When I think of things that should be in a political convention swag bag, I think colorful t-shirts, buttons, and unnecessary bridge-building projects for my district. The Republicans disappointed. The Democrats are even worse.

An apartment complex in New Hampshire has found a way to crack down on residents who don't pick up their dog's shit: Owners must submit pets' DNA samples, while rogue shit piles are cross-checked with testing kits. It works!

A new government assent says 25,000-30,000 barrels a day were flowing into the gulf before BPs semi-successful containment scheme. That's one Exxon Valdez every 8-10 days! Previous estimates had put the flow at 12,000-19,000/day. [NYT]

The internet needs more hot search keyword-driven advertorial "content" about as much as the internet needs AOL. So, welcome to the "linchpin" of AOL's growth strategy: Hot search keyword-driven advertorial "content" crap!

In order to (partially) repay Bernie Madoff's victims, the Feds aren't just selling off his real estate; they're selling off every last knick-knack and bric-a-brac that might potentially raise a dollar, at auction. Sample the "Bull" crap bounty, below!

Do you find the Snuggie too cliche, the Slanket too knockoff, the Sealpelt too needy, and the Peekaru too bourgeois? Do you like to wear sleeping bags as clothes? The Lippi Selk bag is for you:

A crippling recession that's forced thousands of people into tent cities, eating dog food, is no reason to penalize our nation's dogs. So brave Americans are buying more gratuitous dog things than ever!

Maybe you've noticed there's a lot of Barack Obama-themed crap for sale these days. Overwhelmed by your choices? We've broken it all down into four easy categories for you. Buy now!:

Joe Cuello is MTV's VP of "Creative Music Integration." He chooses what music goes into their fine reality shows. He "Makes The Hills Rock"(!). Why would someone send the nice man a box of poop?

Are you going to the Obamanauguration? I'll be there! But only to get a good deal on "coins, stamps, jewelry and even a small handbag" directly from QVC: