• Angelina Jolie is the focus of two books and is supporting another. Reputed biographers Andrew Morton and Ian Halperin want to experience the thrill of writing about a subject who's already said everything you ever wanted to know about her and more. In fact, the ever growing Cult of Brange means you can't even make up anything interesting about her. Meanwhile Nick Kristoff, whose book Half the Sky: Turning Oppression into Opportunity for Women Worldwide Jolie would like you to read, got a taste of tabloid love in their company and was stunned. [Lainey Gossip]
• Joe Jackson observes Michael is worth more dead than alive, is gross. [Celebitchy]
• Madonna is the new God of Malawi. Madonna calls for lightning to strike Britain. [Us Weekly]
• Bai Ling decided it was a good idea to sleep naked next to a cheetah. Cheetah thought this was some kind of poor man's feast provided by the human race and didn't want to offend local custom so he tried to take a delicate nibble of Bai Ling's nibbly bits. Bai Ling is A) Freaked out. B) Safe. C) A Moron. [Dlisted]
• Simon Cowell must have a curse placed on him to be followed by hair-obsessed young men everywhere he goes. [Mirror]
• Brooke Shields went to a store and an employee asked her if she wanted any help. So she punched him in the eye, kicked him in the balls, tore his head off and jumped up and down on his dead body to see blood spurt out of his corpse. Okay, no she didn't but imagine if she had. [Fox 411]
• Sophie Monk as an undressed ladybug on the sidewalk for no reason. Site NSFW. [Hollywood Tuna]
• Tinsley Mortimer's new reality show is a little low on the "reality". *faint* [Page Six]
• Mel Gibson thinks the Scots are a bunch of quarrelsome drunks in skirts. Scotland is deserted today as all Scots died laughing. [Daily Fail]
• David Beckham stares at cheerleaders, is shocked women have curves. [Sun]
• Mandatory Gosselip Update: This shit will never end. [Fox 411]
• Blind Item: C list cable reality star holds forth on tattoos, taboos and Jews. Sinks like a stone. You should know the answer! [CDAN]

• Initial reports cited DJ AM's death as a simple overdose, but a medical exam found 8 undigested OxyContin in his stomach, which leads at least once source to say his death was suicide. A Valentine's card from his ex-girlfriend was found near his body. TMZ, however, talked to police sources who insist it was not suicide. Still, this is sad and we don't like it. [People and TMZ]
  
  
• Britain's food-obsessed Harden Guide cited four of Gordon Ramsay's restaurants as a "disappointment." Another reviewer suggested the celebrity chef "hang [his] head in shame." [Daily Mail]
  
  
• David Beckham's so worried that his children will be America-fied that he makes them watch BBC. Isn't that child abuse? [The Sun]
  
  
• Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama will speak at a memorial for fallen newsman Walter Cronkite. Oh, so will Les Moonves, Katie Couric and many, many others. [B&C]
  
  
• Rumor has it that designer Derek Lam's company has been losing about $1 million a month. [Page Six]
  
  
• Holy God, why? Spencer Pratt wants to legally change his name to "King Spencer Pratt." What a prat. [Star]
  
  
• Kate Hudson and A-Rod have only been dating for five months, but she's always at his apartment, even when he's not there. That's creepy and weird and sad. [MSNBC]
  
  
• Hahahaha! Real Housewives of New York cast members Ramona Crazy Eyes, Kelly Bensimon and "the Countess" all accosted Alec Baldwin in the Hamptons, but he didn't recognize them. Sad! When he was told who they were, he made fun of the show. But, he did ask about Bethenny Frankel, who he did want to meet. [Gatecrasher]
  
  
• Madonna's youngin' boyfriend Jesus Luz fancies himself a deejay, but those familiar with his musical selections say otherwise: "In his last gig at Pacha, in Buzios, guests at the club said his set list wasn't captivating at all, and the dance floor was almost empty." Tear. [Page Six]
  
  
• Gossip Girl actors Penn Badgley and Matthew Settle hung out with hooker-beating ShamWow pitchman Vince Offer. [Page Six]

• A new Vanity Fair article on Farrah Fawcett excerpted on their website details how Ryan O'Neal unwittingly hit on his daughter Tatum at Farrah funeral. It's just all kinds of creepy and downright gross. [Vanity Fair and New York Post]
  
