When former MSNBC anchor and media pussyhound Dan "Slim Shady" Abrams opened up shop on both his consulting firm Abrams Research and his blog network (Mediaite and PR Cop), not gonna lie, I didn't think they'd be getting to know Glenn Beck's vagina or Lady Gaga's penis so intimately. I may have finally turned the corner on them!

OR WOULD HAVE had Dan Abrams henchwoman and Mediaite's executive editor Rachel Sklar not tried to ruin my life's work.

What kind of person would do this? A cruel one? Maybe. But the Dan "The Down Donger" Abrams has an entire site devoted to "debunking"—or printing publicist reactions to—celebrity rumors, the majority of which most people don't even give a shit whether or not their true! So this is perfectly in line with their culture of harshing everyone's mellow. And I do mean harshing.

But I have another theory: Rachel, who's basically working nine days a week on Mediaite for Dan, is starting to go insane. The media economy is competitive, goddamnit! But is it too competitive? Observe, her lede:

RA RA RA NA NA NA NA RA NA NA…okay I am maybe a little obsessed with Lady Gaga and her latest single, "Bad Romance," and its crazy, fantastic video filled with crazy, fantastic costumes.

A...little? Sklar's up to 63 screengrabs on this new Lady Gaga video. 63. And you know there's a reason for all of this, don't you? Only an insane person would spend that much time debunking another insane person like me and my insane (BUT TRUE) theory/research on The Facinating Subject that is Lady Gaga's Dick. Her commentary on one of the grabs:

I am amazed that this shot made it past the censors, unusually lingering as it was…it gives you more than enough time to notice the see-through fabric on her black lacy thong…all the way through. Okay, FEK, I think we have pretty conclusive evidence here.

OH, NO YOU DIUNT. SHOTS FIRED, Sklar. And what does she offer up for evidence? This:

But come on. How closely did she look? We used the Gawker PSI (Penis Scene Investigations) Zoom Lens to get a closer look.

You say potato, and I say penis. Unfortunately, I think we may have to close the book on all Lady Gaga Penis Conspiracy talk here, before we go too far down the Gaga Hole. This is just going to have to be one of those things like Area 51, where you don't really find out the truth of the matter until the world needs saving, and this is one of those secrets essential to doing so (see: Independence Day, 1996, Dir. Roland Emmerich). Or this is one of those things you don't find out about until the world is actually ending (see: 2012, 2009, Dir. Roland Emmerich). Either way, here's hoping for the safety of the world and the crumbling sanity of Rachel Sklar that Lady Gaga whips out the truth sooner rather than later.

Peter Jennings.: The youngest broadcast anchor on his level, for that time. The guy was 25 when he first got the anchor chair. 25! And he was a good lookin' kid! Jennings had four wives, each one as hot as the last (Kayce Freed was the last one, and dayum, son). Incredibly, he only managed to have two kids. Again, four wives, two kids, one of the most respected anchors of all time. How much ass do you think the guy got? Then again, he was a busy man. And also, he died four years ago, so...that's a strike against him. Pussyhound Rating: C-. Just because you're a serial monogamist doesn't mean you're a pussyhound. On the contrary, I'd think, unless you're in the business of dating Mormons.

Okay, so Charlie Rose might not seem like the biggest media pussyhound out there, but his longtime on-and-off girlfriend, socialite/city-planner Amanda Burden, is pretty hot for someone my mom's age. Also, well, he's just well known as one. Via CityFile:

Rose has long had a rep as a lady's man; a close friend of his once called him a "straight up horndog." Past conquests included Wall Street Journal publisher Karen Elliott House, media entrepreneur/art collector Louise MacBain, and media exec Marybel Batjer. For the past dozen or so years he's had an on-again, off-again relationship with socialite and city planning czaress Amanda Burden.

The aforementioned mom-aged hottie is also the stepdaughter of a co-founder of CBS. True story. And the guy's more or less been a bachelor for however many years since he got divorced from Morgan Stanley CEO John Mack's sister-in-law back in 1980. He never had kids and regrets it. But Rose still hits the town, though the ass he hits in it is up for contention these days.

Pussyhound Rating: B-. He could get around more if he tried. Or he should at least let us hear about it. Too much time at the table with Tom Friedman will fuck up your mojo, Chuck.

Dave Zinczenko, Dave Zinczenko, Dave Zinczenko. Where to begin? Let's see. Just look at him. The 39 year-old Men's Health editor-in-chief got AWESOME TIGHT ABS IN JUST TWO WEEKS, and knows SEX TIPS THAT'LL DRIVE HER UP THE WALL, so, that helps. He's generally known around town as a charmer and a nice guy. Nobody's ever called Dave Zinczenko a big dick. They have, however, spoken about his big dick. Yes: I've heard this rumor twice, from two completely unrelated people who don't know each other about Dave Z. The best quote I got on it:

Seriously, it's like a liter bottle of Canada Dry seltzer.

Women love him. He dated Rose McGowan, Mandy Moore, and yes: one Julia Allison. He rolls around town with his supposedly (or maybe not!..) big dicked friend, shady Mediaite/Abrams Research owner and conflict-of-interest perpetrator (penetrator?) Dan Abrams. When he tells you to Eat This, Not That, you know goddamn well what he's talking about: vagina. The stone cold healthy pimp holds court at The Waverly Inn all the time; maybe he's there now because Keith McNally booted him for fingerbanging fameballs under two-tops during dinner service.

