• In Morocco, nobody can hear you scream. Actually, in Morocco, Jennifer Aniston is the biggest thing since sliced bread. Apparently, she was there for a week, and she got into a car with Orlando Bloom, and there was "breathless speculation" about romance. That said, this woman couldn't get into a car with a Clydesdale and a brass instrument without sparking breathless speculation about romance between the three of them. Her vagina must have some kind of magical property to it, or it must be some kind of unspoken Hollywood male birthright: If you don't touch this vagina, you will never be in contention for People's Sexiest Man Alive. Robert Pattinson's at least given her a foot massage. At least. [Page Six]
  
  
• The Daily News didn't have any good gossip items today, so instead they ran two pages about how Jake Gyllenhaal is a "jack of all trades" or something. They go very out of their way to assure us that him and Reese are definitely dating, and that his two new movies—the melodrama with Natalie Portman about whatever with Tobey Maguire, and Prince of Persia, where he gets to dress in clothing Tom Cruise only dreams about wearing in public—are very different. Sometimes, I just want to knock over the Daily News gossip page. Nothing else, just "knock over." [NYDN]
  
  
• OKAY. OMG. OMG. You can't be serious right now. Crackface Courtney Love ran into DJ Qualls at 1OAK when they were both clubbing on Thanksgiving eve. Qualls and Love ended up making out, and then they went to a strip club together. Yes, you know who DJ Qualls is. This dude. Always ending up in crazypants situations like that, isn't he? Related: JESUS Page Six you are the best. Sometimes, you just make me want to knock over the Daily News gossip pages. Nothing, just "knock over." [Page Six]
  
  
• Years of wearing comically oversized stiletto heels that she uses to make the bouncy dog toy otherwise known as her husband David Beckham squeak has left Victoria "Ground Cumin" Beckham in need of foot surgery to remove bunions. Ah, yes, bunions. I can think of nothing sexier for Becks and Posh's image than some bunions. That oughta help. [NYDN]
  
  
• Somehow, Lindsay Lohan can still afford a dickhead security crew, because there was one ready to erase any pictures the lead singer of Cobra Starship had on his phone after he snapped away at Lohan getting trashed at Hudson Terrace. He was the DJ there, but Lohan's security people could care less. Because, like Lohan, they're clueless assholes. This is how you win back the love of the people, Lohan. Truly. [Page Six]
  
  
• Michael Phelps has dated not one but two Miss California ladypeople. Which is two more Miss California ladypeople than everyone else gets to date. The plot, however, thickens: Phelps dated Carrie Prejean at one point. The entire subtext behind all reporting of this fact is: we hope they made a sex tape. I...can't argue with that sentiment. Also, I hope she didn't suck any of Phelps' brain cells by osmosis. That wouldn't be nice. [NYDN]
  
  
• Who eats at The Waverly Inn on Thanksgiving? Try Martin Scorsese and Oliver Stone on for size. Yeah, these two guys, who do all the movies about the crooks and the psychopaths and the sociopaths, guess where they have dinner on Thanksgiving? Yes, The Waverly Inn. Of course. [Page Six]
  
  
• So, J-Lo's sex tape is coming out and before we go any further, am I allowed to submit a name for this? Is Jenny From The Cock too vile? Yes, it kind of is. Okay. We can just go with Gigli. That's not vile. Anyway: J-Lo's sex tape is on its way out and it might involve spanking of some kind. Yeah: spanking. Great. Can you tell how underwhelmed I am by this? Normal celebrity sex tapes are just so passe, nahmean? I want to hear about the DJ Qualls/Courtney Love sex tape. Hear about, not necessarily watch. [Page Six]
  
  
• File Under: Happy Families You Never Thought Would Be Happy. Antonio Banderas and Melanie Griffith saw West Side Story with, like, 15 people. And then they had lunch. This is the kind of reporting you won't get from the New York Times (and especially not the Daily News): "Banderas, who had missed breakfast and lunch, ordered two entrees and finished them both." Revelations. [Page Six]
  
  
• Paris Hilton opened her mouth to talk about what a tomboy she is. Yes, because if there's anything a straight guy loves to do, it's dress in pink, carry around small dogs, and blow Rick Salomon on camera. Paris Hilton, there are tomboys out there who flinch at that distinction. For them: don't. People called this a "style revelation" or something. I want to drill a hole in my face. [People]

Did you guys all have a good Thanksgiving? I hope so. It's good to know that some people, however beleaguered time and time again by the mystical forces of love in the universe, will not back down. Jennifer Aniston, for example. If I'd put the good money on her still making the top of the gossip roundup before there was a gossip roundup, I would've lost it. Anyway: This jam goes out to her, and you all. I hope you bought tons of useless wonderful things yesterday and stimulated our economy and hopefully those useless wonderful things will go to wonderful, resilient people. Like Jennifer Aniston! See how I did that? Neither do I.

[Photo via Bauer-Griffin.]

• Carla Bruni has agreed to appear in a Woody Allen film, which will mark the singer and French first lady's first acting role. During an interview on a French TV show she said that she doesn't know what role she'll play, but she said yes anyway. "I'd like to - you know - when I'm a grandmother, to have done a Woody Allen film. I cannot in my life miss an opportunity like this." So, how does she think she'll do in front of the camera? "I'm not at all an actress. Maybe I'll be absolutely terrible," she says. We're no huge fans of Woody Allen, but we think that this idea is the opposite of terrible—unless she ends up playing Woody's love interest. That would the terrible. [UKPA]
• 
  
• Nadya Suleman is the tabloid gift that keeps on giving. While promoting "documentary" OctoMom: Me & My Fourteen Kids (I love how calling a reality show a documentary somehow dignifies it?) she explains that she open to having more children ("If I get married one day...") and that, after realizing she was pregnant with octuplets, she refused to selectively reduce the embryos, "Because which one should I have murdered? Noah? Isaiah? You know, Jonah?" Apparently the kids know that not-murder isn't actually that great, because there's a clip of one of the kids nailing her in the face with a screwdriver. Forget Nadya—the documentary I want to see is what happens when these kids grow up and attempt to make their way in the world with the curse of Suleman hanging over their heads. They should really consider changing their names. [HuffPo]
• 
  
