Gawker
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commenter executions
Of Death and Catapults
Do you like the new site design? The black? I think it's lovely. Reminiscent of DEATH. This is step 1 in my plan to turn Gawker into Jack Ketch's Blog of Commenter Executions and Pictures of Medieval Siege Weaponry. It's a new direction for the site, but think of the pageview counts when Gawker is the number 1 result for "Trebuchet" Google searches! None of this is true, really. I actually have no power. Which should be obvious, as most of my victims just return a few days later and continue the schtick they died for in the first place. It's a hard life, but a just one. After the jump, you shall find a few more victims to mourn until they return in 5 hours. More » -
executions
Bad Luck For Some of You
From our official Commenter Executioner, Jack Ketch: See the title? Get it? Because it's Friday the 13th and now you are dead! I was going to start this post with a history of Friday the 13th, why it's considered unlucky, and what a typical English Friday the 13th consisted of in my time. But then I realized I don't know anything about this day, and have been living here in the future for so long that I'm basically a lazy, ignorant, and slovenly American by this point. I can't even be bothered to write my posts in old timey English. I'll probably have to execute myself soon. So, it's Friday the 13th, which is bad if bad things happen to you today. Look both ways before crossing the street, don't stand near out of order elevator shafts, and make sure to wear your hat really low if you go wilding. They have cameras everywhere now. Fucking cameras. Let us jump, and please be careful not to slip, to the fun part. More »
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By SheilaComment by clergymen from molluscs: @Unfun: I confess that I snitched on him. In the Denton Empire, the informant is also prosecutor, the judge... more » | Other threads
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public executions
Why Do You People Force Me To Hurt You?
Hey, hey, hey! It's time for some people to calm the fuck down... Abbe Diaz. I don't care who you are or what you've published—this kind of ad hominem, personal commenting-attack won't be tolerated here, because it's unintelligent and immature. And also, because I said so. The monkeys may be running the zoo here—but luckily, I'm one of them. That's all.
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By SheilaComment by bertyapple: @jackvinyl: Thanks. A friend of mine recommended it to me. Apparently he googled an image for "ugly dog." Interesting. more » | Other threads
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gawker
This Week in Commenter Executions
As you can imagine, most of the executions we wanted to carry out this week concerned people who sent us e-mail. Since that is sadly impossible (and, you know, illegal) we had to sate our bloodlust with the collection of commenters you'll find below. Thanks for stopping by, folks, we hope to see you again real soon. More »
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By abalk2Comment by Carson Daly: swaytalk was accepted just to be executed? I like the way you roll, Gawker. And lemme guess: swaytalk = Kimmel's... more » | Other threads
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gawker
This Week in Commenter Executions
We've got the Grindhouse fever and there's only one known cure, short of actually seeing Grindhouse: execute the bejesus out of a boatload of commenters. Block 'em all and let God sort 'em out. Let's do it. More » -
gawker
This Week in Commenter Executions
You've actually been a fairly well-behaved—even entertaining and sometimes enlightening!—bunch this week. It's a shame to see any of you go. But upon us all the axe must fall, and this week we say goodbye to five members of the commenting community. Did you make the cut? More »
6,963
By abalk2Comment by JupiterPluvius: @FracturedAcetabulum: It's Rick Santorum's daughter at his concession speech. You can make your own avatar of it if you... more » | Other threads
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gawker
This Week in Commenter Executions
Quite a week for purging. Apart from the real-time executions of soldierboyadam and Simba Marimba (guess what they had in common?), we've got a slate of condemned commenters on their way to the gallows as we speak. Tie a napkin around your neck and see if you're about to have your last meal. More »
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By abalk2Comment by Greasy Thumb Guzik: @sheistolerable: Has the El gotten to where you wanted to go yet? I'll wait for the answer as you might be... more » | Other threads
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gawker
This Week in Gawker Commenter Executions
Hey, did you hear something? Yeah, you're right, probably just the wind. Oh, no, wait, it's COMMENTER EXECUTIONS! We've chosen to do things a little differently this week, with a group cull. Are you part of the group? The answer is after the jump. More »
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By abalk2Comment by gasparutto: So that's Lynn and NOT KarenUhOh? It's such a small sister-fucking world, I cannot keep fucking track. who knew that... more » | Other threads
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gawker
This Week in Gawker Commenter Executions
We're in a surly mood this week at Gawker; surly and curt. After the jump we determine who lives and who dies, giving impossibly brief rationales for our executions. Yours, though, is not to reason why, yours is merely to comment and then face our wrath. The newly departed lie in state below. More »
7,100
By abalk2Comment by YourFaithfulServant: And continue to create an excellent day! more » | Other threads
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gawker
This Week in Gawker Commenter Executions
What's that sound? Oh, it's a bell! And it's tolling for... these: More » -
gawker
This Week in Gawker Commenter Executions
Without further ado, here comes the axe! More »
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By abalk2Comment by Carson Daly: momo, good sir, wherever you may be: "What matters most is how well you walk through the fire." ... more » | Other threads
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gawker
This Week in Commenter Executions
Thought we forgot, huh? Nope, it's Whacking Day! Say goodbye (for now) to: More » -
gawker
This Week in Commenter Executions
Nothing is certain in this life save death. Much the same is true for comment status on Gawker; it can be rescinded at any time. For three commenters, that time is now. Today's executees: More »
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By abalk2Comment by raincoaster: Solidarity Forever, man. The few, the proud, the undead. more » | Other threads
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gawker
This Week in Commenter Executions
