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New York, 2:16 AM
Sat Dec 19
47 posts in the last 24 hours

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    Dsmvwl  Admin  Promote to frontpage Approve user Ban user ×
    Image of SuperBien SuperBien
    12/17/09

    In reply to Angelina Rushed to Hospital After Suicide Attempt, in Ambulance Visible Only to the National Enquirer
    I wish Madonna would give up all the cosmetic procedures and just gracefully accept the changes God's throwing her way given her level of maturity. But, I guess it's too late -- the damage is done. She's got cheek implants + what not in there, so without continued maintenance she's bound to look even more ghastly. Attention Gawker commenters that also practice cosmetic surgery -- Can cheek implants be removed?
     Reply
    SuperBien was starred SuperBien was unstarred
    Image of mwynn13 mwynn13
    12/17/09

    @SuperBien: I just read about it, so no firsthand knowledge, but I believe they're injections of a filler that breaks down and gets absorbed over time, so she'd have to have it redone in about 9 months- it's probably not an actual implant.
     Reply
    SuperBien promoted this comment mwynn13 was starred mwynn13 was unstarred
    Image of SuperBien SuperBien
    12/17/09

    @mwynn13: So if after 9 months, she forgoes recharging her filler injections, I wonder if she'll look normal -- you know, like more her age, but at least human?
     Reply
    SuperBien was starred SuperBien was unstarred
    Image of Tattertotter Tattertotter
    12/17/09

    In reply to Angelina Rushed to Hospital After Suicide Attempt, in Ambulance Visible Only to the National Enquirer
    Madge looks like she's going for the voluptuous, Monica Vitti, 60's Italian movie earthmother look. Which might have worked if she were 30 instead of 50.
     Reply
    Tattertotter was starred Tattertotter was unstarred
    Image of miss_msry miss_msry
    12/18/09

    @Tattertotter:

    Virna Lisi - but I said exactly the same thing, just a day later.
     Reply
    miss_msry was starred miss_msry was unstarred
    Image of Helio Helio
    12/17/09

    In reply to Angelina Rushed to Hospital After Suicide Attempt, in Ambulance Visible Only to the National Enquirer
    oh man, i had a dream where madonna was on one of those late night talk shows (prolly letterman since he's my favorite) but she had had so much work done, she started to morph into amanda lepore. yikes
     Reply
    Helio was starred Helio was unstarred
    Image of Island of Misfit Toys Island of Misfit Toys
    12/17/09

    In reply to Angelina Rushed to Hospital After Suicide Attempt, in Ambulance Visible Only to the National Enquirer
    I can't help but think that that hideous bicycle threw itself in front of the car.
     Reply
    Island of Misfit Toys was starred Island of Misfit Toys was unstarred
    Image of valet_of_the_dolls valet_of_the_dolls
    12/17/09

    @Island of Misfit Toys: Out of SHAME. Yes.
     Reply
    valet_of_the_dolls was starred valet_of_the_dolls was unstarred
    Image of drunkexpatwriter drunkexpatwriter
    12/17/09

    In reply to Angelina Rushed to Hospital After Suicide Attempt, in Ambulance Visible Only to the National Enquirer
    Because of boredom I've translated both yesterday's Courtney Love Facebook posts and today's Courtney Love Facebook posts from Drunk into English.

    Yesterday's post in normal English:

    Golly. I don't know what people will say about my split with my daughter. The truth is that Frances is not going to be as rich next year as people think she will be. She and I both got the same share of my husband's estate - which breaks down as 37 percent of the gross profits of the In Utero album. The $15 million in profits from the use of my ex husband's name and image all go to the record company - because they are so greedy they would take cash out of the hands of a fatherless child. I've always thought this was wrong but so much time has passed now that I don't care.

    What I do care about is the attitude my teenage daughter is giving me at the moment. Sheesh! Kids these days! I love her but am going to have to give her some distance. What's sad is the people she thinks are her friends in New York really just like her because she's rich and her dad is famous. I'm so annoyed at her right now that I'm considering applying for a professorship at the college she wants to go to! That would teach her a lesson!

    What really annoys me is that she's not living up to her potential. She tells herself she's doing stuff to build a life for herself but, really, she wastes all her time on Facebook.

