Friends and associates are encouraging Fox News chief Roger Ailes to jump into the political arena for real by running for president in 2012, top sources tell POLITICO.

"Ailes knows how to frame an issue better than anybody, and that's what we need now," says one Ailes friend who is encouraging the Fox founder, chairman and CEO to seek the Republican nomination to run against President Barack Obama.

This is of course a winking meta-joke, though it's not labeled as such. Roger Ailes is a personally loathsome fat man who literally has dozens of dead bodies in various closets around his various homes as a consequence of his 40-year career of killing people with television. The notion that he's considering a presidential run, or that any of his friends would urge him to consider one, exists exclusively in the mind of Mike Allen, who has confused the late-night "campaigns" he conducts in his bedroom with the help of a Roger Ailes doll and a Jon Stewart doll with reality.

But here's the joke: The White House's decision to delegitimize Fox News isn't intended to delegitimize Fox News. It is intended to elevate them into a political force, to fill the vacuum in the GOP leadership. By spinning a "White House v. Fox News" narrative, they've managed to temporarily supersede the "White House v. GOP" narrative, thereby making Fox News the de facto political opposition. Which is what both sides want: Fox News for money and viewers, and the White House because they like the idea of having an opposition that is noxious, untruthful, combative, angry, emotionally unstable, and subject to an unyielding financial incentive to be ever moreso. In that meta-world of jujitsu message wars—if you were trapped, Tron-like, inside Allen's foul mind—an Ailes candidacy makes perfect sense.

So let's put it on Politico and WIN THE MOTHERFUCKING WORLD. Except Drudge hasn't linked to it yet, either because he thinks it's too clever by half or he's not done masturbating to it.

Now, credit where credit's due: a few weeks ago, John wrote:

You do not want to miss the weekly festival of swooning self-regard and misty incoherence that will be Peggy Noonan's "Study Group" for undergrads this year, during her fellowship at the Kennedy School's Institute of Politics.

Let's see how on the money he was. Tipster, take us away:

After about an hour with the woman, I'm happy to report that she seemed incredibly inebriated, and seldom more than a little coherent. Peggy was a ridiculous and hilarious person to speaking with any authority on anything at all.

It gets better:

First of all, she spoke. Exactly. As. She. Writes. She emphasized these fragments by pounding on the desk with each word. Her eyes focused, and and more frequently unfocused. A couple of times she spit onto her brown vest and pretended it didn't happen. She looked older than her press photos. Ms. Noonan spoke in a sing-song, condescending voice reserved usually for developmentally delayed 2nd graders. After she completed a thought, she'd pause and smile, staring at the air in front of her, reflecting on her impeccable delivery and overreaching wisdom. She used baseball metaphors more than twice.

I'll count that as a double. More, please:

She isn't teaching a class. It's a study group. It's just two hours of listening to a woman who should not be permitted to operate heavy machinery.

Sometimes, this job does itself. Here are your Peggy Noonan Goes to Harvard quotes. Someone get this woman to a kegger. Or at least a regatta. I've provided context with them strictly with emoticons. I think, for all intents and purposes, they otherwise speak for themselves:

• "I'm not a brain surgeon. You have to be a professional. I did my best and I didn't kill anybody. I can't remember what the point of my answer is." : )
  
  
• "You know, and the problem with George W. Bush, is that he made the whole world so nervous. Y'know!" :-O
  
  
• "My study group is about being a person who thinks things and believes them and turns them into words that convey thoughts and feelings." : /
  
  
• "You never have to feel that you're not allowed to think what you think." (>.<)
  
  
• "I wasn't sure I could wear mascara every day. One should dress. One should wear mascara when one can." 8<
  
  
• "I wasn't sure I could stay awake all day. This is one of the major stresses of life - making sure you can stay awake all day. I happen to think sleep is one of the most important things in life. Trying to wake up, trying to fall asleep. I don't know why I'm talking about this." :,(
  
  
• "It's not a faux pas to love your country. Its history. Its traditions. Love it. Bring that love into the world. Share it and the world looks at you and says, ‘Oh, I get it!'" :D
  
  
• "My best advice for you is never feel bad about being a loser." :-#
  
  
• "You Have To Let Your Freak Flag Fly." >°,,,°<

For some ungodly reason, Harvard's Kennedy School of Government saw fit to make Noonan a fellow this year. As part of the application process, candidates are asked to write up a syllabus of the course they will enlighten impressionable young undergrads with. Noonan wrote hers like she writes her column: She poured a glass of white wine, put on some Commodores, curled up in a big comfy chair with a Snuggie, and turned on the crazy.