  
• Sad old Billy Joel is supposedly distraught over losing his wife to some young European swordsman and is doing everything he can to get her back. [Page Six]
  
  
• Jude Law thought that the actress/model he recently knocked up was on the pill. Ha! What an idiot. Jude, you always wrap up and pull out, especially if you're Jude Freaking Law! Did the thought never enter your head that perhaps someone, especially an aspiring actress, might lie to you in order to have your child? [Mirror]
  
  
• You have to admire Shaquille O'Neal's diligence in booking challenges against other prominent athletes for his new reality show thing. Too bad David Beckham is such a wanker. [Page Six]
  
  
• Mischa Barton must be really heavily medicated these days because she's just smiling all over the place. [Sun]
  
  
• Are you sitting down? Are you sure? Are you really sitting down? Ass firmly planted in a seat, right? Ok, now here's something that will shock you—Jude Law sleeps with a lot of women. [Page Six]
  
  
• Here are a bunch of pics of Jessica Alba wearing a bikini in the wet surf. Go ahead, you know you want to. [Sun]
  
  
• Kate Moss' vegan boyfriend Jamie Hince flipped out over her wearing a rabbit fur coat or something. [Mirror]
  
  
• Liza Minnelli is not scheduled to appear on Ugly Betty. We repeat, Liza Minnelli is not scheduled to appear on Ugly Betty. [Page Six]

• Katie Holmes thinks that she can dance (and sing!) so she appeared on So You Think You Can Dance last night to do a Judy Garland number, one that some think was choreographed by Tom Cruise. Her dancing was meh, her lip-syncing was God-awful, but it's probably the only way she can possibly make her husband's cock hard, sadly. Here's the video of the splendid event! [Mirror]
  
  
• Gerard Butler is worried that he's become a fat ass because he's lost his six-pack abs and has joined a private gym in Chelsea to work some of his hideous blubber off. [Page Six]
  
  
• People who know Kate Major, the former Star reporter now boning Jon Gosselin, say that she's a fame-whore who has been desperately seeking a meal ticket to stardom. Really? You don't say! [Gatecrasher]
  
  
• Nas did not let the fact that Kelis was giving birth to his child get in the way of his hard partying. Nas reportedly cavorted with young babes and swigged champagne while Kelis was in labor. [Gatecrasher]
  
  
• When she wasn't performing on SYTYCD, Katie Holmes stayed home with the kids while Tom Cruise went out and had a threesome with David and Victoria Beckham. A dancing and partying threesome, not that kind of threesome, as far as we know anyway. [Page Six]
  
  
• The plane crash that nearly killed Travis Barker last year has brought he and Shanna Moakler back together again. [Page Six]
  
  
• In the event you've ever wondered what it would be like to watch Gwyneth Paltrow prepare and cook a chicken, now you know with this amazing video. [Guest of a Guest]
  
  
• We always had a feeling that Avril Lavigne was the type of girl who has booze poured down her gullet straight from the bottle, and now our suspicions have been confirmed. [Sun]
  
  
• For a woman of almost 40, hell a woman of any age, Gwen Stefani looks ridiculously good these days. Just look at these damn abs—Gerard Butler wishes he had these! [Daily Mail]

• Justin Timberlake isn't satisfied with singing and dancing and acting—He wants to write a book, about golf no less. We can't wait. The proposal's going out this week. Instant classic. [Gatecrasher]
  
  
• Where is Michael Jackson's brain? His body was placed in his golden coffin the other day but his brain wasn't inside? Does LaToya have Michael's brain? Is LaToya actually Michael after all? We demand answers! [Sun]
  
  
• Wass Stephens, the longtime doorman at Marquee and Avenue and an actor with recurring parts on Ugly Betty and Law and Order, was charged with assault after beating a club patron with the metal end of a velvet rope. [Page Six]
  
  
• Jason Bateman is opening up about his addictions to drugs and alcohol when he was younger. Who knew that Jason Bateman was an addict? [Daily News]
  
  
• Kate Hudson and Alex Rodriguez are not being shy about their unrelenting celebrity love for each other. They were recently spotted having dinner with Bob Costas and his wife, holding hands and whispering in each other's ears all the while. [Page Six]
  
  
• A new book on David Beckham devotes an entire chapter to the friendship between Becks and Tom Cruise, who Beckham says has influenced every major decision he's made since 2003. [Gatecrasher]
  
