You know what you're in for when "Perez Hilton is not sorry" opens up Robin Abcarian's piece on the creature formerly known as Mario Lavandeira, who's now a "tastemaker," according to the title of the piece. Other things you, the reader, are made aware of Hilton's complete lack of repentance for: posting the Dustin Lance Black pictures as a self-proclaimed gay icon, the early speculation on Michael Jackson faking his death, his altercation with Will.I.Am (though he notes he's still only not "entirely" unapologetic for using the word "faggot" in Hilton's fight with the Black Eyed Peas frontman).

"I've built my brand on being a bitch," said the gay celebrity blogger. "So what?"

Truth. His most recent offenses include shuffling over dead boxer Arturo Gatti's grave, and making a mockery of race relations in his Advocate profile when he applauded himself for using a gay slur as opposed to a racist one.

The LAT's reporting still doesn't get to the root of who his third writer is (besides his sister) other than "a recent college graduate..he declined to name."

"Why do you want to know that?" he said "It's all about me!"

And the Hilton show it most definitely is. The good question is what Abcarian actually got, which amounts to pretty much nothing. And there's almost a pattern of kindness on the part of the L.A. Times to Hilton; their coverage of him doesn't extend past a Q & A that also lets Hilton flaunt his brand. The most significant thing the Times managed was Hilton's obvious insecurity and distaste for a gay community that couldn't care less about counting him amongst their numbers, while riffing on his Advocate cover story:

He was furious about the Advocate piece, in which the writer was dismissive of his intellect. ("He's not a deep or nuanced thinker and seems generally unwilling . . . to look critically at himself. . . . He doesn't strike me as all that intellectually honest," wrote Benoit Denizet-Lewis.) "He basically called me stupid," said Hilton. "I am not stupid. I don't think I have to prove that to anyone."

Or maybe it's just an insecurity about aptitude. There's no doubt that Hilton might be, if not deep or nuanced, at least an intuitive thinker into what some people want to read. But as he prepares to launch his "nicer" site, it'll be interesting to see what kind of person develops based on the success or failure of the new venture.

An out-and-out failure might be an affirmation that his only asset is his willingness to forgo considerations of any stripe of moral fortitude, while a success might prove to Hilton that bigots can file down the lowest common denominator on their way to possibly less lowbrow ventures. Whatever the case is, it's almost relieving to see Hilton's one-dimensional nature move forward, because it makes him easier to understand. There's a great line from psychiatrist Aaron Lazare's 2004 book On Apology, in which Lazare writes: "(The apology process)...illustrates how the phenomenon of apology can be a window into the human emotions and behaviors that maintain and restore human dignity," something Hilton doesn't seem to long for. Maybe there's just nothing else there. Sometimes, an asshole's just an asshole. It's easier to leave it at that.

Hilton, apparently not content to be the world's leading purveyor of dirty celebrity doodles, is quixotically positioning himself as some sort of gay rights leader. Though, he's going about it all the wrong ways.

In the new profile by Boston-based gaypert Benoit Denizet-Lewis, the vicious and rotund self-ascribed Queen of All Media practically pleads with his interviewer to please accept him as a Righteous Gay. The Advocate story was written and filed before The Incident, but Denizet-Lewis has spoken to Hilton since and added his quotes to the online version of the article. Hilton, never the intellectual high jumper, buried himself even deeper:

But Perez tells me that, in the heat of the moment that night, he almost chose to use a different word. "I thought about calling him the n word," he says over the phone a week after the incident, "but I thought the f word was even worse. I was so filled with hate at that moment because I was hated on so much, and I reacted in the worst way possible. Then I went on to make a bunch of other mistakes. I shouldn't have made the video. I shouldn't have released so many statements. But what's come out of all of this is that I've learned so much about myself, and I'm in a much better place. I'm actually thankful that it happened. As cheesy as it may sound, I had almost a spiritual moment when I just let all of the anger and worry go and am now filled with peace, happiness, and wisdom.

Aw. Isn't that... vaguely horrifying. In seeking the forgiveness of the gay community (or not forgiveness, I don't think Hilton is concerned with forgiveness, but some weird meta thing somewhere between forgiveness and fear), Hilton decides to have us congratulate him for not saying the racist thing he was thinking. Terrific.

The late edition aside, the Advocate article is a mildly interesting, if not deeply-probing, read. Mostly the bitchy/sad blogger comes across as lonely and pretending, scorned by his one-time media friends and coworkers (like Queerty's Japhy Grant and head Jezebel Anna Holmes), intimidated and childish when trying to meet men. Basically he's any young gay guy with identity problems, only he's crafted a big pink dreadnought of a platform to loudly air his insecurities.

Thank God I don't have such a platform. Oh, wait.

It's great that he's out and unabashed about it. Well, at least unabashed about it now. And whether or not he was under contract from the Idol people to be tacit about his boning preferences, he still could have said something. But he didn't! Because, he didn't want to be like his lame gay Idol enemy Clay Aiken. He told our best friend Vanessa Grigoriadis:

Right after the finale, I almost started talking about it to the reporters, but I thought, ‘I'm going to wait for Rolling Stone, that will be cooler. I didn't want the Clay Aiken thing and the celebrity-magazine bullshit. I need to be able to explain myself in context.

Wait, what's that? In the context of still rock 'n roll badass publication... Rolling Stone? Sigh. But anyway, we're way too mean to him, aren't we? Foisting the weight of a movement on his bewinged shoulders and all. Lambs doesn't want that. He just wants to sing:

I'm trying to be a singer, not a civil rights leader.

Oh, don't worry. No one thought otherwise, bubbe.

Anyway, he also reveals that he decided to do Idol while high on drugs at Burning Man. Because, somehow, he figured the show would be the only way to be "taken seriously." Hah.

Anyway. Congrats everyone!