Herewith, annotated selections from the syllabus for "CREATIVITY IN JOURNALISM, IN POLITICS AND IN LIFE: A Writer's Perspective, a study group led by IOP fellow Peggy Noonan, Tuesdays 4:00-5:30 p.m., Faculty Dining Room."

A writer tries to make clarity out of confusion, to capture reality, to see what is. A good writer is trying to be alive. A columnist says, "I think this is true, I want to tell you about it, please listen to me, let's think about it together."

Oh, lord. I don't think we're thinking what you're thinking, Peggy.

It is often said that writing is a solitary act, and that is true –- it's you and your brain, your soul and your response to something that's happening either in the world or in your head. And you bring to it, to this subject, what knowledge you have of life, and of man, and of history. But at the same time it is not a solitary act if you are lucky enough to have an audience for your work.

OK, follow closely kids, cause this gets complicated and I'm not going over it again: Writing=You+your brain+your soul+the larger of either your response to the voices in your head OR the voices on the teevee DIVIDED BY everything you know TIMES the square root of your audience. WRITE THAT DOWN.

Ronald Reagan was interesting as a political figure in part because when he spoke there was a quality of mutual listening going on, a listening so intense it was like a form of communication. He would make his case and illustrate his points and you'd sit in the audience and think, "Yes, that's true, I agree" or, "Hmmm, I'm not sure."

Or you could think, Gosh, I'm a little chilly. Maybe I should switch to bourbon. Is it four yet? Oh well. This white wine's a little cold, though. Why did I choose the white wine? Oh, I wanted to polish off that bottle, that's right. OK, I'll just finish it off and then warm myself back up with the Knob Creek. I wonder what they would taste like if I mixed them together? My kingdom for an electric Snuggie! You know what's wrong with our culture? No one stands anymore—Ronald Reagan could stand, and he could walk, the way our fathers stood and walked when there were wars and everyone wore hats and carried handkerchiefs. A handkerchief is like a smile—a wry little smile that says, "Everything's going to be OK, miss. You just don't worry, we'll take care of everything." Are there handkerchiefs on the internet? Maybe there are, but I don't think so. I think we need a handkerchief, to lift us up and carry us back to when things like people and dogs and trees really mattered. Why are we always so angry? God I'd love 15 minutes in the back of a car with Lionel Richie. Where was I? You could think that, too.

So: onward, to a writer's life.

Session One:
Introduction: An Overview:
Who I am. Where I am from. What I have done. My career. Being a speechwriter for Ronald Reagan; being young at CBS News when it too was young, and the Tiffany Network, and carried itself like the greatest army in the world, with spirit and élan and pride, and not a small amount of conceit.

No, not a small amount at all.

Session Two:
"What It Is to Work In a White House."
You've seen the television show The West Wing, on which I was for a short time a consultant. You've read What I Saw at the Revolution, or should have, God knows. Is there more to say? Yes. Herein I say it. Here's where I start: What a privelage, what a great exhausting drama, to do what you are doing, which is: Living History.

What an idiot, you are, to do what you have done, which is: Misspell "privilege."

Session Five:
"What It Is to be a Columnist."
"My column? I call it my pillar!" William Safire is said to have said. What columnists are trying to do. Why they do it. How they do it. Why it matters. Our guest will be, one hopes, a great columnist.

Great columnists. Write. In sentence fragments. Because. It's hard. To write complete. Thoughts.