  
• Ali Wise, a flack for Dolce and Gabbana often linked romantically to hotelier Jason Pomeranc, has been arrested on felony computer hacking charges. [Page Six]
  
  
• Rosie Perez is set to play Obama Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor in a movie to be made about her life. [Gatecrasher]
  
  
• Russell Brand recently took a vow of celibacy but now he's working in LA on a movie and he just can't resist those frisky Hollywood women. [Mirror]
  
  
• Debbie Rowe broke down into tears after she saw Paris Jackson, who she birthed or whatever, speak at Michael Jackson's funeral the other day (didn't everybody?) [Daily Mail]
  
  
• Jason Lee got into a fight with some random dude at Max Fish on the Lower East Side the other night and whipped out some of his martial arts skills to defend himself. [Page Six]

• An Australian tabloid is reporting that Robert Pattinson has knocked up 19 year-old Kristen Stewart, his Twilight co-star. Allegedly they had an "encounter" and now she's understandably "very nervous about the whole situation." [MTV]
  
  
• Armani is set to run a line of sexy new ads featuring David Beckham and Angelina Jolie. Oh boy—Are we the only ones who think this could be dangerous? [Yahoo]
  
  
• Britney Spears was sporting a "spare tire" as her concert tour shifted from London to Paris. Apparently, Brit has been enjoying English food, which is something we just can't wrap our brain around. [Mirror]
  
  
• Former Three's Company star Joyce DeWitt, a notoriously nutty broad who played Janet on the show, was arrested for DUI the other night. [Daily News]
  
  
• Creepy douche director of movies laden with explosions Michael Bay allegedly made Megan Fox wash his Ferrari while he filmed her as her audition for Transformers. Yep, that sounds about right. [Page Six]
  
  
• Zac Efron, Chace Crawford and Jared Leto have all trimmed their bangs, which signifies that man-bangs are officially on the way out. [Gatecrasher]
  
  
• Twilight star Kellan Lutz and 90210 actress AnnaLynne McCord went to a party in the Hamptons and were roaming around the house looking for a place to bone. Someone directed them to a bathroom and they went in. [Page Six]
  
  
• A photographer recreated some of Madonna's iconic photo poses using Cameron Diaz in a photoshoot for V Magazine. [Sun]
  
  
• Kelly Osbourne said that Lady Gaga has a "butter-face" and that "she has everything but the face." Yes, Kelly Osbourne said this. Yes, that Kelly Osbourne. [Mirror]

• Bradley Cooper, who cruelly and publicly stuck Jennifer Aniston in the friend zone recently, is probably boning Renee Zellweger right this minute because they were spotted eating together at an Upper East Side restaurant, where they were allegedly really into each other. Zellweger was overheard repeating the line "you're so funny" all night long. [Daily News]
  
  
• Kevin Jonas, the oldest of those little Jonas freaks, is engaged, so we guess he can shed that chastity ring and stop being a big, fat, stupid virgin soon. [Daily News]
  
  
• Diane Keaton was rushed to the hospital after—Are you ready for this?—injuring herself in a sumo wrestling match! [Sun]
  
  
• Hayden Panetierre is appearing totally nude in the movie I Love You Beth Cooper. She says that she's got the goods so she might as well she them off. We agree! [Daily News]
  
  
• David and Victoria Beckham have now been married for a decade. The Daily Mirror has compiled a list of the Beckham's tips for making a celebrity marriage work. [Mirror]
  
  
• Tinsley Mortimer has fully dumped Topper and has moved on to boning some German aristocrat dude who works for Uma Thurman's boyfriend named Casimir Wittgenstein-Sayn. Yawn. [Page Six]
  
  
• Mischa Barton was kicked out of "the toilets" at a London club after she tried to sneak a girlfriend into a stall with her. A spy notes that Mischa looks as though she was having a "really good time." [Daily Mail]
  
  
• In case you haven't already heard, Michael Jackson's will was examined by a court yesterday and he named Diana Ross as the "legal guardian" of his children. His ex-wife, Debbie Rowe, got nothing. [Mirror]
  
  
• A friend of Farrah Fawcett read a farewell letter written by Farrah to her son Redmond and her longtime love Ryan O'Neal that allegedly had everyone bawling. [Daily Mail]

As we noted a few months ago, Tom decided that the best way to kiss and make up with old pals Victoria and David Beckham was to offer the couple a weekend vacation at his own home. Nothing says "Procreate for the good of Scientology mankind!" like a few sleepless nights spent at an eerie secluded Hubbard boot camp disguised as a celebrity's mansion. And a few years ago, Cruise made a similar misstep by presenting his tiniest pocket spokesperson, Dakota Fanning, with a cell phone for her 11th birthday. Sure, Dakota's parents wouldn't let her use it and her lack of any actual friends made it entirely useless, but the alien-esque Fanning sure loved prancing down the street "pretending" to talk to imaginary contacts!

