After this arduous week of battletweeting, it's time for the commenters who've done the best job to sit back and uncork some congratulatory Vitamin Water. Don't worry, kids: we've spiked it. So who won?

Kate Winslet isn't the only one to get some surprising news this week—our best comment-writers have just been nominated for a Best Actress Oscar, even if they campaigned in Supporting (or are men). Who won?

You'll have to forgive us, but there's a hot tub party at the Zankou Chicken condo that has more boiled boys n' girls bits than a Real World: Brooklyn reunion! Meanwhile, here's your winners:

Of all the silly (and, at this point, pretty cliche) George W. Bushisms—his malapropisms, his infamous stumbles in syntax—one stands out for me as my absolute favorite. It's a surreal delight:

This week's comments were so great that compiling Comments of the Week involved a lot of difficult choices. Thus, the winners have a hard task, too: divvying up their prize of one clairvoyant breast each.

Thanks to the truncated holiday schedule, this special edition of Comments of the Week actually honors the last two weeks. But what a prize: a beloved blogspot with few tears or scratches! So, who won?

Don't even bother to leave a comment at the Times local news blog suggesting a sexy patrician affair between the Senator-to-be and the publisher of the Times.

What better gift for our great posters than a great poster? This week's best comments earn a glossy 27x40 of Hollywood's terrible lizardmen flop, Delgo! Like the film, it's never been viewed. So who won?

Bravo to the scribes behind this week's five best comments, for they each win a "party sheep" vetted by Zac Efron. We don't really know what that is, but kudos! So, what comments won?

What a week! Lest we forget, Pop Culture Doomsday opened its gaping maw in Hollywood, and all we had to fend it off was the wit of our commenters. Now that we've managed to collect the survivors (currently receiving generous, Niacin-heavy recuperation at the Celebrity Centre), it's time to announce our five favorite…

As consumers brave Black Friday amidst a crippling recession, it's comforting to know that our comments of the week have earned their writers a truly priceless present: a Bambi Award from Karl Lagerfeld himself! "I admire you, not only for your snark, but also for your energy," said Lagerfeld. "You are to be…

Do you have Twilight fever yet? You may acquire that, plus a communicable disease, if you're one of the five lucky commenters to win this week's COTW prize: a bite on the neck from Twilight star Robert Pattinson! Runners-up, you get a disinterested peck on the forehead from Pattinson's costar, the barely-roused…

In honor of the new James Bond film, we're gifting the writers of our five best comments this week with one of our most enigmatic prizes yet: a tablespoon of solace! Typically, we'd be giving out a quantum's worth, but because of the wonky solace exchange rate, a tablespoon it shall be! Naturally, as befits the…

Electing a president is one thing, but choosing our five best comments of the week is the real nail-biter. And what a prize up for grabs this time: the utterly superfluous CNN hologram of your choice! Will you stick with Will.i.am, or send away for a customizable, uncomfortably hot Tinker Bell? Don't worry, it's just…

In the future the history books will say this election was fought across blog posts and in the comment trenches, via video links and perpetual forwards. History books will be full of shit, obv, because 99% of the internet noise about the election was barely readable garbage and nonsense. Our resident expert in garbage…

It's a very happy Halloween for five of our commenters, whose grace, wit, and snark under pressure will be rewarded in a cash prize of valuable Sherri Shepherd currency (not accepted at most U.S. retail locations). Congratulations! Now, on to the Comments of the Week: · YahooUnserious on Courtenay Semel's Stirring New…

It's time for Comments of the Week, and boy, do we have a prize for our five finest wits. We've managed to secure an intimate evening for each of you with Gary Busey's dog! We warn you, though: while Snowball doesn't eat much, he likes to stay up late and bark a lot about nothing in particular. Now, on to the…

Comments of the Week! Last Friday, we gave our star commenters the prize of a corner table at the Grill, but they forgot to tip their servers (and really: all those limoncellos at 11am?). This week, we're awarding the writers of the five best comments a double date with Alex Rodriguez and a hirsute,…

Comments of the Week! Last week, we brought you our new Friday feature honoring the five best comments of the last five days, and now we have an appropriate trophy that will make the singled-out few even more envied: A corner table at The Grill! On to the comments: · rtisovec on Holly Madison Confirms She is The First…