Session Six:
"What It Is to Write A book?"
To write a book is to swing for the fences. Books last. The great CBS News anchor Charles Kuralt once said in my presence, gesturing toward the television, "That doesn't last, but this" – he gestured toward a book case – "does." (Actually if Google has its way maybe this will change; maybe they'll delete us.) But until they do, books are forever. I've written eight. All nonfiction. Let's talk about them, about the writing of them, and let us have as a guest a great book writer.

Let us!

Session Seven:
"Where Is America now, politically?"
And where exactly should it be? I have some thoughts.

No you don't, Peggy. You do not have any thoughts.

Is it good that what was essentially a media monopoly has been broken? Yes. And it's bad, too.

Knob Creek time!

Session Eight:
"Wrap Up Session."
What did we learn? What can we conclude about the writer's life? What interests you about politics? What is good about modern media, and what is bad? Let us talk about journalism, politics, and life.

This woman is a national fucking treasure. There's also a video of Noonan explaining the class, which she apparently confused with an appearance on Sesame Street.

Gingrich Communications has launched The Americano, a bilingual political news site aimed at Latinos that "will seek to make a profit from advertising." It is being run by Sylvia Garcia, his director of Hispanic outreach. To repeat: It is bilingual. You can choose to get your news in English or in Spanish, a choice that Newt Gingrich—the man whose company is launching this web site—believes is corrosive to our culture:

"Allowing bilingualism to continue to grow is very dangerous," Gingrich said in Atlanta. "We should insist on English as a common language. . . . That's what binds us together."

That's from 1995, when Gingrich was defending his massive cuts to bilingual education and support for English-only legislation. As recently as 2007, he repeated the sentiment, saying Spanish people should stop speaking the "language of living in the ghetto," i.e., Spanish, the language of The Americano, of which he is the publisher.

In fact, according to the site's "principles," the editors of The Americano "will..renew our commitment to American values, language and history as the prerequisite for U.S. citizenship." You can read that in Spanish here. So it's basically a web site for illegal immigrants. To yell at them.

[Via The Plank.]

The guy with the camera, ex-Scientologist "Axiom142," spotted some Sea Org staffers getting off a van in East Grinstead, England, and pulled out his camera. The Scientologist he ended up talking to supposedly holds the church's highest ranking, OT-8, and advised him to "destimulate from your... electronic incident" or die in agony. Then the Scientologist called him a squirrel. This is a lethal insult, in his native Canada!

One of the tipsters who pointed us to this video also included a handy translation guide:

You might need a translator to understand what's going on there, but that just adds to the appeal. I'll do my best to try to explain the jargon:

The "time track" or "whole track" is the entirety of all the lives a person's "thetan" (soul/spirit) has lived before.

Being stuck on an "incident" means that something in this life, or more likely a past life is holding you back. Not only something that happened to you, but most likely something wrong you did. A common Scientologists find is in a past life they were a Nazi.

"The Bridge" is the name for some one's rank or level attained in Scientology, such as the infamous OT III or Clear. It is said by ex-Scientologists on the web that the man in this video is George Baillie, an OT VIII, which the highest level one can attain in Scientology.[1]

A "squirrel" is a derogatory term for anyone who perverts Scientology text or doctrine.

The "Sea Org" is Scientology's paramilitary branch, which holds little parallel to any other religious group. The closest thing I can think of is a combination of joining a faux-navy combined with a clergy, but with way worse living conditions and far more abuse.

"Re-stimulated" means being affected by an "incident" very strongly.

A "locational" is attempting through Scientology methods to locate and discuss said "incident" until it is no longer a problem.

An "S.P." is a "suppressive person" the general term applied to people who are against Scientology, or bad for society. The Scientology view holds these things are one and the same.

OSA is the Office of Special Affairs, the Church of Scientology's private investigation's branch and internal intelligence agency. Like the CIA for Scientology.

An "electronic incident" may refer to some form of brain washing implemented in a past life, likely by a psychiatrist and or alien.

[1] http://www.truthaboutscientology.com/stats/by-name/g/george-baillie.html

[via YouTube, which has since pulled the clip.]