Though it wasn't exactly freaky or strange, Tom's gift of a Segway to Hollywood's resident Paranoiac J.J. Abrams left the mystery man disturbed (but mysteriously!). As Abrams told the NY Times in a 2006 interview, his favorite movie-star gift is indeed the Segway, but his quote frightens us just a tad: "Tom Cruise gave me one of those two-wheel Segway scooter things. I'm still trying to get him back for that." Um, because it was programmed to scoot directly towards COS headquarters no matter which direction you pointed it? Last and, in a way, least, future fugitive Katie Holmes has had the fortune of receiving more than a few of Tommy's bizarro presents. As a wedding gift, Cruise reportedly gave his new bride a $20 million dollar jet, even though Katie couldn't fly the thing and was pregnant at the time. But by far the most classic gift on the list is Tom's genius idea for Katie's 27th birthday present: a "DVD compendium of every movie he has ever acted in," inscribed with little handwritten notes from Tom on each film. Because nothing says Happy Birthday like a copy of Magnolia with "It's not going to stop. No, it's not going to stop. 'Til you wise up." scrawled on it by Tom himself.

• TOM, KATIE & THE KIDS SEND GIFTS TO BABY SUNDAY [People]

• The new 90210 just got a whole lot better because Shannon "My Career Will Never Die" Doherty is in talks to play Brenda Walsh. Oh Hells Yeah. [Perez Hilton]
• David Beckham's fish oil supplements give him bad breath, but he's contractually obliged to take them. I think I can ignore some funky breath when dealing with the hottest human being on the planet. [Hollyscoop]
• Angelina Jolie has checked into a hospital in France for scheduled rest before the birth of the twins. She has not popped yet, to our knowledge. [Reuters]
• Adrianne Curry is jumping in to the all-girl-celebrity-meat slugfest. She's joined Jessica Simpson's pro-brisket camp. [Hollyscoop]
• Kate took Lance to visit the Goldie. [People.com]
• Spencer Pratt apologized to Mary Kate for trash talking about her after her appearance on Letterman. Apologize!?! Truly, Spencer will do anything for press. [Hollyscoop]

In today's installment: Britney Spears, Jeremy Piven, Paris Hilton, Vince Vaughn, Jack Black, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, Luke Wilson, David Beckham, Dennis Hopper, Gwen Stefani, Cuba Gooding Jr., Jeff Goldblum, Zooey Deschanel, Rainn Wilson, Giovanni Ribisi, Judy Greer, Phil Spector, Kevin Federline, Morgan Spurlock, Kristen Chenoweth, Judy Greer, Cloris Leachman, John Slattery, Emma Stone, Bijou Philips, Jane Lynch, Dean Cain, John Corbett, Paul Scheer, and more.

SATURDAY, MAY 24
While surrounded by Brody Jenner-looking date
rapists at Happy Endings, I spotted a welcomed sight: Seth Morris, Owen Burke, and Paul Scheer. Joined by a bunch of other UCB comic types upstairs in the corner and looking almost as out of place as me.

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 4
Saw Cloris Leachman at the Aqua Lounge watching Jeff Goldblum and his band play some jazz standards. Jeff's pretty talented on the keyboard, but the group as a whole made me feel like I was at someone's wedding.

Wednesday afternoon, my friend and I are having our usually mid-week lunch time phone conversation. In mid-conversation he gasps and tells me that he is at Chipotle in BH and David Beckham has just walked in. No f''ing way! David F'ing Beckham in Chipotle! BTW - what's up with that family and Mexican food? Just wish I could get shot in person of David's burrito! hehe

FRIDAY, JUNE 6
Vince Vaughn at the Greek Theatre for A Prairie Home Companion on June 6. Thinking he's a Garrison Keillor fan definitely makes me like him a little more.

