In today's installment: Britney Spears, Jeremy Piven, Paris Hilton, Vince Vaughn, Jack Black, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, Luke Wilson, David Beckham, Dennis Hopper, Gwen Stefani, Cuba Gooding Jr., Jeff Goldblum, Zooey Deschanel, Rainn Wilson, Giovanni Ribisi, Judy Greer, Phil Spector, Kevin Federline, Morgan Spurlock, Kristen Chenoweth, Judy Greer, Cloris Leachman, John Slattery, Emma Stone, Bijou Philips, Jane Lynch, Dean Cain, John Corbett, Paul Scheer, and more.

SATURDAY, MAY 24
While surrounded by Brody Jenner-looking date
rapists at Happy Endings, I spotted a welcomed sight: Seth Morris, Owen Burke, and Paul Scheer. Joined by a bunch of other UCB comic types upstairs in the corner and looking almost as out of place as me.

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 4
Saw Cloris Leachman at the Aqua Lounge watching Jeff Goldblum and his band play some jazz standards. Jeff's pretty talented on the keyboard, but the group as a whole made me feel like I was at someone's wedding.

Wednesday afternoon, my friend and I are having our usually mid-week lunch time phone conversation. In mid-conversation he gasps and tells me that he is at Chipotle in BH and David Beckham has just walked in. No f''ing way! David F'ing Beckham in Chipotle! BTW - what's up with that family and Mexican food? Just wish I could get shot in person of David's burrito! hehe

FRIDAY, JUNE 6
Vince Vaughn at the Greek Theatre for A Prairie Home Companion on June 6. Thinking he's a Garrison Keillor fan definitely makes me like him a little more.

Driving on Ledgewood in Hollywoodland today, I saw Phil Spector driving a Mercedes convertible, wearing that crazy giant curly fright wig he dropped in favor of the lesbian pageboy thing he wore in court. He wears it while driving a convertible! How the hell do you bolt that on?

Cuba Gooding Jr. with 2 friends eating sushi at Hana Sushi in Brentwood. He was a lot smaller than I thought he would be and was definately enjoying his wine. He was nice to everyone that came up and talked with him. He was abnormally excited about going to Q's (the pool bar next door). Oh wait, it was beer pong night. I'd be excited too!

SUNDAY, JUNE 8
Judy Greer (aka Kitty from Arrested Development) spotted Friday night at St Nick's Pub on 3rd st, sitting in a booth with friends. Had to stop myself from making a George Bluth reference.

MONDAY, JUNE 9
I love the show Mad Men, so what a thrill to spot Sterling Cooper honcho John Slattery getting his caffeine on at the Starbucks on Main Street in Santa Monica.

TUESDAY, JUNE 10
Former TV Superman Dean Cain swooping down into Beverly Hills for some shopping at Tom's Toys on Beverly Drive.

THURSDAY, JUNE 12
Saw John Corbett at LAX on Thursday. T-shirt, jeans, boots, with tinted Ray-Bans at the Hudson Books. Tall with a paunch that looks just right on him. Looks like a very hip carpenter. No one seemed to notice him even though he's a pretty big dude.

At the Palms in Vegas for a little work and a little fun, CineVegas is happening. I caught the opening night film, The Rocker, and went to the after party at Moon and the cast was there. Emma Stone is stunning in person, her waist is teeny and her skin is all Hollywood teen glow, she was hanging out with who I think was her mom. Jane Lynch was in a cool 50's style dress with pockets, lady is tall and very animated when she talks. Open bar here is a dangerous thing.

I was having dinner at the Mel's on Sunset Blvd. across from Ketchup. As me and my boyfriend got up to leave, I heard an easily recognizable voice. I look down and sitting at a booth with a couple of her friends was the star of Broadway's Wicked and ABC's Pushing Daisies, Kristin Chenoweth. She looked adorable as ever!

FRIDAY, JUNE 13
Around 8 am, I passed the front desk at The Palms and saw Dennis Hopper talking to who I assume was his assistant. He looks good for an older guy, white hair, sharply dressed, short and holding onto a bottle of water. I then head to the elevator and walk past Rainn Wilson in red wayfarers and a golf shirt, he's tall and funny looking, the same as one would imagine. Seemed like he had a long night and was asking where the Coffee Bean was. Later in the day, Bill Pullman came through the casino in a navy blazer, he stopped and took photos with people. There was a CineVegas anniversary party at the Palms Place pool. Hopper, George Maloof and tons of people were there including some guy with a cat perched on his shoulder and Britney Spears. She was seated in a cabana with a velvet rope in front of it where two HUGE security guys minded her and a few friends. She was in a black cocktail dress and sat sipping her drink and was surprisingly pretty. The fake tan didn't look so fake and she looked like she had been styled for the night. I wouldn't have noticed her had it not been for the rope. The whole thing was weird. Like walking past a diorama in the Natural History Museum...The Britney Exhibit. She sat watching the party happen and the party peered at her like she was some kind endangered species....and of course, Prince Paul kept interrupting his set to play her music. Tres surreal.

