• SEX: In Los Angeles, high schools fed up with kids doing their sexy, sexy dance moves out on the dance floor are drawing up "binding agreements that parents and students must sign before a teenager can step onto the dance floor" regulating sexxxy dance moves such as, quote, "sexual bending." What ever happened to doing the mashed potato?
• DRUGS: Now that Obama's federal government has shamefully abdicated its duty to arrest weedheads, states are "Taking up the torch," heh, to ensure that you medical marijuana hippies don't get away with your toking and your smoking, of marijuana. Most states are run by old jerks.
• ROCK N ROLL: Police are working with the club owners to keep the noise down, and it's really working out well.

Haha no that is just a joke about the last time he quit something, back when we all hoped he'd got to jail. No, former House Majority leader Tom DeLay is quitting the TV dancing show because he hurt his widdle foots.

Delay's partner, Cheryl Burke, said she urged Delay not to dance on Monday, but he would not be stopped.

Yes, well, right. Weirdly, DeLay insisted that he dance on "Latin Night." (BUILD A WALL!)

• Megan Fox, who stars in Cody Diablo's Jennifer's Body, says she's feels safer kissing girls, like co-star Amanda Seyfried, who wasn't so comfortable. Giggle attack! [Us]
  
  
• Awww, Rihanna's so sweet! She sent Taylor Swift roses after the singer's Madison Square Garden concert. Again: awwww! [Just Jared]
  
  
• Amy Winehouse went to the dentist and, like the human that she is, came out swollen. That is all. [The Sun]
  
  
• Sales of Michael Jackson tribute magazines raked in about $55 million. They are now collecting dust. [MSNBC]
  
  
• Meanwhile, the broke Jacko had bad credit. [TMZ]
  
  
• We've some bad fake tans in our day, but few compare to the one current being worn by Donald Trump. [TMZ]
  
  
• Courtney Love, who files a new Twitter post almost every minute during the wee, crackhead hours, is tired of her staff, who apparently aren't "passionately supportive" enough. Supportive of what remains unclear.[Twitter]
  
  
• Paris Hilton went to Guatemala to help impoverished children and came back a different person: "It was a pleasure, those children touched my heart and soul. My outlook on life is so different now." We'll see how long that lasts. [3am]
  
  
• The Gossip Girl cast were absolutely astonished, sickened and beside themselves over news that taping was being held up because Hilary Duff wouldn't come out of her trailer. The nerve! [Page Six]
  
  
• Dancing with the Stars contestant Mya made inappropriate comments about her dance partner and his ruler, which we can only assume means his penis. [E!]
  
  
• Anna Wintour offspring Bee Shaffer far more interesting in law than fashion. Who isn't?! [Page Six]

In all fairness, here's the original video:

And who couldn't think the idea was incredibly cheesy? Trying to recreate a special moment that happened a few months ago on national television is typically the kind of thing that will suck the blood out of said sentiment. But at the end of the day, the couple got to take their friends to New York - experience the complete and utter assy-ness of network tv execs - and eventually dance with the slight self-awareness that they're not actually great dancers. And have a great time doing it:

Not so bad, right? The couple, Kevin Heinz and Jill Peterson, had more fun at their wedding than anybody I've ever seen. Sure, the traditionalists amongst us might find it a little gauche, but really: can you blame them for enjoying themselves? Maura Johnston from Idolator nailed it, however, regarding their use of Chris Brown's song "Forever" for their dance:

This clip has done more for Brown's troubled career as a pop star than his apology regarding his February domestic-violence incident with Rihanna..

And it's true. Check out Brown's chart position today on the iTunes store for a months-old single that hasn't topped charts since before his domestic abuse issues came to light.Not bad for a guy who hasn't been able to shake a trail of bad press for months.

Granted, the video's not new: the couple were wed previous to Brown's savage abuse of Rihanna. But still, he definitely owes the happy couple a wedding present. And not to draw too big of a line, but...

Just days after Chris Brown publicly apologized for his February beating of then-girlfriend Rihanna, the two spent the weekend at the same luxury Midtown hotel under a cloak of secrecy, The Post has learned.

Yeah, they spent a few days hiding out from the world in a hotel together. So, better question: did a couple from Minnesota show Chris Brown and Rihanna what true love can be?

Probably not. Either way, if Chris Brown and Rhianna don't owe the happy couple a wedding present, maybe the rest of us do. It's nice to see what joy-filled newlyweds who aren't scary bridezillas or plucked from the savage waters of the New York Times Weddings and Celebrations look like every once in a while. Seriously.

Further reading:

Chris Brown Might Want To Send Jill And Kevin A Wedding Present [Idolator]
Secrets behind wacky Web wedding aisle dance [Today]
Is The Viral Video The New Status Symbol For Brides And Grooms? [Jezebel]

When speaking to a crowd at the New Republic's Inauguration party (everyone in the new White House will be reading that mag, he said), the Chief of Staff mentioned that his kindly old Jewish mother had other hopes for his life:

As a former ballet dancer, let me tell you: For all I’ve done, she still says, ‘You coulda been a dancer.’ No matter what I’ve done: ‘You coulda been a dancer.’ Which is what a Jewish mother instills in a child. A sense of failing at all times.

He promised that he'd do some proper jigging at the various balls and galas being held this week for his new boss, Barack Obama. Though he said his dancing would be "nothing worth watching." We beg to differ. Just look at his form in that photo.

Image via NYT

The remarkably secure-in-their-masculinity (for 17-year-olds, or whatever) chaps touch knees, which is OK. One touches the other's chest. That is not OK. Then they start some more explicit butt-to-front stuff and the principal featured in this episode gets a little uncomfortable and some of us have to step outside for some fresh, cold air because, you know, they're in high school. Anyway, untoward tinglings aside, it's funny. [Thanks, Queerty]

The big award went to work for Uniqlo, the Japanese clothing retailer that creepily resembles a Far East version of American Apparel. With "Uniqlock," you can watch many Japanese people doing dances while wearing Uniqlo clothes, and that is too revolutionary to be put into words, almost!

"The industry is always talking about viral," said Titanium jury panelist Jean-Remy von Matt, Founder & Member of The Board. "The Uniqlo work is viral branded utility. It's so simple, smart and beautiful. All over the world people have it on their desktops, giving them a brand presence in countries where their products don't even exist."

Just what every company wants: huge popularity "in countries where their products don't even exist." The future is about brand presence, not about making money! Here's a YouTube clip of Uniqlo's [Robot] dancers in action. At least American Apparel ads have naked people.

[Portfolio]

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(This morning, around 9:50 a.m.)

Gawker's coverage of Ann Curry.

Says the creator, "j6chan": "As a single engineer in Silicon Valley I have too much time on my hands."

Lonely engineer in silicon valley makes music video (J Lo) [YouTube]