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clips

'Sad Perv Day' II: The Legend of Janka's Gold

After nightmare dater John Fitzgerald Page met Dr. Phil today there came a person we feel is in the running for "even worse worst person in the world": Paul Janka, the creepy deviant who masturbates before more uninterested women than Dov Charney, pens glorious odes to date-rape, and who famously went on depressing media joke dates with Moe and Kelly Kreth. While visiting Dr. Phil, Janka apparently just perved on the staff. More »

clips

John Fitzgerald Page Joins Dr. Phil For 'Sad Perv Day'

So. Remember this? Online Dater John Fitzgerald, the worst person in the world, was going to be on Dr. Phil, the worst show in the world.Why? We are not really sure. It aired today! Dr. Phil copied his drivers' license—even his drivers' license is creepy—and discovered the horrible truth: John Fitzgerald Page is almost 41. Then they sent him to a bar, where he terrorized women and wore suspenders. "He needs his own table, really, for his head," said one lady. IT GOT WORSE. MUCH, MUCH WORSE.

ron burkle

Burkle Still Bill's Best Bud

Former president Bill Clinton cut all ties to his ultimate A #1 bro Ron Burkle because of the fear that the "supermarket magnate" would taint his wife's presidential campaign, what with various sleazy allegations about him floating around the internet. Burkle, who secretly owns Radar, likes to fly around with models and other young women on his private jet, a pastime Bill has also enjoyed. He also has ties to the Sheikh of Dubai! But the thing with the girls is obv more damaging. So, understandably, it was reported all over the place that Bill was no longer doing business with Burkle. But, as the New York Sun explains, he actually hasn't stopped a damn thing. More »

anand jon

Anand Jon Too Much Like Mahatma Gandhi to Have Assaulted Dozen Women, Claims Lawyer

For those who have not been keeping up with the Anand Jon case — and really, who could possibly be perverse enough to keep up with the Anand Jon case? — here's the story so far: Until last month, the India-born, Miami-raised Jon was a minimally talented fashion "designer" more or less kept in celebrity orbit by the general gravitational field of the Paris Hilton Star System. He liked girls. On March 4, an Internet-arranged "encounter" with an aspiring model ended in a charge of rape. Within weeks, at least 11 other women, including a 14-year-old, came forward with similar allegations against Jon. All this is recounted exactingly in "The Designer Who Liked Models," an article by Sharon Waxman in today's Times Sunday Styles. Where's the Weekend geistiness, you ask? Meet Ronald Richards, Anand Jon's attorney/wingman:
"Why would she change into pajamas?" asked Mr. Richards. "Why didn't she leave when she sees there's no bed for her? Why didn't she punch him in the face?" He noted that there were no signs of physical trauma. "My client is 5-foot-4 and 130 pounds. He's a thin Gandhi-type guy. He can't overpower anybody. Any girl would kick his butt."
That's right, the British Empire is weaker than a girl. More generally, what is a "Gandhi-type guy"? Comparative investigations after the jump. More »

don imus

Don Imus Will Have To Be Racist Off The Air For Two Weeks

Aging radio personality Don Imus received a two week suspension yesterday and compounded the damage done by his "nappy hos" remark in an awesome appearance on Al Sharpton's radio program; Sharpton hammered him for the first 90 minutes and then Imus seemed to refer to blacks as "you people" and attempted to use the word "jive." "NewsHour" correspondent Gwen Ifill, who has waited nine years to exact her revenge against the man who once called her "the cleaning lady," gets her chance this morning in the Times and does so in exquisite fashion. We're of the opinion that there'll be a continued hemming and hawing over the whole thing for a few more days and then it will be forgotten, as it always is, because, you know, he may be a bigot, but an appearance on his show does help to sell your book, and, really, isn't that what matters? Still it's all been worth it, if only for this AP photo, which we're going to have framed. More »