Jeremy Piven looking very chubby at Zen Zoo, on Vine.

Lunchtime in Beverly Hills near the Chipotle, I THINK I saw Jack Black coming down the sidewalk. He was carrying a bag of fast food, unlike other Bev Hills denizens, who carry bags of ugly empire-waisted dresses. I wasn't super certain it was him...but then I saw that belly, that belly that practically got second billing on Nacho Libre. I hope it was him as I said "Hello, awesome!" as we passed each other on the sidewalk. If it was just another chubby dude, then THAT was terribly embarrassing...

Luke Wilson looking extremely hot at my local pavillion supermarket in Santa Monica. Drove off in his illegally tinted silver porsche and while at the red light, kept raising and lowering his window like he couldn't decide if he wanted to be noticed. Looking very sexy tho.

SATURDAY, JUNE 14
Britney at Palms Place in Vegas. There with one of her enablers and a Russian bodyguard. She was chain smoking cigarettes and eating chicken fingers as she sat by the pool. It's true — she's all class.

Saw Giovanni Ribisi at the carwash on Vermont and Prospect. He smoked a cigarette and read a script while he waited for his car. He kept to himself and was completely unassuming so much so I almost feel guilty sending in this sighting. I wasn't able to see what type of car he drives as my car was finished before his.

At the valet stand at Planet Hollywood, I waited for my keys and looked to my left, there standing beside me was Kevin Federline. He's a little guy, wearing his requisite white t-shirt and baggy shorts. Wasn't impressed. Probably not a coincidence that Britney is in town too. Later that night at the Palms, I saw Bijou Philips perform at another CineVegas party. She sang for a little while and hung out by the pool, her voice wasn't half bad. Spotted Traci Lords waiting for an elevator in stilettos and a tight black dress, she has aged insanely well.

SUNDAY, JUNE 15
In Planet Hollywood, I saw Dwayne Johnson tan, lean and HOT coming down the main escalator going to a screening of Get Smart. He's tall and surprisingly good looking, not bulky or wrestler-esque. He stopped and signed autographs in the casino and had a seriously huge entourage.

Back at the Palms, I saw a sunburned Morgan Spurlock by the pool, handlebar moustache in full effect. Passed by Beastie Boy MCA (Adam Yauch) on the casino floor.

MONDAY, JUNE 16
I saw Vincent Kartheiser of Mad Men on the Continental redeye from Newark to LAX. He was dressed just like Pete Campbell in a brown suit and vintage skinny tie, and bopping around the terminal to whatever was on his iPod. Staying in his character's groove I guess, he was only slightly more subdued once on board (first class of course). Much better looking in person than on the show, but an occasional burger wouldn't kill him - the guy is rail thin.

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 18
Last night I saw doe-eyed indie goddess/ingenue Zooey Deschanel at the Rilo Kiley Show at the Greek. Looked absolutely stunning (and happy), wearing a gorgeous green dress.

THURSDAY, JUNE 19
As we were leaving Juvenex Spa in Manhattan at 9pm, Paris Hilton was just coming in. She was all dressed up and decked out. I guess with the stress of being Paris she needed a massage.

Saw Gwen Stefani and family (including her dad) enjoying dinner at Buddha's Belly on Beverly last night (6/19). Aside from the few annoying paparazzi outside, they were pretty much left alone. Gwen looked gorgeous without all of that caked on makeup!

• The ever-reliable Mediahohoho offered some inside baseball knowledge about business-side goings-on at Conde Nast, with regards to Portfolio's current woes:

  Also, there was the asshatted way that Conde ramped up the publishing side, shifting Carey from the New Yorker, Lou Cona and his team from Vanity Fair to the New Yorker, and throwing Alan Katz and his management team at the New Yorker Cargo into the lion's den that is anything to do with Graydon Carter. Without warning.

  So...the New Yorker gets set back a bit. Graydon gets to prove what a syphilitic dick he is by having Katz, a decent guy to anyone who knows him and by implying in house organ WWD that he wasn't smart enough to hang. But really? Vanity Fair? Has anyone read that piece of shit in years? Why?
  Then the truly short bus retards who come in from American Media, of all places, take Cargo, which was on a upward trend, and fly it straight into the ground.
  All for the sake of a new business magazine that resembles nothing so much as Forbes. It's not even fair to compare it to Fortune, because Fortune has been around for 77 years and does everything Portfolio does a hundred times better.
  At the end of the day, it all becomes an after-school special of a life's lesson, which is, don't go to work for Si on a men's title because you'll end up unemployed. Also, when Si's dawdling at the end of the Sushi line acting all humble? You had better invite him to take your place in line.