Pussyhound Grade: A+ And yeah, we know, you're probably still dating a South African model (Melissa Milne) and can't be bothered to cooze on hoes with Donger Dan. But that still doesn't stop you from making the grade. If there's a reason to get into media, still, a career like yours is it.

Dan Abrams. O Danny Boy: the former MSNBC anchor, the lawyer son of famous Manhattan legal eagle Floyd Abrams, the aforementioned owner of Mediaite/Abrams Research, and most importantly, Dave Z's wingman. He's like a Yid version of Anderson Cooper, but straight, scruffy, and stormy. The guy survived testicular cancer (true), so he's one tough mediabro. Women like this. He pals around town with his homeboy Dave, and has no reluctance in monopolizing on hiring the high-profile vagina-obsessed women of New York's media. Dan was engaged to Law & Order actress Elisabeth Rohm and dated Renee Zellweger for a bit. He's now single and lives in a West Village bachelor pad where he takes home his conquests picked up on nights out with the Big Swinging D. Ah, but: the same rumor I heard about Dave's dong was the one I first heard about Dan's dong: that it's huge. But the counter that the big dick belongs to Dave and not Dan is somewhat credible because Dan's Jewish. And, well, yeah. Watch that video above.

Pussyhound Grade: B- Loosen up, Dan! You've got a burgeoning media website and consulting firm, you've got an awesome pussy magnet wingman, you've got a badass bachelor pad, and your Mediaite Power Ranking puts you two spots ahead of Geraldine Anne Ferraro. Why so serious? Whatever you do, don't shave the scruff. Chicks dig it, it makes you look a little more laid back than your tight-assed network appearances do. Do the Dave: Zen, Dan. Zen.

Bill O'Reilly! The pervy perv got sued for an especially pervy sexual harassment lawsuit he had to settle. The lawsuit had some great bits, including one about how he wants to take you on a Caribbean vacation and rub this falafel thing on you (?!), and how he'll tell you about the things a Thai hooker showed him that "blew his mind," or maybe the time he lost his virginity at JFK to two Scandinavian stewardesses. Or! He'll tell you to buy yourself a vibrator and jack off while he does it. Fuck it, you know? He'll do it live.

Pussyhound Rating: B+ O'Reilly's the Real McCoy, but works too hard to quiet his dalliances, who all seem to push back a little. Lawsuits and the like set him back from a high A to a high B, because if there's one thing that'll quickly stop you from getting some ladyparts, it's a labor law violation and punitive damages. Heh. Pun-itive.

Chris Berman, right? As far as sports broadcasters go, Boomer's the be-all-end-all pussyhound. Maybe you know the story that spawned a million. This is legendary:

A friend of mine just told me he's getting married. When he gave me the news I immediately thought of the time we were in Scottsdale at spring training, because it's the best pickup story I've ever been a party to. It was about nine years ago, and I actually forget the bar. But my friend was seriously putting the moves on this somewhat attractive young woman, who was wearing leather pants and had a leather jacket draped over her lap. They had been chatting at the bar for about an hour, and my friend thought he was in the house. I had never seen someone work so hard for a score.

But just as he was putting on the finishing touches, Chris Berman walks by. And without even breaking stride, Berman looks at the girl, points and says "You're with me, leather." And the girl looks up, instantly recognizes Berman, snatches up her jacket and walks out with him, leaving my friend in mid-sentence.

Nothing's been the same since.

More stories about the Bermanator came out: He's chillin' with our Deadspin operatives. He's with purple. He's with computer chicks. He's with Michael Irvin's women. Who isn't Chris Berman with?

Pussyhound Rating: A. He's got it down to a science, to the point where he's even made immortal catchphrases out of being a professional pussyhound. Berman makes other pussyhounds look like...amateurs.

Tragically, the NFL took down the clip of Cris Collinsworth—possibly ironically—talking about the tail he loved to pull back in the day. The former NFL threepeat Pro Bowl-er and John Madden's replacement as one of NBC's Sunday Night Football commentators, now a family man, apologized profusely after the clip leaked. That still won't stop me from quoting him:

I'm not gonna deny it, I walk around with hundred dollar bills hanging out of my pocket...I like girls that aren't too bright because you can trick 'em a little bit...high school girls love me. Fourteen to eighteen, I'm a big star with them. As soon as they mature, after they turn 18 years old, they start to figure it out.

Pussyhound Grade: Honorary Mention. He apologized. And whether it was satire or sincere, it was brilliant. But come on: like he wasn't one, you know?

Oh, Vanity Fair columnist and Newser newsbro Michael Wolff. We couldn't help but use your porn-stachstic author's pic from White Kids because it's so smug and kinda I-Just-Got-My-Balls-Sucked, it just fits, you know? Where to begin with you? You've got it all going on, man! A startup website that's seen plenty of cash come in (as for cash coming out, well...). Your marriage to Alison Anthoine dissolved after you were found out to be hooking up with Vanity Fair intern Victoria Floethe. Nice. Gives me hope for going bald, you know? You're still writing things and giving people media crits and you always seem to get back on your feet, more so than most, despite lacking media cred. Your website now plays lame SEO games to pick up traffic under the guise of aggregating important political discussion, when really, you're just talking about your dick. It's just sensationalized bullshit, but then again, I wouldn't really know, because I can never get past the headlines. Maybe that's the point, though: as long as you get the clicks, you're good. And those Steven Tyler-esque lips must be good for something.

Pussyhound Grade: C- That intern is hot, but (A) she's the only one we know about and (B) you got caught, dumbass.

