He is such a hunk, too. Look at him! Do ladymags still feature hairy naked Republican dudes? Anyone? Jezebel?

Wonkette first discovered this hot piece in 2007, when Brown was reading obscenity-laced Facebook comments to horrified youths.

Now he's throwing his hat and tiny white shorts into the ring and running for the late Ted Kennedy's US Senate Seat.

Newsweek asks if perchance there would be a little more attention paid to a lady who posed for naked pictures back in the day running for office, but it didn't stop Hillary Clinton!

International Cosmo has used the same few pouty, one-leg-out Jolie shots for many of her international covers. They just kinda Photoshop a new dress color on, maybe move the arm position a bit. (The new German issue is identical to the shot used on Italian Cosmo in October 2003.) But they're all essentially the same couple of alien, hyper-airbrushed images. Take a look at a gallery below.

Writes young Leo:

"126 posts, 62,321 words, 5 new pairs of shoes, and a couple of romances later, I have to ask myself, 'Am I now a Cosmo Girl?'

Before I can answer, I have to admit that my conception of the “Cosmo Girl” was a tad unrealistic from the start. I saw a flawless woman who was so beautiful and sexy that she had boys begging to date her. She also had money, success, and fame. I came to realize that being a "Cosmo Girl" isn’t about all of that. It’s about being fun, fearless, getting in touch with your sexy side (even when you don’t have a man!), loving your friends, kicking ass at your job, and having dreams and goals. In a nutshell—being passionate about making your life the best it can be."

Whew. Sounds like she's still got her head on straight. But what now? As a commenter helpfully negs, "Keep striving to be better!"

(We're glad she's not a full-fledged Cosmogirl, anyway—it has no future. What do you do as one? Marry an i-banker?)

[The Making of a Cosmo Girl]

Weird factoid: their Hot Bachelor from Alaska is from Wasilla, and his name is Levi, too! He's 19, and he is the guy that was occasionally misidentified as Levi Johnston when the news about the father of Bristol Palin's baby was breaking. This Levi (last name: Fox) does not identify as a "fuckin' redneck," however. He says he'd "love to be a pilot" someday, and thinks sex on the first date is "skanky." Those are values that Palin would truly approve of. Maybe he should be dating Bristol!

This writer may be a public personality, but this sample is block printed, the variety of handwriting that tries to keep people from gathering much revealing information from it. (Cursive reveals much more.) Block printing is the choice of ransom note writers for that reason. This writer is very reluctant to allow others to know her until she knows them rather well first.

Furthermore, there are no loops on y's, an indication of a person who may seem to enjoy the company of others, but is very happy, thank you, to be all alone.

The swollen "d" forms signal a person who is acutely conscious of self, and can be wounded by destructive criticism.

Add to this an occasional slant to the left, a sign of one who represses emotions. Mostly the writing is vertical, which indicate a lack of impulsiveness. This writer thinks first, and then takes an action. The straight down-stroke of the y's indicates the determination to make an action succeed.

The bars that cross the "t" stem are placed at the top of the stem, the indication of a person who ambitiously stretches to reach a treetop tall goal. The bars are also heavy, which signals that the writer has the drive (gumption) actually to reach the treetops.

There are umbrella-shaped t bars that indicate extra portions of self-control. The block printing makes it difficult to figure out what the writer has developed controls over. The usual reason to develop such hyper-control is to stifle a recurrent fear, such as stage-fright.

The tops of the "m" forms come very close to needle-points, the sign of a very speedy thinker. Add to this a well developed "gut" intuition that skips over the usual steps of logic to get to trusted conclusions. Intuition accelerates the thinking process and allows the writer to get a handle on other people without much delay. Although some of the answers in this sample may seem dumb, the writer isn't. Some rounded "m" tops indicate that the writer can also be methodical (when absolutely necessary) and there are "V" formation in the m's and n's that signal an analytical mind that will take the time to figure out what's actually what.

Fairly strong final endings to words indicate an ability to make decisions and short t stems signal an independent thinker who makes up her own mind from information she selects.

Clean o's (the middles are without marks or blotches) are a sign of good integrity. The writer lives in the "real" world and abides by most of its rules in a way that is not secretive or devious.

There is what graphologists call a "conscious gesture" —- in this case the z's in "quizzed" are crossed. The writer has either grown up in a European-based country or has adopted the crossed-z as a kind of educated stylistic embellishment.