• Catfish_Jones provided some context for why the New Republic might be hurting in the ad department:

  Magazines of political opinion, supposed to be either of the left or right, traditionally have a hell of a time getting ads unless they're placed by people who agree 100% with the mag's editorial stand. The more predictable the mag's stand, the better chance it has of getting ads, even if they are just a handful. The same owners of obscure businesses in flyover country have advertised in John Birch Society publications for decades; on the opposite end of the spectrum The Nation has the same advertisers year in and year out. The worst thing a magazine can do, when it comes to seeking ads, is have completely wobbly political content but still be branded as being of a particular ideology. This is The New Republic's problem. It's still called a neolib journal but since CanWest got hold of it, its content has veered from things that could almost have run in In These Times to others that could just about fit in The American Conservative (and hey, is that still being published?). Maybe what CanWest should do is replace Frank Foer with Tom Frank. That way they could at least get ads from hat manufacturers, given that Tom is rarely seen outside his house minus one or another lid from his fedora collection.

• Werewolf let us know that if Katie Couric really thinks her man is smart, then she is dumb:

  Went to high school with Brooks Perlin. His nickname was Woody, as in the dumb, blonde Woody on Cheers. So let's be clear that in no way is she dating him for his "intellect".

• Commenter MauraKelly weighed in on our epic Glaring Omission from last week, bolstering our anonymous NYU student's account of her wild, yet ultimately unconsummated, evening with Daddy Day Care star Cuba Gooding Jr.:

  I will validate that girl's story. Cuba is a dog!

  I used to live in LA and a couple of girlfriends and I would hang out at this bar in Westwood every Sunday night. Well, we wound up becoming drinking buddies with these guys who played, and I'm not kidding, non-contact hockey. Anyways, Jerry Bruckheimer and Cuba used to drink with them. In a drunken stooper I went up to Cuba and asked him for his autograph on a napkin (super classy by the way).

  He smiled and asked who he should make it out to. When I said "Day'ja" he looked me up and down again and I said, "Oh no, it's not for me. It's for one of the kindergarners I teach. She loved 'Snowdogs'." He almost fell over. He invites me out to his car to get a headshot of himself. (The guy carries them around in the pocket behind the drivers seat.) I grabbed a friend and we headed out the back to his Cadillac Escalade.

  He keeps trying to get us to get into the car with him. All the while, he keeps bumping up against me as he's close-talking. He starts asking our names and what we like to do for fun. We give him fake names and he starts asking if we do everything together. I ask him how his wife & kids like him boozing on Sunday nights, grab my friend's hand and drag her back inside.

  Saying it loud and proud: I too, did not sleep with Cuba Gooding, Jr. (plus he smells like BO)

• Commenter Katklaw made us scared for Philadelphia writer and flasher Larry Richette's neighbors, and really, the entire city:

  Okay, I probably shouldnt admit this, buuuut. This guy lives about a half block from me and I have seen the interactions with his mom many times, they are always with the craziness like this. Plus, she somehow gets mugged like once a year. Usually by non-family members. Oh, so proud of this fine city and the national representatives like Larry.

• Finally, SlightlyLessDeliciousNoise offered useful advice for those considering pursuing a bulimic lifestyle:

  lunchables come up much faster than traditional processed meats and cheeses. In fact, they even have great bidirectional flavor!

  On that note, let's move along to our most unhelpfullest critter this week, Harry_Greek, who seemed to take great pride in making comments that seemed like they would be more at home at a frat party. This isn't your frat house, Harry_Greek! Go back to Penn State.

  Earlier: Some Commenters Are More Helpful Than Others

• So I checked my facebook account this morning and I have this new note from an NYU student detailing her wild night with Cuba Gooding Jr. (who is married with 3 kids btw) But apparently, not even an NYU
  student would sink so low as to sleep with Cuba. I am copy-pasting her extensively detailed version of the event. She titled this note "The Night I Did Not Sleep with Cuba Gooding Jr." Try not to claw your eyes
  out.

so after having what i'm 99% sure has been the most bizarre night of my life, hinna suggested i make some diary entry about it for posterity ("yo, you should put that shit in a blog and send it to me!"), so here it is.

the night started with a concert in central park. sam and i got tickets to see fiona apple and nickel creek. i had thought we could take the A train to 72nd street, but apparently after 59th the A goes crazy and goes straight to 125th st. as we began to panic (neither of us can do silly basketball tricks, we'll never fit in!!" one of the people no doubt leading the gentrifying charge basically told us to shut up and take the C back downtown.

once we get to the concert, we realize nickel creek is a tawngy bluegrass band. they were really great, and it was an amazing show, but our first thought was that we stumbled upon a hoedown.

after the first set, we decided that we definitely needed some alcohol, so sam went to get us drinks while i fiercely guarded the spots we shoved so many people aside to get. to my delight, an loud argument starts happening right in front of me. some really intense fiona apple/nickel creek fans were pissed at some other girl on her cell phone. these two girls are going back and forth arguing on and on, with the cell phone chick calling the other one "a stupid fat bitch" (undoubtedly she can't sing either), and "a fat cow". that doesn't seem to get the girl really upset, so the cell phone girl is fed up and THROWS HER BEER IN THE OTHER GIRL'S FACE. now these two ladies are pulling hair, slapping, scratching, wrestling --> a legit
catfight.