• What are you doing New Year's, New Year's Eve? Well a bunch of singers are making significant bank. Rihanna is raking in $500K for a performance in Abu Dhabi. The gig is a make good for a May concert date that she had to cancel thanks to Chris Brown's fists. Alicia Keys is only have the woman Rihanna is, or at least her salary is. She will only make $250K for a concert here in New York. Also in town will be Green Day performing live on NBC. Nicole Ritchie and Joel Madden will be hosting a party in Vegas, and so will Christina Aguilera. It's good to know where all the losers will be on December 31. If you want to find they gays, they'll be in Miami, where Lady Gaga is rumored to ring in the new year in some ridiculous get up. [P6]
• 
  
• Now that Rosie O'Donnell's breakup from her partner is public, she says that she is not enjoying the single life. No wonder, because her escort to her annual charity gala Rosie's Broadway Extravaganza was her 15-year son, Parker. It's like the opposite of taking your mom to the prom. [People]
• 
  
• One little comment comparing your boss to Hitler, and your invite to the company Christmas party gets lost in the mail! Megan Fox was conspicuously absent at Michael Bay's Transformers reunion. On a related note, I still think she should've gone with the Hitler SNL monologue. (Hitler, outraged: Why did you compare me to Michael Bay?) Not like she's going to win these guys back, anyway. [P6]
• 
  
• Paris Hilton and her boyfriend Doug Reinhardt are moving out of their Hollywood home because they neighbors complained about their partying ways. Where are they going? No one knows. Please say it's New York. Pretty please! [TMZ]
• 
  
• Everyone hates Usher's new girlfriend. His mom and his record label both want her gone. As for the rest of us, we could care less what Usher does and with whom. [Gatecrasher]
• 
  
• Courtney Love went to Scores and didn't even take a spin on the stripper pole. You can never go home again. [P6]
• 
  
• Zac Efron is so cute. Even though he's a star, he still gets impressed by celebs like Zac Posen and Amber Rose. And they're not even famous. He would probably wet himself if Tom Cruise walked into the room. He also said he loved kissing Claire Danes for his new movie because she's "a very pretty lady." So are you, Zac. So are you. [Gatecrasher]
• 
  
• Looks like the Pussycat Dolls are done for good. Thank Christ! [P6]
• 
  
• There's no new column from gossip dowager Cindy Adams. Is she dead? Someone better stop by her apartment and check on her.

[Gawker night editor Azaria Jagger wrote the funnier parts of this round up]

For those few years while Grunge was king, its people lived a modern day utopia of laying on the couch watching old sitcoms, sneering at anyone who got all-excited about themselves, dressing as though we had been laying in a bed of moss for a month and creating an art form that existed entirely in air quotes. It was a magical time and through it all, one impish band-hooking-up-with actress reined as the era's muse.

The years that followed have not been kind to the grunge ethos as earnestness and ambition have replaced sarcasm and slack. But through all the twists of fortune, the lost peoples of grunge could still look to one tiny flame burning on the distant horizon. As long as Winona Ryder continued to rob department stores, make demented rants on stage and hook up with even more musicians, somewhere, the Grunge Era lived on.

But now all that is over. With the news that Ryder will make a Hallmark Hall of Fame Movie the dream has finally ended. Granted it is a movie about the life of Alcoholics Anonymous founder Bill Wilson, which although it is a very very earnest topic, at least it will have serious drinking in it, so one could say it has a toenail in grunge. But still..

Given the milestone, it seemed a good moment to take a look at the icon's of grunge and see who has stayed true to the dream during the long disapora.

ICON: Kurt Cobain
GRUNGE ACCOMPLISHMENT: The era's troubador
WHERE HE IS NOW: Deceased
BETRAYAL OF GRUNGE ETHOS QUOTIENT: Almost entirely pure, however a posthumous cartoon appearance in Guitar Hero game raised eyebrows.

ICON: Layne Staley
GRUNGE ACCOMPLISHMENT: Lead singer, Alice in Chains; sung the definitional Grunge lyric "He who tries, Will be wasted"
WHERE HE IS NOW: Died of an overdose in 2002
BETRAYAL OF GRUNGE ETHOS QUOTIENT: Low. It's hard to beat a drug overdose for grunge purity.

ICON: Douglas Coupland
GRUNGE ACCOMPLISHMENT: Wrote the not particularly Grungey book which gave the name to Generation X
WHERE HE IS NOW: Living in Toronto where he has just written Generation A which according to his website champions, the act of reading and storytelling as one of the few defenses we still have against the constant bombardment of the senses in a digital world"
BETRAYAL OF GRUNGE ETHOS QUOTIENT: Enormous.

ICON: Doc Martens
GRUNGE ACCOMPLISHMENT: The era's official footwear.
WHERE HE IS NOW: Forced to abandon production for a time in their native UK and give up their vegan non-leather line, Doc struggles along as a novelty/nostalgia act.
BETRAYAL OF GRUNGE ETHOS QUOTIENT: Low.

ICON: Courtney Love
GRUNGE ACCOMPLISHMENT: The era's Yoko Ono
WHERE SHE IS NOW: Has relocated her long run disaster show to New York.
BETRAYAL OF GRUNGE ETHOS QUOTIENT: Her sell-out is total, complete and unquestionable, while on another level she remains somehow the brand's truest proponent.

ICON: Perry Farrell
GRUNGE ACCOMPLISHMENT: Lead singer of Jane's Addiction, creator of Lollapalooza.
WHERE HE IS NOW: An earnest global warming campaigner, occaisional Jane's reunion attendee and flogger of various palooza spin off's/
BETRAYAL OF GRUNGE ETHOS QUOTIENT:When he created Kidzapalooza, he took a step beyond possible grunge redemption.