Earlier: Dea Cosmo Girl Hayden "Heroes" Panettiere: "Better To Be The Turtle Than The Hare"
•Cosmo Girl Rihanna: "Solitary & Self-Involved"
•Decoding Cosmo Cover Girl Katie Heigl: "She Refuses To Waste Time With Convoluted Crap"
•Cosmo Girl Hilary Duff: Intuitive, Practical And Younger Than She Looks
•Cosmo Girl Beyonce Knowles: Detail-Oriented, Thoughtful, Possibly Power-Hungry
•'Cosmo' Cover Girl Ali Larter: Self-Involved, Stubborn, Easily Distracted

[pics via RightFielders]

The overall slant of this writing is moderately to the left, an indication of a person who is somewhat introverted. Unless the writer knows you fairly well, you won't get close. It appears that there is little stress shown in the writing, and it's likely that even if somebody gets too close too fast, the writer will fend off and not erupt.

Letters are rounded, the sign of a methodical thinker who likes to take time and does not like to be rushed. No fast deadlines for this writer or she will tend to get scattered in her pursuits.

Writer's goals are alternately high enough to stretch for and low enough to pick off the ground. There are signs of initiative (takes action without prompting by others).

Thinking can be accelerated somewhat by the writer's intuition (indicated by spaces between letters). This writer has learned to skip over many of the logical building blocks of thought and reach, almost mysteriously, a conclusion that turns out to work. The writer has come to trust this gut thinking. Nonetheless, if this writer starts thinking too fast, a lot of confusion results (intertwined lines) that slows everything down again. Better for this writer to be the turtle than pretend to be the hare.

There are buds of an imagination, but no apparent follow through.

Good attention to small details. The writer's usual approach to things is frank and very direct.

The writer probably works well (or could) with her hands, perhaps in the mechanical realms such as carpentry, pottery, glass blowing..

Lines and letters are pressed close together and the e formations are constricted, all indications of a mind with many preconceptions that clog up the arteries to new ideas.

There are also indications of a person who usually tells the truth (as most of us may see it) and is steadfast and loyal to people and institutions she believes in.

Earlier: Heroes' Hayden Panettiere Is An American Everywoman
Cosmo Girl Rihanna: "Solitary & Self-Involved"
Decoding Cosmo Cover Girl Katie Heigl: "She Refuses To Waste Time With Convoluted Crap"
Cosmo Girl Hilary Duff: Intuitive, Practical And Younger Than She Looks
Cosmo Girl Beyonce Knowles: Detail-Oriented, Thoughtful, Possibly Power-Hungry
'Cosmo' Cover Girl Ali Larter: Self-Involved, Stubborn, Easily Distracted

Related: Sheila Kurtz [Graphology Consulting]

Seventeen

Appearance: Hayden's makeup is fresh, light, and appropriate for impressionable young kiddies: Light pink lips, just a hint of color on the cheeks. There is no visible cleavage, and, for the most part, her hair covers up her bare arms and armpits. Cover Lines: Talk about chaste! There's "cute" jewelry, "pretty" hair secrets and no mention of sex, save for "sexy [hair] cuts" and "The Kissing Disease No One Wants To Talk About!". And as for clothes, there's both a "free" tank top and hot celeb trends ("Under $20"). Cover Profile: Hayden expresses her love for Angelina Jolie, BFF Hilary Duff, explains her breakup with Laguna Beach's Stephen Colletti, talks about her love of shoes and gives advice on breakups. (Males, by the way, are referred to on the cover as "guys".)

Seventeen Prom

Appearance: Hayden shows more skin than on the magazine's namesake, including cleavage. Plus, there's a bit of cleavage, the Cosmo standard hand-on-hip, and a princess-y tiara set into her crispier-looking hair. Cover Lines: Not a lot of "sexy", but plenty of "amazing" "perfect" "pretty" and "best", as well as the chance to win a "free dress". As for guys, there is no mention of boys whatsoever, although their presence is implicit ("Sexy Shoes", "Your Best Prom Body (In Just Two Moves)"). Cover Profile: Written by the same author as the Seventeen profile, this story presents Hayden as just another prom-crazy secondary-schooler, explaining that her "biggest big night" was her prom, that she worries about who she should take to events as her date (um, we can think of one!), that her perfect prom date would be a "best girlfriend", and her own prom disaster story (a strap on her dress broke).