Donald Trump Roasts Joan Rivers, and Her Vagina - August 25, 2009

What's That About A Powerful Vagina? - September 23, 2009
Glenn Beck's Powerful Vagina - September 25th, 2009
UPDATE: That Top Shop Thing Is TOTALLY A Dentata Shirt - September 24th, 2009

Tags:

Vagina Shirts Are The New Black
Powerful Vaginas
Megan Fox Powerful Vaginas
Cervix Journalism
Nick Dentata

Yes, Rachel Sklar is doing this to attract attention from (A) people searching "glenn beck + vagina" on Google (B) people like me and (C) anybody who's ever been shocked by reading about a vagina in relation to something it has no bearing on (like Glenn Beck, who, for all we know, has never seen one). But I did LOLZ at "Cervix Journalism" as well as her investigation into vaginas with teeth ("vagina dentata"). Also, the figuring in of the word "dentata" into both of our respective employers names, because I'm 12. Then again, it's funny to think about shady Dan Abrams having a vagina with teeth (which would make him shadier!).

But I've got another theory: Maybe Rachel's trying to tell us something? The professional media gormandizer's love life was partly chronicled in a New York Observer profile of microfame expert Rex Sorgatz. Observe:

The rest of the room was dominated by attractive single women, including blogger Rachel Sklar, who had been Mr. Sorgatz's girlfriend up until a few days before. I cornered Mr. Sorgatz and put it to him straight: As a straight man, how can you justify hosting a Gossip Girl viewing party?

The 35-year-old, spikey-haired online consultant didn't flinch. "It's an awesome opportunity to invite girls over," he said.

If Rex Sorgatz can't make your vagina grow teeth, I don't know what can. This is what your vagina looks like with teeth:

If Kirstie Alley wrote a blog called "Insane Calls I Get from the Celeb-Media," we'd totally read it all the time. This one was apparently from the National Enquirer.

Writer Nelson George reported that White Sox caps are cool again, and not because you can make them say "sex" like in the big early 90s craze.

Activist Matt Browner Hamlin was disappointed to learn his evening entertainment had been canceled.

Dan Abrams' Twitter wrote about Dan Abrams' website writing about Dan Abrams' website being started one year ago, by Dan Abrams. Dan Abrams' stubble wrote a parallel entry on its own Twitter, also about turning one month old, but has yet to get a retweet from Dan Abrams, much less a Mediaite post or a consulting gig.

Boing Boing founder Mark Fauenfelder spread the Bad News, about Satan. #secularhumanistfriday

Did you witness the media elite tweet something indiscreet? Please email us your favorite tweets - or send us more Twitter usernames.

To summarize: Greenwald goes over the New York Times' revelation of a Charlie Rose-officiated summit between News Corp and GE chiefs that ended the battle between their respective professional blowhards, Fox News' Bill O'Reilly and MSNBC's Keith Olbermann. The battle embarrassed their corporate parents, and that's why the beef was squashed. He notes that the Times' Brian Stelter, who penned the piece, missed the big picture in all of this: that we now shamelessly live in an age where corporations can control their news divisions simply by getting a few guys in a room, and ordering them to stop fighting. Which is absolutely true, but we already knew that. He's right, however, in its absolute shamelessness. Even Charlie Rose, who brought the corporate titans together, is dirty. Even better, Greenwald pulls from an old interview of Charlie Rose's. In conversation with reporter and columnist Amy Goodman, Rose noted:

I promise you, CBS News and ABC News and NBC News are not influenced by the corporations that may own those companies. Since I know one of them very well and worked for one of them.

Which is great, coming from the guy who just moderated a meeting of two corporate giants who need to reign in their news networks.

But when not pointing out the long-kvetched, now manifest complaints of anarchists everywhere, he gets to something even more insidious: former Newsweek reporter Richard Wolffe's guest stint on MSNBC, filling in for Keith Olbermann. Wolffe is noted as a "political analyst" when he appears on MSNBC. Which is funny, because his day job is for a corporate strategies firm run by the former Bush White House Comm Director Dan Bartlett:

Wolffe left Newsweek last March in order to join "Public Strategies, Inc.," the corporate communications firm run by (Bartlett), its President and CEO...

...Having Richard Wolffe host an MSNBC program — or serving as an almost daily "political analyst" — is exactly tantamount to MSNBC's just turning over an hour every night to a corporate lobbyist

Hot damn. He also goes on to note those who've previously written about MSNBC and Wolffe's lack of disclosure over this (Ana Marie Cox), and links to Public Strategies' website. Want to know what one of their divisions is? This is neat:

Media Intelligence™

The Situation

A leading media company faced negative public perception and sagging stock prices resulting from a personal legal situation involving its CEO. Senior Management engaged Public Strategies to reposition the company as a trusted, respected, and innovative leader in its industry, and to help mitigate the crisis and restore confidence in the brand.

Public Strategies' solution

In addition to providing strategic counsel, Public Strategies immediately responded by enacting its Media Intelligence™ service providing the client with a 360-degree perspective of public opinion around the globe

A "360-degree perspective," and a four-dimensional one, too, like A CALL THAT COMES FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE. Furthermore: he points out how Wolffe has gone on the record to a Newsweek reporter after announcing his departure from the weekly as not giving a shit about the line between corporate interests and news. And get ready to walk away from your computer, because you might want to break something:

"The idea that journalists are somehow not engaged in corporate activities is not really in touch with what's going on. Every conversation with journalists is about business models and advertisers," he said, recalling that, on the day after the 2008 election, Newsweek sent him to Detroit to deliver a speech to advertisers. "You tell me where the line is between business and journalism," he said.