    I'm also annoyed because she's gotten into that teenage phase where she sometimes lies to me - her own mother. Also, my in-laws are a nightmare. Golly gee whillakers - why did I ever let her visit them so much! The son they raised turned out to be a suicidal junkie! I'm really worried they'll try to trick her into buying them a house and signing a lot of her money over to them. The good news is that well before this incident happened the lawyers locked up all the money in a trust so they can't steal from her. Thank god for that!

    Please don't take all this the wrong way. I love my daughter and think she's a great kid. I'm just worried she's surrounded by people around her who are a bad influence. My late husband's sister has alcohol abuse issues - that are so bad that even Kelly Osbourne was worried about her.

    Ok. Time for me to take a deep breath, step away from this situation and visit some friends for girl talk. It worries me that my daughter is going to be all over the tabloids over this and I hope she's strong enough to handle it. I just wish my daughter had considered her options. She could have enrolled at Simon's Rock of Bard College. She could have asked for legal emancipation. Heck, she is only a couple months away from legal adulthood and I trust her so I would not have fought that. It just tears me up inside to see her going to people I think are going to take advantage of her. She is going to be hanging out with the type of celebrity family blood suckers that led to all the problems with Britney Spears last year. And, doesn't she realize that these are the same people who raised her father in such a self destructive atmosphere that he had severe mental health issues that led to his addictions and eventual suicide? What is she thinking?

    Drat! I have to deal with the real estate agent today. Frances Bean, you are my daughter and I hope you know I love you unconditionally - I'm just very, very worried about you and the choices you are making.

    -------------------------------------------

    Today's Facebook posts translated from Drunk To English:

    Jeepers! I didn't mean to make that post public. I don't understand the new Facebook privacy settings. Well, no use crying over spilt milk. I wish people understood that I'm not angry at my daughter. I'm angry at the people who are manipulating her. I don't want her to end up like Jamiie Lynn Spears. She has so much potential. She could be a writer or artist or anything. I will always support her hopes and dreams 100 percent. What pains me is that the media will turn this into a circus and I believe that people - teenagers especially - value and deserve their privacy.

    I really miss hanging out with my daughter and the way our relationship used to be when she was younger. I hope she isn't worrying about me. She has to live her own life and growing apart from your parents is a normal part of growing up. I really just want her to be happy, find a nice place to live and go to the university of her choice. That's all I've ever wanted for her.

    Now, Mr. Hilton. I think you've made an error and should re-evaluate your position. Your own lawyer made a comment that I could just sell out for $15 million and all my problems would go away. But, life is never that simple. Right now, I'm in a little bit of a tizzy about the way you have been talking about me. That message was supposed to be part of a private conversation and was only accidentally posted in a public forum. In addition, and I'm sure this is a mistake on your part, you seem to have incorrectly transposed some of my prose. I hope you can correct your error in a timely manner and in the future respect my privacy because it is so gauche when lawyers have to get involved in situations like this. I'm sure this is a misunderstanding and I hope you have a super day.
     Reply
    Edited by drunkexpatwriter at 12/17/09 7:59 AM drunkexpatwriter was starred drunkexpatwriter was unstarred
    Image of BlinkyMcChuck BlinkyMcChuck
    12/17/09

    @drunkexpatwriter: After all this time, I still love you. For stuff like this most especially.
     Reply
    BlinkyMcChuck was starred BlinkyMcChuck was unstarred
    Image of drunkexpatwriter drunkexpatwriter
    12/17/09

    @BlinkyMcChuck: Thanks!

    Love the fact that my client is taking his sweet time getting back to me with revisions so I have a lot of free time on my hands.
     Reply
    drunkexpatwriter was starred drunkexpatwriter was unstarred
    Image of En0s1 En0s1
    12/17/09

    @drunkexpatwriter: you had me at 'Golly'
     Reply
    drunkexpatwriter promoted this comment En0s1 was starred En0s1 was unstarred
    Image of esmemurphy esmemurphy
    12/17/09

    @drunkexpatwriter: I don't know if you are being sarcastic or not, but I actually read all of this and I think it is pretty much right on despite the fact that you are clearly more rational and functional than C. Love (well, maybe the Perez part is more funny than true. Or maybe not). Maybe it's because I am a mother myself, but I feel for C. Love. Though I do not believe she is fit to parent in any way. Too sad. Poor Frances Bean. I cannot snark at this situation.
     Reply
    drunkexpatwriter promoted this comment esmemurphy was starred esmemurphy was unstarred
    Image of drunkexpatwriter drunkexpatwriter
    12/17/09

    @esmemurphy: I feel for her as well.

