The Obama Merchandise Classification System
Maybe you've noticed there's a lot of Barack Obama-themed crap for sale these days. Overwhelmed by your choices? We've broken it all down into four easy categories for you. Buy now!:
Showdown at Ago, Alain Ducasse Gets Defensive
♦ Mirco del Vecchio, the executive chef of Ago, says he'll sue Robert De Niro for breach of contract if he's replaced at the restaurant by Jean-Georges Vongerichten. [Page Six]
♦ Why is Alain Ducasse's Benoit earning such bad reviews? Ducasse blames American journalists who "don't quite understand French bistro." […
Jeffrey Epstein's Prison Store Receipt
Weird "billionaire" "financier" Jeffrey Epstein is in jail right now, for soliciting prostitution. The guy loved sexy massages from underaged girls, and so his jet-set lifestyle is now a bit less jet-setty. No more private planes and hanging out with Kevin Spacey. But prison's not so terrible! The Smoking Gun reports:…
Spanx: The Ass End Of Commerce
I do not have one single informed or worthwhile opinion about women's fashion, except this: The existence of "Spanx" is a bad thing. Shoving one's thighs, buttocks, and midsection into a tight spandex tube that crushes you like a hot dog casing does not count as "reshaping your body." It counts as "cutting off blood…
Remember 9/11 With Pure Liberian Silver
Have you been searching for just the right way to commemorate the 9/11 disaster? Are kitschy figurines and patriotic truck decals and screaming eagle t-shirts just not doing it for you? The solution has arrived: genuine non-circulated Liberian currency in the shape of a $20 bill—but made out of .999 pure silver, and…
Pop-Up Ads: Evil To The Feeble
Do pop-up ads qualify as "deceptive marketing practices"? Good Morning America says "yes." A free enterprise advocacy group says "no." We say "yes, but don't you know not to click that shit by now?" We guess it's a public service that GMA did a spot last week warning people not to enter their credit card info into…
$100,000 Whitewash: Store Owner Paints Over Banksy Art
No matter how you feel about the British stencil artist Banksy, you have to admit one thing: his stuff sells for a lot of money. His works have been going for over half a million dollars lately. A homeowner in the UK with a Banksy mural on the side of her house decided to simply sell the mural through an art…
Damien Hirst Has Some T-Shirts To Get Rid Of
Famous artperson Damien Hirst may sell the jeans he makes for $80,000, but he has some t-shirts that are much more affordable. They're 30 pounds, which is slightly less than $80,000. The catch is that all the money goes to support the ominous RED (Global Fund), the celebrity-infused charity that is either saving the…
Broke Journalists Turn To T-Shirt Sales
AngryJournalist.com, the rant-based website that serves as an online barometer of the journalism zeitgeist, has started selling t-shirts. Why is this bad? Well, it means that the site's founders have been thus far unable to properly monetize their online content. Of course, they're journalists (not really, but it…
What was it like writing the book "Our Dumb World," Onion editor-in-chief Scott Dikkers? "What was it like? Do you know what it's like to bang your head against a concrete wall until you die of a brain hemorrhage? That's similar, I would say, to what it was like to make this atlas. There's really nothing inherently…
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