Jesus.

At least former MSNBC correspondent, the (potentially) conflict-of-interest-happy Dan Abrams, tries to run interference on the inherent conflicts between owning a media strategies firm Abrams Research and owning a media reporting website Mediaite (or at least: has henchpeople furiously sending emails, telling everyone writing about them to get their facts right).

The kicker, however, is when Greenwald points out Wolffe's bio on the Public Strategies website, where they actually tout him as a news source: "In addition, Wolffe is an NBC political analyst. He provides political commentary on several MSNBC programs, Meet The Press, and TODAY."

As in, in addition to being our employee, we can send him into the field to say whatever you want him to say! For a price, of course. There's clearly a very small difference in being able to pay to put something in someone's mouth, and being able to pay to get something out of someone's mouth in front of a bunch of other people. Richard Wolffe is about as dirty and shameless a media whore as you can get, taking money from corporations, going on the news with his pockets lined by said interests, and being framed in a context as an objective, righteous news commentator. Richard Wolffe, and by extension, MSNBC, are completely - and I guess, at this point - unexpectedly dirty, and pretty much nothing they claim to be and everything they don't.

Glenn Greenwald, on the other hand? You deserve something. I don't know. A steak dinner. A stiff drink. But mostly, lots of people to read your column. It's nice to see someone who's not answering to the interest of brass somewhere, which, apparently, is becoming more and more rare as we move forward in this great new era of news, or whatever we're eventually going to call it.

GE's silencing of Olbermann and MSNBC's sleazy use of Richard Wolffe [Salon]

Dan was there to tout his important new "Gossip Cop" site, which is poised to revolutionize the field of copping gossip. And Katrina Vanden Heuvel of The Nation had the nerve to talk about how the media should be like, policing lobbyists and the government and shit?

Hey lady all due respect but Dan can only say Mediaiteitieitieie so many times in sixty seconds and you're cutting into his airspace so just cool it.

Because Important People Deaths carry more weight than ol' lowercase regular people deaths, they can either elicit well-considered, clear-minded objectivity, or they can inspire transparent glibness, insipid tributes, and reactionary nonsense. Writing about Cronkite's death online is meta (man...), because his death apparently signifies the end of old-media (or something). Did his professional decedents and famous people respond accordingly? Well...

George Clooney wants to die. Clooney - who's old man was a newsman, and the inspiration to tell Edward Murrow's story in Good Night and Good Luck - doesn't want to exist in a world without Cronkite. Really.

"He was the most important voice in our lives for thirty years," the Oscar winner, who delved into the history of the CBS newsroom when he directed and costarred in Good Night and Good Luck, said in a statement Friday night. "And that voice made people reach for the stars. I hate the world without Walter Cronkite. "

Between this and his pet pig dying, it's been a shit year for him. You know who else is sad? Christina Applegate. Bet you weren't ready for this: ready for this:

Elsewhere, Shaq took a picture of himself with a sword, Perez Hilton appears to have not totally fucked something up, and John Mayer hit himself in the balls.

President Obama got right down to business:

"For decades, Walter Cronkite was the most trusted voice in America. His rich baritone reached millions of living rooms every night, and in an industry of icons, Walter set the standard by which all others have been judged. He was there through wars and riots, marches and milestones, calmly telling us what we needed to know. And through it all, he never lost the integrity he gained growing up in the heartland.

But Walter was always more than just an anchor. He was someone we could trust to guide us through the most important issues of the day; a voice of certainty in an uncertain world. He was family. He invited us to believe in him, and he never let us down. This country has lost an icon and a dear friend, and he will be truly missed."

As far as media personae go, let's start with former MSNBC anchor Dan Abrams (of course), only because David Carr is somewhere in Bogota eating Arepas and has nothing to Tweet about Cronkite so far.

Abrams, whose new media consulting business arm media website ranks media personae against each other when they're not trying to kick sand at other outlets or mourning the breakup of gay penguins. Well, for one thing, poor Cronkite wasn't even awesome enough to make the list of 214 TV/News anchors in the first place. Sad. Abrams' website more than made up for it, though, with six different posts on the matter, each one more Google-happy than the next. The King Shit, however, takes a shit on all the media coverage of Cronkite, including that of his own site's:

...every major journalist is now vying to be part of the Cronkite coverage (including, I suppose, this one). No question so many grew up watching Cronkite's masterful work over the years - from war zones to the White House. And those who knew him well have offered moving tributes to Cronkite the man. But showing one's respect for Walter Cronkite also means paying homage to what the Cronkite name has come to represent –a time when it would have been unthinkable to cover Michael Jackson's death day after day....Even in reporting on his death many journalists have violated one of Cronkite's basic tenets: report the news don't become it. How many times this weekend have we heard top journalists memorializing Cronkite with sentences beginning with the word I. "I met Cronkite in. . ." or "I remember seeing him. . ."...

Having reported on many of the most notorious trials of the past two decades (including that of Michael Jackson) I have no claim to Cronkiteian journalistic purity. The same applies, however, to some of my colleagues now attempting to tether themselves to Cronkite's legacy.

Nothing better than a little self-flagellation to relieve the symbolic pain of a symbolic death now, is there? Meanwhile, friend of this site Peter Feld - who's done a few political liveblogs, here - just went live with a column on Mediaite...about personal memories of Cronkite.

Tina Brown's Daily Beast went with only three articles, including a pretty solid video tribute.