    I meant it when I said I was bored. Everyone was acting like her facebook posts were evil and I realized they were not so I figured I'd translate them.
     Reply
    drunkexpatwriter was starred drunkexpatwriter was unstarred
    Image of drunkexpatwriter drunkexpatwriter
    12/17/09

    @En0s1: Thanks. I'm thinking of turning this into a blog if she keeps posting stuff on Facebook.

    [courtneylovetranslated.wordpress.com]
     Reply
    drunkexpatwriter was starred drunkexpatwriter was unstarred
    Image of esmemurphy esmemurphy
    12/17/09

    @drunkexpatwriter: I thought some of her earlier ramblings were not entirely crazy. I think she is manic and hurried and doesn't think at all before she types, hence the typos and nutty stream of conscience blather. But my impression is that in the past she surrounded herself with sycophantic people who sheltered her from her financial mess and that when she found out about it she honestly had no idea what happened, hence the paranoia and accusations. Which is bizarre and irresponsible, of course. But how many famous folks aren't in that situation? Plus, the recording industry is so shady in their dealings with artists that I can't blame her for feeling like someone had hosed her. Having said that, I still think she is mostly (though not completely) cuckoo bananas.
     Reply
    esmemurphy was starred esmemurphy was unstarred
    Image of drunkexpatwriter drunkexpatwriter
    12/17/09

    @esmemurphy: I'm honestly not making fun of her at all.

    I'm just bored and having fun with words. And trying to be accurate.
     Reply
    drunkexpatwriter was starred drunkexpatwriter was unstarred
    Image of esmemurphy esmemurphy
    12/17/09

    @drunkexpatwriter: Just to be clear, I am not a fan of her. I just really liked what you wrote. I think you should follow up on your blog idea. You could expand it to include other crazy famous folk. You could de-caps lock Kanye, for example.
     Reply
    esmemurphy was starred esmemurphy was unstarred
    Image of drunkexpatwriter drunkexpatwriter
    12/17/09

    @esmemurphy: Thanks!

    I just added an About page where I invite people to send me celebrity snippets they want translated. Work is slow this week, so I might as well have fun!
     Reply
    drunkexpatwriter was starred drunkexpatwriter was unstarred
    Image of Betty Draper Betty Draper
    12/17/09

    @drunkexpatwriter: That was incredible.
     Reply
    drunkexpatwriter promoted this comment Betty Draper was starred Betty Draper was unstarred
    Image of drunkexpatwriter drunkexpatwriter
    12/17/09

    @Betty Draper: Thanks. I'm making more translations by goolging her old facebook and twitter posts.
     Reply
    drunkexpatwriter was starred drunkexpatwriter was unstarred
    Image of Lysergic Asset Lysergic Asset
    12/17/09

    @drunkexpatwriter: Hey, glad to see this comment finally got its due!
     Reply
    Lysergic Asset was starred Lysergic Asset was unstarred
    Image of drunkexpatwriter drunkexpatwriter
    12/17/09

    @Lysergic Asset: Thanks!
     Reply
    drunkexpatwriter was starred drunkexpatwriter was unstarred
    Image of miss_msry miss_msry
    12/18/09

    @drunkexpatwriter:

    Courtney is much more eloquent than I remember.
     Reply
    miss_msry was starred miss_msry was unstarred
    Image of drunkexpatwriter drunkexpatwriter
    12/18/09

    @miss_msry: She's just misunderstood.

    I'm currently making it my personal mission to translate all of her words into a language mere mortals can understand.
     Reply
    drunkexpatwriter was starred drunkexpatwriter was unstarred
    Image of Mo MoDo Mo MoDo
    12/17/09

    In reply to Angelina Rushed to Hospital After Suicide Attempt, in Ambulance Visible Only to the National Enquirer
    As opposed to everything else about Jessica Simpson which is just a JOKE.
     Reply
    Mo MoDo was starred Mo MoDo was unstarred
    Image of raincoaster raincoaster
    12/17/09

    In reply to Angelina Rushed to Hospital After Suicide Attempt, in Ambulance Visible Only to the National Enquirer
    re: fillers. Have you seen Carolina Herrera recently? she's beginning to look like Daffy Duck.
     Reply
    raincoaster was starred raincoaster was unstarred
    Image of paul7777 paul7777
    12/17/09

