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Also, Cornell's Parents Totally Aren't Going to Be Home This Weekend, and the Liquor Cabinet's Unlocked, So You Should Come By, OK? Guys?

Maybe we don't understand these things because we didn't go to an Ivy League school. But it would seem to us that the first part of getting yourself perceived as one of the cool kids — as a big front-of-Metro takeout in Saturday's Times explained a crew of Cornell kids is trying to do — would be to not have big…