Another self-proclaimed Media Expert, Jeff Jarvis, couldn't have hidden his glee any worse:

And while our boss was being letting the company strategy out of the bag, and our night editor was coming up with conspiracy theories, Sarah Palin didn't have anything to say about Cronkite, instead, going for some nonsense about there not being rain without rainbows.

There's no greater point about Cronkite to be made here so much as a point about the immediacy and speed with which we react to the death of someone we consider to be important, and the natural de-evolution of that importance by the moment. But you'll often be surprised by who takes expediency in these matters, and maybe that, too, is the salient point: an Important Death can often bring out the more surprising, unforeseeable reactions you wouldn't expect. Like the New York Times taking Cronkite from above the fold:

While Drudge keeps him up:

Then again, maybe Drudge just - like the rest of us - enjoys a famous dead person. So it goes.

Tech writer Milo Yiannopoulos tweeted his medical collapse, until the mean old ambulance man insisted he stop. Compassion is truly dead.

Former Tesla exec Darryl Siry waited until after his medical crisis had passed to microblog it.

The Washington Post's Ezra Klein was treated with basic human decency by one of his subjects. Very sneaky, that.

NBC's Dan Abrams, whose new company pays journalists for advice, wants to see our ponies. No. (Not without a consulting fee, at least.)

Jason Pontin of MIT Technology Review couldn't find a press contact at Google. If only the operating system company would develop some sort of effective internet finding-things technology for this kind of problem!

Did you witness the media elite tweet something indiscreet? Please email us your favorite tweets - or send us more Twitter usernames.

Gawker hasn't exactly been shy about taking its shots at Mediaite in the time leading up to the launch, so we spoke to Editor-At-Large Rachel Sklar via email to give her an opportunity to talk about the site and counter some of the criticism we and others have had about Mediaite and Abrams Research.

Gawker: Okay, first off, you've been working on this launch for months. Now that the site is finally up and running, how do you feel?

Sklar: Months - actually it's been quite a quick turnaround. Someone did the math here and it's more like ten weeks. So how do I feel? Hm, tired. I still have a bunch of stuff to do tonight. But, happy! I love the site and had a blast with the team putting it together. If you don't give me an opportunity to kvell about our interns later on in this Q&A, permit me to do so now. They are off-the-charts fantastic.

Next!

Gawker: Well, it probably just seems as though you've been talking about it for months, so forgive me.

Now, there's been plenty of criticism launched in the direction of your boss, Dan Abrams, for what many, Gawker included, see as a conflict of interest in having a media advisory firm attached to a media website. Obviously, you feel differently. How have Gawker and other critics of Abrams Research/Mediaite been wrong about this?

Sklar: It seems like YOU'VE been talking about it for months, you mean! We didn't even launch a Twitter until May: http://myfirsttweet.com/1st/mediaite

It's not attached. They are separate businesses. Check out Dan's blog post.

(Ed. note—Here is what Abram's said in his inaugural blog post addressing these concerns:

While I have certainly helped create the tone and direction of Mediaite, now that the site is live, I will take on the role of Publisher. I will continue to help guide and manage the business side of the site, but the editorial decisions will be left entirely to the editorial staff.

Why would I give up the opportunity to edit my own site? There are a number of reasons. Most important, however, I want this site to be viewed as objective – tough and opinionated – but not the Dan Abrams Post. I have strong feelings about many in media and will write opinion columns for the site but the editorial team will determine the editorial content. When you think about the team we have assembled, it's easy to understand why I feel so comfortable - Managing Editor Colby Hall, Editor-at-Large Rachel Sklar (former Huffington Post media editor) , Senior Editor Glynnis MacNicol (former FishbowlNY editor), and TV Editor Steve Krakauer (former TV Newser editor) (among others) - are top of class.)

Gawker: So Abrams essentially says in his blog post that he won't use Mediaite to protect and promote the interests of his clients at Abrams Research. But wouldn't you guys at Mediate cry foul if someone like Nick Denton did the same thing? Do you not understand the skepticism that the "just trust me" line of defense inspires?

Sklar: Someone could make the same argument about advertisers (insert Bloodcopy joke here!).
But hey! We've got this great new site! Check it out!

It was at this point that I got an email from Sklar saying that she was on her way home and that we'd resume the interview, but I never heard back from her. Oh well. In her defense it was four in the morning at this point and she may have walked through the door of her apartment and just collapsed into the fetal position. I can't say that I'd blame her if that was the case.

But just because we've had trouble viewing the site doesn't mean that others haven't seen it! Here's what the Washington Post's Howard Kurtz said:

With separate pages for TV, print and online, the site aggregates plenty of content, like other media-focused portals, while also offering opinionated takes on scandal coverage, journalistic feuds, ethical questions and sundry embarrassments. There is a "Confront the Critics" feature — an artist gets to talk back to a negative reviewer — and a "Sex Watch," as in, who's exploiting titillating images for page views?

Some headlines, from an exclusive peek at last week's trial run: "Where Will Sanford Sell His 'Love Story' on TV?" "CBS and CNN and Michael Jackson Coverage — Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough." "Which MSNBC Colleagues Did Joe Scarborough Call Out This Morning?" "Vibe Folds: Death Knell for All Music Mags?"

ASSME's Drew Grant also got a look at it before it went down and naturally went straight to the "Jobs" section.