i was in heaven, despite being soaked with cheap beer. security didn't come forever and some random guy ended up holding the cell phone girl while the other girl's friends held her back. the cell phone girl
prompty called the guy holding her "a stupid old fag", but before she could toss out any more gems like that security came and took her away.

thinking that was the highlight of my night, i was ready to go home, eat some cheerios, and play nintendo wii. but sam is apparently well connected, and we got into this fancy private party at pink elephant,
which was super super swank. while i was stuck looking like a schlub, sam packed a fancy party dress in her purse, and sweet talked her way into the doorman's bathroom in this fancy luxury high rise apartment building where she changed and instructed me to put on lipgloss.

i hadn't had dinner that night, and i was DELIGHTED that there weredelicious finger foods being passed out. we spent most of the night scoping the room, and trying to put ourselves in the path of the free
drink and free food servers. i saw that guy who was the crazy plastic surgeon in nip/tuck schmoozing, and i was legit star struck.

so the whole time we were at the party, we were scoping the room for people who were dressed worse than me. since i didn't know i was going to the party, i was still wearing my plain jane cotton sundress, and my DIRTY REEF FLIP FLOPS. when you're at a party where there's a table reserved for harvey weinstein you feel a little self conscious about how you're dressed. standing across from me, i see this guy in camo
shorts, flip flops, t-shirt, and a bucket hat. sam and i do a double take, and realize that it's fucking CUBA GOODING JUNIOR!

sam, being the ballsy person she is, goes right over and introduces herself. now let me tell you this, cuba gooding jr is a 100% gentleman. he introduced himself to both of us, and then prompty bought us champagne/vodka cocktails. now that we're in cuba's entourage for the night, we get invited over to the VIP section where the OWNER of pink elephant (the club) and his wife are (she was super nice), these reps from liquor brand (who sponsored the party), and this fancy fashion designer and his boyfriend. i asked the designer where his clothes were, and he sassily replied "saks and bergdorfs", so we were not great friends after that.

now the music at the club was awesome. cuba and i bonded over our love for justin timberlake, and he's dancing all up on me. legit, cuba's crouch is up against me and he is grinding like it's nobody's business.

for anyone that even somewhat knows me, you know i'm the worst dancer ever, so i was having a serious panic attack about what cuba would think of my dancing skills. but he didn't seem too concerned and just
kept coming up to me every time a new song came on.

it's getting late for a tuesday, and the club starts emptying out. cuba's manager keeps coming up and asking sam and me what we're doing afterwards, and we keep giggling like idiots and saying "i don't
knoooow, we'll see!!". at this point i remember that sam had told me she'd eaten nothing more than a banana and half a salad all day, and it's almost midnight. the drunker she gets, the more and more
personable she becomes! that girl put so many business cards in her bra, i can not believe it. she was even asking the fashion designer to check out her boobs and say if he thought they looked lumpy with all
the stuff in her bra (he assured her she looked fine).

meanwhile, i've been texting jen all night, and i'm trying DESPERATELY to tell her what's going on. i'm trying to be super slick and not let cuba see how star struck i am, but i'm drunk and i'm bad at it. all
night i'm texting jen "WHATEVER YOU DO ANSWER YOUR PHONE WHEN I CALL YOU!!!", and she's freaking out. she keeps asking me if i'm ok and what's going on, and when i try to explain, all i can quickly send out is "cuba". so i leave jen with that thought and continue my night of partying with cgj.

all of a sudden i notice sam is coughing a lot. a lot. like if we were in a movie i'd start checking her handkerchief for spots of blood and weep when i discover that she has consumption. but it's not a movie,
and i think the girl is just drunk. sure enough, sam grabs me and tells me we have to leave ASAP. so i start making our goodbyes, and the owner of pink elephant puts his arm me and goes "you do know who
you guys are hanging out with, right?", and i make some lame excuse to get away. i go to cuba and tell him sam isn't feeling well (i know, i sold her out to look cool to cuba), and as we're talking he's running
his hands up my legs, pinching my thigh, etc. he asks me what i'm doing "later on", and then goes "i just want to hook up" (exactly what he said i swear on my life).

now, lord knows why, but i'm just not in the mood to have sex with an oscar winner that night (well at least THAT oscar winner, helen mirren - you know my number) so i tell him how i have to help my roommate move the next morning. sam goes and makes her goodbyes, and makes a giant liar out of me by spending a good five minutes cuddling with cuba, not looking one bit sick.

so we peace out of there, and jump in a cab. of course sam has to pee URGENTLY, so we split a cab home. the whole ride home she's asking me why we didn't stay, and why we didn't get cuba gooding jr's phone
number. i explained to her many times that he doesn't give out his number to random girls in nightclubs, but she was very disappointed.

of course in the cab we both called anyone we thought would still be awake. when i talked to hinna, her first comment was "yo, isn't that guy married? dude, that's low." so i do some wikipedia-ing, and sure
enough, cuba is married with 3 kids. for shame cuba!

