Except that we don't understand what he's saying really. First he told Kelly the carbon-copy cover only made it onto newsstands, and that subscribers got a different one. Which makes it sound like a mistake. But then he added:

...it was not inadvertent, and it was part of overall branding strategies that we wouldn't share for magazines, books, international editions, mobile applications or anything else.

Which sounds a bit like something Sarah Palin would say — it has lots of plausible-sounding words in it, and sort-of scans if you read it casually, but actually makes no sense whatsoever. Is he saying this was a deliberate attempt to brand books, international editions etc like a 2007 cover? Or that they have some secret reason that they "wouldn't share"? Get in touch Dave! We'll run a whole new story, with a different headline and everything, featuring your explanation.

Aside from the different celebs—the new cover features Taylor Lautner and the old one Jason Statham—the entire left side of cover lines has virtually identical copy and layout: the six pack abs, the poster, the results in nine days, the "gain muscle, lose weight," the ultimate nutrition plan, and the eat better and think smart. The 1,293 is the same even though apparently then it was what women want in bed and now it is tips to get money, fitness, sex, and nutrition. Is there something about the number 1,293 that focus groups really well? Or maybe a numerological thing?

A few details on the covers have been changed. Now we get "tech toys" instead of "hard muscle" above the title, the sexy women have migrated to the right hand column, and the "best body ever" has gotten a little bit smaller. The December '09 cover has no "get-rich secrets" because, well, in December '09 ain't no one getting rich.

Anyway, aren't all Men's Health covers interchangeable anyway?

• Anna Wintour's main event-planning-lady - who she's had around for 11 years - is leaving to go spend time with her family. Her resignation probably came with an ambivalent scoff regarding weakness and moral fortitude, and as soon as she closed the door to Wintour's office, Wintour collapsed in heaving sobs. Probably. Maybe. Okay, that shit absolutely did not happen. [P6]
  
  
• Hollywood's Rapid-Fire-Speech Power Couple, West Wing actor Bradley Whitford and wife Jane Kaczmarek (Malcolm In The Middle) are getting a divorce; they have three children. Want to tear up? Here's Whitford's famously charming and gracious Emmy acceptance speech in which he lovingly thanks Kaczmarek for her support of his career. It was going to be 17 years in August, and this is the second celebrity divorce announcement of the week (the first was Billy and Katie Lee Joel). [People]
  
  
• Last month's speculation Gisele Bundchen was preggers with Tom Brady's baby is now confirmed. No word on whether the child - like Brady's other baby - has a penis, or if it's right-handed. New England waits with baited breath. Meanwhile, somewhere late last night, the Manning family wardanced around a black cauldron and threw live lobsters into lime and burning sulfur. [NYDN]
  
  
• Gah! The Governator was on a flight when the cockpit filled with smoke and had to make an emergency landing. Everyone's fine and nobody had to "GET OUT OF THE CHOPPAH" because they were in an airplane, obvi. [TMZ]
  
  
• T.R. Knight made some stuff up about how sad he is to be leaving Grey's Anatomy, probably just to keep his agents from performing self-immolation in a Century City back alley. [People]
  
  
• Radio midget Ryan Seacrest was chillin' with Lindsey Lohan Thursday night until the late hours. Hey, whatever, I just work here. [E!]
  
  
• Woody Allen wants to put the moves on Carla Bruni. On behalf of all nerdy, sexless Semites everywhere, I say: Go with God. [NYDN]
  
  
• American producers of Britian's Got Talent are looking for their own Susan Boyle. Imagine that conversation: "Yeah, of course she can sing like Sarah Brightman, but unless she's seven and has a tumor protruding five inches out of her forehead, we're gonna have to pass. Sorry." [NYDN]
  
  
• Men's Health stud-in-chief Dave Zinczenko doesn't give a shit about swine flu. He had some party where they ate a bunch of pig. Meanwhile, the only men buying Men's Health still remain the ones who will never have AWESOME ABS IN NINE SECONDS. [P6]
  
