Peggy Noonan on Germany’s decision to admit 800,000 refugees from Muslim countries: “It’s one thing to be overwhelmed by an unexpected force, quite another to invite your invaders in!”

Topless drawler Matthew Mcconaughey is now the “creative director” for Wild Turkey bourbon, producing this ad in which he declares, “I found a story here in Wild Turkey.” Now see if you can tell it without talking, man.

Peggy Noonan has a dream: a dream of being cradled in Ronald Reagan’s welcoming arms, safe, protected, and embraced. That is not the dream we’re here to discuss, however. There’s another dream.

Native English speaker Donald Trump has given yet another interview to the New York Times. He would be better off not speaking, considering the sentences he forms of his own free will.

It is a mistake to read too much into internet comments; then again, it is a mistake to read nothing into internet comments. They offer a view into the psyche of a large subset of the population—a view that cannot be found anywhere else outside of court records.

Peggy Noonan, a keen scientist of the political sphere, once predicted Mitt Romney would defeat Barack Obama based on the fact that she saw a bunch of his yard signs. She brings the same eye for meaningless detail to the shores of Olde Englande.

Political news today: “Dilbert” cartoonist and famously reasonable man Scott Adams has made his presidential endorsement.

Prom rules!! It can also send parents into dissociative fugues.

Peggy. Dear Peggy. Peggy—are you okay?

A serious essay on Anti-Rich Prejudice: “When I discuss unfair treatment of successful businessmen, I almost always hear comments like, ‘Oh, boohoo. What do the rich have to complain about? Look at everything they have!’ This reflects a crass materialism, which amounts to the notion that money solves everything.”

Perpetually enraged sex columnist Andrea Peyser declares (Jewish) Bernie Sanders “Anti-Semitic,” and contrasts him with Ivanka Trump, who “has given birth to three Jewish children, delighting the tykes’ grandfather.” But is Hillary Clinton a slut? We anxiously await Andrea’s ruling.

Peggy Noonan’s body may be in Manhattan, and her soul may be in Ronald Reagan’s coffin—but her mind, now and forever, is in Brooklyn, at a street fair she went to a few years back.

Paul Ryan has an aw-shucks boy-next-door appeal and talks about poor people and budgets sometimes. Therefore he is widely considered the face of compassionate conservatism. In fact he is a wacko, extremist class warrior. And not the good kind.

Menards is an enormous, privately held home improvement chain owned by a union-hating Republican billionaire. They are now vying for the title of Most Extreme Corporate Overreaction to the 2016 election.

We live in scary times: sharia law, foreigners, and rape gangs haunt the streets of this once great nation. Some old people believe that they must arm themselves in order to find peace and safety.

While many media outlets cower in their luxury office towers, too scared to stand up for the Bill of Rights that built this great nation, we are unafraid to boldly proclaim: yes, unpredictable partisan crazies should carry deadly weapons on the floor of the Republican National Convention.

Republicans, you will be happy to know that the guy who is the sober alternative to Donald Trump is being advised on economic policy by the guy who helped lay the groundwork for most recent total collapse of the global economy.

These times we live in—they are troubled, are they not? What hath the commoners wrought upon our noble republic, with this “Trump” whose gaudy habits offendeth the senses? Whose common voice shall explain to one and all the unknowable thoughts of the peasantry?

The hedge fund run by billionaire investor Carl Icahn, Donald Trump’s highest-profile supporter in the financial world, just posted its worst annual losses since the financial crisis. Everything is good.

“Progressives have no idea how fragile it all is. That’s why they feel free to be unappeasable... They think America has endless give. But America is composed of humans, and they do not have endless give.” Is Peggy Noonan warning of a violent Republican uprising? It’s hard to tell sometimes, with Peggy.