Earlier: Glaring Omissions

In today's episode: Tom Hanks and Larry David; Vince Vaughn; Diane Keaton; Robin Williams; Laurence Fishburne; Jason Bateman; Mike Tyson; Bill Paxton; Kevin Smith; Tommy Lee; Cuba Gooding Jr.; Eliza Dushku; Michael Des Barres; John "Johnny Rotten" Lydon; Sanjaya Malakar; Pauly Shore; Rick Rubin; Coley Laffoon; Doug Benson and Samantha Ronson.

· Was at Buffalo Club in Santa Monica on Tuesday, June 12 and saw Tom Hanks having lunch with none other than Larry David. They laughed a lot and generally seemed to be having fun. They drank water and Larry paid the bill. I hope they are planning something together.

· 6-16 Tom Hanks, polo shirt collar up, and his ? Two boys gist leaving Swingers in Santa Monica. Looks terrific. That's what Paul McCartney money will do for a guy.

· Vince Vaughn hanging out on the smoking patio at the Seven Grand downtown on Saturday Night (good strong drinks). He is very tall and currently non-bloaty. And surprisingly, not drawing attention to himself, aside from the black pimp shirt un-buttoned one too low.

· Saturday afternoon (6/16), Diane Keaton opted out of the "chilly bliss" and enjoyed the real stuff on the patio of Piccomolo Italian Ice Cream in Pacific Palisades. She was with two children and was sporting her usual Annie Hall garb (black bowler, black blazer, shirt buttoned up to her chin).

· June 17th: Went to see a friend perform at the Improv, when about half way through the show the host surprised the audience by introducing "the man of Mork and Mindy fame, Mr. Robin Williams." He did about a 45 minute set and was absolutely hilarious, the guy definetly has talent, as it seemed to be pretty much entirely improv. Amazing.

· I miss out on all the Coffee Bean sightings, because I don't normally drink coffee or tea.. but thankfully they brought back Lavender Mint and I was able to enter the Matrix! On my second run of the weekend (6-18) I saw Laurence Fishburne at the Wilshire & 9th Coffee Bean. He was dressed casually and drove off in a black G-wagon.

· Jason Bateman hit the Hollywood Farmers Market on Sunday (6/17) with his wife and very cute baby girl.

This is very out-of-date but I spaced on reporting it earlier, so if you still care: on June 7 while stuck in rush-hour traffic on the Sunset Strip, we spotted Mike Tyson - dressed to the nines in a very expensive-looking suit - sitting outside some tattoo parlor. A passer-by walked up excitedly and asked if he could snap a photo, which Mike agreed to while looking off into the distance quite forlornly. It made me kind of sad to see...

· About half an hour later (still crawling down Sunset) my spirits were
resurrected by watching a smiley Bill Paxton finishing up the press line at the Cinerama Dome for the season premiere screening of "Big Love". Whee!

· Saturday, June 16, 2007: Kevin Smith, aka Silent Bob, at AMC Century 15, in the 7 p.m. preview screening for "Ratatouille."

· Happy Fathers Day! Saw Tommy Lee at the Dugout Club at Dodger Stadium 6/17. He was wearing black baseball cap, grey t shirt and copious b.o. Sort of a combo of old cigarretes, old cigarettes and old cigarettes. Stanky! Ran into him a short time later in the men's' room (i swear i wasn't trying to get a glimpse of "li'l tommy). Dude exited the stall and did not wash his hands! Later still, saw enthusiastic fans taking pics and shaking hands with Tommy. They better get themselves checked for hepatitis c.

oh yeah. also saw Cuba Gooding Jr. Is he still making movies?

· 6/17: LA Dodgers v. Angels Tommy Lee in the dugout club, maybe there for fathers day, didn't see kids but you never know. Separately saw Eliza Dushku there as well looking hot with her dimples.

· 6/18: Mambos in Burbank, Murdoc from MacGyver (Michael Des Barres) looking appropriately crazy in tinted blue shades, bright red button down open to bellybutton and adidas warmup pants.

· 6/14- Johnny Lydon (Rotten) having lunch in Venice by Washington Pier. Talks really loud so people will turn and look at him.

· 6/15/07 - Sanjaya Malakar (I know, this is hardly newsworthy) at the Derek Trucks/Susan Tedeschi Soul Stew Revival concert at the Ford Ampitheatre.

· 6-19 Pauly Shore working out at Equinox on Sunset. I dont know what he's taking, but the man hasn't aged a day since 1994.

· Sunday June 17th- Went down to Newport this last weekend to celebrate father's day with my Kenny Rogers-looking dad (pre surgery but post Roasters chow down) and who goes tooling past me on PCH but uber music producer, label owner Rick Rubin in his Johnny Cash black Bentley. Of course Bentleys are a a dime a dozen in coastal OC but when someone looking like the 4th member of ZZ Top goes zipping by, he blends in about as much as Newport's favorite son, Dennis Rodman.

· Is Anne Heche's porn-and-poker-loving ex-husband (i.e. healthy American male) Coley Laffoon a celebrity? What if I sweetened the deal by adding recently won shared-custody prize Homer on his shoulders? Saw the two at the Farmer's Market Friday evening June 15 by 326 Bar at the Farmer's Market. Laffoon is tall, handsome, Homer is the blondest, cutest 5-year-old kid you ever saw, and the two seemed positively beaming with the kind of happiness you get after freshly shedding a Certified Organic Crazy Lady.