• Oogh. Lindsay Lohan has reportedly (1) been dropped by her record label, (2) been working for French fashion label Ungaro for free, even going so far as to cover her own expenses on her trip to Paris for their show, and (3) has had a camera crew following her around for what appears to be a reality TV show that her PR rep declined to comment on. She also "scooped up" $100,000 in threads from Ungaro while she was working with them, so, you know, at least she got something out of it. But those new lips ain't gonna pay for themselves, sister. In fact, those lips are beginning to look more and more like the sub-prime mortgage of plastic surgery; she's gonna be paying for those things until they get foreclosed on. I have no idea what that means. Anyway: when Michael Lohan begins to look even remotely sensible in any context, you're doing something wrong. Stop doing wrong things. Stop fucking up, Lindsay. You losing your BlackBerry in a bodega is enjoyable gossip. This is not enjoyable gossip. This is Sunday. Don't make us deal with this shit on a Sunday. [Page Six]
  
  
• Brad Pitt ran his motorcycle into a parked car. I'm pretty sure there was a decent "Yo mama" joke about this back in the day, but it's just not as funny when Brad Pitt does it, right? Also, the Daily News uses the old "but he's gonna be fine, ladies" as if they assume their readership of items about Brad Pitt injuring himself is either a majority of or limited to women. Wrong, New York Daily News. So I'll do it for them: Ladies and Men Who Wish Brad Pitt Were Gay As The Day, he's gonna be fine. [NYDN]
  
  
• The Rock, or The Cock? Har har, but no, seriously, Dwayne Johnson sounds like a real asshole. Story: a security guard approaches Dwayne Johnson on a rooftop while he's filming a movie with Mark Wahlberg, Will Ferrell and Samuel L. Jackson. The guard asks The Rock for an autograph for his son, a huge fan, and The Rock shuts him down, saying that he can't give an autograph to everyone who asks. Which is when the security guard grabbed the nearest chair, bashed it over The Rock's head, put him in a figure-four leg-lock, and had his kid dropped from a helicopter onto The Cock's head with one elbow down. I wish. No, instead, he sulked off, saying something about his kid not being a fan anymore, and then The Cock gave him his patented death stare or whatever. Do you smell what The Cock is cooking? Yes, that's correct: horseshit. [Page Six]
  
  
• Speaking of cock, they're turning Cocktail into a musical, and Katie Holmes might be cast in it. Meanwhile, Tom Cruise is probably gay. Just sayin'. [Page Six]
  
  
• And apparently, he'd appreciate the humor of Margaret Cho, who makes gay people laugh. Page Six: the anthropologists of our time. [Page Six]
  
  
• Sienna Miller — currently on Broadway right now doing fairly well — is "bunking" with platonic friends in Nolita right now. Apparently, there're a bunch of celebrities in the building, and she's just added onto their crazy stats. Also, she forced the New York Times to correct a story about her previous boyfriends, but who hasn't forced the New York Times to correct a story about their previous boyfriends? Exactly. [Page Six]
  
  
• Hello, Broadway Geighs! Jonathan Groff of Spring Awakening fame is probably dating Gavin Creel of Hair fame. If you have any idea who the people I'm talking about are, you probably watch Glee. Maybe too much Glee. [Page Six]
  
  
• Roman Polanski candidly discussed his culpability in his situation with Esquire magazine, of all places. Thanks, Roman, for not hitting us up first. Seriously. [Page Six]
  
  
• It's rare that I feel terribly for Courtney Love, but in this instance, it's hard not to: apparently, she was chased out of LA by her former "handlers" who essentially bugged her every move and tried to extort her nine ways to Tuesday. So: she moved to New York, and is trying to sue the life out of them. Where's Francis Bean in all of this? [NYDN]
  
  
• Signs that Rev. Al Sharpton is getting old and going senile: he gave Joe Jackson an award. For what? Infamously inflicting irreversible damage on his kids? Asshole. [NYDN]
  
  
• No fun here: Andrew Lloyd Weber has prostate cancer. Cats still sucks, however. [NYDN]
  
  
• Bill Maher's in love with his girlfriend, and might marry her. Which is a change of pace for him. [NYDN]
  
  
• Shakira's in Freudian psychotherapy for some kind of oral fixation. The rest of America is fixated on her ass, etc, etc. She's also having a kid and getting ready for it. [NYDN]
  
  
• Morrissey went to the hospital after collapsing onstage and was discharged shorty thereafter; he was having "breathing difficulties." If every day is like Sunday, or at least, Sundays like these, it must really, really suck to be Morrissey. [Sky News]

On that note! Many days are like Sunday! But not all of them. This one, though, definitely.

[Image via Eliot Press/Bauer-Griffin]

• Madonna once called Guy Ritchie "retarded." Now he's getting revenge by calling her "retarded," too. Shit, celebrities can be so retarded. [Page Six]
  
  
• Oh, good! The gloves are coming off in Peter Brant's divorce from Stephanie Seymour. Court papers say that Seymour, who's famous for being a model, spends $50,000 on clothes every month and has been stealing art from the mansion she shared with Brant, who owns Interview. Yee-haw! [Page Six]
  
  
• Courtney Love, who posts a scary amount of late night tweets, would like to thank her parents for her ass, but nothing else. [Twitter]
  
  
• Get excited, people, because Tina Fey will again impersonate Sarah Palin on Saturday Night Live. [NYDN]
  
  
• Conrad Murray, the doctor everyone thinks killed Michael Jackson, may be arrested after failing to show up to family court to discuss the $13,000 he owes in back child support. [ET]
  
  
• Dina Lohan has a line of shoes, which we hope will be more bearable than Lindsay's pathetic fashion line. [Page Six]
  
  
• Kanye West loves Alexander McQueen sooo much. But in the straightest way possible, of course. [Kanye]
  
  
• Heidi Fleiss was in a "horrific" car crash back in June. Don't worry, though, she's as alright as she was before the crash, which we suppose isn't saying much, but it's something. [TMZ]
  
  
• Wow! So, Gourmet's closing's a big deal, huh? It's so big, in fact, that a cafe worker at Newark's airport recognized former editor Ruth Reichl and gave her a sandwich. If only all former Conde staffers were getting such treatment... [Page Six]

We're not sure what went down, but Gothamist captured the whole misspelled diatribe (just like mom!) in all of its glory. It sounds like Frances thinks that Ali is gross because she wants to be famous and is using her last name to get ahead in life and has a bad attitude while doing it.

Your not entitled to anything simply because your sister has a recognizable name. Your idea of fame isn't fame. It's infamy. You want to be famous? Work your ass off and make decisions that could potentially catapult your career into a lasting one. Notariety for who you are and notaritey for the work you produce are two completely differnt things.

The 17-year-old Cobain has only used her name to get an internship at Rolling Stone, which is pretty much par for the celebrity child course. So far, she thinks that Ali is making horrible "careere" choices.

Your careere choices, thus far, will transcend a future career as someone who attempted to be famous, but never quite achieved it. And if you do, it will be the formality of fame that puts you on the covers of tabloids, while the public idly watches you plumit into the murky abyss shared with the likes of Spencer Pratt & Jon Gosslin who, i'm sure, will steal your money whilst there."

That is some seriously astute cultural observation, Frances! There's still a whole lot more where that came from, and she even gets some swings in at Lindsay and her "dwindling" career and "few shitty films." Unfortunately, we won't be getting any more dispatches in the future because Frances (or someone else) has deleted her Twitter account. Maybe she wants to be just like mom and is taking it to MySpace.

Either way, we are proud of our little Frances. She's grown up under some rough circumstances, but she seems to be a well-spoken, anti-establishment bad ass, and we wouldn't want it any other way.

• Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston are the strangest, most annoyingly compelling ex-spouses in history. They reportedly had a "secret meeting" at a New York hotel so that Pitt could bitch and moan about his crumbling marriage to Angelina Jolie, for whom he left Aniston. Twisted. (PS: Doesn't this picture make you a bit nostalgic?) [Daily Mail]
  
  
• We know you would never do such a thing, but just in case: don't rent your home to Kevin Federline, because he'll ruin it forever. [TMZ]
  
  
• Nancy Grace is not amused by Jon Gosselin, who she thinks is far too self-involved and needs to take care of his many, many children. [Us]
  
  
• We're not entirely sure why, but Jeremy Piven gets a lot of tail. On the positive side, his latest women are of many races, so at least he's an equal opportunity cad, right? [Page Six]
  
  
• Mel Gibson got his wish: that whole anti-Semitic DUI arrest has been expunged from his record. But we'll never forget. [Star]
  
  
• If you're famous and within reaching distance, Courtney Love will kiss you. You've been warned. [Page Six]
  
  
• Hoping to make a great impression on the gays, Levi Johnston's "working out six days a week" for his Playgirl shoot. All we're saying is that we better see penis. [US]
  
  
• Padma Lakshmi's with child, which means she's gaining weight, which means she can't fit into her clothes, so she donated them to charity. We've always liked her style. [Page Six]
  
  
• Sad socialite Tinsley Mortimer hopes to revive her brand with a reality show. But, shocker, none of her rich friends want to be on something so mundane. [Page Six]
  
  
• We always thought only the coastal dwellers enjoy Mad Men, but maybe we're wrong: actress January Jones attended a NASCAR event in Kansas last weekend. But, then again, maybe the car racing fans just like a pretty blond. [Just Jared]
  
  
• The man accused of stalking and peeping on ESPN reporter Erin Andrews allegedly videotaped other women. Why are we not surprised? [NY Post]">People]

• The entire Kardashian family—who we've somehow let become famous for having a sister with a big ass—is making a shitload of money. Read this sentence: "Kim split with her boyfriend of two years, Reggie Bush, in July. Kourtney announced she's pregnant with on-off boyfriend Scott Disick's baby in August. And last week, Khloe announced she'll marry LA Lakers forward Lamar Odom after a whirlwind romance of just a month." And Page Six explains how this is somehow a hugely moneymaking enterprise. If you thought the banking crisis was bad, the fact that the Kardashian sisters somehow made a cool mil out of those events speaks volumes about where money's going these days: into the liposucked asses and cheeks of the Kardashian family. Oh, also, this: "'She's negotiating a magazine deal for Khloe's wedding, around $250,000, another deal for Kourtney's baby, and there will probably be yet another deal when Kim eventually gets back together with Reggie,' our insider said." Wow. Just...wow. [Page Six]
  
  
• Michael Douglas is trying to keep his kids busy while filming Wall Street 2 and while Catherine Zeta-Jones is in rehearsals on Broadway: Page Six spotted him inquiring about children's classes at the JCC. Anything to keep them away from coke-connoisseur Scarface director Oliver Stone and Shia LaBeouf, a psychotic director and the kid who ruined the Indiana Jones franchise. [Page Six]
  
  
• Sometimes, in the world of reality television, people make good decisions: like deciding not to be a part of it. For example: Tori Spelling and whathisname, Dean McDermott, they have that show, right? Well, the producers called McDermott's ex-wife, Mary Jo Eustace—a Canadian TV chef. They have those??—up to sign on to the show and create as much controversy as she could. She declined, probably because she knows how much reality TV and the people in it absolutely suck. And maybe she should have! McDermott sleazily left her for Spelling in one of those shitty somebody-wins, somebody-unfairly-loses divorces. Instead she told the producers to fuck off, and also, if her son—over whom she shares custody with McDermott—ever appeared on the show again (censored face or not), she was gonna have to cut a bitch. You go, Mama Bear! Also, she's writing a book called Divorce Sucks. True, but people suck even more than the awful processes they create. [NYDN]
  
  
• Same item: LeBron James goes to a Marquee party three hours late, is a dick to the patrons who came to the clurrb to see him. Heads straight for the VIP, doesn't talk to anyone, gets pissy when he doesn't get what he wants. To the people who fought tooth and nail to go to this thing: what'd you expect? You're stalker-y fans going to a club to see a basketball player be famous. You got what you paid for. Team LeBron. [NYDN]
  
  
• Florida Gov. Charlie Crist made Page Six, huh? He was at some fundraiser at New York Jets owner Woody Johnson's place when someone asked him whether he was for Florida or New York in this week's game. Page Six says he turned beet red. I wish he just turned into a beet. [Page Six]
  
  
• Louis Farrakhan stayed at Russell Simmons' place recently, while Farrakhan introduced "Libyan brute" Moammar Khadafy outside the UN. Apparently, Minister Farrakhan has 75 security guards? Thought having that much security about Farrakhan was soooo 1994, but whatever. It's New York. People love a good posse. [Page Six]
  
  
• And VICE makes Page Six this morning, too. Their director of video and new media, as well as their communications director, have been taken from the realm of politics. VICE is gettin' serious. Alex Detrick, TALKY DOUCHEBAG, or whatever title VICE is going to give him, comes from Andrew Cuomo's office, where he was the press secretary. Kate Albright-Hanna, who worked on President Obama's team as their video person, is going to be VICE's VIDEO HOT NEKKID CHICK, or whatever title they're going to give her. Their spokesperson tells Page Six: "We didn't go to J-school, we don't care about market research or handsome anchors, and we are making up our own rules as we go along. That's probably why all these squares want to work for us now." Comment needed? Fine: yes, this makes me like VICE more. The placement of the item, the hiring, the quote, everything. Good on them. [Page Six]
  