Some of the key takedowns, in case you don't feel like watching all the way through:

• His first calling out of people perpetrating insane rumors. Basically, insane people funded by lobbies: "...willful misrepresentations and outright distortions, spread by the very folks who would benefit the most by keeping things exactly as they are."
  
  
• Illegal Immagrants being covered under reform: "Let's start with the false claim that illegal immigrants will get health insurance under reform. That's not true. Illegal immigrants would not be covered. That idea has never even been on the table."
  
  
• Abortions being covered by the government: Some are also saying that coverage for abortions would be mandated under reform. Also false. When it comes to the current ban on using tax dollars for abortions, nothing will change under reform.
  
  
• Finally, the intelligence-insulting "death panals": As every credible person who has looked into it has said, there are no so-called "death panels" – an offensive notion to me and to the American people. These are phony claims meant to divide us.

Granted, it's been a long time coming, but it's nice to finally hear him come out with a firm position in debunking extremist talking points without coming off to partisan himself. Notably, he didn't tackle the pressing issue of straight-up crazies other than to generally characterize their actions as "outrageous," as a catchall for the insane shit they're saying, but it's an easy flame to fan, and also, he doesn't need to get into a First Amendment debate in the middle of health care.

Still, we all knew Obama would bring the crazies out of the cracks, and sure enough, here they are, being debunked on a national stage. The question of how much of a threat the White House perceives these accusations to be is on the table, now: they dignified them by answering them. And it's great to see them fight back against inane lies and truthiness. But — how's the saying go? — you can't argue with an asshole. Did he take the rumors down, or give them more voice? Or just open up the floodgates for worse to come in?

It's become a political meme: AR-15s are the new campaign buttons. First it was William Kostric, the New Hampshire Ron Paul voter who waited for Obama to arrive at a New Hampshire event carrying a sign with Timothy McVeigh's favorite quote about killing tyrants. Today, the Arizona Republic reports, an African-American who would prefer not to give his name was walking around outside the Phoenix Convention Center, where Obama is giving a speech to the Veterans of Foreign Wars, armed for an insurrection:

A man, who decided not to give his name, was walking around the pro-health care reform rally at 3rd and Washington streets, with a pistol on his hip, and an AR-15 (a semi-automatic assault rifle) on a strap over his shoulder.

"Because I can do it," he said when asked why he was armed. "In Arizona, I still have some freedoms."

Two police officers were staying very close to the man.

"What he is doing is perfectly legal," Detective J. Oliver, of the Phoenix police department said. "We are here to keep the peace. If we need to intervene, we will intervene at that time."

Who knows? Maybe he's a pro-reform demonstrator looking to defend himself from the WIlliam Kostrics of the world. One thing is clear: This is going to keep happening in any state backward enough to let it happen until someone gets hurt.

Update: Turns out the unnamed guy we'll just call Crazy McShooty for now was of "about a dozen" with firearms in Phoenix today. Just calm people who would like to have a quiet, rational discussion about the direction this nation is headed.

[Via Talking Points Memo.]

We looked into the issue on Friday after, like Fox News' Major Garrett, we got a whole lot of tips from people who say they never signed up for White House e-mails but still got Axelrod's message from the White House. Since the White House privacy policy makes clear that "individuals must affirmatively request" to join its e-mail list, something appears to have gone haywire.

According to Politico, the White House thinks pressure groups were signing people up for White House e-mails without their knowledge:

[W]hite House officials determined that advocacy groups on the right or left could have sent in the names without the person knowing it.

For instance, a group might have sent WhiteHouse.gov a comment from each person who had signed an online petition, and the White House would have captured the e-mail address.

A White House spokesman offered Politico a sort-of-apology for any confusion:

The White House e-mail list is made up of e-mail addresses obtained solely through the White House website. The White House doesn't purchase, upload or merge from any other list. … [A]ll e-mails come from the White House website as we have no interest in emailing anyone who does not want to receive an email. If an individual received the e-mail because someone else or a group signed them up or forwarded the email, we hope they were not too inconvenienced. Further, we suggest that they unsubscribe from the list by clicking the link at the bottom of the e-mail or tell whomever forwarded it to them not to forward such information anymore.