Cosmopolitan

Appearance: Standing before a va-va-va-voom red background, Hayden is shown with a lot more skin: visible cleavage, thigh and armpit. Lip and cheek colors are darker (does her slightly-larger parting of the lips indicate that she's been practicing the magazine's "Little Mouth Moves That Make Sex Hotter"?) Cover Lines: Where to start? This is definitely the slut's style guide. There's the aforementioned "Mouth Moves" — Question: Do "Mouth Moves" lend themselves to "Kissing Disease"? — the highly touted "Be A Sex Genius!", and all sorts of other suggestive words and phrases. Males are referred to as "men" as well as "guys", and there's no free tank tops here; readers can enter to win $10,000 and become "A Rich Bitch!". Cover Profile: Hayden, say Cosmo editors, is a "good bad girl" who wears sexy thigh-high boots to her interview, admits to drinking alcohol, and explains that every girl "likes feeling hot and sexy and beautiful and hearing it", does not want to be called "cute", and is "not as sweet as I look." Her heroines? Angelina, Natalie Portman and Meryl Streep. Also: There's no dishing on guys (like any seasoned, "serious", adult actress, she refuses talk about her personal life).

*Apparently, Seventeen and Cosmo have been trading female celebrity cover subjects for some time: Hayden, Rihanna, Ashlee Simpson, Carrie Underwood, Hilary Duff, Beyonce. What tends to be happen is that a starlet appears on Seventeen first, then on Cosmo a few months afterwards. How quickly these young ladies go from Swarovski-encrusted Sidekicks to Rabbit Habits!

The yellin' Texan's paramours past and present Dane Cook (terrible comedian) and Tony Romo (some sort of athletics player) were also honored at the world renowned ceremony, making an awkward threesome of people who have all mounted the singer while father Joe Simpson watched from behind the wall, through the eyes of a portrait. Though, this bit of trivia obscures the bigger question: what are all these people (some pretty famous) doing showing up for such a meaningless, kind of embarrassing awards event? That they didn't even win! (John Krasinski, noo!) Their publicists are really the fearless ones. [Just Jared] Below, John Mayer being not so fun but maybe a little fearless with a pap.

The slant of this writer's letters range from somewhat left to somewhat right, plus straight up and down. These slants indicate emotional moods that can range from solitary and self-involved, to un-impulsive and logical, to somewhat outgoing. One may never know from moment to moment which of those moods will dominate.

There are hooks at the beginning and ends of many letters including the lower case Ys and Fs. This is a writer who grasps to own things and once they're gotten they won't be let go without a terrible struggle.

The writer is a methodical, detail-oriented thinker who takes time with getting things right. Goals are set where they are easy for the writer to reach without much stretching.

There is tendency of this writer to make "gut" decisions, which is another way of saying intuition. Intuition speeds up the thinking of a methodical thinker so that the methodical thinker can compete with much faster thinkers. This writer uses intuition on occasion, but may not trust it entirely. In the same vein, this writer is sometimes open to new ideas, and sometimes preconceptions and fears clog the arteries of communication (narrowed loops in some Es).

The writer is a person with an outstanding, vivid, full and fascinating imagination that affects every facet of her life. Her imagination is so large and potentially life altering that it can balloon in on and at times confuse and scatter every other part of her life. Her imagination is indicated by the fine and full lower loops of her "y" and "g" formations.

She likes to get involved with a lot of things, people, new scenes, new acquaintances. Change and variety are her emotional by-words.

Her personal pronoun "I" is a plain, simple straight up and down line, a sign of a person who is totally direct within herself and with most others, and who refuses to waste time with convoluted crap.

Her goals are very practical (the t bars cross at the middle of her t stems) and reachable with her ability and spirit.

Now and then there is a strain of introspection in her behavior (a few letters and words slant to the left). She can be entirely into herself at times, despite how outgoing she may otherwise appear. She is not as easy to get to know as some might think she is. Her "e" formations are fairly open, which signals a person who allows new ideas in and does not strain too many out because of preconceptions.

She is a methodical thinker (rounded "m" and "n" tops) which means she comes to conclusions based on a steady series of logical steps. This is a slow process, and she has developed a strong and trusted intuition, which allows her to reach conclusions by skipping steps and come to a "gut" decision that is fast enough to keep up with many others.

There is a delightful harmony and rhythm in her script which indicates a graceful and appealing mind.

Sheila Kurtz [Graphology Consulting]

Earlier: Cosmo Girl Hilary Duff: Intuitive, Practical And Younger Than She Looks
Cosmo Girl Beyonce Knowles: Detail-Oriented, Thoughtful, Possibly Power-Hungry
Cosmo Cover Girl Ali Larter: Self-Involved, Stubborn, Easily Distracted
Cosmo Cover Girl Jessica Alba: Emotionally Unavailable, Intuitive, Creatively-Unfulfilled

The slant of this writer's handwriting is basically straight up and down, an indication that she thinks first and acts later, at least most of the time. Yet there are times when the slant is somewhat to the left (introverted and little sharing of deepest feelings) and to the right (responsive emotionally). There is an immaturity about the inconsistency of the writing that is probably because she is so young (just 20).

