside the most narrow circumstances.
10/13/09
10/13/09
At the same time, writers are always going to want to write. And if you write something good people will want to read it. A certain group of people. There's no book that appeals to everybody.
It's always weird to me to even use the term marketing, though I know it's totally accurate. I just want people to read my book. I'm sure it's not different from when cavemen did some wall painting and wanted other cavemen to check it out. Art, with some exceptions, is about sharing. So when I'm letting 400 people read advance copies of my book, more than anything else it's about sharing my work with 400 people. You hope that convinces other people to read the book, if the first group liked it enough. But it's not really about selling, it's, as you say, about connecting to readers.
10/13/09
10/13/09
In some cities, like Richmond Virginia, I'm doing two different house parties. In other cities, like New Orleans, the hosts have organized it with an art gallery or a cafe.
In every way this is most interesting book tour I've ever done. I stay in these people's homes and really get to know them and they're community.
Nothing crazy yet. But I've only done four of them, plus two universities. I have more than twenty coming up. I'm hoping nothing goes seriously wrong, but that would be surprising.
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Somebody asked me the other day what my "elevator pitch" was. I said my elevator pitch is go see a movie. If you can sum up your book in one sentence then it probably shouldn't be a book.
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I feel like this might explain a little more than you think.
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Hi Oprah!
06/26/09