· Monday, 6/18, Around 1pm I'm not sure if he qualifies as a celebrity, but I see comedian Doug Benson of VH1's "Best Week Ever" getting chatted up by a diminutive bear at Gold's Gym Hollywood. The Thunderpuss Remix of something is blaring, so I can't hear what the bear is saying, but I'm pretty sure he's just a fan. I think.

· 6-18 I'm not sure it counts as a sighting... but I saw Samantha Ronson working out at my gym tonight. She looks greasy in person...

In today's episode: Hilary Swank, Kate Bosworth, and Courtney Love; Nat Faxon; Penelope Cruz and Shakira; Halle Berry; Julia Louis Dreyfus; John C. Reilly; Cuba Gooding Jr; Dave Chappelle; Lionel Ritchie; Henry Rollins; Judd Apatow and Emmanuelle Chriqui; Ryan Seacrest; Paula Abdul; Larry Birkhead; Jason Bateman and Martin Short; Milla Jovovich; Jeremy Sisto and T.R. Knight; Kevin Connolly; Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu; Michael Cera; Adam Levine; John Cho; Rick Schroeder; Pat O'Brien, Dido, and Todd Louiso; Dita Von Teese and Andrew Keegan; and Jake "Body By Jake" Steinfeld.

· A triple header night at Pizzeria Mozza! Sunday night, as we walked up we noticed the paparazzi hiding in the bushes. My first comment to my boyfriend was "Great - I'll have something to email defamer about!"...First celebrity of the evening was Courtney Love, looking pulled together, cleaned up, sober. Really, she looked like just another LA blonde. She was heading to the back room, where apparently Gwyneth Paltrow was throwing a private party. Nope, didn't see Gwyneth. My boyfriend noticed Hilary Swank sitting against the wall at a regular table. She looks smaller in person...very pretty, but I would have been happier seeing her look like her Brandon Teena character. (YUM!). As we were leaving, Kate Bosworth came out of the private party room. Hat trick!

· This morning (June 10), at "Tiny World" (westside baby furniture/gear store) saw Hilary Swank hanging out with a guy checking out furniture. Hmm....

· At the Rose Bowl Flea Market this Sunday, I had the pleasure of
standing behind 'Superman Returns' star Kate Bosworth on line for the venue's obscenely usurious ATMs, whose huge, floppy hat was probably great for keeping the sun off her fair head, but not quite big enough to hide her from identification by fans. Skinny, but not "Kate Bosworth Eating Disorder Shocker" skinny. She was with a guy I didn't recognize, but whose undeniable handsomeness means he's almost definitely an actor/bartender or model/waiter.

Also saw Nat Faxon, who currently stars in virtually every commercial currently on television and who recently sold a screenplay or something. I swear on the life of my nonexistent children that I am not a publicist trying to drum up buzz for his career by saying I saw him at the world's most impressive crap-meet.

· 6/10- Saw Penelope Cruz at the John Mayer show at the Hollywood Bowl. She skipped Ben Folds set and was escorted to her seat right before John came on stage. She was totally in to the show and gushing over Mayer. Found out later that she was with Shakira.

· 6/9 - Saw Halle Berry at the John Mayer concert at the Hollywood. She was sitting in one of the lower level boxes. Was with a couple of other women - no guys with her. Very nice skin.

· 6/10 - around 4:00pm, saw Julia Louis Dreyfus at the new Westwood Landmark Theater. She was coming out of theater 10 (we were coming out from theater 9) and on her way to the bathroom. No makeup, very casual shirt and shorts. You couldn't miss her. She looked like she was with some family and friends.

· Saw a very thin looking John C. Reilly at Safari Sam's on Sunday getting his hillbilly on at the Porter Wagoner show. Go ahead, google Porter Wagoner. You know you want to.

· So I know Cuba Gooding Jr. is a hero and all, what with the incident at Roscoe's over Memorial Day. That being said, I saw Rod Tidwell at the Famous Pinks Hot Dog Stand this past Monday as I was giving my visiting parents a tour of the city. My Girlfriend actually spotted him in line behind us and asked me for a verification and once I recognized the man that gave us such great works as Snow Dogs and Boat Trip, I slyly told my parents who they were about to see. Now being fro out of town, I didn't want them to be the tourists that asked him for his picture or made everyone else aware of his presence in line, as he had been incognito up until then (playing with his crackberry mostly). I told then, they saw and played it cool as well, not making a sound about it. Then of course no more than two minutes later some people further back in the line saw him and starting pestering him for pictures and whatnot. He was very nice to everyone, despite the fact that his son had just joined him in line. In any event, my parents were excited to see a real celebrity, and while I was proud of them for not saying anything to him, I greatly wish I could go back and yell "show me the money" just to see if he'd look in our direction.