  
• Melrose Place hottie and sister of Elizabeth, Andrew Shue, is getting married! To Amy Robach, who Page Six makes some interesting notes about: "the hottest female on TV" and "agreed to marry (Andrew Shue)" amongst them. Playing up the inaccessibility factor, much? Jesus. Someone lost a bet to a publicist. [Page Six]
  
  
• Courtney Love was charmed by Hugo Chavez. Then again, Courtney Love could also be charmed by a lampshade. [NYDN]
  
  
• Aw. The guy with the fro from Season One of American Idol who lost to Kelly Clarkson is getting married to some girl he's known since high school. That's sweet. [NYDN]
  
  
• Bruce Willis informs readers that he has no plans to start "breeding" again. Good. [US]
  
  
• Jaime Pressly got married, too! Her wed mans is now Simran Singh. His qualifications? ""What's important is that they realize there are other ways of taking care of me that have [nothing] to do with money. Like cooking me dinner or going to the grocery store or picking up after yourself." This is likable. [NYDN]
  
  
• Kelly Rutherford now has a restraining order from her estranged husband. That's sad. On, like, five different levels. [US]

• Michael Jackson confessed to a guy named Rabbi Shmuley Boteach (or to the headlines: "Rabbi Shmuley" that he (1) looked like a lizard, (2) wanted to lock the gates of Neverland and never come out, (3) would've killed himself if it wasn't for the kids, (4) had a crush of Princess Diana, (5) wanted to date a widowed Katie Couric, and (6) that Madonna was jealous of him, wanted to have phone sex, "laid down the law" in regards to NOT going to Disneyland [Ed. She would.], and tried to unsuccessfully initiate phone sex. Even as someone who turns through gossip pages by trade, I have absolutely no idea what the fuck to do with this information, suffice to say that it's completely blowing my mind right now that Jackson could get a rabbi to listen to his shit like shit. Do you people know how hard it is to get a rabbi on the phone? These guys dispense guilt for a living, there's no confession for the Jews. So I'm thinking this Shmuley guy's a crook. Has to be. No real Rabbi has the patience for that shit, even if you are Michael Jackson. Meanwhile, this information, of course, is contained in a book called The Michael Jackson Tapes, which I have no desire to read and wish were actually just twelve demo versions of "PYT" and four of "Wanna Be Starting Something." Mama say what? [NYDN]
  
  
• Penelope Cruz visited a preggers clinic and, with Javier Bardem, is going to be giving birth to the hottest Spanish baby since Jesus started appearing on candles. [NYDN, replete with "OMG" prefixed headline.]
  
  
• John Travolta's having an emotional "collapse" over having to testify over the death of his son, Jett, in the paramedic extortion case. This is so sad, I started thinking about it and maybe got a little teary. Like, really, though: how do you live through something like this? Even Vincent Vega could not be cool, let alone the real John Travolta. Also, you know, why do we need to know this? I don't know. Here: [Showbiz Spy]
  
  
• McKenzie Phillips' stepmom is mad at Oprah and her daughter for taking her family laundry out to Oprah after her Phillips' father is dead. Everyone else is like STFU MCKENZIE PHILLIPS' STEPMOM, MORE ABOUT THIS INCEST BIZNASS PLZKTHX. Ah, the insatiable public thirst for pertinent information. [US]
  
  
• Khloe Kardashian—famous for being the sister of Kim Kardashian, who's famous for having a large ass—is now flashing around her engagement ring to Lamar Odom, who's famous for being an L.A. Laker. Now, on Khloe and Lamar's Whirlwind Romance Tour, one thing has yet to happen: Lamar has yet to play an NBA game. Mark my words, here and now: he's going to suck this season, and there's going to be only one thing to blame it on: the loss of brain cells, or the inactivity of certain synapses one needs to perform both complex motor skills other than man-on-top and involved, stimulating conversation. L.A., you reap what you sow. There should be legislation designed to prevent this kind of shit. You think Cleveland would let Lebron take a girl home that wasn't mother-approved? That mother, of course, NOT being Kris Kardashian. No. They wouldn't. [US]
  
  
• Har! George Clooney needed a doctor and his driver in Italy took him to a dentist. Good thing he didn't hurt his penis. [Showbiz Spy]
  
  
• Anna Paquin's dog is going to be her ring-bearer at her wedding to True Blood co-star Stephen Moyer, because Anna hates children. Actually, I have no idea why she's having a dog be a ring-bearer, or how it's going to work, or what kind of dog it is, because I'm not going to spend another minute working on this item. I'm in a mood today, right? Anyway. Dogs! If I had a dog be my ring bearer, basically, I'd find the cat it hates most and tape it to the floor at the foot of the altar and let it go at the back of the church and pick up the cat right as the dog gets there and grab the ring off of his collar. Or that's how the plan would work. Inevitably, it wouldn't, and hijinks would ensue, though this ambition probably lowers the probability of me getting married to anything but a vaguely Eastern European clown-by-trade by at least five percent. Maybe six. [Showbiz Spy]
  
  
• Is Sam Ronson spreading rumors about Lindsay Lohan being all over town getting kicked out of places like the Bowery Hotel? Probably. Are we past the point where we care whether or not they're true? Probably. [Page Six]
  
  
• Neve Campbell's going to return for Scream 4, but nobody gives a shit because they killed Randy in Scream 2. Though it's nice to see Neve Campbell again, I have nothing nice to add to this except to say that Scream 2 had an exceptionally good soundtrack. One example: D'Angelo's cover of Prince's "She's Always In My Hair," which first appeared on it, as well as the Eels "Your Lucky Day In Hell." God, Scream 2 kinda had some decent stuff going for it (Timothy Olyphant, anyone?), didn't it? [US]
  
  
• Speaking of Party of Five alum, Jennifer Love Hewitt still knows she's hot, and doesn't give a shit what you think, because she can talk to ghosts and you can't. [Page Six]
  
  
• Lily Allen performed a gig with diarrhea. This is funny because her music is poop. [Showbiz Spy]
  
