Peace is possible, people. If Jews and Arabs can work together to sell cocaine and service hookers, what can't they accomplish?

From the London Times:

A rabbi set up in business as a drug dealer and lavished his supplies of cocaine on young prostitutes at parties, a jury was told yesterday.

Rabbi Baruch Chalomish, 54, bearded and wearing a trilby hat, shared the dock at Manchester Crown Court with an interpreter who occasionally translated the barristers' words into Hebrew.

He was said by the prosecution to be a wealthy man who took up with Nasir Abbas, also 54, a convicted dealer, who had the "knowhow" and the contacts in the drug trade. The rabbi was the financier in the operation. They set up their "commercial cocaine-supply operation" in an hotel service flat in Shudehill, Manchester, where, it is alleged, Chalomish liked to dispense the drug in return for "sexual favours".

Straight from Politico: Cross says he went to the White House Correspondents Association dinner and was sitting right up front and because he like to do crazy things to impress his friend, he did this:

"I've got photos of all this. ... I'm there and the president is right here and with all these people at the table" Cross snorted some coke, he said. "Maybe 40 feet from the president of the United States!"

Pics or it didn't happen, David Cross. This is the edgiest thing to happen at the White House Correspondents Association dinner since Steven Colbert devastatingly spoke truth to power, simultaneously bruising the egos of the White House lapdog press corps and making Bush squirm through a sparkling recounting of his tragic flaws. This is a close second.

UPDATE: The friend he was trying to impress was Gavin McInnes, formerly of Vice. Of course.
[Pic: Getty]

• It's hard keeping track of Jennifer Aniston's alleged love life. One day she's screwing Gerard Butler, the next it's secret meetings with Brad. Now she's apparently staying in close contact with her "ex" John Mayer, on whom she's "hooked" and "can't let go." Yes, it can all get confusing, but at least she only has three in the rotation. For now. [NYDN]
  
  
• Jon and Kate Gosselin's former babysitter claims Jon hacked into Kate's emails and now Kate's saying she may talk to her lawyers because she's "disturbed" by it all. Yeah, so are we. [Us]
  
  
• Oh, haha! Professional actor Jesse Metcalfe joked that he got erections while making out with Eva Longoria. No wonder this guy doesn't get more acting jobs. [TMZ]
  
  
• Donald Trump continues his war of words on Tilda Swinton, who opposes his plans to construct a golf course on a Scottish coast. She compared it to poor people's forceful evictions during the Highland Clearance's gentrification, which led Trump to say of the world-famous actress: "It's a shame that she would disgrace the thousands of Scots who suffered for her own personal gain and in order to get some easy publicity for herself." [Page Six]
  
  
• Tao will pay Kim Kardashian $50,000 to "celebrate" her birthday at their Las Vegas location. Life's truly unfair. [Page Six]
  
  
• Paul McCartney's son, James, was trying to quietly start a music career. Now the papers are on to him, so that bubble's burst. [The Sun]
  
  
• California claims Patti LuPone owes nearly $10,000 in back taxes, but her people say it just isn't so, because the actress is "meticulous" about paying the tax man. So there! [Page Six]
  
  
• Ahhh! We've seen scary skinny models, and Miranda Kerr definitely deserves honorary mention. Well done! [Daily Mail]
  
  
• Melissa Rycroft, who's a "celebrity" for being on The Bachelor and Dancing with the Stars, has swine flu... [NYDN]
  
  
• ...And MSNBC's think Rycroft's announcing her swine flu for publicity. [MSNBC]
  
  
• Poor Fred Durst! Married three months and it's already over. [People]
  
  
• Just when you thought the Kanye/Taylor Swift scandal had gone to tabloid heaven, Taylor Swift hints that she may make fun of it when she hosts Saturday Night Live. Sounds like too easy a set-up. [Star]
  