We have a pretty good sense of how the comments section on this one are going to read, so think carefully before you repeat someone's obvious joke lest you wind up on this list in its next installment. Today's executees: More »
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By abalk2Comment by Hyman Decent: YF&N, you're right. The Urban Dictionary's entry for Cleveland Steamer has had many, many more votes than its entry for... more » | Other threads
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By Chris MohneyComment by kjc9: Still using IE6 is a crime? What if he works on a computer that he doesn't have admin privileges?... more » | Other threads
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commenter executions
This Week in Commenter Executions
That picture of the guillotine can mean only one thing: We've overthrown the ancien r gime, and the Committee of Public Safety will soon unleash its reign of terror. Joyeuse Thermidor! Actually, no, we're just axing a few commenters. Up for the chop today: More »
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By abalk2Comment by Little Mintz Sunshine: Gwinny, your sinister yet cheerfully banal attempts to turn this into TWOP will be met with deadly force. more » | Other threads
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gawker
This Week in Commenter Executions
Time once more for commenter ultraviolence, marinating us all in the precious bodily fluids of the executed. So many choices, but we tried to do the most harm to those doing the same. Today's victims: More »
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By Chris MohneyComment by josh speed: hey GaryGnu, IBMW, et al-- seriously, what do you kind folk have against my good confrères here in Montreal? because you... more » | Other threads
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gawker
This Week in Commenter Executions
The fat feathered gobbler isn't the only one on the block today. In the spirit of holiday sacrifice, we'll decapitate a few turkeys of our own, just to get you properly blooded up. Bring your own cranberry sauce. And don't worry, everyone gets a piece — but we get to carve. More » -
commenter executions
Letter From the Grave: Executed Commenter Responds
Our commenter execution policy is tough but fair (and, let's face it, no permanent bar to re-entry.) Occasionally, however, one of the executed becomes so irate by having been banned that they wind up providing us with a fairly strong confirmation that out initial judgment was correct. After the jump we bring you the angry ramblings of a former Gawker commenter. We're gonna go ahead and assume that the [sic] is implied. More » -
gawker
This Week in Commenter Executions
Did you miss us? And by "us," we mean bloody commenter revenge murders. Sometimes we like to give the commenting population an extra week to straighten up, but that time is past. And just to make up for our forbearance, you'll get more blood than usual today. A quartet of criminals go on the block, for their day is done. Consider it a meaty sacrifice on the altar of our new political age. So, let's clamber up the corpse-strewn ziggurat and see who's dead. More »
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By Chris MohneyComment by Narnia: Wait. I just saw that. Coaster, what are you saying? That Narnia is as much a twatard as Simpatia? What... more » | Other threads
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gawker
This Week in Commenter Executions
We'd like to mention that these regular culls do seem to be having an overall positive effect. Granted, we are merely chipping off the very point of the tip of the massive iceberg of commenters, but for the very first time, we actually had to consider for a moment who should get the ax. Only for a very brief moment, mind you, but that's a sea change from having to decide among dozens of killworthy nominees. For those of you still alive, keep up the great work. Enough with the carrot; time for the stick. More »
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By Chris MohneyComment by raincoaster: I'll miss wombatty, but she'll be back again with a new name in no time, right? Please tell me that... more » | Other threads
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gawker
This Week in Commenter Executions
Welcome back to the comment execution terrordrome. Before we start chopping, some small advice — patience. Sometimes your comments are posted immediately. Sometimes it may take the system a few moments to digest your comment, once saved. No need to madly repaste your comment and save again, resulting in the public shame of a double-posted comment. We wouldn't be so cruel as to execute for such, but then, we've been punished for our forbearance in the past. Things could change. Meanwhile, the names of the dead: More »
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By Chris MohneyComment by newyorkese: "Liberté, égalité, fraternité" is for the French, public executions (as far as the internets) are definitely Gawker's. more » | Other threads
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gawker
This Week in Commenter Executions
Thought we'd wait a bit on this, right? The last bloodbath was comparatively recent, but as the comment village expands, so doth comment villainy. On a side note, we believe we've finally gotten that whole avatar graphic thing worked out properly, so go ahead and re-upload your personally visual witticism by clicking "Edit My User Profile" at the bottom of any Gawker post. Now, on to the banny goodness. More »
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By Chris MohneyComment by Tom Foolery: In my imaginary "Gawker Commenter World," I always thought that Narnia and Simpatia would be, like, the best of friends...... more » | Other threads
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comments
This Week in Commenter Executions
It's been far, far too long since we've cleaned house. Not that our house will ever really be clean. Still, let's irrigate the rosebush of comments with the blood of eejits, or however that goes. More »
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By Chris MohneyComment by raincoaster: I'm with ctrl-freak; let's have a Gawker Commenter reality show. But enough of the stupid challenges. I say we do... more » | Other threads
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gawker
This Week in Commenter Executions
Overlooked in all the excitement during our one-day commenter invitation free-for-all was the note that banning of commenters would become "much more arbitrary and punitive, and such banning may be accompanied by public ridicule and execution." Well, guess what time it is? May we present commenters who have been banned, as of right now, for the following criminal trespasses: More »
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By Chris MohneyComment by raincoaster: Maybe Gawker's a draw for yella dawg republicans, but I haven't seen enough traffic from here to make me want... more » | Other threads
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