Not to put too fine a point on it, but we'll repeat that privacy policy for emphasis: "[W]e maintain email lists to keep interested, eligible individuals informed about important topics, and individuals must affirmatively request to join them." The White House's explanation seems to be that either a) advocacy groups forwarded e-mails from people who signed petitions, and so the White House added their addresses to its list, or b) advocacy groups filled out comment forms in the names of people who signed petitions, and so the White House added their addresses to the list. In neither case does that constitute an affirmative request to receive e-mails. (Here's a sample comment form at the White House—the terms of participation make no mention of agreeing to receive further e-mails.) It certainly makes sense for the White House to respond to concerned or angry citizens who send e-mails, and it's a good thing to communicate its message. But it's politically stupid to violate your own privacy policy and spam people who didn't ask for it.

One reason it's politically stupid is that we live in a nation of imbeciles who don't understand technology and are desperate for more things to be angry about. Here's just one example of the many irate e-mails we received from wingnuts over this story—the writer acknowledges that she sent an e-mail to Obama, but is outraged that Obama shared her e-mail address with Axelrod:

[S]ince when does anyone email the president and get a "random" email from his senior advisor? ... I still say, okay, I understand I emailed the president, the problem is how did David Axelrod get my email address and why did he send me something I did not ask for? Who gave him my email address? Is he reading and answering the president's email? Did the president give him my email address? WHO in the WH is screwing up and passing email addresses around? I hope we get answers soon.

Kansas City's alt-weekly The Pitch has the scans, and points out that depicting Muhammad is something of a no-no in certain parts of the Islamic world, especially when he's clearly depicted as subordinate to some guy in a blazer. Shouldn't Scientologists know better than anyone what can happen when you screw around with violent, angry, religious zealots who brook no dissent and will stop at nothing to defend their twisted authoritarian cult?

The man is carrying a sign that says, "It Is Time to Water the Tree of Liberty." That's a reference to a Thomas Jefferson quote: "The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time, with the blood of patriots and tyrants." It was a favorite slogan of Oklahoma City bomber Timothy McVeigh, who was wearing a T-shirt when he was arrested with a picture of Lincoln on the front and a tree dripping with blood on the back.

Now, this guy is carrying a legal weapon, says NBC News' Ron Allen. The local chief of police has no objections. Open carriage of licensed handguns is legal in New Hampshire, and the man is standing on the private property of a nearby church (!) that has no problem with an armed man hanging around.

But let's be clear: anyone watching the mounting rage over, of all things, health care — perhaps one of the most boring and complex policy subjects — has to worry that these people are going to try to kill Barack Obama. That's not an extrapolation from unhinged rhetoric, or a partisan reading of the imagined intentions of our political enemies. It's a rational reading of the anticipated behavior of a man who brandishes a gun at the location where the president is expected to imminently arrive while holding a sign that openly advocates his assassination. And the astonishing, breathtaking, maddening fact that he hasn't been violently taken to the ground by large men wearing suits and earpieces is an open encouragement to anyone else so inclined to give it a shot.

There are always people who want to kill the president. Generally speaking, they are politically marginalized, insane, and/or too incompetent to come close to achieving their ends. But in the past six months, people who would be inclined to do violence to our political leaders have been affirmatively embraced by the Republican Party and its messaging operation. It's as if there had been a 24-hour cable news channel in 1981 devoted to coverage of Jodie Foster, and what it would take for someone to get her attention. Here's what you get when you have a partisan political establishment that openly trades in themes of violence, xenophobia, paranoia, illegitimacy, and revolution:

And here is a town hall this morning where Sen. Arlen Specter (R... I mean D-Pa.) faced a man threatening judgment from God:

Did extremists on the left adopt the same tone against Bush? Yes. And there is an element in this wingnuttery of the same sort of dispossessed rage and periodic venting that many liberals felt under the last administration. But it's different when that rage is being purposefully manipulated to (imagined) political advantage by the GOP. And it's different when there's actually a guy with a gun waiting for the president to show up.

