"Miserable" Britney seeks solace with a sleazy ex-boyfriend. Kim Kardashian has a new beau. Robert Pattinson "just took a shit on the Queen's face." (Sort of.) Lindsay Lohan's ex-assistant remains loyal. Thursday gossip will stab you in the back.
After her jihad against fish sticks, she waged war on photographers angling for a Kate Hudson upskirt. Paris Hilton has a dancefloor fun-off. Lady Gaga does not subsist on baby food. Is Julia Roberts jealous of Sandra? Thursday gossip ahoy!
Lady Gaga's former bassist wants his royalties. Sandra Bullock gets a divorce lawyer. Her husband's tattooed mistress loses a job for being a Nazi. Madonna leaves New York. Kate Gosselin can't dance. Tuesday's gossip is embarrassing itself in public.
Amy Winehouse's self-destruction takes an unexpected turn into bimboland. Jersey Shore's stars get greedy and want fake boobs. NBC infighting escalates. LaToya Jackson has a new shot at fame. Tila Tequila takes aim at Megan Fox. Jai ho, Monday gossip.
• Gwyneth Paltrow got into a minor car crash on the icy streets of London the other day. Don't worry—she wasn't hurt fine—although she may want to reconsider that all-juice "fast" she started at the beginning of the new year. [DM]
• The little girl that Casey Johnson adopted a few years ago, Ava, will be raised by…
In the last month of her life, Casey Johnson grabbed headlines with a messy engagement to reality star Tila Tequila. How a billionaire socialite wound up in bed with a hardknock stripper, filming soft-core porn on a webcam.
The worst meltdown of Casey Johnson's life coincides with a career high for Tila Tequila, a mysterious flower bouquet arrives at the Woods residence, and Liza Minnelli settles a $100M lawsuit for sexually assaulting her bodyguard. Thursday gossip, voila.
• Tiger Woods' mistress tally is quickly approaching the double digits. Jamie Jungers, a Las Vegas model, says she had a two-year affair with Woods; then there's Cori Rist, an aspiring model, who says she started seeing Woods after meeting him at Butter. To top it all off, porn star Holly Sampson has also been…
Hotmess Courtney Love reports that hotmess Britney Spears was molested as a kid. Usher is a girlyman. Captain Scuzzybutt Esq. will make Page Six one day. Natalie Portman's "tits." Barbara Cocoran's PR team. Presenting your late-edition Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup:
After moving to L.A., this hypersexual British socialite and reality TV star couldn't land a headline, no matter how many nips she slipped or how much body paint she wore. Then, Casey Johnson planted a sex toy in her bed.
There is something awkward about a single-source story wherein the source's accusation that the subject stole her panties and discarded a used vibrator in her bed never comes up. Sometimes it's worth it, though.
Johnson & Johnson heiress Casey Johnson may have gone psycho for a model who likes to cling octogenarians; everyone obsesses over Tiger Woods' mistress; Westchester reprimands Richard Gere for chopping down trees. Tuesday's gossip ranges from sordid lechery to suburban ennui.
Courtenay Semel, the sapphic spawn of former Yahoo CEO Terry Semel, is quoted in the lesbian magazine Curve dissing former lady friend Lindsay Lohan. Then she complains that the media twists her relationships. The nerve of this one.
• Down-and-out former pageant queen Carrie Prejean must be getting really desperate: She's turning to Donald Trump for career advice. Trump suggested she "become a major porn star," make tons of cash and then "give it to worthy causes." Clearly, it's this type of forward thinking that has made Trump the business…
• Did David Letterman's wife boot him out of the house because he "balked at telling her the complete truth about the female staffers he bedded"? That's what the National Enquirer has been claiming, although his spokesman says it isn't true. So maybe he's just still sleeping on the couch. [NYDN]
• Amy Winehouse is…
Lindsay Lohan is cracked out and running out of places! Or something. We're not sure what Harry Potter is smoking but it's awesome. Carrie Prejean has more sex on camera. Jon Gosselin, Exortionists: Dicknoses. Presenting your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup:
• A flight attendant who worked aboard Oprah Winfrey's private jet says she was falsely accused of having sex with a pilot mid-flight by another flight attendant and the daughter of Gayle King. And even though she passed the polygraph test she was given, she was fired because of it. So now she's filed a lawsuit…
• Brooke Shields can't seem to make up her mind about who's to blame for the Kiefer Sutherland-Jack McCollough incident last week. A few days ago, her reps denied she'd been pushed by Jack. But now she says he did bump into her, and that Kiefer "has always been a gentleman" with her. Go figure. [TMZ, NYDN]
• Madonna…
Rihanna probably doesn't care that her outfit made people wonder if she's lesbian and Kiefer Sutherand is unrepentant about attacking a designer at SubMercer. But Kirstie Alley is ashamed of her 83 new pounds.
• The drama surrounding fashion's most famous headbutt continues: Kiefer Sutherland says he was "defending the honor" of Brooke Shields by attacking Jack McCollough, since Jack had knocked Brooke over and then failed to apologize. Brooke and Jack, however, say the push never even happened, and Kiefer was running…