  
• Gerard Butler hates diets. Every time a celebrity is like, I LOVE to eat fast food, I'm like, fuck you, die, because you don't actually love it and you're just telling people that you do so they'll get fatter and you'll stay the same. [Showbiz Spy]
  
  
• Courtney Love is just a moron. Courtney, if you're reading this, you're a moron. Seriously. You're smoking cigarettes inside elevators on the way to the penthouse for Fashion Week afterparties? I mean, I guess whoever would have you at their party would be cool with it, since you're there in the first place and they expect the absolute worst, but Jesus, don't you have a daughter, or, like, more of Kurt Cobain's estate to sell-out and consequently shame? Oy. [Page Six]
  
  
• Charlie Rose is annoyed that he has to find sponsors to back his show, but honestly, he could probably just hit up all the titans of industry he helps broker deals between for cash. Rose doesn't like to be a peasant and hit up his homies. Sorry, Charlie: that's life on the big public TV. You don't hear Tavis Smiley whining like a little bitch about Jim Leher's money, do you? No, you don't. STFU. [Page Six]
  
  
• Snoop Dogg recently fessed up to being a fan of 90s British sitcom Keeping Up Appearances. Now, let's think about this for a moment: Doggystyle came out in 1994. Keeping Up Appearances went on the air in 1990 and ended in 1995, arguably at the height of Death Row Records' (violent) reign over rap. So imagine, if you will, Snoop D-O-Double-G sneaking onto the tour bus during a particularly hard party to get high and giggle at Patricia Routledge. Well, unfortunately, he *claims* to watch it on BBC America, where they still show it. Don't believe the spin. [The Sun]

Love posted a long, rambling, incoherent screed to MySpace last year that seemed to say Adams owed her money for production of his album Rock n Roll. Adams responded indirectly and cryptically at the time. But now Adams has decided to set the record straight, after Love last week posted another barrage on Twitter, writing, "anytime 'ole Ryan... wants to see his bills, he can, I'm right here" — and after we erroneously said Adams was Love's "ex-boyfriend" when we reported that barrage,

Adams' publicist sent us the following statement from the singer:

"I have never had any romantic, personal or financial involvement with Courtney Love. She is confusing me with her ex, who produced my Rock n Roll record, which was financed solely by Universal Music."

Courtney Love confused about her commitments and losing track of all her money? Do you really expect us to buy that?

(We've updated the original item.)

• Someone claims to have walked in on the ever-messy Courtney Love tinkling at the Standard and says she went crazy, which makes sense for many, many reason. [Page Six]
  
  
• But, of course, Love denies the so-called pee encounter ever happened. She twittered, "page6 said this guy walked in on me as i was peeing no i wasnt ( i i was itd be the same) he was a crasher and he laughed and pointed." A brave man, he was... [Twitter]
  
  
• Mischa Barton shows up to work "bleary" and demands instant coffee, into which she then stares, mumbling about how she needs coffee. Sad. [Page Six]
  
  
• Oh, that Harvey Weinstein's such a joker: he described NY Post media writer Peter Lauria as "the inspiration for Inglorious Basterds." "We were thinking who were the bastards that we know, and he was the No. 1 bastard." Does that mean the paper's run by a bunch of Nazis? [Page Six]
  
  
• David Hasselhoff got so rip-roaring drunk yesterday that someone had to call 911 after getting a frantic call from his worried daughter. [TMZ]
  
  
• OMG! Is Samantha getting married in the new Sex and the City?! [3am]
  
  
• Uh-oh! Puff Daddy, or whatever his name is, may leave Warner Brothers for Interscope once his contract's up in April. What will be of WB-based label Bad Boy?! [Page Six]
  
  
• Real Housewives of New Jersey "star" Danielle Straub tried to talk to Martha Stewart at an event last week, bUt Stewart ignored her. Ha! [MSNBC]
  
  
• Dancing with the Stars' former golden couple, Maksim Chmerkovskiy and Karina Smirnoff looked happy on the Emmy stage, but were fighting and bickering back stage. Don't be fooled by appearances: they hate one another. [E!]
  
  
• Jack Tweed, the widower of British reality star-turned-cancer patient Jade Goody, appears in court today to face allegations that he raped a woman. [3am]
  
  
• Halle Berry is not with child. But is with toga dress. [Daily Mail]

Sane singer Courtney Love had an epic, if slightly madcap and indecipherable meltdown on her Twitter thread. We know it involved manipulating FICO scores, and lashing out, yet again, at ex boyfriend Ryan Adams. Sadly, for those seeking Love's unique sort of insight, the rant is not presently on the internet.

UPDATE: In describing the Love-Adams relationship, we mis-remembered this Love rant, which hinted at but did not confirm that the two knew each other That Way. Adams sent us a statement saying not only did they not ever know each other That Way, but that he does not owe Love money as she once claimed: "I have never had any romantic, personal or financial involvement with Courtney Love. She is confusing me with her ex , who produced my Rock n Roll record, which was financed solely by Universal music."

Former Telegraph writer Paul Carr heckled the inept startups at the TechCrunch 50 conference. And also the conference itself. He was working for TechCrunch at the time, apparently.

Advice columnist Penelope Trunk mounted a pointed defense of herself, in court. And that was before opening arguments even started.

Reason editor Dave Weigel was careful to have all his papers in order before meeting CNN house xenophobe Lou Dobbs.

Interesting MySpace account-haver Chet Euton had an entertaining vision of Patrick Swayze's funeral.

Did you witness the media elite tweet something indiscreet? Please email us your favorite tweets - or send us more Twitter usernames.

Though they've always admitted they could possibly, maybe, potentially open the door to advertisers, Twitter founder Biz Stone seemed to chart a more definitive course yesterday afternoon when he tweeted, "We leave the door open for advertising. We'd like to keep our options open, as we've said before." Then, Twitter altered its terms of service, which now reads:

The services may include advertisements, which may be targeted to the content or information on the services, queries made through the services, or other information. The types and extent of advertising by Twitter on the services are subject to change."

In consideration for Twitter granting you access to and use of the services, you agree that Twitter and its third-party providers and partners may place such advertising on the services....

One can hardly be surprised, of course, for the two-year old site's growing like gangbusters and has even, like Google before it, created an entirely new verb.