  
• Beyonce totally stood up Manhattan nightclub Mansion - sorry, M2 - on a date. But the best part of the item is that M2's owner - Joey Morrisey - gets referred to by his last name throughout the piece. So it reads like the former lead singer of The Smiths and the former Destiny's Child frontwoman are about to throw down. Which would be awesome. [P6]
  
  
• Gossip Girl mom Kelly Rutherford is worried her ex-husband might run for the border with her kids. Josh Schwartz is somewhere taking script notes. [TMZ]
  
  
• Page Six watched Leighton Meester's sex tape - or, okay, "several different sources" coughNeel Shahcough - and notes that her feet are definitely the stars of the show. This was reported yesterday, but Gawker can't actually verify this until Managing Editor Gabriel Snyder approves an expense on the company card, so until then, turn to Page Six for all your hard-hitting Leighton Meester sex tape play-by-play action, which they will probably have the exclusive on before us. [P6]
  
  
• Heh. The Busey continues to spit game at whatever immortal age he's at. TMZ caught him at the beach talking to a gaggle of girls, though in all likelihood, he was probably lecturing them on the chi of the sand vulture's post hunter-gathering expedition sex rituals. [TMZ]
  
  
• Hugh Laurie could care less what happens to House. "I don't care what happens I only care how it happens. House could become a nun or an arms dealer or a transvestite," the Emmy-winning actor noted. Okay, House becoming a nun or a transvetite? Seriously great ideas, though. Either would get me watching the show again. [Showbiz Spy]

Here's the problem: As Apple's sales figures show, people tend to pay for indulgent content involving games, music and simulated alcohol. What does Men's Health ask people to pay for? Gym workouts!

Not only that, the magazine's application includes 125 free exercises, and charges for additional content. So it only appeals to true hardcore exercise buffs who aren't already getting workout advice from their gym, personal trainer or free off the internet.

Nevertheless, self-promoting media hero Dave Zinczenko tells Ad Age the software basically outshines the 15,000 iPhone apps before it:

"A lot of previous apps were one-and-done purchases, where you buy Tetris for $1.99, play it for a while, then forget about it," said David Zinczenko, editor in chief of Men's Health.

There's a man who can tell you how to stretch!

[Ad Age]

Dave Zinczenko
This Captain of Best Life Magazine most certainly did not go down with the ship. Instead, he slunk out the back like a rat and jumped on a lifeboat with the women and children. Dave who claimed credit for launching the magazine & loved to drop its name for hotel upgrades is acting like he has no connection to the magazine. Exactly one week before the press release announcing the demise of BL, coincidentally someone fed Keith Kelly confidential info about Rodale's restructuring & made CEO Steve Murphy out to be the bad guy. Curiously, midway throught the piece, the story veers sudenly to a completely different tangent and mentions how a "source' says DZ is indispensable to Rodale, the face of the company and a "winner". Who had access to that info and wanted to make himself look good by trading the exclusive for a plug? Maybe get out in front of negative news with some good old self promotion? Interesting coincidence, but we're not done yet.... The same day Dave was "sighted" in P6 as having dinner with BFF Dan Abrams and his girl Renee Zellweger. Apparently being a 3rd wheel can be cool as long as you the mention. Finally, Dave made sure to lunch at Michael's that same day to be mentioned on Media Bistro's Fisbowl NY (and which reiterated that Dave is a winner). All a complete coincidence right? DZ surely had no idea of the annoucements to come this week. When the press release came out about BL, didn't it seem a bit curious that Dave's name wasn't on it? That must have been an oversight. Surely he wanted to address the troops, thank them for their service and take responsibility for his failures (In as much as he relishes taking credit for his successes)? Surely he did, but he was too busy paddling away from the ship, and no, he won't stop to pick up survivors.

