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New York, 2:47 PM
Sat Nov 28
12 posts in the last 24 hours

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  • posts about #crises more →

    Nobody Can Tell These Magazines Apart

    The Somali Pirates' Guide to Flourishing Without Getting Killed by America

    Negotiations With Pirates Break Down

    Pirates Demand Taxpayer Money, Or They Kill!

    Pirates vs. Navy Showdown Draws Near!

    Your Critical Piracy News Roundup

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    Image of Clarissima Clarissima
    07/31/09

    In reply to Nobody Can Tell These Magazines Apart
    Readers of Harper's Magazine refer to their magazine as Harper's; Harper's Bazaar readers refer to their glossy as Bazaar. The only possible confusion might between HM and a British title "Harper's and Queen", which many a reader simply calls "Harper's". With that latter, they have a case, but with Bazaar? Not really. All this really means is that the idiots are winning!
     Reply
    Clarissima was starred Clarissima was unstarred
    Image of Mike Byhoff Mike Byhoff
    07/30/09

    In reply to Nobody Can Tell These Magazines Apart
    Brother Mouzone is ashamed right now. I bet he could rectify this situation.
     Reply
    Mike Byhoff was starred Mike Byhoff was unstarred
    Image of Btwbfdimho Btwbfdimho
    07/30/09

    In reply to Nobody Can Tell These Magazines Apart
    New pairs of high heels acquired by Kate Winslet this summer: 3
    Pounds lost by Jessica Simpson in ten days: 10
    Number of times Amy Winehouse nicked coke from Kate Mose: >0
    Quantity of GV townhouses soon to be owned by Art Capital: 3
    Number of people who can't tell Harper's Magazine and Harper's Bazaar apart: 0
     Reply
    pumpkinsoup promoted this comment Btwbfdimho was starred Btwbfdimho was unstarred
    Image of MattGaymon MattGaymon
    07/30/09

    In reply to Nobody Can Tell These Magazines Apart
    Number of new looks for the fall season: 437

    Seasons during which these looks will be in season: 1

    Average age at which women stop feeling fabulous: 40

    Percentage of heterosexual men who care about how "fabulous" women feel: 0

    Percentage of women that admits to stealing drugstore beauty products at least once in their lives: 75%

    Amount of Creme de la Mer $130 will buy: 1 oz

    Average price of a Louboutin shoe per oz: $20

    Number of women in the world living on less than $1 per day: 500 million
     Reply
    MattGaymon was starred MattGaymon was unstarred
    Image of m4ximusprim3 m4ximusprim3
    07/30/09

    @MattGaymon: Giving my wife money and a magazine so she'll let me play golf: Priceless.
     Reply
    m4ximusprim3 was starred m4ximusprim3 was unstarred
    Image of Multiphasic Multiphasic
    07/30/09

    @MattGaymon:

    Assisted Shoeicide: Cheney, Rove, Weinberger, McCarthy, MacArthur, McNamara, Mussolini, Iago, Skeletor, and the Republican Blister Conspiracy. By Scott Horton.
     Reply
    Multiphasic was starred Multiphasic was unstarred
    Image of Flashman Flashman
    07/30/09

    @MattGaymon:This should be a Harper's 'Reading'.
    From theCommentstoNobody Can Tell These Magazines Apartin the 04:48pm July 30, 2009 edition of Gawker.com.
     Reply
    Flashman was starred Flashman was unstarred
    Image of Uncle_Billy_Slumming Uncle_Billy_Slumming
    07/30/09

    In reply to Nobody Can Tell These Magazines Apart
    I've been embarrassed about having confused them since 1981 when a pudgy, bozo-coiffed, pearl-wearing librarian laughed at me. Thank you. This has been cathartic.
     Reply
    Uncle_Billy_Slumming was starred Uncle_Billy_Slumming was unstarred
    Image of Nice Beaver Nice Beaver
    07/30/09

    @Uncle_Billy_Slumming: And to think, all you wanted to know was how Linda Lavin kept her hair so vibrant and bouncy. Librarians are bitches.
     Reply
    Nice Beaver was starred Nice Beaver was unstarred
    Image of Uncle_Billy_Slumming Uncle_Billy_Slumming
    07/30/09

    @Nice Beaver:

    Oh now you've done it. This is gunna be like I,Robot, except with fuzzy sweaters and horn-rimmed glasses. RUN!
     Reply
    Uncle_Billy_Slumming was starred Uncle_Billy_Slumming was unstarred
    Image of skahammer skahammer
    07/30/09

    @Uncle_Billy_Slumming: At least you got the last laugh when you took her job. And wardrobe.
     Reply
    Edited by skahammer at 07/30/09 6:43 PM skahammer was starred skahammer was unstarred
    Image of Uncle_Billy_Slumming Uncle_Billy_Slumming
    07/30/09

    @skahammer:

    Ha. Spoken like a true librarian.
     Reply
    Uncle_Billy_Slumming was starred Uncle_Billy_Slumming was unstarred
    Image of kathotdog kathotdog
    07/30/09

    In reply to Nobody Can Tell These Magazines Apart
    I just subscribe to both so I appear a self-satisfied liberal, yet fabulous at every age and shape.
     Reply
    aLostLady promoted this comment kathotdog was starred kathotdog was unstarred
    Image of aLostLady aLostLady
    07/30/09

