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Posts Tagged “Crazies”
screeds
crazies
Jim Cramer's Salad Days
Why is Jim Cramer, CNBC's millionaire Mad Money maniac, such a shouty little bag of nuts? "That chip on his shoulder may have been to do with a turbulent early career. He worked as a newspaper reporter in Florida and California before suffering a series of catastrophic mishaps in which his home was burgled and his bank account was emptied. In his autobiography, Cramer recounts being homeless for nine months and sleeping in a car in California with a gun for protection." [The Guardian via MediaBistro]
crazies
Ben Stein, Bad Advertisement For Intelligent Design
Viewers of Expelled, the creationist propaganda documentary in the first week of its cinematic release, should not be surprised by the journalistic methods of its producer and narrator, Ben Stein. Expelled's fervently religious maker—better known as a TV host, monotone actor and columnist—goes for shock value with the contention (by a Jew, no less!) that the genocide of the Holocaust had its origins in Darwinism's elevation of the survival of the fittest; but Stein's made outrageous charges before, labeling comedienne Joan Rivers a lesbian and accusing financier Michael Milken of running an "alternative government". Richard Dawkins, defender of Darwin in the movie, said that Stein took quotes out of context or pretended that the interview was for a fair-and-balanced exposition entitled, innocently, Crossroads. Well, duh. Stein has long made up the truth, much as God conjured up Ben Stein as part of some twisted plan for life on Earth. Read on for one of the disturbed journalist's greatest acts of journalistic creation, when he pretended he sat shiva with Rivers when he'd never even met her, and then defended hearsay as a practice sanctified by the Watergate investigators. (By the way, could somebody please explain how Stein still has his column in the New York Times' Sunday Business section?) More »
benedict moves
Meet the First Internet Pope!
The Pope is coming! The Pope is coming! Pope Benedict Ratzinger and His All-Starr Band are on their way to the States for Ratzi's first American tour! It's the Apostolic Journey to the United States '08! Helllllloooo, Baltimore—are you ready to ruminate on the relationship between reason and faith??? Yes, America is thrilled to finally mean Pope Ratzi, the first pope of the Internet Age, according to noted papacy and information technology expert Peggy Noonan, whose column on the visit is a seriously backhanded compliment about how she knew cuddly teddy bear pope John Paul II, and Ratzi, who looks like a breeding experiment between Pat Robertson and a raccoon that somehow became a zombie Sith Lord, is no John Paul II. More »
blog wars
Nobody's Sure What Matt Sanchez Is Talking About
The editors at Guanabee.com made the mistake of engaging gay porn star-turned-conservative commentator Matt Sanchez in a dialog about his recent war against gay Gawkerdom and other causes. It only takes one answer from Sanchez to prompt the response "We're not really sure what the hell that meant." He then goes on to lie, babble non-sequiturs, and spout right-wing platitudes that he seems to have selected only for their outrageousness. But we're done being outraged by Matt Sanchez; we feel kind of sorry for him now. He could probably use a good therapist. After the jump, the interview's convoluted highlights. More »
parochial news
A Room with an Insane View
The old Bellevue mental institution on First Ave between 29th and 30th would make a perfect luxury hotel, the city is trying to convince developers: "There are long corridors, and the rooms aren't very big," said Melissa Konur, vice president of the city's Economic Development Commission, to the Post. The building isn't to be confused with the current Bellevue mental location, at First between 27th and 28th since 1986, as we can personally attest to. (Goodbye, and thanks for all the Xanax!) [NY Post]
crazies
Beloved Author Larry Niven Will Solve the Heath Care Mess by Lying to Immigrants
Legendary SciFi author Larry Niven is apparently a far-right-wing crank. A far-right-wing crank who advises the Department of Homeland Security! Niven, famous for his richly detailed stories of precisely defined aliens coexisting with humans, is now famous for trying to explain to a room full of government officials that "a good way to help hospitals stem financial losses is to spread rumors in Spanish within the Latino community that emergency rooms are killing patients in order to harvest their organs for transplants." Also: "The problem [of hospitals going broke] is hugely exaggerated by illegal aliens who aren't going to pay for anything anyway." The man wrote the Ringworld series and invented the Flash Mob so he's beloved by nerds and obviously qualified to advise important government agencies on how best to deal with the Latino menace. [Guanabee]
richard martin
Crazy Old Bay Ridge Man Now A Press Critic
Richard Martin, the crazy old super in Bay Ridge who enjoys posting abusive signs about his tenants and filling his lobby with garbage to teach them all a lesson, is now aiming his strongly worded sign-based commentary at the free press. The newly minted media critic has taken aim at Daily News reporter Matthew Hysiak, whom Martin accuses of being "shit" for misquoting him in an article. Already, Martin has achieved a more insightful level of press criticism than Howard Kurtz. In further news, somebody has stolen Martin's umbrella! Did he post a sign about it? You bet! Photos of his news critique and his arch rejoinder to the umbrella thief [via BeehiveHairdresser], after the jump. More »
television
Mean Lady Leaves, Famous People Are Heroes