But, as Michael Arrington of TechCrunch fame points out, it's not always wise for a unique company such as Twitter to open the revenue flood gates, for poor performance can drive down the ultimate value:

...The problem is, once you have revenues it's impossible for [potential buyers] to just make stuff up. They look at those revenues and growth rates and trend out from there. They can't add a different long term growth rate without a solid reason to do it

So when Twitter talks about turning on revenue, it isn't such a small decision. They have no idea how much money they can make off the service....

It's not inconceivable that Twitter actually can't scale as a centralized service, and will stumble badly.

Others wonder whether companies will want to advertise on a site where people can express themselves in a manner, however lewd and crude, of their own choosing. Does Wal-Mart really want to be advertising alongside Courtney Love's insane ramblings? Probably not.

One big concern we would have, if we were Twitter, is how much staying power the site actually has (although the influx of sluts does bode well). One reader recently compared Twitter with CB radio. It is, they hypothesized, nothing but a fad. And that's entirely imaginable.

It's hard to say how long the world will tolerate communicating within the constraints of 140 characters. Although, with the way things are going now, we'll probably all be grunting and scratching ourselves, rather than actually conversing. So, Twitter, maybe you'll surprise us.

Earlier this year, Love and former Nirvana drummer Dave Grohl sold Cobain's likeness to Activision for use in Guitar Hero, and former Nirvana drummer Dave Grohl and bass player Krist Novoselic signed off on the use of the band's music. But once it became clear that the game lets people make Cobain sing Bon Jovi songs, puppet-like, Everett True, the Melody Maker writer who mythologized the Seattle scene in the late 1980s and introduced the world to Nirvana, called foul via Twitter:

Love, as you might expect, went crazy, replying that she didn't authorize the likeness, and colorfully implicating Grohl:

Here's Rolling Stone, by the way, on Love's participation in the Activision deal:

Naturally, Love did have some concerns. Namely, Cobain's physique, Riley reveals. "Courtney supplied us with photos and videos and knew exactly what she wanted Kurt to look like," he says. "She picked the wardrobe and hair style, which turned out to be the ‘Teen Spirit' look, then we went back and forth over changes - some subtle, some not so subtle." In column B? Love's reference to the Greek God Adonis, whose youthful good looks made the male deity an object of desire. "She certainly had a physical image in mind," says Riley. "She wanted him to have that sort of athletic definition but not overly so." And while Love has long had a reputation for being difficult, Riley's experience was anything but. "She was actually great to work with," he says. "She got back with comments pretty quickly."

Our sister-site Kotaku confirmed with Activision that Love signed a contract giving the company the right to "use Kurt Cobain's likeness as a fully playable character in Guitar Hero 5."

Anyway, Courtney love then unleashed 214 Tweets over a six-hour period—or roughly 1.7 Tweets-per-minute for six hours straight—about True, crystals, Margaret Atwood, and all the people who are out to get her, which is absolutely not the sort of obsessive behavior that someone under the influence of methamphetamine would exhibit.

UPDATE: We thought we'd share this nice note from Steve Martin of the appropriately named Nasty Little Man publicity, pointing out that Grohl didn't have anything to do with whoring out Cobain's likeness for a video game—he only whored out the music:

correct this you assholes:

"Earlier this year, Love and former Nirvana drummer Dave Grohl sold Cobain's likeness to Activision for use in Guitar Hero."

DAVE GROHL HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE SALE. AND IT'S DISRESPECTFUL THAT YOU DON'T EVEN MENTION KRIST NOVOSELIC WHO CO-FOUNDED NIRVANA.

He followed up with this statement from Grohl and Novoselic:

This is a statement regarding Nirvana, Guitar Hero and the likeness of the late Kurt Cobain.

We want people to know that we are dismayed and very disappointed in the way a facsimile of Kurt is used in the Guitar Hero game. The name and likeness of Kurt Cobain are the sole property of his estate – we have no control whatsoever in that area.

While we were aware of Kurt's image being used with two Nirvana songs, we didn't know players have the ability to unlock the character. This feature allows the character to be used with any kind of song the player wants. We urge Activision to do the right thing in "re-locking" Kurt's character so that this won't continue in the future.

It's hard to watch an image of Kurt pantomiming other artists' music alongside cartoon characters. Kurt Cobain wrote songs that hold a lot of meaning to people all over the world. We feel he deserves better.

Krist Novoselic and Dave Grohl

We've updated the post above to reflect the distinction, but not the difference.

UPDATE: This post has been edited to reflect the fact that, while Grohl and former Nirvana bass player Krist Novoselic licensed the rights to use Nirvana's music for Guitar Hero, they don't have any control over his image. You can read their statement on the matter here.

Back in March fashion designer Dawn Simorangkir sued Love for libel, invasion of privacy, infliction of emotional distress, breach of contract, and intentional interference with Simorangkir's business—the fashion label Boudoir Queen—as a result of Love's misspelled and unpunctuated rants on the social networking sites—namely saying that Simorgank stole a bunch of clothes from her.

Love and her lawyer have filed a motion to strike the suit. [Note: Page Six reported on her brief on Saturday, which we missed because we were fighting through the hordes at the Barneys Warehouse Sale.] Why? Not anything have to do with free speech, but because Simorgankir is racist, homophobic drug fiend who used to be a prostitute. Oh, well, that makes it OK then. Say anything you'd like, Courtney.

The juiciest excerpts are below, but here is our favorite part:

Simorangkir repeatedly asked me both to partake in and to procure cocaine, Percoset, and other illegal and perscription drugs for herself and her husband. I told Simorangir that my "hard-partying" days were in the past and I declined to use any of her and her husband's drugs.

Screw what she said on Twitter, this is the real defamation. We still don't know what this has to do with the shit she talked on the web, but it does make for a fascinating read. Just wait for the countersuit the Love legal team has in the works.

Plenty of people will be paying attention to this suit, not only because Love is crazier than a meth addict in a fun house, but because it will have an impact on future lawsuits about what people can and can't say about others over the internet. In England, they're already throwing kids in jail for cyberbullying. Damn, Courtney, maybe that move to London isn't such a good idea after all.

Oh, Courtney, you haven't put out a record in five years, but you still manage to provide us with endless entertainment.

