dan lyons, ; - Gawker

posts about #danlyons more →
Return of Fake Steve Is a Vote of Confidence in Real Steve
Fake Steve Jobs Totally Gives Up on Blogging
Why CNBC's Tech Reporter Keeps Coming Up Short
Fake Steve Jobs Unloads on Real Steve Jobs
Newsweek bosses ensure Fake Steve Jobs blogger will blog no more
Newsweek reporter unpublishes himself
Newsweek reporter: Yahoo PR "lying sacks of s—-"
A fake Steve Jobs pops up on Facebook
Guy Kawasaki's new book — an excerpt from the foreword
Forbes.com, Forbes careerists gird for battle

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Baroness
02/08/09

In reply to Fake Steve Jobs Totally Gives Up on Blogging
I remember an early 80's episode of The Love Boat (yes, I'm embarrassed) where a woman (I think it was Michelle Brunette Knots Landing whosit whatever) grows bored because all the men at her table want to do it talk business, while she's sitting there dying for a fuck.

One of the men says, "I'm investing heavily in music videos- it's the new fantastic opportunity!" or somesuch, and all the men nod in agreement.

Only bringing it up because the preposterousness of music videos as a money-making thing was in the air; it seems like it took a decade for people to admit that they're mere commercials- they cost money, they don't directly make money.

Blogs are the new music videos. With less horribly awkward dancing. Making money from them is mostly beside the point.
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cassandra
02/08/09

In reply to Fake Steve Jobs Totally Gives Up on Blogging
That's retarded. The whole point of blogging is to get a book deal without doing any actual hard work. He got that.
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Claire Buoyant
02/08/09

@cassandra: You don't think all that writing for his blog is hard work?
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cassandra
02/09/09

@Claire Buoyant: No. It is just facile. Hard work means doing actual journalism and talking to sources -- ostensibly, his job -- and maybe doing it well enough to win some awards. Hard work is not waking up at 3am with a snarky idea and hoping the Google search gods gift you with attention.
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BxgrlJeri
02/08/09

In reply to Fake Steve Jobs Totally Gives Up on Blogging
The blog could have been a springboard to other things. My year as Fake Steve Jobs book and then talk show circuit. Hire a publicist and then get paid gigs waxing philosophic on shit he knows nothing about. Write another book. Talk shows. Repeat as necessary.
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SidAndFinancy
01/15/09

In reply to Why CNBC's Tech Reporter Keeps Coming Up Short
Let's focus on substance, please. What's with his inseam?
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Phyllis Nefler
01/15/09

In reply to Why CNBC's Tech Reporter Keeps Coming Up Short
I kind of giggled at the picture. Wrong?
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Phyllis Nefler
01/15/09

@Phyllis Nefler: And at the headline in conjunction. Wrong?
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monoverb
01/15/09

In reply to Why CNBC's Tech Reporter Keeps Coming Up Short
They are at it again RIGHT NOW.

No less than 8 bobbing head boxes discussing the mans pancreas. How shameful.
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Drunken Economist
01/15/09

@monoverb: 6-8 boxed heads is par for the course at CNBC. When you add Jim Cramer, that's entertainment, baaaby. CNBC. The WWF of the finance world.
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extra!extra!owentookVAQUERO'sstar★
01/15/09

In reply to Why CNBC's Tech Reporter Keeps Coming Up Short
Owen's an asshole.
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Owen Thomas
01/15/09

@vaquero: I'm removing your star for such an irredeemably jejune insult. The other commenters should be offended by your lack of effort.
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Iceland Spar
01/15/09

@Owen Thomas: Hissssss! Booo! Stop picking on the ladies!
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Dagrolord
01/15/09

@Owen Thomas:

"I am HE-MAN and MASTER of the Universe."

"Kids, Today's lesson is in humility."
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Drunken Economist
01/15/09

@Owen Thomas: Aw, c'mon Owen, we're in the new '5 words or less' woof woof world of CNBC. Tho' Vaquero cheated; you're not supposed to use contractions in an insult.
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Wrapitup
01/15/09

In reply to Why CNBC's Tech Reporter Keeps Coming Up Short
Oy. I clicked on the story and I feel shortchanged.

Since we're back in high school, I say we go after the uggos next. Oh and don't forget the fat chicks, bro. High five.
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DavidQuintero
01/14/09

In reply to Why CNBC's Tech Reporter Keeps Coming Up Short
Lilliputian dimensions

OK, now that helped me overcome any feelings of wasted time resentment after reading this...

The next cracker jack who calls me shrimp (5'6") is going to get a serious lesson. That is Lilliputian to you and me, buddy.
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LeGagneur
01/15/09

@DavidQuintero: You're just at a better height to punch him in the balls.
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Drunken Economist
01/15/09

@LeGagneur: Lilliputian is the new 'medieval'.
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the supergoddess
01/14/09

In reply to Why CNBC's Tech Reporter Keeps Coming Up Short
The sublime commenter outrage makes these horrible posts - and good God are they ever horrible - worth it for me. And I may even find myself disappointed when Owen gets himself fired for throwing Gabriel off a cliff, because I do so love it when you all gang up.
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Aaron Altman
01/14/09

@the supergoddess: I will be less sublime going forward. And more outraged. Promise.
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contradicto
01/14/09

@Aaron Altman: Well that's very big of you.
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Aaron Altman
01/15/09

@contradicto: I'm 5'10", and I see what you did there.
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contradicto
01/15/09

@Aaron Altman: I'm 5'10" too! Twinsies!
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They Shoot Journalists, Don't They?
01/14/09

In reply to Why CNBC's Tech Reporter Keeps Coming Up Short
These sort of posts are happening enough that I think they merit their own terminology:

Dickrolled: To be enticed to click on a post that seems about a real story but is actually a random collection of insults, allegations and conspiracy theories that cause the reader to say "what a ....". Inspired by "rickroll."