Shelley Ross, the crazed, "hard charging", possibly tequlia guzzling CBS producer may be leaving the network. Employees of The Early Show, some sort of morning talk show that Ross worked on, are saying that she hasn't been to work since Monday and that some boxes were hauled out of her office. A meeting had taken place where timid, probably bandaged and scarred workers were asked to air their grievances aloud and in public, under promise of protection from any bloody, horrific attack. A few brave, stupid sons of bitches spoke up, but of course it took the "famous" people to affect a lasting change. Reportedly Julie "Chenbot" Chen and some dude named Harry Smith, who anchor this probably mythical morning show, said it was either Ross's ass or they were out. It looks like the famous people won. As they always do. [NYP]
tyra banks
Tyra Grills Roly-Poly GOP Also-Ran
Mike Huckabee, who is still going around pretending to run for President, who also used to be fat, got skinny, and is now getting fat again, and who is also a crazy religious nut who hides his paleolithic views behind a delightful sense of self-deprecating humor and convincing charm, was on Tyra today. Because Tyra is America's Official Ambassador To the Gays, and because she's not afraid of the tough questions, she asked him to explain his position on the Homosexual Agenda. Huckabee responded with impressive candor while saying absolutely nothing (except that homosexuality is a choice and a sin). Maybe this is why Tim Gunn was sad! (Also we kind of want Tyra to moderate the next presidential debate! She's... more reasonable and serious than Tim Russert, and asks more pertinent questions. What a country!) Video below. Also: most important photograph ever, attached. More »
campaigns
Obama's Gay Lover Can't Pass Polygraph
Larry Sinclair, Barack Obama's alleged former gay sex partner, was paid $10,000 by WhiteHouse.com to take a polygraph test, which he failed. Turns out the weird ugly rambling toothless gentleman from YouTube might not be telling the whole truth when he claims he gave Obama a blowjob in 1999! We've been getting odd emails from internet crazy types with AOL email addresses touting Sinclair's claims since we first ran his video last month. The crazies were very excited for his polygraph test, and if he'd passed it, WhiteHouse.com promised him $100k. Related: Dear WhiteHouse.com, we had a kinky three-way with Hillary Clinton and Ron Paul at the Limelight in 1985. (Ron was gentle, Hillary selfish.) Bonus nutty email attached. More »
terror
'Daily News' To Terrorists: Drop Dead
The New York Daily News went totally, utterly insane today with their "editorial" on the upcoming trials of Khalid Sheikh Mohammed and other alleged 9/11 conspirators. Headlined "Death is too good," the fourth paragraph reads, in its entirety, "Burn in hell!" Then it just sorta keeps going in that fashion for a while. More »
international publishing conspiracies
Laurel Touby Killed Kennedy
Did you know that seemingly harmless job listings site and blog network MediaBistro is a tool of the FBI? It's all true. FishbowlLA editor Kate Coe wrote an item about the Clintons' secret CIA plot to destory former POW John McCain. Which led one intrepid blogger to uncover the secrets behind the CIA control of the entirety of MediaBistro and Kate Coe's connection to the political assassinations of artists Theresa Duncan and Jeremy Blake. More »
super tuesday
The Dangerous Nut Vote: Where Hillary Stands
As Super Tuesday drags to a middle, it's worthwhile to look at the rising and occasionally falling fortunes of New York Senator Hillary Clinton, our next, cryingest president, among our nation's most unfortunately influential lunatic opinion-makers. More »
border patrol
Lou Dobbs Too Busy Explaining How Country Should Be Run To Run Country
Orange-headed TV scumbag Lou Dobbs will not run for President. Because the Harvard-educated man of the people doesn't really want to spend too much time with those people. "I'm too impatient with the blathering fools who make up the crowd that attends the political process," he tells TVNewser. Also personally offensive to the only guy looking out for the working man: "standing there at chicken dinners, talking about all the things that really don't matter." Let Lou Dobbs eat his chicken dinner in peace, people! The man is hungry. Hungry for change! (And chicken.) [TVNewser]
books
The Fumes Made Me Write It!
British novelist Joan Brady says that toxic fumes from the shoe factory next door made her crazy—so crazy that she wrote a crime thriller! She’s won a settlement of £115,000, the Times of London reports. (God, that’s such a good idea—especially for those of us living in Greenpoint). The solvent fumes numbed her hands and legs, and she couldn’t concentrate on writing literary fiction. (In her defense, the health department registered an off-the-charts reading for toxins). Click for the oddly prescient excerpt. More »
crazies
CNN Continues Selling What's Left Of Its Soul To Lou Dobbs
Lou Dobbs took over two hours of prime CNN time last night (while they were supposed to be reporting the results from the Michigan primaries, no less!) to plug his book about how only he has the answer to what ails America. What ails America, by the way, is Mexicans taking our jobs here and Chinese people taking our jobs elsewhere (then sending us back POISON TOYS). The entire spectacle exposed the uneasy position Dobbs has at The Most Trusted Name in News. The first hour, as usual, was given over, mostly, to "real" news about politics and Michigan. The second was mostly free-wheeling opinionated shouty interviews with a panel made up of Bill Bennett some folks Dobbs ignored entirely. As other networks broadcast early returns from Michigan, Dobbs appeared aggravated when he had to jump to Wolf Blitzer with actual "news" on the close Romney/McCain race. Wolf looked uncomfortable when his fellow Election Night coverage marquee anchor star referred to the Democratic Party's "screwing over" of the voters of Michigan. "That's one way to look at it," Wolf charitably mumbled through his beard. More »
mistakes