  
• Sources say GQ photo-shopped January Jones' boobs to make them bigger, but photo editor Dora Samo insists Jones just uses what her mama gave her: "Yes, they're real. And they're spectacular." [Page Six]
  
  
• A second autopsy reveals that cocaine did not contribute to Billy Mays' death. Now, let's let the poor man's family rest. [NYDN]

It's no secret that the justice system weighs crack and powder cocaine on entirely different scales: crack, which came out of the black (scary!) inner city, garners a far harsher sentence than lily white blow. As WaPo notes, "It takes 100 times as much powdered cocaine as crack to trigger the same mandatory minimum sentence." That's thanks to 1986 legislation that Durbin himself supported. But now, perhaps swept up by all the race talk, Durbin says he made a "mistake" and wants to right the drug wrongs.

The sentencing disparity between crack and powder cocaine has contributed to the imprisonment of African Americans at six times the rate of whites and to the United States' position as the world's leader in incarcerations. It's time for us to act.

And act they will!

Durbin's proposing a bill that requests increase in the amount of crack needed to bring about a mandatory sentence. Don't get us wrong, we think the law needs to be balanced, but wouldn't it make more sense to lower the levels of cocaine needed to get a minimum sentence? (Not that we think that's a good idea, either, but still — increasing crack numbers sort of just rewards drug use of all colors.)

Image via eightprime's flickr.

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Following the same shock-and-awe attitude seen in those texting PSAs, the government's anti-drug center's cocaine campaign get straight to the gruesome point: blow eats your very vocal nose, causes heart attacks, seizures and general death.

The inflamed, blood-encrusted imagery of talking nostrils should be effective, but then there's the addition of the campaign's breakout star, "Pablo the Drug Mule Dog," a taxidermic teetotaler whose affability deflates the whole message. He's like the Geico gecko, only with more fur and a more hardcore message.

Yes, this campaign has the makings of a camp classic, but we're not convinced it will deter people from the marching powder. Actually, it's probably even more amusing while high.

But apparently the British government has more faith. Though it started posting such videos on YouTube last December or so, it just paid about $2.5 million to air them on the boob tube. As if teenagers watch commercials anymore.

Because the fascination with cocaine's many ills knows no bounds, researchers Ashwin Mohan and Sandeep Pendyam have been looking into how the drug warps one's mind. And now they've found it: cocaine causes an excessive build-up of the some chemical called glutamate around synaptic nerve ends.

Our model showed that the glutamate transporters, a protein present around these connections that remove glutamate, are almost 40 percent less functional after chronic cocaine usage. This damage is long lasting, and there is no way for the brain to regulate itself. Thus, the brain structure in this context actually changes in cocaine addicts.

Alright, but what does that mean? We're not entirely sure, but a little pseudoscientific research tells us that exorbitant amounts of glutamic acid in the brain can be associated with nasty things like strokes and autism. While the doctors hope this brain-scan finding will help develop new recovery methods for coke heads, this information will almost certainly be used to scare kids away from drugs. That's a valiant mission, but we wonder whether attentions could be diverted elsewhere.

About 2 million people say they use cocaine on a regular basis. Meanwhile, 1 in 10 American kids are "addicted" to video games. If we were being conservative, we would put that at about 5 million people. According to the fascinating, frightening book iBrain: Surviving the Technological Alteration of the Modern Mind, video games also change the way people's minds work — and in a much more frightening way: they can "stunt" frontal lobe development and lead to permanent, self-absorbed immaturity. Eek!

Basically, there could be an army of perpetual teenagers running this country one day. We know coke heads are annoying, but they're nothing compared to teenagers, God's greatest mistake.

Newark police say 25-year-old Shaheed Wright of East Orange apparently put several baggies of cocaine inside his 4-year-old son's jacket after a near brush with police. The boy later shared the drugs with three other 4-year-olds at the center on Friday.