Yesterday, Men's Vogue folded. That was a major embarrassment for Anna Wintour. She was a force in the women's fashion world, but she thought she was destined to build her own fashion magazine empire in her own little corner of Conde Nast. MV was supposed to be a big part of that. Now it's dead, along with Fashion Rocks, the huge advertorial project that Conde Nast put on each fall. Teen Vogue is rumored to be shaky as well! That means fashion advertising is weak overall, and Anna's dream is deferred. If not dead.

You know who this should be of concern to? Dave "Abs" Zinczenko! And every other aspiring magabrand mogul. Dave Z made his name editing Men's Health, but now he oversees a bunch of "Health" titles, writes ridiculous "Health" books, and goes on the Today show as an expert all the time. He's not an editor, he's a brand name.

Until the advertising collapses! Then he's back to being just another dude checking copy and approving pages and hopefully getting out of the office in time to go to the gym, not so he can look good on TV, but just so he can feel good for himself.

Don't worry. Pretty soon you'll be thankful just to have those editing jobs. [Pic via Reuters]

From Kurt Walters' blog:

Alright, my boyfriend George Karabotsos' boss David Zinczenko was telling me during an amazing dinner at Waverly Inn that I had to work on my blog more. Apparently I'm relatively witty, way too opinionated, and lead what some may think of as an interesting life.

Gee, great, there's some easy criteria to follow.

On the romantic painting:

So this is the newest piece I've just finished. It's a portrait of my partner's boss David Zinczenko and his girlfriend Melissa Milne. She ordered it back around Christmas, and gave it to him on Valentine's Day. A rather surprising and original gift I think, sure beats a couple of long stem thorny flowers, and some chocolates.

Zinczenko: A man of passion.

[Kurt Walters]

From: Zinczenko, David
Sent: Friday, February 08, 2008 4:55 PM
To: Men's Health Editorial
Subject: Read this (not that!)

The thought occurred to me while I was watching the Super Tuesday returns to ask: Who had a better last three weeks—Barak Obama, or Eat This, Not That? Crazy, audacious comparison, I know, but stay with me here. Let's see:

* Senator Obama was seen in a very positive light on national television. So was Eat This/Not That!

* He saw his appeal grow among women and ... so did Eat This/Not That!

* Senator Obama took on an entrenched political machine with ties to the fast food industry and made his mark ... so did Eat This/Not That!

* And Senator Obama emerged with hopes of turning his strong showing into a kind of a Barak Brand that could influence us for years to come, and guess what—so did Eat This/Not That!

And that's why I'm proud in joining him by saying, on behalf of the Men's Health team and my Rodale colleagues—Yes. We. Can ... Run a book straight out of the magazine brand and up the bestseller lists (even if not the New York Times bestseller list).

Some quick background for all of you:

.

* As mentioned, we developed the brand first. Eat This Not That! has been a mini feature in the pages of Men's Health since the dawn of the millennium. Okay, that's only a handful of years, but still: We had the opportunity to develop it out, test it with readers, screw it up, revamp it, and hone it until it became one of our most popular features. And all of that honing did something else as well: It allowed us to ensure that Eat This Not That! was a strong contributor to Men's Health and its mission.

* We built a publicity strategy in advance. Thanks to years of building relationships with the Today Show—a place that Men's Health was actually banned from before 2000, I think—we had a guaranteed outlet for the book. But more important, we had already built credibility with the program, having done weight-loss pieces with them for years. We didn't create a product and then try to sell it; we developed a reputation, and extended it in new and important ways. The Today Show wanted to work with us on it, because they believed in us, and knew that we had both the expertise on nutrition and the feel for what people needed and wanted. And that has made all the difference.

* We also put together a team out of the MH brand that was passionate about the product, expert in the field, and well-versed in the strategy.

— George Karabotsos came up with an innovative new design that might be even more iconic, in its own way, than the Zagat guides.

—the creative team—among them my brilliant coauthor matt goulding and our researcher Lauren Murrow—found a ton of ways to improve and give more depth to all of the information we presented.