Driving on Ledgewood in Hollywoodland today, I saw Phil Spector driving a Mercedes convertible, wearing that crazy giant curly fright wig he dropped in favor of the lesbian pageboy thing he wore in court. He wears it while driving a convertible! How the hell do you bolt that on?

Cuba Gooding Jr. with 2 friends eating sushi at Hana Sushi in Brentwood. He was a lot smaller than I thought he would be and was definately enjoying his wine. He was nice to everyone that came up and talked with him. He was abnormally excited about going to Q's (the pool bar next door). Oh wait, it was beer pong night. I'd be excited too!

SUNDAY, JUNE 8
Judy Greer (aka Kitty from Arrested Development) spotted Friday night at St Nick's Pub on 3rd st, sitting in a booth with friends. Had to stop myself from making a George Bluth reference.

MONDAY, JUNE 9
I love the show Mad Men, so what a thrill to spot Sterling Cooper honcho John Slattery getting his caffeine on at the Starbucks on Main Street in Santa Monica.

TUESDAY, JUNE 10
Former TV Superman Dean Cain swooping down into Beverly Hills for some shopping at Tom's Toys on Beverly Drive.

THURSDAY, JUNE 12
Saw John Corbett at LAX on Thursday. T-shirt, jeans, boots, with tinted Ray-Bans at the Hudson Books. Tall with a paunch that looks just right on him. Looks like a very hip carpenter. No one seemed to notice him even though he's a pretty big dude.

At the Palms in Vegas for a little work and a little fun, CineVegas is happening. I caught the opening night film, The Rocker, and went to the after party at Moon and the cast was there. Emma Stone is stunning in person, her waist is teeny and her skin is all Hollywood teen glow, she was hanging out with who I think was her mom. Jane Lynch was in a cool 50's style dress with pockets, lady is tall and very animated when she talks. Open bar here is a dangerous thing.

I was having dinner at the Mel's on Sunset Blvd. across from Ketchup. As me and my boyfriend got up to leave, I heard an easily recognizable voice. I look down and sitting at a booth with a couple of her friends was the star of Broadway's Wicked and ABC's Pushing Daisies, Kristin Chenoweth. She looked adorable as ever!

FRIDAY, JUNE 13
Around 8 am, I passed the front desk at The Palms and saw Dennis Hopper talking to who I assume was his assistant. He looks good for an older guy, white hair, sharply dressed, short and holding onto a bottle of water. I then head to the elevator and walk past Rainn Wilson in red wayfarers and a golf shirt, he's tall and funny looking, the same as one would imagine. Seemed like he had a long night and was asking where the Coffee Bean was. Later in the day, Bill Pullman came through the casino in a navy blazer, he stopped and took photos with people. There was a CineVegas anniversary party at the Palms Place pool. Hopper, George Maloof and tons of people were there including some guy with a cat perched on his shoulder and Britney Spears. She was seated in a cabana with a velvet rope in front of it where two HUGE security guys minded her and a few friends. She was in a black cocktail dress and sat sipping her drink and was surprisingly pretty. The fake tan didn't look so fake and she looked like she had been styled for the night. I wouldn't have noticed her had it not been for the rope. The whole thing was weird. Like walking past a diorama in the Natural History Museum...The Britney Exhibit. She sat watching the party happen and the party peered at her like she was some kind endangered species....and of course, Prince Paul kept interrupting his set to play her music. Tres surreal.

Jeremy Piven looking very chubby at Zen Zoo, on Vine.

Lunchtime in Beverly Hills near the Chipotle, I THINK I saw Jack Black coming down the sidewalk. He was carrying a bag of fast food, unlike other Bev Hills denizens, who carry bags of ugly empire-waisted dresses. I wasn't super certain it was him...but then I saw that belly, that belly that practically got second billing on Nacho Libre. I hope it was him as I said "Hello, awesome!" as we passed each other on the sidewalk. If it was just another chubby dude, then THAT was terribly embarrassing...

Luke Wilson looking extremely hot at my local pavillion supermarket in Santa Monica. Drove off in his illegally tinted silver porsche and while at the red light, kept raising and lowering his window like he couldn't decide if he wanted to be noticed. Looking very sexy tho.

SATURDAY, JUNE 14
Britney at Palms Place in Vegas. There with one of her enablers and a Russian bodyguard. She was chain smoking cigarettes and eating chicken fingers as she sat by the pool. It's true — she's all class.

