Don't Donate to Other People's Vacations, Idiots

Sure, it's easy to laugh at the greedy, clueless, entitled people who attempt to "crowdfund" various non-charitable self-serving endeavors. But who is really to blame?

Sure, it's easy to laugh at the greedy, clueless, entitled people who attempt to "crowdfund" various non-charitable self-serving endeavors. But who is really to blame?

The Handie, a made-in-USA, food-grade silicone handjob robot, is seeking funding on Indiegogo. The "all-in one finishing tool for men" does everything: vibrates, simulates penetration, self-lubricates, looks like Thing from the Addams Family with tumors. Everything!
Last month, crowdfunding site Kickstarter loosened its strict(ish) guidelines for projects, allowing users to ask the internet to pay for basically anything that's not illegal. So Zack Danger Brown was well within the rules when he asked for $10 to make potato salad, and his 1,700 backers didn't violate the site's…
After trying for years to get his children's movie Fruitcake off the ground, John Waters says, "Maybe I've made my last movie. That's okay." He refuses to use Kickstarter because, "I'm not public begging." This seems wise.
There was once a time—before Facebook bought the Oculus Rift, before Zach Braff had a Kickstarter—when optimists hoped crowdfunding would change the world. It would democratize product development, change investing forever, and revolutionize the way we pay for tortoise penis surgeries. And now the dream is real.
Eric and Morné, the international couple that attempted to raise money to send Eric's parents to one of their multi-day, pan-global wedding celebrations, have deleted their gofundme page. Don't worry, though, we took screen shots for posterity.
International couple Eric Turner and Morné Coetzer are in a bit of a pickle: They have set a date to marry (January 4, 2014), but because the legalization of same-sex marriage remains globally sporadic, neither can do it where he lives now (Eric's in Houston, Morné is in London). They have decided on South Africa,…
The deal was almost too good to be true: Pay professional stuntwomen/actresses Jessie Graff and Tree O'Toole just $2,800, and they will gladly pretend to beat the crap out of each other for a live-action parody of the "Epic Chicken Fight" from Family Guy.
The latest rich person to attempt to crowd-fund a vanity project? None other than our old friend James Franco, who is attempting to raise $500,000 to adapt three of his own short stories into a film trilogy. In Franco's defense, all profits from the films (if there are any) will go to charity.
Now that the Crackstarter has closed, you're probably scouring the internet for another worthy cause to crowd-fund. We've found one for you! Zosia Mamet and her sister Clara Mamet, both children of David Mamet, have started a hipster folk band and no one is giving them a penny to make their music video.
Hot on the heels of the wildly successful, industry-shifting crowdfunding experiment that saw him sell an independently produced comedy special for just $5 on his own website, Louis C.K. is once again rattling the cage of traditional channels by selling tickets to his upcoming standup tour exclusively through his…