—Paul Reader planned a media blitz with an irresistible hook—the fat/calorie reveal—and made ETNT an overnight staple on the Today show. As we predicted, the segments were the most popular things on the shows where they appeared; hence, more and more segments. They're watching their audience response, just like we did all those years. Our hit became their hit, which made our hit even bigger.

And, most important of all, we didn't settle for first or second or even twentieth drafts. We refined and refined and refined some more. Since less than 1 percent of the book's content came from the magazine, Matt, George, Lauren, myself and others rethought everything. We dispensed with the standard dedication, and instead used that far-forward piece of text to engage the reader in the battle we had with the fast food companies to get the information our readers need to make healthy choices. And in so doing, Eat This, Not That! became not just information, it became a quest we share with everybody who buys the book.

We went through 57 iterations of the cover. I counted them. We photographed french fries. We photographed cheese fries. We photographed our PR manager Allison Falkenberry posing like a diner waitress. And in the end, we chose the image you see here on the cover. Then we went through type treatment after type treatment, design after design, ripping it up and trying to improve it. Then we tried subline after subline, rewriting and rewriting, looking for the perfect language, until we hit upon "The no-diet weight-loss solution." And finally, when we were all done, Steve Perrine came in and said, "You're not done. You need to put an exclamation point after the title." So we ripped it up again, and Eat This, Not That became Eat This, Not That! And that's the sort of passion we brought to the project. That willingness to rethink, time and again, is what made it a sensation.

And of course, none of it could have happened without all of Rodale rallying to make our dream a reality. The entire Rodale books group, among them Liz Perl, Bob Anderson, Chris Krogermeier, Nancy Hancock, Tara Long, Keith Biery, Anita Patterson, Howard Weill and Bill Seibert, Bill Ostroff, Paul McGinley and Cynthia Dobson and Andrew Gelman, the indefatigable Michael Bruno, Sandra Matthiesson, Bill Stump, Sean Nolan, and on and on—all pitched in the last several months, and continue to today, to ensure that this book's important message got out, in record time, to a country of people in desperate need of this information. Many of us operated as if lives were at stake, which of course, they are. Our undying thanks to all of you who have inspired this project in so many ways.

And because of their efforts, we now have a hit franchise on our hands. So brace yourselves: We've already begun work on the sub-franchises and spinoffs that proceed logically from Eat This/Not That! The saying is true: success has had a thousand fathers, and mothers. So with all that fertile talent around, it should soon have 15 or 20 offspring:

* EAT THIS, NOT THAT for kids
* EAT THIS, NOT THAT for diabetics (Steve Murphy's brilliant idea)
* EAT THIS, NOT THAT for business travelers (Steve Perrine's idea, and a perfect tie-in for Best Life)
* COOK THIS, NOT THAT (Matt Goulding is in heaven over this one)

* SAY THIS, NOT THAT (Peter Moore already has a list of ideas for 85 spreads)

* WEAR THIS, NOT THAT

* BUY THIS, NOT THAT

* EARN THIS, NOT THAT

But the big overall lesson to learn here is a simple one, and we've all heard it from Steve Murphy a hundred times now: it all starts with an idea, and idea that debuted back in March 2002, on page 48. And the idea is very much like the idea of Men's Health itself—it's clever, it's useful, it's catchy, it's definitive...what tons of useful stuff is all about.. And why was it a hit? Because it helped all of us make one of the most basic, and dangerous, decisions they make every day: Should I eat this, or that? (We make 200 food decisions every day, by the way. Chew on that.) If we're armed with the right information, those decisions can help us live better.

And, going back to Mr. Murphy's rule, Eat this, Not That! has succeeded because, like Men's Health, it's an idea that is so big that it demands the attention of its target audience, that it creates its own web opportunities, its own publicity plan, its own circle of spinoffs, its own destiny. And I truly believe those kinds of ideas come out of a brand that is made up of dedicated believers who understand Men's Health's mission because they share it with their readers and web visitors and book buyers. We are they, and they are us. Eat This/Not That succeeds because the need came first, and the way to satisfy that need was brilliantly conceived. My trips through the drive-thru will never be the same, and for me and millions of other Americans, that's a very good thing.