    @raincoaster:
     Reply
    raincoaster promoted this comment paul7777 was starred paul7777 was unstarred
    Image of raincoaster raincoaster
    12/17/09

    @paul7777: If I could give you a star, I would. That was flawless.
     Reply
    raincoaster was starred raincoaster was unstarred
    Image of Swordfish Swordfish
    12/17/09

    @raincoaster: And the Zoe...I feel if we tap her forehead, maple syrup would come streaming out.
     Reply
    raincoaster promoted this comment Swordfish was starred Swordfish was unstarred
    Image of raincoaster raincoaster
    12/17/09

    @Swordfish: I don't know that there are ANY fluids in that corpse.
     Reply
    raincoaster was starred raincoaster was unstarred
    Image of miss_msry miss_msry
    12/18/09

    @raincoaster:

    Why can't you star (v.)?

    Were you a bad boy?
     Reply
    miss_msry was starred miss_msry was unstarred
    Image of raincoaster raincoaster
    12/18/09

    @miss_msry: I'm not staff. As far as I'm aware, onlyl staff can do that.
     Reply
    raincoaster was starred raincoaster was unstarred
    Image of miss_msry miss_msry
    12/18/09

    @[gawker.com]

    My bad, I was thinking hearts and unicorns, not stars.
     Reply
    Edited by miss_msry at 12/18/09 5:39 PM miss_msry was starred miss_msry was unstarred
    Image of manchops manchops
    12/16/09

    In reply to Who Will Pick Up Tiger's Lost Endorsements? How About the Wife.
    Somebody actually stalks jennifer garner?
    I think she should be thrilled at the attention!
     Reply
    manchops was starred manchops was unstarred
    Image of drunkexpatwriter drunkexpatwriter
    12/16/09

    In reply to Who Will Pick Up Tiger's Lost Endorsements? How About the Wife.
    I am such a nerd I just spent time translating Courtney's Facebook post into English:

    Golly. I don't know what people will say about my split with my daughter. The truth is that Frances is not going to be as rich as next year as people think she will be. She and I both got the same share of my husband's estate - which breaks down as 37 percent of the gross profits of the In Utero album. The $15 million in profits from the use of my ex husband's name and image all go to the record company - because they are so greedy they would take cash out of the hands of a fatherless child. I've always thought this was wrong but so much time has passed now that I don't care.

    What I do care about is the attitude my teenage daughter is giving me at the moment. Sheesh! Kids these days! I love her but am going to have to give her some distance. What's sad is the people she thinks are her friends in New York really just like her because she's rich and her dad is famous. I'm so annoyed at her right now that I'm considering applying for a professorship at the college she wants to go to! That would teach her a lesson!

    What really annoys me is that she's not living up to her potential. She tells herself she's doing stuff to build a life for herself but, really, she wastes all her time on Facebook.

    I'm also annoyed because she's gotten into that teenage phase where she sometimes lies to me - her own mother. Also, my in-laws are a nightmare. Golly gee whillakers - why did I ever let her visit them so much! The son they raised turned out to be a suicidal junkie! I'm really worried they'll try to trick her into buying them a house and signing a lot of her money over to them. The good news is that well before this incident happened the lawyers locked up all the money in a trust so they can't steal from her. Thank god for that!

    Please don't take all this the wrong way. I love my daughter and think she's a great kid. I'm just worried she's surrounded by people around her who are a bad influence. My late husband's sister has alcohol abuse issues - that are so bad that even Kelly Osbourne was worried about her.

    Ok. Time for me to take a deep breath, step away from this situation and visit some friends for girl talk. It worries me that my daughter is going to be all over the tabloids over this and I hope she's strong enough to handle it. I just wish my daughter had considered her options. She could have enrolled at Simon's Rock of Bard College. She could have asked for legal emancipation. Heck, she is only a couple months away from legal adulthood and I trust her so I would not have fought that. It just tears me up inside to see her going to people I think are going to take advantage of her. She is going to be hanging out with the type of celebrity family blood suckers that led to all the problems with Britney Spears last year. And, doesn't she realize that these are the same people who raised her father in such a self destructive atmosphere that he had severe mental health issues that led to his addictions and eventual suicide? What is she thinking?

    Drat! I have to deal with the real estate agent today. Frances Bean, you are my daughter and I hope you know I love you unconditionally - I'm just very, very worried about you and the choices you are making.