Saw Giovanni Ribisi at the carwash on Vermont and Prospect. He smoked a cigarette and read a script while he waited for his car. He kept to himself and was completely unassuming so much so I almost feel guilty sending in this sighting. I wasn't able to see what type of car he drives as my car was finished before his.

At the valet stand at Planet Hollywood, I waited for my keys and looked to my left, there standing beside me was Kevin Federline. He's a little guy, wearing his requisite white t-shirt and baggy shorts. Wasn't impressed. Probably not a coincidence that Britney is in town too. Later that night at the Palms, I saw Bijou Philips perform at another CineVegas party. She sang for a little while and hung out by the pool, her voice wasn't half bad. Spotted Traci Lords waiting for an elevator in stilettos and a tight black dress, she has aged insanely well.

SUNDAY, JUNE 15
In Planet Hollywood, I saw Dwayne Johnson tan, lean and HOT coming down the main escalator going to a screening of Get Smart. He's tall and surprisingly good looking, not bulky or wrestler-esque. He stopped and signed autographs in the casino and had a seriously huge entourage.

Back at the Palms, I saw a sunburned Morgan Spurlock by the pool, handlebar moustache in full effect. Passed by Beastie Boy MCA (Adam Yauch) on the casino floor.

MONDAY, JUNE 16
I saw Vincent Kartheiser of Mad Men on the Continental redeye from Newark to LAX. He was dressed just like Pete Campbell in a brown suit and vintage skinny tie, and bopping around the terminal to whatever was on his iPod. Staying in his character's groove I guess, he was only slightly more subdued once on board (first class of course). Much better looking in person than on the show, but an occasional burger wouldn't kill him - the guy is rail thin.

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 18
Last night I saw doe-eyed indie goddess/ingenue Zooey Deschanel at the Rilo Kiley Show at the Greek. Looked absolutely stunning (and happy), wearing a gorgeous green dress.

THURSDAY, JUNE 19
As we were leaving Juvenex Spa in Manhattan at 9pm, Paris Hilton was just coming in. She was all dressed up and decked out. I guess with the stress of being Paris she needed a massage.

Saw Gwen Stefani and family (including her dad) enjoying dinner at Buddha's Belly on Beverly last night (6/19). Aside from the few annoying paparazzi outside, they were pretty much left alone. Gwen looked gorgeous without all of that caked on makeup!

David has already shown his pecs, abs, glutes, and all other kinds of abbreviated names for manly muscles in ads for Gillette, Motorola and, of course, last year's bulge-centric ad for Emporio Armani's fragrance.

But Posh enjoys taking off her size 00 divvies just as much, seen here in 2006's infamous W spread (shot by Steven Klein) in which the LA-bound Beckhams played house in lingerie, treasure trail-revealing pants and, often, nothin' at all. Together again to promote their his-and-her fragrances "Intimately Beckham," a porn-y straddle session seemed perfectly in order. And just for fun, we've included a shot of David playing gladiator for Pepsi, standing in a sea of...Pepsi. But his arms are visible! Which reminds us: we could really use a Pepsi right about now.

[Photo credits: People, Thisislondon.co.uk, Daily Mail, PopCrunch, JustJared]

• DAVID BECKHAM STRIPS DOWN FOR ARMANI - AGAIN! [People]

The tiny couple in question? None other than Lily Beckinsale and Brooklyn Beckham. Apparently (and we quote), "Kate Beckinsale has reportedly given her 9-year-old daughter Lily permission to 'date' Brooklyn Beckham." But before Kate begins setting up a registry at Harrod's, she may want to consider the wrath of Tom Cruise's SWAT team of Hubbard-humping disco stars — a month back, we noted Suri's obvious crush on the very same hot boy on campus, and Beckinsale's new friendship with Victoria Beckham isn't going to protect her from the wrath of Xenuphobes either. But before we prepare for the impending battle of the broods, it sounds as though Kate is simply dreaming of a romance still in its very early stages: "I am dreading the day Lily brings home a boy. But she and the Beckham boys get on really well...If she did have to have a boyfriend, then I suppose Brooklyn would get my seal of approval!" And considering Lily's apparent fondness for wearing as much makeup as possible before reaching double digits, as evident in the above photo, we have a feeling Posh would gladly approve as well.