• Twilight star Robert Pattinson hates New York and its deranged women. He's been whining constantly about it while working on a film in the city and can't wait to get back to him mommy in London. [Gatecrasher]
  
  
• Lady Gaga groped her boobs and stripped down to show off her ample bottom at a gay club in London over the gay pride weekend. [UK Sun]
  
  
• Transformers director Michael Bay says that Megan Fox has "a lot of growing up to do." Bay went on to say that "nobody in the world knew about Megan Fox until I found her" and also claimed credit for turning Nick Cage, Will Smith and Ben Affleck into big stars. Team Megan! [Daily News]
  
  
• Josh Duhamel says that he and Fergie were given a stripper pole as a wedding gift, but that he actually plays around on it more than she does. And oh yeah, he's an ass man. [Page Six]
  
  
• Russell Crowe just can't stop being a prick. He was in attendance at yesterday's epic Wimbledon final between Andy Roddick and Roger Federer when he decided that he wasn't happy with his seat. He saw a better one that was open closer to the court and tried to move down into it. This did not go over well with the ushers working the event. [Daily Mail]
  
  
• Oh snap! Chris Brown is hooking up with Kanye West's ex, Amber Rose. The burning question now is who will go all Suge Knight on Chris Brown first—Jay-Z or Kanye? [Daily News]
  
  
• Rihanna attended a 4th of July celebration in Vegas wearing a loose jacket that exposed "silver sequinned nipple petals" on her breasts. [Daily Mail]
  
  
• Totally old Entourage actress Carla Gugino says that Hollywood is an ageist town. Yeah, I know, quite shocking, right? [Page Six]
  
  
• Courtney Love recently trashed a hotel room. Now employees at the hotel are saying that the room was "littered with needles and used feminine hygiene products." [Sun]
  
  
• Former Incredible Hulk star Lou Ferrigno says that the stress of being $400 million in debt is what killed Michael Jackson. [UK Mirror]

• Andrew Young is testifying in front of a grand jury as to whether or not John Edwards used campaign funds to keep Rielle Hunter quiet, or as the legal categorization would have it, "Baby Mama Hush Slush." [Rush & Malloy]
  
  
• Chelsea Clinton's wedding on Martha's Vineyard is going to be at Vernon Jordan's estate in late August, as previously reported. We're saving the date and waiting for our invite. We should probably not hold our breathing. [NYDN]
  
  
• Mugatu-esque German designer Karl Lagerfeld got some talk-to-the-hand from Heidi Klum's publicist, who says that the German Vogue issue with Klum on the cover (with an apparent 140-page spread inside) sold more issues than any other. None of this matters, because Lagerfeld is still kind of a scary Mugatu-esque asshole. [Page Six]
  
  
• Oh noez! Ron Weasley (Muggle name: Rupert Grint) has the Swine Flu. Gawker exclusive: Weasley was taken to Madam Pomfrey in the hospital wing of Hogwarts were they tried to use some healing potions to no avail. Then then had to ship him off on the Hogwarts Express back to Central London, where he became just another awesome celebrity case of Swine Flu. He is now better, and has flown back to the set of re-enactment documentary Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows. Meanwhile, Hermione Granger (Muggle name: Emma Watson) is keeping her relationship with Weasley under wraps as she publicly announces her plans to attend Columbia University in New York, where I will attempt to charm her with my Muggle blogging skills Brown University in Rhode Island, where she will come into contact with a bunch of Jewish Hipsters who she will hate because she didn't go to Columbia, in New York, a far more magical place than Rhode Island. It will probably fail miserably. Also, Harry Potter (Muggle Name: Daniel Radcliffe) won't date Emma Watson because it'd be too weird for them. Good to know the competition is thinning out. [Daily News, Showbiz Spy, Just Jared]
  
  
• Otis! My man! Tobey Maguire's kid has a name, and thy Spider Man spawn's name is Otis. People has the inside dirt on the middle name, too. [People]
  
  
• Rumer WIllis is going to be a lesbian on 90210. I hate that show and thus you will get no elaboration on what's probably a tragically bad, sub-par attempt at Gossip Girl's ingenious stunt casting. I'm sorry Rumer Willis, but you're no Wallace Shawn. You just aren't. [Daily News]
  
  
• Courtney Love trashed her hotel room at The Inn on Irving Place. Have you ever seen The Inn on Irving Place? It's the closest thing downtown has to a Bed and Breakfast. Like, jesus, Courtney Love: trash The Bowery Hotel. Located conveniently near the old CBGB space, you can relive memories of when that kind of thing was cool in bougie style while throwing things off your balcony at legitimately hot celebrities drinking in Bowery's backyard. Trash the Maritime and throw things out of those weird porthole windows. Trash the douche-magnet Hotel Gansevoorte - seriously, people would love that. Trash DeNiro's Greenwich Hotel or SoHo's Mercer Hotel, which were practically constructed for celebrity destruction. But The Inn at Irving? Are you raging a war on cuteness? Also, you know trashing hotel rooms is, like, so 1999 when Scott Weiland, Marilyn Manson, and the rest o your Home for Formerly Addicted Friends from The Crow soundtrack or whatever aren't doing it anymore. Seriously, old lady, put it on ice and chill the fuck out. You're already inches from this as is. [Page Six]
  
  
• There are 210 diamonds on the ring Kevin Jonas gave to his bride-to-be. Even I'm sitting at home with a gallon of ice cream, crying. We can haz inadequacies? There was also a small engagement party none of us were invited to. They went out for Pizza. [People and Pink Is The New Blog]
  
  
• Levi Johnston, shopping a book. I laugh loudly every time I see mention of Tank, his multi-faceted bodyguard/publicist whose name is Tank. He also does birthday parties. [Page Six]
  
  
• Matt Damon doesn't want Clooney or Pitt to take home the People's Sexiest Man Alive three-peat. Instead he's lobbying for Hugh Jackman. I'm still lobbying for Robert Gibbs. [People]
  
  
• Kelsey Grammer is already making jokes about the short-lived, massively underrated sitcom Back To You. [Page Six]
  
  
• Taylor Swift used to pick up Sparklers on the wrong end and burn herself as a child. SWOON. She can do no wrong. [People]
  
  
• Lewis Black believes in the power of the word "fuck." He notes that it's essentially a punctuation mark to many New Yorkers. This is one of those things that isn't "funny because it's true" so much as simply being true. The kind of true thing you hear, and you're like, yeah, what of it? [Page Six]