· First, there was Lionel Ritchie on my Heathrow to LAX flight on Monday. Looking dapper and bejeweled, he held court by the baggage carousel while a flunkie directed two British Airways baggage handlers which of the bags belonged to Mr. Richie. There were 17 in total. Then after waiting a good 10 minutes for a car to pick him up at the curb (during which time he graciously posed for cellphone camera photos and shook hands) he hopped in the passenger seat and was off.

· Then, yesterday while driving down 3rd street waiting to turn onto Robertson, Dave Chappelle pulled up alongside me in his silver Lexus convertible. He was driving very slowly, stopped when the light was still green, and generally looked disoriented.

· After that, while leaving the Trader Joe's WeHo, I saw a man who looked like an old, frail version of Henry Rollins. And then a woman walked by him and said "I love your shows" and he said "thanks" so I guess it was either really him or just an old man with his own performing career.

· The Grove. Emmanuelle Chriqui was standing outside the theater/restrooms following the 10:15 showing of "Knocked Up". Bad security there, btw. They made everyone wait outside with no supervision , and there were "cutters". And not the Amy Winehouse kind. We responded by cutting the cutters and it get all West Side Story. Anyhoo, she was with a group of people, some of whom looked like they were family. "Knocked Up" with your family? Okaaay. And I'm usually the first to say celebrity girls look even better in person, but she was not nearly as hot as she was on Entourage the following night. My friend assured me that she probably wasn't wearing make-up, but I just call 'em like I see 'em. Sorry, I forgot to say when this happened—it was last Friday night (June 1). And my friend talked to Judd Apatow before the film started; he was milling about in the hallway. There—I gave you a bonus, so don't bust my balls. :D

· Sunday, June 10: At trendy hard-to-get-reservations-at Pizzeria Mozza (Highland & Melrose), unshaven, t-shirted and jeans, Ryan Seacrest was sharing a lunchtime pizza with your typical skinny, blonde Hollywood-type young woman. Despite the close-together tables, (he was sandwiched between two other tables at elbows' distance), no one bothered him and he graciously thanked the people next to him with a fond goodbye.

· 6/10 - Bristol Farms, Bev Hills - I'm waiting for my soppresata panini like a commoner when I spot Paula Abdul standing right next to me. She was very well dressed and my first reaction to her was "just another rich Beverly Hills lady in a push up bra and fancy jewelry." I told her "the girls at the office are going to hate me for seeing you because THEY love you" (a slight hint that I do not watch American Idol). She gave me a sideways hug for this comment. I didn't know what to say next so I called her a "wonderful lady". God I need to work on my Jedi lying skills. I believe she was getting a turkey pesto sandwich - what this says about her is beyond me. Someone else can read into it. Also, I know what you want to know, NO she did not seem drunk. She seemed very lucid and very busy.

· I saw Larry Birkhead at Ralph's on Ventura in Studio City today (June 9). Cart was completely full; he was buying tons of cookies and doughnuts! Looks exactly like he does on tv.. best celeb sighting!

· June 9: Saw Jason Bateman and Martin Short at Cedars-Sinai. Jason is just as cute as on tv but Martin looks very decrepit.

· Saw Milla Jovovich at Nordstroms at the Grove. She was with a man-handler/agent type, really pretty.

· Sunday (6/8) at the Rose Bowl, amongst the unwashed hordes: Jeremy Sisto, mit entourage, and T.R. Knight, looking good, with a girl. Not shopping together, although both were probably thinking they could outsmart the canny old dude selling vintage Star Wars figurines.

· Last night around 7:30pm I was at the Bristol Farms on Doheny trying to figure out what wine to buy. As I come out of an aisle I am nearly run over buy Kevin (the suit) Connolly and his shopping cart, as he races (no exaggeration) the man was running around trying to get his groceries as quickly as possible. Despite my near death experience, it was a good sighting. He's pretty cute in person.

· Not even the most in-demand Mexican director can resist the powers of the Pinkberry. I saw Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu at the Pinkberry on Beverly on Saturday (6/9).

· Cute-as-a-button Michael Cera ("Arrested Development," the upcoming Superbad) was at Palermo's on Vermont yesterday (Sunday June 10th) afternoon. He is very young. And the gnocchi is totally decent there.

Monday, 6/11, 4:45 pm

· Waiting for the bus (I'm poor and new to LA) on Sunset and Vine when I see none other than Adam Levine of Maroon 5 speed by in a sleek-looking Mercedes SUV. Lots of gel in his hair. I'll have to call my girlfriend when I get to Crenshaw.

· Not much of a sighting, but today (6-11) sat next to Harold from "Harold and Kumar" fame (John Cho) while he lunched at Alcove with an Asian girl about his age, and perhaps her mother. Notable only because he discussed how freaked out he was by the fact that when he met with Larry David, the comedian looked exactly like he does on "Curb"—wore the same sort of clothes and spoke the same way. Later in the lunch, his friend asked him if Sacha Baron Cohen was really as brilliant as everyone says—Harold had apparently gone to a "Borat" party—and Harold said yes. Shocking revelations from the younger generation.