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Aaron Altman
01/14/09

@They Shoot Journalists, Don't They?: Well done. Into the lexicon it goes. I think others around here will agree.
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Seeräuber Jenny
01/14/09

@They Shoot Journalists, Don't They?:

Owen Thomas: A John Thomas by every other name.

Yes, juvenile and unclever: Just like that post.
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Calraigh
01/14/09

@They Shoot Journalists, Don't They?: Beautiful. I wish I could do better but I'm recovering from being quite, quite dead and the fact that I'm less than stellar. I am a Black Dwarf. I'm not Gary Coleman though, lest you thought I was confessing cryptically or something.
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Calraigh
01/14/09

@Aaron Altman: Happy New Year Altman! Sorry I never said hello earlier. It's just too depressing round these parts of late..:(
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Aaron Altman
01/15/09

@Calraigh: Happy new year, love. Despite all of this.
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Drunken Economist
01/15/09

@They Shoot Journalists, Don't They?: Dickroll, Steveroll, eyeroll. I'm seeing a pattern here.
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iplaudius
01/14/09

In reply to Why CNBC's Tech Reporter Keeps Coming Up Short
It’s ad hominem Wednesday!
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BookishLatkeish
01/14/09

In reply to Why CNBC's Tech Reporter Keeps Coming Up Short
I have been fond of short men. I like the way they look up at me in awe. And flat on their backs, all men are the same height, if I may paraphrase Maurice Chevalier.
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unclevanya
01/14/09

In reply to Why CNBC's Tech Reporter Keeps Coming Up Short
So, I'm thinking he stole your girlfriend.
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contradicto
01/14/09

@unclevanya: Seriously, the contempt Owen has for some of the people he writes about is so thinly veiled it might as well be wrapped in Saran Wrap.
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contradicto
01/14/09

@contradicto: I really don't want to be critical, but if we're going to do this then we might as well whip out the MS Paint and draw cum droplets all over his face.
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BookishLatkeish
01/14/09

@unclevanya: Some little guys pack a lotta heat. Just sayin'.
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Aaron Altman
01/14/09

In reply to Why CNBC's Tech Reporter Keeps Coming Up Short
What the fuck was this? If you're going to criticize a journalist, can we stick to criticizing his journalism and not his physical characteristics? This is playground bullying bullshit that commenters usually get canned for and, in theory, should be above you guys, Owen.
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Lysergic Asset
01/14/09

@Aaron Altman: Hear, hear.

Ridiculous.
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GW06
01/14/09

@Lysergic Asset: Isn't the point that the journalists that have been covering Apple have their heads so far up Apple's shiny colorful plastic ass they failed to accurately report an issue that the stock market has been pacing back and forth about? And that this douche makes cracks like "I'm a big man, I can take it" without actually responding to any of Lyons' legitimate criticisms and while being extremely short? This is a website that has played David Gregory dancing roughly 500 times. I really don't understand the wailing and gnashing of teeth. Lyons made his height the issue, not Owen.

And Steve Jobs' health IS a news story. He's ensured that.
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Aaron Altman
01/14/09

@GW06: Like we said, criticize the journalism, not the physical characteristics of a person. You can even call him a douche, for fuck's sake, because that's what a reporter who parrots the company line IS. And - quoting Owen here:

"Ridiculing a man behind his back for his height? So low. Valleywag would never stoop to that level. We'd say it to his face. Even if it hurts our neck a little."

So even if it was Lyons who "made his height the issue", it's Owen who is picking up the ball and running with it. And that is fucking bullshit.

This kind of post is beneath Gawker. But maybe not nowadays. And, reminder, Owen: posting an ad hominem attack on someone isn't saying "it to his face". Go ahead, you know where to find Goldman. Literally say it to his face. And do it on camera, so we can all watch you being the bigger man.
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Seeräuber Jenny
01/14/09

@Aaron Altman:

Tacky, childish, and pathetic.
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DennyCrane
01/14/09

@Aaron Altman: Thirded. I was looking back at the archives today and saw a bunch of commenters being executed for fat jokes a few months ago. This is different how?
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Monkeyrash
01/15/09

@Aaron Altman: Wow. Well put.
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Jesus Diaz
01/15/09

@Aaron Altman: I would do that as soon as he gets around Brooklyn.

And then give him a full plate of fist for the attacks on me and Gizmodo for getting the real cat out of the bag.

Jim Goldman has zero credibility now. He's a disgrace to the profession. I've been in professional print journalism since I was 18. Now I'm 36. I've never seen anyone trying to cover his ass so badly.

And the same goes to the hundreds of commenters who attacked Giz for reporting the truth and even accused us of doing this for financial benefit.

Where are all of you know, bozos?
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Aaron Altman
01/15/09

@Jesus Diaz: Again, what does any of this have to do with the man's height? Attack the reporting. I think it's what Gawker media does best.
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