Middle video compiled by Mike Ragan; bottom video by Mike Byhoff.

In an article that would make Freud convulse from the grave, the male offspring of this creature from movie-lovin' Hell suffer serious daddy issues. Here's your primer, from eldest to youngest, in who may one day lord over the Malnourished Empire of Malevolence.




Kim Jong Nam - The Douchebag

Jong Nam was detained in Tokyo for using a fake Dominican passport. He was trying to visit Tokyo Disneyland.... [S]eems more concerned about acquiring, or at least wearing, bling. He has been seen in Macau sporting Armani caps, and Bur-berry and Polo Ralph Lauren shirts and sunglasses.

How Nammie felt he, a Korean, could pass for Dominican is beyond us. Maybe, just maybe that Republic is more diverse than we think. Uh, no. Wanting to party at Disneyland, and sporting da sunglasses and da Armanay, Nam has zero interest in ruling a dictatorship. Yes, he's a douche, and yes, he's the better for it.




Kim Jong Chol - The Gay

In school, he wrote a poem:

"My Ideal World." It begins: "If I had my ideal world I would not allow weapons and atom bombs anymore. I would destroy all terrorists with the Hollywood star Jean-Claude Van Damme. I would make people stop taking drugs…" He wrote a somewhat chilling short story called "My Father Was a Ghost," in which his father haunts him by pretending to be a spirit.

By some accounts, his father regarded him as too soft to take power.

In other words, Daddy weren't a-gonna have no sissy queer lord over the land, even if he's got pop's same taste in men: Jean-Claude Van Damme. A world without weapons, bombs and terrorists is inconceivable to Daddy, as is the endless years of psycho-analysis in that ghostly short story. The Tea and Sympathy-ness of Chol is touching. We wonder what his ideal world would have? We're guessing rainbows, dance music and summer weekends at The Pines.




Kim Jong Un - The "Brilliant Comrade"

When he was 7, the son was allowed to drive a Mercedes 600 with adjusted seat heights. He was also allowed to drink alcohol and dressed in a military uniform from an early age. At 12, after his younger sister had the temerity to call him "brother," he demanded that she call him "General Comrade." He was concerned for his people, after a fashion. When he turned 18 he supposedly said, "I get to ride Jet Ski and enjoy watersports, Rollerblading, and horse riding. But what are ordinary people doing?"

The middle son might break out in Camelot's "What Do the Simple Folk Do?', but Jong Un the Youngest reeks of pushy baby despot and is proud papa's first and only choice. At 26, everyone must call him the Brilliant Comrade in a slimy display of kiss-assery. One look at some entitled rich kids reveal the demon they're destined to be. For example, this spoiled brat.

Photos of the two younger sons are their childhood yearbook pictures. Obviously, they're all grown up now, but few public photos of them exist. Fade to ominous black...

Other seven-ish things about Michael Jackson: He was born in 1958, and 19+58=77. He died on June 25, and 2+5=7. There are the makings of a Jim Carrey movie in this.

Brewer is on the right track, but she's missing the big picture: Michael Jackson ain't Seven. He's Six. New Wineskins, a blog devoted to guiding us through the End Times, has pegged Michael Jackson as the latter-day incarnation of the Golden Calf, because we all worshiped him yesterday on the exact 3,322nd anniversary of the creation of the actual Golden Calf from the Bible:

Tammuz 16 [July 8th] was the 40th day following the Giving of the Torah at Mount Sinai, and the people of Israel wrongly expected Moses' return from the mountain (he would actually return on the following day). When their leader failed to return, they demanded from Aaron: "Make us a god that shall go before us". Hur (Moses' nephew, the son of Miriam and Caleb) tried to stop them and was killed by the mob. Aaron fashioned a calf of molten gold.

MJ's golden-coffin funeral, idolized by (perhaps) billions. The service began (in LA) just after sundown Israeli time. In other words: Tammuz 16, aka July 8th.

