Metallica, three music businessmen and one headbanging scab, just announced they will do something no men who shop at Armani and "accidentally" kick children have done before: They will have a sugarless, low-calorie soda beverage send them to perform on the icy, cool, refreshing land of Antarctica.

Hugo Chavez's Venezuelan government has banned Coke Zero from the country and ordered Coca-Cola to remove the beverage from the country at once, citing dangers to the health of its citizens.