Plus there's a Job section, which as of yet doesn't seem to rival (Laurel) Touby's in quantity or quality…in fact, searching in their "Jobs for Media Professionals" section results in 0 items. Probably just a bug that will get fixed in time, but I prefer to think of it as gallows humor.

So what are you waiting for? As of right now (4:19am Eastern) the site is back up again. Go check out Mediaite now while it's still up.

UPDATE: At about 5am, I noticed an email had come in from Sklar while I was out for coffee answering an earlier question I'd posed about her role in the day to day operations of Mediaite. Here's what she said:

A bit of everything - write, obviously; do some video stuff that we're working on; help develop the features we've planned for the site. We're small so we all do a lot of everything. I've also been recruiting contributors, which I did a great deal of at HuffPo - that's been fun. I love the people we've got so far. I might need to kvell a bit here, too: Jim Impoco has a great column about Portfolio's emerging legacy; my old pal Jeffrey Feldman has the definitive take on the Pitney-Milbank dustup; and then there's Rob Spence, who's, oh, a CYBORG. Wooo, the singularity is coming! (I sort of know what that means.)

But I have to say the column I'm most excited by is by Bill Rappleye. Bill is 85, has been working in journalism for over sixty years. He's writing a column for us called "Old Guard" all about what's happening in media, from the perspective of someone who has seen it evolve through decades of technological advancement. He's like a walking institutional memory bank. We're lucky to have him.

So there you go.

Just the Messenger [Howard Kurtz/Washington Post]
The Mediaite is the Message: We Overloaded the Power Grids! [ASSME]
Screengrab via Mediaite

To recap: Sklar sent New York's media set abuzz after going wide with an email soliciting writers for a new "Drudge Meets Huffington Post" media blog she's running called Mediaite, which will be funded by former MSNBC journalist Dan Abrams. Abrams also owns a much kvetched-over corporate consulting company, Abrams Research, that aims to employ journalists and bloggers in advising Abrams clients how the media will react to issues clients are involved in. In case you didn't notice, that premise could be perceived as more than a little conflict-of-interest-y and scandalous.

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Sklar's email was a request for submissions with a 12-point list of somewhat patronizing and legalese-heavy guidelines. One of the email's more interesting points was that payment and "compensation issues are still being hammered out." She sent out the email at about 4PM on Thursday. By 6:06 PM, Jarvis had a full-scale retort to Sklar's email posted to his blog. Some of the juicer parts:

This is the same Dan Abrams - lawyer, thus the legalese, and failed MSNBC host and executive - who is starting a PR company - oh, excuse me, media strategy firm - to advise companies on media while promising access to media people - the same media people, one imagines, he is getting to write about media for his media site. Gawd, it's positive hermaphroditic: A bunch of worms who can't figure out who's fucking whom how. I think I'll stay away. Don't want any of that on me...I don't need any lawyers-turned-flacks-turned-media-commentators-turned-publishers. I can publish on my own...If [Dan Abrams] had just started a blog or a group blog about media, cool. But announcing that he's also starting a PR company offering access to media people makes it stink. And then trying to throw on the cloak of legalese does nothing to relieve the stench.

Burn. The rest of it's mostly crunchy media arguing. But Sklar - an notoriously cheeky, ubiquitous New York media character - had been laid into on a very public forum by someone she counted as a friend. So she emailed Jarvis her retort, and then posted the email to her blog after Jarvis provoked her again. And now, folks, we've got a ballgame.

First, Sklar asks why her friend Jarvis didn't just email her with his issues before going live with them:

You know exactly who sent you that email - me, not Dan - and you know how easy it is to get it touch with me.

Then she goes on her toes to defend her credentials:

...don't call me a "fellow lawyer turned media person" like it's a pejorative (I'm going to ignore the imprecise "lawyers-turned-flacks-turned-media-commentators-turned-publishers"). I graduated in the top 5% of the top law school in Canada, was Valedictorian, and got the top public service award. When I bring my legal training to bear on my work it is to be precise and nuanced and detailed and meticulously fair.

After which she gets in the shotgun formation to attack Jarvis as a writer, noting that she wouldn't pay nothin' for his work:

I wouldn't recommend paying you for your contributions to HuffPo over the past year - for example, this one was over 1700 words - I definitely would have sent it back to you with a deep edit. This one was a repurpose from your blog, which is fine, but I [sic] there are a few holes...In this one, I would have pointed out that "Craigslist" needs to be capitalized...The one berating newspaper-people for losing their jobs was maybe a tad unkind; at the very least, I would have asked you to move your semi-mea-culpa up a bit...

She makes a spirited - if somewhat insubstantial - defense of her employer...

I couldn't help but notice that you totally don't seem to get the difference between Abrams Research and Mediate, and you didn't really care to check, either. "But announcing that he's also starting a PR company offering access to media people…" - um, Abrams Research launched in November. Mediaite is a separate site, and Dan won't have any editorial role. They are two separate concerns.

And closes it out with a solid kicker, like any good journalist blogger media consultant would:

You can write what you want - you're Jeff Jarvis! Who cares if it's not your best work - or even if it's not the best work it could be? That's fine for those sites, it's part of the process. Mediaite has a different process: we want to address the stuff above before we publish. (And also it shouldn't be racist of sexist or homophobic! I know, how inconvenient!) But anyway, all of the above - all of it! - is beside the point: That blog post was easily one of the biggest dick moves I've ever seen.

