Chris Brown wants you to know that he is a passionate, positive, self-actualizing young man. In a series of in-studio interviews he arranged in advance of his upcoming single, he sold this nice-guy image hard.

Facebook really doesn't want you criticizing its technology. Especially via a domain name you bought for that very purpose. That's why the social network has assumed control of such incredibly specific domain names as IHateTheFacebookLikeButton.com. Paranoid much?

AT&T is taking some of the money from your iPhone bill and using it to intercept your complaints to the federal government. How? By become the biggest advertiser on Google, that's how.

Filter-free madman Carl Paladino, New York's Republican gubernatorial candidate, went on television this morning to explain those anti-gay remarks he made to some Jews yesterday. The takeaway: Hey gays? Carl Paladino's your best friend.

Not content with doling out $100 million to help Newark schools, Mark Zuckerberg took the next logical step to counteract The Social Network's portrayal of him as a scheming nerd-villain: hiring Cirque du Soleil for a massive PR industry party.

Dancing with the Stars will take some time away from its foxtrotting D-listers tonight to prove that the audience was booing the judges, not Sarah Palin, last night. No one has any reason to boo Sarah Palin, now do they?

It's easy to interpret Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg's $100 million donation to Newark schools—officially announced the exact day The Social Network opens the New York Film Festival—as a PR move to counter the film's negative portrayal of him.

Sarah Palin saw the media's interpretation of her hilarious, awkward encounter with an Alaskan teacher and immediately put her Facebook ghostwriter to work. She would never "roll her eyes" at a teacher. She loves teachers! They comprise her entire family.

Inappropriately fired USDA employee Shirley Sherrod, unafraid of exercising her limitless leverage, wanted a phone conversation with President Obama. She got her wish "at about 12:35" today, according to the White House. "They spoke for seven minutes." Pleasant! Or not?

In a very forced announcement, Rep. Joe Barton apologizes for apologizing earlier to Tony Hayward over Obama's BP "shakedown." And, in a separate release, he says, "I retract my apology to BP." Dear God. Tony Hayward looks so confused.

The breadth of Oprah's Free KFC Giveaway Disaster yesterday is just starting to become clear. Reports now indicate that the desperate—and dangerous—Oprah-induced public rush for free chicken and biscuits was a nationwide phenomenon:

So, who's the latest shady character being represented by incompetent superflack Ronn [sic] Torossian's PR firm? It's Pastor John Hagee, the John McCain-supporting zealot who's currently under fire for saying "in a late 1990s sermon that the Nazis had operated on God's behalf to chase the Jews from Europe and…

As rumors that JC Chasez and Gossip Girl star Chace Crawford are doing the naked pretzel reach a fever pitch—certainly prodded along by our own high-level informant's eyewitness account of the two sharing a poolside cabana at the Roosevelt—the second-most-talented NSYNC member called into Kiss FM 104.7 today to…