    @kathotdog: And in all honesty, isn't that what we all ultimately strive for?
     Reply
    aLostLady was starred aLostLady was unstarred
    Image of Astigmatism Astigmatism
    07/30/09

    In reply to Nobody Can Tell These Magazines Apart
    Next month in Harper's:
    SPECIAL FALL COLORS ISSUE: Henry Louis Gates and James Crowley Teach Us How To Wear Black
    PLUS Tim Geithner: Treasury's "It" Boy On Staying Young Under Pressure
    and FOCUS ON THE FUN! James Dobson's Underwear Secrets Revealed!
     Reply
    Edited by Astigmatism at 07/30/09 5:00 PM Astigmatism was starred Astigmatism was unstarred
    Image of iplaudius iplaudius
    07/30/09

    In reply to Nobody Can Tell These Magazines Apart
    This is to say nothing of my favorite biweekly for eccentric string-strummers, Harpers Bizarre.
     Reply
    iplaudius was starred iplaudius was unstarred
    Image of Astigmatism Astigmatism
    07/30/09

    @iplaudius: [golf clap]
     Reply
    Astigmatism was starred Astigmatism was unstarred
    Image of J. Frank Parnell J. Frank Parnell
    07/30/09

    @iplaudius: Well played!
     Reply
    iplaudius promoted this comment J. Frank Parnell was starred J. Frank Parnell was unstarred
    Image of Nice Beaver Nice Beaver
    07/30/09

    In reply to Nobody Can Tell These Magazines Apart
    Who can't tell these apart? One has on its cover a super hot machine that I'd like to take for a long ride. The other has a car.
     Reply
    Nice Beaver was starred Nice Beaver was unstarred
    Image of m4ximusprim3 m4ximusprim3
    07/30/09

    @Nice Beaver: How dare you call Kate Winslet a car!
     Reply
    m4ximusprim3 was starred m4ximusprim3 was unstarred
    Image of lawyergay lawyergay
    04/13/09

    In reply to The Somali Pirates' Guide to Flourishing Without Getting Killed by America
    I think some lady pirates would be a great PR move.
     Reply
    lawyergay was starred lawyergay was unstarred
    Image of Robert Synnott Robert Synnott
    04/13/09

    In reply to The Somali Pirates' Guide to Flourishing Without Getting Killed by America
    It's all very simple. The pirates know that if the US gets annoyed enough, it will invade a neighbouring state with a similar name in retaliation.
     Reply
    Robert Synnott was starred Robert Synnott was unstarred
    Image of AvenueOfTheStrongest AvenueOfTheStrongest
    04/13/09

    @Robert Synnott: So we're going to attack a nest of parrots? That could be tough. They have a large air force.
     Reply
    AvenueOfTheStrongest was starred AvenueOfTheStrongest was unstarred
    Image of Smitros Smitros
    04/13/09

    @AvenueOfTheStrongest:


    And if captured, they pose a serious flight risk.

     Reply
    Smitros was starred Smitros was unstarred
    Image of pufflehuff pufflehuff
    04/15/09

    @AvenueOfTheStrongest: And they're all named Polly. Which makes decoding the intelligence quite hard.
     Reply
    pufflehuff was starred pufflehuff was unstarred
    Image of CaptainFantastic CaptainFantastic
    04/13/09

    In reply to The Somali Pirates' Guide to Flourishing Without Getting Killed by America
    Reality show: Somalia's Next Top (and Bottom) Pirates
     Reply
    CaptainFantastic was starred CaptainFantastic was unstarred
    Image of ADismalScience ADismalScience
    04/13/09

    In reply to The Somali Pirates' Guide to Flourishing Without Getting Killed by America
    This is cynicism elevated to an art form. It was not unlike watching a black hole devour some paradisal planet composed of peaceful beaches and fruit trees.
     Reply
    ADismalScience was starred ADismalScience was unstarred
    Image of Hydroceph Hydroceph
    04/13/09

    In reply to The Somali Pirates' Guide to Flourishing Without Getting Killed by America
    I think the whole retaliation-talk thing is for the folks back home. Makes 'em sound tough for the local markets (think swooning virgins), rather than selling anything to the West. It's like the "mother of all battles" talk we heard from Saddam Hussein--it probably sounds great to the locals, but doesn't translate well. Once the Navy snipers start picking them off like low-hanging fruit, it's all over. Yawn. Next thrill, please?
     Reply
    Hydroceph was starred Hydroceph was unstarred
    Image of friendslikeJimRome friendslikeJimRome
    04/13/09

    In reply to The Somali Pirates' Guide to Flourishing Without Getting Killed by America
    1. They need a celebrity spokesman. Do I even need to say the first choice's name? If Johnny Depp is busy, Geena Davis will do.

    2. Public Service Announcements. Imagine Johnny Depp handing out candy to small cute children and explaining the good work the pirates do in their spare time. Maybe the pirates could set up a summer camp for young children where they learn to climb ropes and other pirate skills.

    3. A good deed or good will program. Like Venezuela giving heating oil to poor Americans. Maybe the pirates can give confiscated auto parts to GM or something.
     Reply
    friendslikeJimRome was starred friendslikeJimRome was unstarred
    Image of pufflehuff pufflehuff
    04/15/09

    @friendslikeJimRome: PIRATE SUMMER CAMP! Where were you during my childhood?


     Reply
    pufflehuff was starred pufflehuff was unstarred
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