Best,
Rachel

As crunchy, old, and kvetchy as Jarvis comes off, we're going to have to award this round to him. Sklar stooped to his level, took this thing personally (which, maybe she should have, but still!), and also, made a weak, roundabout argument regarding Abrams' conflict-of-interest issues without actually addressing them, though if Sklar does count old media fogey Jarvis as a friend, she's right: he was being kind of a dick. But hopefully, like two other friends-turned-foes, neither party in this "violent" "battle" of "epic" proportions won't turn to violence.

Meanwhile, while Mediaite clearly still has yet to launch, their Twitter is up and running, and one of the crew decided to launch a little fire Jarvis's way:

Except they forgot to disclose within that 140-character limit that they're as "independent" in so much as Mediaite and Abrams Research ("AR") are owned by the same guy. They're gonna have this problem a lot, aren't they?

No Thanks [Buzz Machine]
Bloggers Do It In Public [Chartini]

*Full Abrams Research-esque disclosure: I know Sklar socially/personally - like everyone in New York media - and have emailed with her over her responsibilities at Abrams Research. "Dan Abrams' Henchwoman" is not her official title.

Yesterday an email was sent out by former Huffington Post media blogger Rachel Sklar, who is helping the former MSNBC executive/host launch the site, explaining what they're looking for:

We want Mediaite to be a platform for great, smart takes on media, and are establishing a community of columnists and contributors to that end. We're looking to to develop a number of great, regular paid columns and intend to have a number of paid contributors on the masthead as we grow. We are still in start-up mode so compensation issues are still being hammered out, but our goal is to develop smart column/feature ideas with our contributors. We believe in strong, smart ideas executed well — and we plan to pitch those ideas to advertisers accordingly.

What does this mean for you? Well, our goal is to develop these ideas, and eventually to pay certain top contributors a revenue share and/or stipend. This will probably be at least a few months down the road, but we want to make our intentions clear from the outset. We think this will be a win-win on both sides: we provide the platform, editorial support and ad sales efforts; you provide the smart and innovative content. We are still in the very early stages, but we are fairly confident that some great, highly clickable features will come from this, and we think this is a terrific way to provide incentive beyond visibility, working with great editors and being part of an awesome new start-up site.

Yeehaw! Sounds great, right? Well, all except the part about the "compensation issues" to be hammered out, you know, whenever. You'll get a "stipend" a few months down the road. Maybe. For now you'll work for free and like it because Mediaite is so awesome y'all! After all, who needs money these days anyway?

Sklar then goes on to lay out the somewhat patronizing and legalese-heavy "columnist contributor guidelines." Here are some of the highlights:

3. Feel free to express any opinion, however unpopular; however, you must be able to support your arguments with linkable facts and/or original, verifiable reporting. We need to give the reader enough information to intelligently disagree with you; you need to be able to demonstrate to your critics why you are totally right and they are idiots.

6. Please send us the post WITH HTML already in place. If you don't know what HTML is - that's the code allowing for hyperlinks and style elements like italicizing etc. We recommend opening up an account at Blogger.com or Tumblr.com to figure it out. (It's no harder than Microsoft Word. The first post will get you up the learning curve in no time.)

7. It goes without saying that the work should be your own. Still, we're saying it because it's easy to accidentally copy and paste. For video submissions, please refresh yourselves on fair-use guidelines if using copyrighted images. Upshot: Be extra-sure to attribute all the words and/or images that are not yours. ("Hat-tips" to where you heard of something are good form, too. Links are the currency of the Internet.)

9. NB: #3 effectively precludes racist, sexist, homophobic, anti-Semitic or otherwise unsupportable/repugnant views. Provable arguments mean rational, sane thought. Since you are all sane, rational people we're not that worried, but it must be said.

13. You retain all the rights to your work. In the event that we enter into a revenue-share or some other financial deal, we reserve the right to negotiate the terms on a case-by-case basis.

So yeah, support your argument with, you know, logic and facts and stuff, put your own Goddamn links in there lazy-ass, don't pull a Maureen Dowd, don't piss anybody off (especially the Abrams Research clients we'll have you shill for occasionally), your work belongs to you, unless we decide that it doesn't, and we'll decide how little we're going to pay you when we feel like getting around to it.

Sounds awesome!

First, here's more than you could possibly want to know about how qualified Zuckerberg is for this gig, courtesy of Abrams cohort/ Mediaite editor-at-large Rachel Sklar:

Her sister forwarded a listing from someone at Yale, presumably from the Yale Journalism List (we sent it to several university lists). Randi knew me and suggested Arielle apply. She did, and knocked Andrew's socks off in their phone interview (Andrew Cedotal coordinated the intern recruitment, and did a fantastic job because our interns RULE. I remember he was psyched because he made a "Dune" joke and she got it.) But more importantly, she's a genius - computer science major, knows Java and is an SEO whiz - interned at the NYTimes social media dept. last summer. She knows blogs inside and out and is just incredibly savvy, smart and is fantastic to work with. She's super smart and we value her immensely. I do want to emphasis that our interns with non-Valleywag-featured surnames are also amazing - we seriously can't believe how lucky we got.

Thanks, Rachel. And now, the big reveal of what you can expect when Mediatie Mediadate Mediaite launches soon. Thanks, The Google.

Sklar - who's doing freelance work for The Daily Beast when she's not working as "media consultant" Dan Abrams' prime henchwoman - sits down here with Times media reporter David Carr (a famously reformed alcoholic) at a bar for a drink. The results are weird and beautiful and utterly fantastic, in that, I can just pull quotes from it and it's wonderful:

Carr's weirdness starts out: "Today was horrific." Horrific? Fun. Flamboyant! He continues, showing his media reporter card/hand: "The thing is, if you write something about the New York Times, a lot of people feel compelled to write in and say what would save the New York Times. And we've thought about most those things."