Oh yeah—did we mention that Michael Jackson's coffin was made of gold!? According to Wikipedia, here's what happened with the real Golden Calf, which some Jewish people started worshiping after Moses brought down the Ten Commandments from Mt. Sinai and then disappeared for a while, back in the Bible-times:

Moses burnt the golden calf in a fire, ground it to powder, scattered it on water, and forced the Israelites to drink it.... Moses then gathered the sons of Levi and set them to slaying a large number of men (3000). A plague struck the Israelites.

So be prepared for whoever the modern-day Moses is—we're thinking Larry King, maybe?—to force a vile slurry of Michael Jackson's cremated remains down your throat and then kill 3,000 Armenians, or something. And then we'll all get swine flu.

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.If you think prophesies and numerology and such are the lunatic fantasies of marginalized and lonely people, you're not listening to the mainstream media enough. Take this CNN report, from the day of Michael Jackson's death:

A Prophetess by the name of Terri Smith-Little prophecy that she did not think that Michael Jackson would live long. This prophecy was recorded I still have the cassette. Over the years I have always thought about the prophecy,June 25,2009 this prophecy comes to pass.

That's from CNN correspondent "bgilbreath" on the network's iReport site, which is reserved for breaking news. OK, ok. It's a nutjob that CNN decided, in the name of user-generated-social-networking hysteria and desperation, to provide a platform for. But in the realm of actual news media, USA Today actually entertains the question of whether Michael Jackson is a contemporary incarnation of the Golden Calf. They don't really know for sure. We'll all find out soon enough.

As the summer begins, White House watchers have spotted a new look by President Obama: The Evil Eye!

Staffers have joked about the menacing glance, which comes when the president meets with world leaders who are not aligned with his progressive view.

Victims of Obama's voodoo sorcery have included German Chancellor Angela Merkel, Colombian president Alvaro Uribe, Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi, and at least one unknown White House reporter. While the heads of state appear to have survived Obama's wicked glance unscathed, the condition of the reporter could not be immediately assessed.

The Evil Eye is not fully understood, but scientists believe that when wielded by a skilled wizard it can impart impure spirits into the victim, with effects described as "worse than poison" or "the points of spears." Its hazards can be avoided by carrying a blue stone with a white circle inscribed in the center, "sweeping a raw chicken egg over the body of a victim to absorb the power of the person with the evil eye," or believing in Jesus Christ.

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.It is believed that Obama's facility with the Evil Eye may be traceable to his Mohammedan roots. Mohammed himself claimed that "the Evil Eye is a fact, and if there were anything in the world which would overcome fate, it would be an Evil Eye." However, most Imams generally regard the use of magic as un-Islamic; it's unclear if voodoo priests are exempted from that restriction or if Obama obtained a special Fatwa permitting him to use it for purposes of Communism.

Gawker would like to apologize to our readers for failing to appreciate the full gravity of the situation when we first noted Obama's steely gaze six months ago. We called it his "STFU Face," and clearly failed to investigate or follow up on its association with bedevilment. We pledge to do better next time.

South Carolina's The State caught Sanford arriving at Atlanta's Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport this morning:

Sanford, in an exclusive interview with The State, said he decided at the last minute to go to the South American country to recharge after a difficult legislative session in which he battled with lawmakers over how to spend federal stimulus money.

Asked why his staff said he was hiking the Appalachian Trail, Sanford gave two different answers: 1) I have no idea, and 2) Because I told them I was going to hike the Appalachian Trail.

When asked why his staff said he was on the Appalachian Trail, Sanford replied, "I don't know."

Sanford later said "in fairness to his staff," he had told them he might go hiking on the Appalachian Trial.

One thing we know for sure about Sanford is that he hires idiots. His spokesman Joel Sawyer told The State yesterday that Sanford had spoken with his office, and continued to maintain that he was hiking. These are obvious lies—if Sanford checked in, then they would have known he was in Argentina, and if they knew he was in Argentina, then they knew he wasn't hiking—and it was entirely predictable that they would be revealed as such when Sanford returned. You can smell the panic. Did they not think that reporters would be staking out the Atlanta airport?