So much for Twix and Slurpees for breakfast. You know how there was always that "cool" parent that'd let you get all sugarfreaked before dropping you and your friends off at school? Well, Mr. Wright, you're him, times a million. Except you were busted by the kid's teacher, who found one of the baggies in one of the his friends' mouth. All four kids involved were taken to the hospital, and Wright's son explained to police about the "candy" his dad gave him. Yeah. His dad told him it was candy.

The interesting stuff, though, is what you're never going to read on 1010Wins. Like the criminal desperation that invokes you putting drugs in your kid's jacket and telling him it's candy. And the circumstance that puts someone in the position to do that in the first place. Or what happens to Wright's child hereafter.

Anyway: 1010 reports that "Wright was charged with four counts of child endangerment and drug offenses," and if he has any idea what's good for him, he's going to plea bargain the hell out of this.

In conclusion: Newark is apparently hell on earth.

Theresa Duarte, who was once described by her students as "the coolest woman alive," was sentenced to six months in prison after hashing her shit to a student. Does anyone know how hard it is to get through to pre-pubescent and teenaged masses? They're fucking animals.

Duarte, clearly at her wit's end, was simply trying to bring a lost, troubled soul into the fold. She should be commended. If our nation's education system can't enthrall students on its own, it's up to teachers to innovate and solve the problem. And we all know cocaine solve all of life's great woes, even if it is deadlier than ever. Survival of the fittest, right?

Duarte's hardly the only drug-related victim in this omnipresent problem. A now-fired kindergarten teacher was arrested last week for having coke on his pint-sized campus. Apparently he couldn't take the pressure of working toward a dying dream.

Our educational and judicial system would wise up and appreciate the difficulty of cultivating our nation's future. Let's have a tea party and yell about it!

• Lindsay Lohan suffered some camel toe recently — and there are basically pornographic pictures depicting the suction-cupped nightmare. We would reprint them, but, honestly, it's too early and we don't want to ruin your day with images of her vaginal lips. [3am]
  
  
• There may be another victim in Perez Hilton and Demi Moore's mutually-harmful Twitter war: Tyra Banks. Apparently Hilton appears on the season premiere of the former model's talk show and promised to stop targeting minor celebrities — that is, celebrities until 18. Well, that episode was taped on August 18th, over two weeks before Hilton posted pictures of 15-year old Tallulah Willis showing off her nubile cleavage. [Gatecrasher]
  
  
• Celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay's smackhead brother, Ronnie, just returned to Britain from an Indonesian jail, and he's sleeping on the streets. At least he has a swank haircut, though, right? [Daily Mail]
  
  
• Lady Gaga made the absolutely shocking revelation that she used to blow huge amounts of cocaine while listening to The Cure. [HollyScoop]
  
  
• Plots in the mausoleum holding Michael Jackson's famed corpse have gone up about $3,000 in price. [TMZ]
  
  
• Jermaine Jackson will soon hold a "tribute" concert for his brother, but fans shouldn't get too excited about promises — or even suggestions — of big names, for the devil's in the ticket's fine print: Jermaine Jackson and the producers will make every attempt to present some of the world's leading artists, however there is no right or legal claim whatsoever that certain artists will perform ‘The Tribute.'" Good grief, if that's the case, Jackson should say MJ himself will make an appearance. [MSNBC]
  
  
• Teen Vogue hired Gossip Girl Taylor Momsen to screech and thrash to promote this week's Fashion Night Out. [NY Post]
  
  
• Mischa Barton's tenuous hold on reality becomes even more clear with news that she eats McDonald's before hitting the gym. [Gatecrasher]
  
  
• Critics and movie-types are saying Mo'Nique, once known for her self-effacing fat jokes, should win an Oscar nomination for her turn in Precious. [NY Post]
  
  
• Ludacris gave away 20 cars to people who couldn't afford them. That's nice. [CNN]
  
  
• Either Rebecca Gayheart's pregnant with Eric Dane's child, or the couple are trying desperately to get new, non-nude tape press, for Dane was seen putting a "protective" hand on his wife's below at DJ AM's funeral. [NY Post]

You see, a group of pre-school teachers in California ate brownies they bought off the street and soon came down with tummy aches, tingly fingers and were nauseous. Of course the LAPD and public health officials felt it was their duty to launch a full-fledged investigation, traced the sickness to the brownies, and discovered the treats were laced with weed. Okay, so the teachers were stoned and didn't realize it.