Now, if only I could get Will.I.am from the Black eyed peas to do a music video for the book—Kind of a "Yes We Can...avoid the aussie cheese fries"—we'd be right there.

Thanks.

And then there are Whoppers, whose pleasures we've long conflated with sweet spheres of chocolate-covered humanity but which Zinczenko et. al. have scared us straight into avoiding for the rest of our natural lives:

Whoppers (5 oz. box) 676 calories 24 g fat (20.3 g saturated) 88 g sugars How many malt balls does it take to run up a day's worth of saturated fat? About 70, the number in a theatre-sized box of Whoppers. This candy's a long-standing classic, but so are fat-guy comedians. You want to join that jowly double bill?

The folks at Hershey's are beside themselves, meanwhile, rallying to the defensive with a new slate of pre-movie commercials featuring Fat-Guy Comedy All-Stars like Jeff Garlin, Horatio Sanz and Frank Caliendo — the latter of whose spot reportedly features the rotund impressionist as Zinczenko, taking ill-timed breaks from his mani-pedi to obsessively wolf down a few smooth, life-affirming Whoppers. "This is what being a man is all about," he moans between chews, jowly all the way. OK, we're convinced.

• 6 Worst Things to Eat at the Movies [Yahoo! Health]

squeela: hehe, he's cute
JuliasFakeScreenname: The measure of a man is how he treats you when he's no longer fucking you.
squeela: Very true...

Last night, a buddy of mine (who is a peer sex educator at NYU, meaning he sleeps with the gays after giving them advice on safer sex) hosted a Residential Education event entitled "NYU Sextravaganza" at the Brittany Residence Hall, with special guest Julia Allison. Not only did she make a fool of herself, but she also asked to be repeatedly whipped by the flaming presentor. He did three times, each time a little harder (Julia's suggestion) because he was being too gentle and "a bitch." Apparently he left a mark on her arm (though I wish it was her face!). She also stated that she didn't know what a butt plug was, and that she's never had anal sex (you do what you'd like with a joke there).

After awkward flirty exchanges in front of the crowd, the gay boy asked her out, to which she declined because fat ass was planning on getting some french fries. Though must of us assumed it was code for another round of pink vodka.

I don't know why I hate the bitch so much, but yeah, I should have just rented a porn and spent my evening masturbating.

(Photograph by Nikola Tamindzic)

In thousands of the films and television shows about the future that Zinczenko has seen or had described to him or maybe saw the poster at Blockbuster a couple years back, everyone dresses identically, often in beige. And sometimes they are talking apes! But now it's 2007 and everyone still dresses in different funny t-shirts because it's just human nature to want to share your love of Anchorman catch phrases with the world. So therefore magazines will be fine. Pay no attention the circulation trends behind the curtain!

"My guess is," Dave says presumptuously, "your home looks a lot like mine."

Serious books line the walls, picture books adorn the coffee table. A newspaper sits on the breakfast table, spread out for family and guests; magazines occupy space in your briefcase and bags, ready to do service on the morning commute or the next picnic.

One point he makes that is actually pretty good is that paperbacks will always exist because boring losers will always need to try to impress girls on the train.

Not Fade Away [Media Magazine]

Allison personifies the media 'triple threat': Someone who can write, looks good for the camera, and can think quickly on her feet. The reach of TV is staggering, and the power of the five-second beam into thousands, or millions, of living rooms (at least) tops print in sheer efficiency, and arguably, sheer, blunt, brand-promulgating power (a mega-spokesperson for a Maga-Brand, as TV ready Men's Health EIC/brand-personifier/Julia-pal David Zinczenko might say). So those who are surprised by Allison's rise should not be; in this brave new multi-platform world of ours, it pays to be a utility player.

Media Musical Chairs: The Moves And What They Mean [ETP]