Interpol agents say that might be a terrorist getting a custom-made egg-white omelet next to you on the Grand Ballroom buffet line. The hot new trend among ISIS-bound terrorists is apparently cruise ships—which were, up until now, a fairly easy way of traveling undetected.

A Memorial Day weekend cruise to the Bahamas nearly turned tragic early Monday morning when a fire broke out aboard a Royal Caribbean cruise ship.

The cursed year for cruise ships continues: early Thursday morning, authorities aboard the Carnival Spirit in Australia realized two passengers had fallen overboard. Over one day later, neither has been found.

Avast! Hell cruise Triumph, the Carnival cruise ship that slowly transformed into a shit-encrusted Gulf of Mexico prison two months ago when an engine fire knocked out its electricity and plumbing, has broken loose from the Mobile, Ala. dock where it was imprisoned—searching, no doubt, for new citizens for the shanty…

As though shit-encrusted cruise ships weren't enough: a Greyhound bus traveling from Atlantic City to New York was forced to evacuate because of a roach infestation:

Despite overflowing toilets and "human waste all over the floor," passengers are being forbidden from leaving a Carnival cruise ship docked in port at St. Maarten—just a month after another Carnival cruise ship was disabled and left to float for days in the Gulf of Mexico as passengers filled it with excrement and…

Just a few weeks after the shit-covered, disabled Carnival Cruise landed in Alabama, the cruise industry was hit with another PR disaster: Last week, a Royal Caribbean cruise ship returned to shore after an 11-day cruise during which over 100 passengers and three crew members fell ill with the norovirus, a…

CNN certainly was the only one covering the plight of the Carnival cruise ship Triumph by land, air, and sea yesterday, but to what avail? Well thanks to CNN a mother was able to see her daughter whom she had not seen for several days (and wouldn't have anyway because said daughter was ON A CRUISE), another mother…

The passengers of the good ship Triumph, the Carnival cruise liner disabled by a fire and left floating, stinking of shit, for days, finally disembarked last night, only to be confronted with the essential indifference of the universe to human concern:

As you're all probably well aware, the shit-covered Carnival cruise ship finally arrived in Mobile, Alabama earlier tonight. CNN dropped all other news to cover the event as though it were some sort of national disaster, which it clearly isn't. Only don't tell that to CNN's Martin Savidge, who during an interview with…

The Carnival cruise line disabled by a fire and left floating for days, stinking of shit and piss, has reached a new level of horror as the towline taking it to Alabama—where its passengers would, finally, be able to disembark and go home—broke, leaving them floating once more in the Gulf of Mexico, 30 miles from…

Snaps to you, drag queens. Looks like you will be allowed to dress in drag on your drag queen-themed cruise vacation after all.

A pair of 40-something California men were on a gay cruise in the Caribbean this week when police boarded their ship while it was docked in Dominica and arrested them for indecent exposure and "buggery," which is what they call sodomy there. Yesterday morning they pleaded guilty and agreed to pay a $900 fine after a…

The flatfoots at Politico have finally discovered the missing bodies of Newt and Cally Gingrich, somewhere off the rocky shores of Greece and Turkey. The two are still alive, which makes sense, since all they're doing is taking a luxury cruise.

Royal Caribbean cruise ship "Radiance of the Sea" had to delay its next voyage to Mexico after "a number of guests experienced some gastrointestinal illness." The ship is being scrubbed down in Tampa. It's another bad year for cruise ships.

Passengers aboard the luxury expedition ship MV Clelia II are probably wishing their biggest problem was subsisting off mayo sandwiches, after the ship lost an engine this week while on an Antarctic cruise and hit 30-foot swells.