This elementary fact, of course, was overlooked by authorities, for the CDC's Morbidity and Mortality weekly report exaggerated the incident to warn the nation that weed must show be considered "a potential contaminant during foodborne illness investigations."

Sure, we guess investigators should consider weed when looking into such matters, but doesn't this language seem a bit, oh, inflammatory? It's basically putting weed up there with salmonella, E. coli and other nasty bacteria that infects our food.

If only they would think of the bad name they're giving weed and the struggling American families who sell it to live and smoke it to cope with the nation's slow, painful decent into post-capitalist hell. Dude.

Image via splifr's flickr.

Hospitals around the nation are reporting a scary spike in coke-related deaths and most of them can be traced back to levamisole, a veterinary drug used to de-worm animals. Ewwww.

So, why are drug dealers using this particularly disgusting additive? Well, because it boosts dopamine, which makes you feel all great and shit, but then you die. Hospitals would help you out, but they don't really know about levamisole, so they can't help you. And then you die. (But at least you won't have worms!)

Now, before you go blaming all drug dealers, consider this: first, the DEA thinks those dastardly Colombians are to blame. And, two, pushers are struggling in the economy and need you to think you're getting the best shit ever. Before you die, of course. People must be warned! (Especially coke dealers: you can't help yourselves if you're killing your clients, fools!)

Image via ValerieBB's flickr.

A tipster forwarded an email exchange, including picture, in which this gregarious gentleman identified himself and claimed to have "plenty of ski here" (again, that means cocaine) and that he can either host at his house or travel somewhere else. After leaving a soul-crushing pressure cooker of a beat — one which got him no small amount of grief for delving into the sexual histories of national figures — 219's no doubt enjoying the free time his current posting affords him. But some blow and blow so early in the morning on a school night? Sir, we salute your hearty constitution! If we're going to quibble about anything it's this: we've all been known to shave off a few years and pounds on internet "dating" sites, but rounding down by a decade... really?

FUNNY MAN: "You know how bad this recession is?"
STRAIGHT MAN: "How bad?"
FUNNY MAN: "So bad coke dealers are going through their phone books making cold calls to old customers!"

Formerly respectable coke dealers who had customers flocking to them are now forced to prostitute themselves like common salesmen to ungrateful, newly-reformed customers like the one above, who've really grown up a lot and shit since they lost that Lehman gig and went broke after spending a year and a half as a postgrad making $150k. Even NYU kids aren't getting sniffy. Way to make coke dealers look like evil pushers, macroeconomic conditions.

Still, if this recession saves just one 27 year-old banker from blowing a quarter of his salary on coke, then...whatever.

Did you know! 90% of all money is contaminated with cocaine, asserts Slate in their lede. Furthermore: the rate was only 67% two years ago, and a panel convened on the issue of blow and money says that the economy has made more people do blow! Which, whatever, I don't believe is true for America, because people just smoke weed when they have a case of the sads, right?

Probably not. But in Europe: naturally, this kind of thing is a given. Furthermore, Ze Germans are taking a much, much closer look at the money people are using to huff the yayo, ChiChi. In fact, one country's doing more blow than any of the others:

The drug is often taken by snorting it through rolled-up bills, and its crystals happen to fit snugly between a bill's fibers.) After collecting more than 13,000 notes in eight years, the German team found that the most contaminated euro bills come from Spain-which makes perfect sense, since that country serves as the gateway for South American cocaine imports and has the highest reported rate of cocaine use in Europe (PDF). (An estimated 3 percent of Spaniards use the drug, compared with 2.3 percent for the United States.)