Her printing indicates she wants to be understood clearly by others, and the printing (rather than cursive) is her way of doing that. But at times her writing intertwines with letters above and below, which indicates a tendency to occasional confusion.

She is very intuitive (she jumps over several steps of logical reasoning to come to trustworthy conclusions) which speeds up her naturally methodical method of thinking. She is not a deep prober; she takes matters as they are and deals with them, much of the time with "gut" instincts.

The straight down-strokes of the "y" formation indicate that she is essentially a "loner" who, while she can be with others, actually prefers to be alone.

Her goals are very practical, and she sets them where she knows she can reach them. She has no particular interest in stretching for pie in the sky, nor does she take the easiest way out.

The close, round dots over her letters "i" indicate both loyalty (not that often seen) and strict attention to details. She holds on tightly to what she believes in (see final hooks on the "f's" of her last name) but not to the point of stubbornness; she is open-mined and will allow new ideas into her mind without hindrance by preconceptions.

She is very direct and does not like to waste time (no wind-up strokes on any letters).

Now and then you see a partly formed lower loop on her "g" formations, a sign that she has the ability to generate creative ideas, but seldom follows entirely through with them.

She has the ability to speak expressively, but more significantly she knows how to listen, which is probably a key to her early success.

Earlier: Cosmo Girl Beyonce Knowles: Detail-Oriented, Thoughtful, Possibly Power-Hungry
Cosmo Cover Girl Ali Larter: Self-Involved, Stubborn, Easily Distracted
Cosmo Cover Girl Jessica Alba: Emotionally Unavailable, Intuitive, Creatively-Unfulfilled

Below: a sample of Larter's "Cosmo Quiz". Following: the analysis.

The slant of this writing is definitely way to the left (directionally, not necessarily politically), an indication that the writer is very difficult to know beneath what she may show on the surface. The writer is self possessed and mostly interested in how matters will work out for her personally. She may not extend herself sincerely for others. The writer's t-bars (the line that goes sideways) are placed from the top to the bottom of the t-stem. This signals that the writer is unsure whether to set her goals high, where she may have to stretch, or low, where she can achieve them by merely stooping a bit. Although the initial hooks on some letters signal that the writer strongly wishes to acquire things (like money, fame, knowledge, or power), the inconsistent goals may make her unsure as to her direction. The large, full loops on some of her letters show that the writer has an active imagination, when she chooses to use it. Notice the huge loops in "days" and "dogs". There are several incomplete loops, which indicate a person who can dream up interesting and original concepts, but may fail to bring them to reality. Hooks at the end of letters indicate a person who will grip like Velcro to things, people, and ideas they have acquired. The writer will have a difficult time letting go, even after it is clear that the time for letting go has come. There is an intertwining of some letters from one line of writing to the next, a sign that the writer may get scattered and confused if faced with too many projects at one time. To perform best, this writer must take on and finish one task at a time and avoid juggling too many tasks at once. The strong, heavy t-bars indicate that the writer probably has a good share of energy and drive. The loops in the lowercase e's are open. The writer is accepting of the ideas of others and does not filter them out with preconceptions. There are strong, conclusive strokes on the ends of certain letters (see the strong finish to "woman"). This writer will independently reach her own decisions and take action.

Below: a sample of Alba's "Cosmo Quiz". Following: the analysis.

The slant of the writing is to the left, an indication that although the writer may seem outgoing and available that is actually not the case. This writer holds emotions in and let's only the most tested and trusted people in with then. The form of the letters is also block-style printing: such writers are consciously careful not to show on the surface what may be bubbling underneath.

The spaces between letters indicate the writer possesses intuition, among the most vital traits of mind for successful people. The writer can leap from fact to fact, and over many unknowns, in order to arrive at trustworthy conclusions. This writer's speed of thinking and reacting is much accelerated by the use of intuition.

There are several Greek e forms, which look like backward 3's. These are indications of a literary bent, and the writer is probably expressive both in writing and orally.

The "V" formation in the m's and n's are indications of a mind that can and will dissect information, weigh it and evaluate it, and eventually come to a decision.

The writer is probably extremely loyal to a set of beliefs (round i dots) and comfortable with details (close proximity of i dots to the i stem).