    Love,

    Mom.
     Reply
    drunkexpatwriter was starred drunkexpatwriter was unstarred
    Image of Lysergic Asset Lysergic Asset
    12/16/09

    @drunkexpatwriter: That was truly awesome and insightful... but something tells me you have a little too much time on your hands.
     Reply
    Lysergic Asset was starred Lysergic Asset was unstarred
    Image of drunkexpatwriter drunkexpatwriter
    12/16/09

    @Lysergic Asset: My current client has me on retainer and has paid me an advance and didn't have work for me today. But, under contract I had to be around at the computer in case he did have work for me today.

    So, I made $200 for sitting around and figured I might as well do something with my brain while doing so.
     Reply
    drunkexpatwriter was starred drunkexpatwriter was unstarred
    Image of Lysergic Asset Lysergic Asset
    12/16/09

    @drunkexpatwriter: Wow. Now I'm even more impressed. That was really pitch-perfect, and so achingly funny, too. I'm sorry it kind of got lost in the shuffle, because it's one of my all-time favorites.
     Reply
    Lysergic Asset was starred Lysergic Asset was unstarred
    Image of drunkexpatwriter drunkexpatwriter
    12/17/09

    @Lysergic Asset: Thanks!

    Maybe she'll do another post and I can have fun with that.
     Reply
    drunkexpatwriter was starred drunkexpatwriter was unstarred
    Image of ms.creant ms.creant
    12/16/09

    In reply to Who Will Pick Up Tiger's Lost Endorsements? How About the Wife.
    Puma: not just for Hillary supporters, but for angry white women everywhere.
     Reply
    ms.creant was starred ms.creant was unstarred
    Image of BadUncle BadUncle
    12/16/09

    In reply to Who Will Pick Up Tiger's Lost Endorsements? How About the Wife.
    Up periscope, indeed.
     Reply
    BadUncle was starred BadUncle was unstarred
    Image of DahlELama DahlELama
    12/16/09

    In reply to Who Will Pick Up Tiger's Lost Endorsements? How About the Wife.
    Well, it appears Courtney Love has found the only opponent on Earth who could make me take her side.
     Reply
    DahlELama was starred DahlELama was unstarred
    Image of Voyou_Charmant Voyou_Charmant
    12/16/09

    In reply to Who Will Pick Up Tiger's Lost Endorsements? How About the Wife.
    I would gladly pick up Tiger Woods' wife.

    That's what we're talking about right?
     Reply
    Voyou_Charmant was starred Voyou_Charmant was unstarred
    Image of son of spam son of spam
    12/16/09

    In reply to Who Will Pick Up Tiger's Lost Endorsements? How About the Wife.
    Whatever. I'm just trying to figure out what's going on with Elin's press pass. The passes at golf tournaments are thick plastic and at least 3" x 5" but probably larger, so it should be visible. Apparently it is tucked into her shirt (lucky press pass) but where did it go? Are Swedes marsupials?
     Reply
    son of spam was starred son of spam was unstarred
    Image of fatmonalisa fatmonalisa
    12/16/09

    @son of spam: "Are Swedes marsupials?"

    That my friend is the question of the decade
     Reply
    fatmonalisa was starred fatmonalisa was unstarred
    Image of Juancho Juancho
    12/16/09

    @son of spam: her abs are so flat and tight, she can tape it there.

    (very lucky press pass)
     Reply
    Juancho was starred Juancho was unstarred
    Image of pssshwhatever pssshwhatever
    12/16/09

    @son of spam: The lanyards that they wear them on are long, it's probably down around her stomach and out of the shot. I'm 5'6, and that's where things of that nature usually hang on me. Also, that shot makes her look flat-chested but she doesn't appear to be in a lot of the other photos I've seen of her, it's making the lanyard hide safely between her boobs.
     Reply
    pssshwhatever was starred pssshwhatever was unstarred
    Image of HughJackmanOffForMoney HughJackmanOffForMoney
    12/16/09

    In reply to Who Will Pick Up Tiger's Lost Endorsements? How About the Wife.
    You know what would really get you some media attention Elin? Dating an average college student from the University of Houston and making out with him at his commencement ceremony this Friday. Just my two cents.
    -Zack from Houston
     Reply
    femputer promoted this comment Edited by HughJackmanOffForMoney at 12/16/09 9:00 AM HughJackmanOffForMoney was starred HughJackmanOffForMoney was unstarred
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