· My Saturday night was born with a Silver Spoon in its mouth (June 9). Around 9:30, I walked in on a bizarre "Phantom of the Opera" inspired masquerade costume ball going down on the first floor of wannabe posh lounge Empress on Sunset. Sitting quietly amongst the white wigs, purple masks, and glittering wardrobe was a (Rick Schroeder). Black shirt and normal pants, he was the only civilian dressed soul in a corner table of 8 friends from the 1800s. At 11:30, saw (Alfonso Ribeiro standing in a circle with 4-5 "dudes" drinking bottled beers in the back room (its not a VIP) at LAX. No, I cant get you in anywhere when you come to visit LA.

· I attended Largo both Friday and Saturday nights to see Jon Brion. Friday night won for Most Random Sighting - Pat O'Brien. Homeboy is tall, but so tanned and generally weather-beaten that I couldn't tell whether he still had a moustache from where I stood. Turns out he does. One of my friends scored a table right next to his. She said he looked uninterested through most of the show. I guess Botox will do that.

Saturday night we spotted Dido hanging around as well as Todd Louiso, who played Dick - the nerdy, mild mannered record store clerk in High Fidelity. He was accompanied by an attractive brunette in a classy black dress.

· Andrew Keegan at (6/8) Friday's Hollywood Bowl Morrisey concert. (hey, I like 10 Things I Hate About You!) He still looks all right. He was carrying a picnic bag.

Dita Von Teese on (6/9) Saturday at the Bossa Nova on Sunset having lunch with two older female companions, I'm guessing they were family members. She looked stunning in a burgundy red dress with white polka dots on it.

· Body by Jake (Jake Steinfeld) on a very delayed flight from JFK to LAX Sunday night.

The 39-year-old Oscar winner was waiting in his car outside a Hollywood restaurant "when he heard four gunshots," says a source.

"Cuba was picking up dinner for his family on the night of Memorial Day," says the spy. "He saw a young kid holding his head and walked toward him. The kid was bleeding from his neck and collapsed."

Gooding cradled the victim, described as a man around 20 years old, and called into the restaurant for towels. "They came out with paper towels and he said, 'No, we need real towels!'" says the source.

The actor stemmed the bleeding and hailed a passing police car. He waited on the scene until an ambulance arrived.

Gooding's rep, Nancy Kane, confirmed the story.

Tales of strangers courageously lending a helping hand to their fellow Angelenos-in-need never fail to pluck our heartstrings, but when the guardian angel in question also happens to be the beloved star of Radio and popularizer of the phrase "show me the money," darn it if we aren't reduced to a useless puddle of warm sentiment. We only hope the uplifting anecdote remains just that, and some opportunistic producer doesn't attempt to option the news item for Batter, a gritty urban docudrama set in and around the world of inner-city waffle-and-fried-chicken houses—a project to which Terence Howard will quickly be attached following an awkward phone call to Gooding informing him that they've passed on him in favor of someone "a little more hero-y."

• Cuba plays the hero for real [NY Daily News]

• Kristian Laliberte and his "frenemy" Paul Johnson-Calderon are "in talks with several networks" to do a reality show that will be "a combination of The Hills and The Simple Life." [NYO]
  
• Paris Hilton's brother was mugged at knifepoint, but escaped physically and fiscally unscathed. [Page 6]
  
• Socialiteish designer Stacy Bendet will be "highest-paid designer Payless has ever had." [Page 6]
  
• Cuba Gooding Jr. saved a gunshot victim's life. [Gatecrasher]
  
• Paris is having trouble sleeping and eating in prison. All together now: Awww! [TMZ]
  

He recalls, "Steven Spielberg came to me and said, 'I want you to be in Amistad and I said, 'It's a slave role; show me the money. I'm so a big thing,' and he goes, 'I can direct you.' and I said, 'No, I have to pass.' "To me, at the time, I remember this interview I read (with) CHRISTOPHER REEVE talking about SUPERMAN. What other role could live up to being Superman; he was Superman. I bought into that. "People were telling me (of Jerry Maguire), 'You're black, it's a comedy role, you're not gonna win this thing.' So, when I won it, it was like I had all these things in my life - 'This is what you are, this is what you've become... Now represent that. I have arrived and now I have to live up to this thing.' "(I didn't know) the next day I should have rolled up my sleeves and said, 'OK, now let's continue on this journey.' Creatively, I stopped myself."

Yes, one can safely be categorized as "ego tripping" when you're turning down a personal job offer from Spielberg by barking your obnoxious, cliched catchphrase into his face, while clinging to your personal mantra, "I'm Superman! How can I possibly top that?!" It's level-headed, savvy maneuvering like that that can turn you from "Cuba Gooding Jr., Oscar winner" to "Cuba Gooding Jr., Horatio Sanz's Boat Trip love interest" in just six years.

• CUBA REGRETS SAYING NO TO SPIELBERG AFTER OSCAR WIN [ContactMusic.com]
• Previously: George Clooney Glad He Didn't Get That 'Facts Of Life' Spinoff [Defamer]