There are "breakaway" strokes in the sample (after a firm down-stroke, an up stroke that breaks away and upward, like the r in "first".) This signals a person who will seize the initiative and go forward without the urging of others.

The writer is of independent mind (short t's).

There are no initial strokes: this writer likes to get to things and loathes wasting time.

There is evidence in the lower loops of the y's that the writer has a creative imagination, which goes largely unfulfilled. The writer may conjure a fine and original idea, but then is likely to tire and turn away before the idea comes to fruition.

The writer seems frank, lacks signs of self-deceit, and seems of good integrity.

This writer's goals are very high (the t bar is usually at the top of the t stem). The writer's determination is not too strong, but energy and drive (apparent pressure of writing) can pull things through.

"Cup his hand against your mouth, and flick your tongue quickly in and out of the center of his palm."
My Cock says: "Uh, excuse me, what the hell is this doing for me? Screw My Hand, it gets a pretty extensive workout already. Come on down to where the action is."

"Seductively lick a dab of food off your lips or finger. He'll imagine what that tongue would feel like on him."
My Cock says: "I'm a cock. I already know what your tongue is gonna feel like on me. Don't waste my time. Also, I don't need to hear you bitching about all the calories you consumed later."

"Make a silly bet to be paid off in sexual favors, or play a board game naked in bed and agree that the loser has to grant the winner one lusty request."
My Cock says: "Or how about this? You blow me, and we leave Monopoly way back in the hall closet where it belongs."

"Chill a bunch of marbles in the fridge. Toss them on the bed and make him lie on them while you straddle him."
My Cock says: "Yeah, nothing gets me hotter while you're doing me than the possibility that an errant cats-eye might wedge its way up My Ass. Next."

"Pre-oral action, pop a mint. You'll both get chills, because menthol triggers the body's cold receptors."
My Cock says: "Sure! Or maybe you could get some Vicks Vap-O-Rub and go to town on my tool. You ever hear a guy yell, 'Oh, yeah, baby, make it sting!'? No? There's a good reason for that."

"Slip a glazed doughnut around his manhood and nibble it off."
My Cock says: "See above as regards calorie complaints. Also, I have a paranoid fear that a bunch of fire ants are going to sense the residual sugar and climb the tower. How am I going to explain those bumps?"

"Take an old strand of fake pearls and other beads and, holding each end, pull it back and forth around the shaft of his manhood."
My Cock says: "Ooh, it's Mardi Gras time in Shaftsburg! Pearls? Really? You want me to look like Laura Bush at a state dinner? You might as well just shove them up my ass. It might help get that marble from our last escapade unstuck."

"Take a sip of hot water - as hot as you can stand - before [performing oral sex] on him. Then, keeping your mouth closed, swish it all around."
My Cock says: "Get the fuck out of here! This is the scariest thing I've ever heard of. What am I, a goddamn lobster? The only vaguely warm thing I ever want to feel on my body is your tongue, and then possibly my splooge. Hey, Balk, there's no way the bossman's gonna let me say splooge, is there? [Depends on how much attention he's paying today. - Ed.] [Actual Ed. Note: You've worn me down, Balk's Cock. Congratulations. Oh, how racy! You said "splooge"! Enjoy. What are we, 12? Is Sarah Silverman here or something? Ya trying to get a job with the slags at Jezebel?] Either way, do not try this at home. Or anywhere."

"Make ice from seltzer, then rub him down with the cubes. The carbonation leaves slushy pockets in the ice, so one minute he'll feel a solid touch from the cube; then next, a snowy clump melting on his skin."
My Cock says: "What the hell is wrong with these people? First you want to scald me to death and then you're going to turn me into some kind of frozen egg cream? Just blow me already! I don't need this Perrier crap."

"When fondling his manhood, slip a hair scrunchy around the base of it. The tight scrunchy combined with your touch creates an amazing sensation."
My Cock says: "Yeah, ease up there, Vidal Sassoon. A woman I knew once tried this with a rubber band. Guess what? The results were unpleasant. Plus I felt like a character in a David Lynch movie. Look, ladies, it's easy: Mouth me. I'm a simple cock with simple needs. I know you want to be all arty and shit, but let's be honest, cocks like blowjobs because we don't have to do any work. Dodging freezing ice cubes and necklaces defeats the whole purpose. Thanks for your time."

SEX, LIES & FROZEN MARBLES [NYT]

The description:

In this exclusive Cosmo game, our cute, sweet guy exists solely to serve you. That's right, you control what he does, and if he keeps you happy, then you win points in the game. Watch out for the skanky ex-girlfriend though!

Boy Toy [Cosmpolitan]