Damn. Yet another thing Europeans do better than us. Also, because the European Union got new currency in 2000, they've had an easier time studying this kind of thing than we have. But the most important part of all of this, which Slate buried the lede on - and I guess, now, I did - is whether or not you can get busted for having blow-covered money on you. Survey says?

Maybe. By determining a baseline level of currency contamination, scientists have been able to determine whether money seized from suspected drug dealers is dirtier than usual. Since most bills contain fewer than 1,240 micrograms of cocaine, anything more could indicate direct contact with the drug. According to one study, this method was 89 percent effective at differentiating between money that's just dirty and money that's got a bit of a drug problem. In the United Kingdom, at least, these sorts of comparisons are used in court.

So: show up with a roll of cash caked in coke, you might be in trouble. Other than that, you're good, bro, you're so fuckin' awesome, we're so awesome right now, God, man. God. I'm putting on my sunglasses.

The story goes like this: Lohan goes in to get a cup of ice from a bodega. Leaves her BlackBerry on the counter. The guy working the counter runs after her in a cab, tries to give it to her, but asks if she can prove her identity first. She tries to get it back from him, even makes a swipe at it. Now he relents. She calls the cops, but the situation was "diffused" by the time the 5-0 arrived. Here's our lowdown:

Where: On Kenmare, between Mott and Elizabeth, in Little Italy, lies a bodega called the Mott Corner Deli. It's fairly inconspicuous, there's not much to the place. Typical downtown bodega, if not lesser-than-average. Advises a Yelp user:

Since it was past midnight the lazy option prevailed and we went over to Mott Corner (formerly known as Luncheonette) to grab a fish sandwich. Beware of this place! If you eat some of the food they cook there, you'll develop unknown cutaneous reactions. Seriously, it's that bad.

Advises me: if you're dumb enough to eat a fish sammie from a Bodega at 1AM, you deserve whatever "cutaneous reactions" you get. Besides being convenient and occasionally representing a decent cross-section of important foodstuffs, unimportant foodstuffs, and clutch necessities (condoms, beer, ciggarettes, TP, tampons), Bodegas (or "delis" as they're sometimes referred to) are historically known in New York as many a showdown between people of different languages, cultures, dialects, and levels of sobriety.

Who: In the right corner, actress, singer, newfound lesbian Lindsay Lohan, who's shown a recent shift of getting lippy, no? There are few like her. In the left corner, Bodega late shift worker and "counterman" (via the News), Mohammed Hashan. There are many like him, but he is special.

What? Lohan's shown a preference for the BlackBerry Bold. It's the PDA of choice for many a celebrity! It currently retails on Amazon.com for $49.99 with a new service plan, and can cost up to $500 without one. Much greater than the fiscal loss of a BlackBerry is, as everyone knows, the absolute pain in the ass it is to recover that kind of information. Also, she is a "Blackberry Person" as opposed to an "iPhone person," which, I bet you anything, Sam Ronson absolutely is. This is just how these things go, you know? The other "thing" involved? Ice. She was there to get a cup of it when she left her BlackBerry there.

How? It escalated to calling the cops for one of two reasons. The first is that the guy was geniuinely being an asshole, and wouldn't give Lohan her BlackBerry back for his own reasons. The other theory: she flew into a rage after not being recognized by these plebeian nobody.

Why? Because Lindsay Lohan's career is still spiraling downward, even after being cast in Robert Rodriguez's new film (probably more for kitsch value than anything else). Because her new lip job went terribly wrong and it's painfully obvious. Because recognition - even at the level of a guy working at a bodega - is important to celebrities who try to skirt it from the people who'd usually recognize them. Because interactions between New York's bodega-working populace and New Yorkers are sometimes strained as a result of a very in-your-face class system at work, the cover for which some people misread for friendliness, togetherness, and the common bond of being New Yorkers. Because the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Or, just: cocaine. There's always that.