Who's we? And, wait: we have? "And Number one, we're not really in need of saving. And then there's a lot of people who think the paper's going to go away, somehow." What? No! Yes? I'm so confused!

Then Carr talks about how excited he is to be a media reporter, and Sklar - who appears to be eating a mango, maybe? - nods downward at the words "media reporter," or so the video's been edited! Conspiracy! But Carr is scared. "But I'm scared," he explains to Sklar. Her response? David Carr, Inc. can live without the Times, because he has a brand. And Carr cuts her off: "I'd never make what I'm making now." Well, that's why you hire Abrams Research! Duh!

Then Carr gets a "fry cut" - maybe that mango was a french fry? - and there's a bunch of nonsensical trivia about whether or not Carr prefers Star Trek over Star Wars. Carr begins to give Sklar the crazy eyes and she begins to look scared. And then, before we know it, the cinéma vérité masterpiece that is SklarCarr has come to an abrupt stop.

So, final count:

- Rachel Sklar looks down when Carr calls her a media reporter.
- Rachel Sklar looks terrified of Carr.
- Carr - the New York Times media reporter - doesn't think the now perpetually beleaguered paper needs saving.
- Carr will not abandon the mothership, because he's making too goddamn much.
- Carr thinks Star Trek is action-packed and the like and Star Wars is for nerds. What?

When future humans come back to earth to excavate our microparticles in order to learn about the civilizations that came before them and the silly instruments that provided the decline and ultimate demise of our culture, our means of communicating, and this whole "journalism" concept - print, electronic, telekinetic, whatever - in like, fifteen years, this video's going to be studied endlessly. I've watched it four times and it's still strangely, incredibly hypnotizing. I feel like I'm watching some acid-dropped deleted scene from Citizen Kane. It's that awesome.

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.That new Stephen Colbert Newsweek cover? Total ripoff of Spy Magazine. Jeff Bercovici points out that this is okay because every funny magazine is a total ripoff of Spy, even if none of the writers have ever read a single issue of Spy, because Spy invented humor, in magazine form.

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.New York Times media columnist David Carr went through an entire internet-person party a lot like this one, for his column today, and didn't even insult anyone there, which is kind of superhuman.

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Mediaite.com, the media blog offshoot of Dan Abrams' PR firm, has hired Steve Krakauer of TV Newser as its new "TV editor." So there is at least one open job in the media now.

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Just how wacky is wacky WaPo political wacky-pointer-outer Dana Milbank? "The Post's 'wiseguy,' as described in Yeas & Nays ran around the house with a pair of [editorial cartoonist Tom Toles]' very own tighty-whities over his jeans and even waved a pair over his head on the dance floor." Now that is wacky. Your move, Gene Weingarten.

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Fleur Cowles, who in 1950 launched a magazine called Flair that "caused a sensation and is still admired for its coverage of fashion, décor, travel, art, literature and other enthusiasms of Ms. Cowles's," has died at the age of 101.

So, Roxana Saberi, the American-Iranian former NPR reporter, was convicted of spying in Iran, but diplomatic pressure has caused the head of Iran's judiciary to call for a fair review of the case. Which may have no effect whatsoever! Nightmarish. There's also those two Current TV freelancers who have been held in custody in North Korea for a month now. Does this mean that Obama needs to authorize the creation of a supersecret crack government Delta Force-like team dedicated to busting into dangerous foreign prisons and rescuing journalists in peril? Yes.


One creaky institution offers to save another.

Goodness gracious, David Denby, the winner of the "Spend Years as New Yorker Movie Critic!" contest inside Mr. Goodbar wrappers, has had quite a few fancy days lately: first he wrote a letter to the NYT with a plan (not a bad one, and not an original one) for solving the newspaper industry's financial crisis, and then he reviewed two (count em!) Hollywood blockbusters about journalism. Does this mean that David Denby is a veritable god among journalists, here to bestow his wisdom upon we who may otherwise crumble in the face of "Snark?" Yes.


The Paper of Record ran a front page story this past weekend that boiled down to this: a few MTV shows are now throwing in a few minutes about "Helping Kids."

PR man Dan Abrams' media site, Mediaite.com (pronounced "Mee-dya-tay") is getting close to launch, apparently. In addition to Rachel Sklar and Glynnis MacNicol, he's hired Colby Hall as its managing editor. Hall is billed as a former producer for the Daily Show—which apparently was over a decade ago [clarification from Rachel Sklar: "Colby worked as a producer at the Daily Show in 2005/2006. I met him via "Not Just Another Cable News Show" - he produced one of the shows I contrib'd to. He's actually totally awesome. Also on his IMDB: "Wife Swap.""]—but it looks like he's also worked in the "branded entertainment" field. Here's Abrams' (sincerely) awesome quote: "It's going to be very judgmental, very opinionated, and there's definitely going to be a humor aspect to it." He says Mediaite will "watch the watchers." Feud-y! Maybe?

MSNBC commentator Dan Abrams inveighed against the horrors of the "mainstream media."

ABC's John Berman played Captain Phillips to his apartment's Somali-pirate rodents.

Techmeme editrix Megan McCarthy questioned California gubernatorial candidate Meg Whitman's competence.

Web 3.0 fanboy Alan Meckler gave Twitter "big ups."

Foursquare founder Dennis Crowley mooched off of ex-employer Google again.

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