The State says Sanford returned a day earlier than planned, which would suggest that he had been in contact with his office at some point and been called home. The newspaper also said that he was originally supposed to fly into Columbia, S.C., but arrived in Atlanta after bumping up his return by a day. This is of interest because CNN reported finding his car in the Columbia airport parking lot last night, and a local television station reported finding another of the governor's security-detail SUV's in the Atlanta airport parking lot yesterday.

Why would there be cars at both airports? Given the circumstances, it wouldn't be out of order to speculate wildly: Did the governor's staff plant a car at Columbia's airport to make the Appalachian Trail story appear more likely? After all, it makes little sense that he would drive to Atlanta, about 80 miles from the trail, and then fly to another point on the trail. It does make sense that he would fly from Columbia to Atlanta and then go hiking. So did a panicked staffer, after seeing the report of the governor's car in Atlanta, plant another one in Columbia and leak it to CNN? Who knows.

Sanford also said he was alone on the trip, which no one believes.

Reports the Daily Mail:

North Korea may launch a long-range ballistic missile towards Hawaii on American Independence Day, according to Japanese intelligence officials.

The missile, believed to be a Taepodong-2 with a range of up to 4,000 miles, would be launched in early July from the Dongchang-ni site on the north-western coast of the secretive country.

It is understood the communist state is likely to fire the missile between July 4 and 8. A launch on July 4 would coincide with Independence Day in the States.It would also be the 15th anniversary of North Korean president Kim Il-Sung's death.

Officials had initially believed that North Korea might attempt to launch a similar device towards either Japan's Okinawa island, Guam or Hawaii.

But the ministry concluded launches toward Okinawa or Guam were 'extremely unlikely' because the first-stage booster could drop into waters off China, agitating Beijing, or hit western Japanese territory.

The article goes on to explain that U.S. intelligence officials are not sure if a Taepodong rocket could reach the Hawaiian mainland, but, you know, better to prepare for it just in case.

To that end the AP is reporting tonight that Defense Secretary Robert Gates has ordered additional missile protection for Hawaii in the event that North Korea does launch an attack there. U.S. intelligence is also tracking a North Korean ship that they believe is carrying weapons.

What the heck is Kim Jong Il thinking here? If he attacks the U.S., who the hell will he sell generic Viagra and awful t-shirts to? And oh yeah, there's also the possibility that his nation will get blown off the face of the planet! Not exactly a minor detail to consider.

Japan Warns That North Korea May Fire Missile at Hawaii on Independence Day [Daily Mail]

CNBC executives are concerned about Macke's health, insiders say. He is in the midst of a contract dispute with the network right now, and CNBC has been strengthening its hand by limiting Macke's airtime in recent weeks, which seems to have increased the amount of stress he is under. After yesterday's bizarre outbursts, he won't likely be back on the air too soon. We hope he gets better!

It's pretty straightforward, really: ACORN is an international conspiracy of poor people who threaten to take over the world with shoddy voter registrations. Anyone who speaks out against ACORN—including a dissident member of the organization's Washington, D.C., arm who recently appeared on Beck's show—is "in danger."

And Beck is the top target, which is why he told his viewers: "If I'm ever in a weird car accident, or I commit suicide or something, after the media stops celebrating my death, could they check into it? Because I'm not suicidal. And I'm a pretty good driver."

Got it, Glenn! But what if you die from botched surgery on your anus? Should we check into that, too? In the meantime, you better build a bigger wall.

Charles Johnson is a hysterical right-wing Muslim-hating blogger who runs a site with a stupid name called Little Green Footballs. To his credit, he's been on an iconoclastic tear lately, calling out Glenn Beck for the conspiracy-addled nut that he is and repudiating "right-wing hyperventilating" about the Department of Homeland Security.

But Beck gets especially angry when fellow anti-Arab folk attack him, so he shot back on his show today by holding up a picture of MLK and saying:

I have a dream today. I have a dream that we can stop playing not just the blame the messenger game; I have a dream that we can stop playing the game of blame the messenger who's specifically saying the opposite message.

What does that mean?

Then Beck sums it up with, "What kind of crazy town are we living in?"

The one in your MIND, you big galoot, you.