• KATE BECKINSALE: MY DAUGHTER CAN DATE BROOKLYN BECKHAM [NYDN]

Hello Magazine is reporting that Tom Cruise was plum out of ideas for what to get recently drifting BFF David Beckham for his birthday. So instead of a fruit basket or a lifetime supply of Tom Cruise Purple, the Hubbard-loving Clear decided to treat both Posh and Becks to a private weekend getaway at one of Cruise’s favorite romantic spots in Napa Valley: his very own home!

”They wanted [Posh] and David to make use of their property [and] insisted that it should be just the two of them and that they should thoroughly spoil themselves.”

But after hearing more details on just how Tom planned this so-called “private” getaway, we’re worried the Beckhams are about to be abducted by a Xenuphobic SWAT team...

It's true that TomKat's birthday surprise might very well be an innocent gift, or a way of saying "We've never had sex in this place, but someone should!" But as the story's source continues, "Tom even booked his jet for them and told them they had to be at a private airfield at a specific time so work commitments couldn't get in the way." Let's see: Tom's private jet, taking off from a private airfield at a time designated by Cruise. Is no one else getting the creepy feeling this "vacation" is Cruise's sole tactic remaining in Scientology's official bag of conversion tricks? We'd like to request the assistance of British feds in setting up spies at both the Freelands dock and Gold Base stat.

[Photo credit: Socialite's Life]

• TOM CRUISE GIVES THE BECKHAMS A BIRTHDAY SURPRISE [Starpulse]

Though Hubbard's crowned prince did his best to quite literally shove little Suri towards the more age-appropriate 3-year old Cruz, Suri was visibly smitten with Brooklyn. Anyone else hear "Suri, Brooklyn" and get just as uncomfortable as David Letterman's Oscar audience did post "Uma, Oprah"? In any case, it seems Tom may have given up the fight towards hooking up Posh 'n Becks to e-meters, and has begun using Suri as a delectable treat for the kids. We can just little Brook Becks now: "Mommy Posh! Suri says honey babas are brilliant! I must have ten this instant!" But Brooklyn may have some serious competition...

As Us reports, Suri's favorite movie thus far is Travolta's drag vehicle Hairspray, leading the Cruise fam to a viewing of the Broadway show while in New York early this month. And Suri's giggles and shy grin upon leaving tend to mean only one thing: she can "hear the bells," and they've been rung by star Ashley Parker Angel. We're just left feeling sorry for Tom's Other Daughter (Isabella, 15, who appears to have overcome that "awkward" stage). When will Katie take her along to the next Scientology mixer at the House of Hubbard?

[Photo credits: Getty, Wireimage]

• TOM AND KATIE PLAY BABYSITTER FOR THE BECKHAMS AS THEY TAKE BABY SURI TO WATCH DAVID PLAY FOR LA GALAXY [Daily Mail]
• SURI CRUISE'S FAVORITE VIDEO IS HAIRSPRAY! [Us]

Call it a magic moment, call it a completely forced photo opp, but the Cruises and Beckhams did briefly pose on the carpet before entering the Gala. And though Victoria certainly didn't look happy about it, her nipples sure did.

Amidst the sea of designer gowns, we thought Eva Longoria's dramatic ruffle-adorned number was most impressive. Busy and over the top maybe, but her petite little body suddenly looked voluptuous and the midnight purple color was the perfect choice.

Thandie Newton usually kills on the carpet, so we were baffled to see her in this very Madonna circa 1995 S&M lingerie-esque ensemble. And poor Mischa Barton, possibly still smarting from those unflattering balcony bikini pictures, chose a shapeless dress that was boring on the bottom, modern Bride of Frankenstein on the top.

[Photo credits: Getty, Wireimage, Daily Mail]

• TOMKAT AND THE BECKHAMS TURN ON SOME OLD-FASHIONED GLAMOUR - BUT WAS IT TOO OLD FOR POSH? [Daily Mail]

"Holmes is annoyed Beckham is choosing to spend most of her time with new friends Eva Longoria and Kate Beckinsale."

After reports surfaced that Katie and Tom were not invited to Posh's dinner at Eva Longoria's restaurant last week, Victoria was predictably labeled the villain in the situation. But as we learned yesterday, Cruise had a conflict, which suggests it wasn't Posh's decision to ban the couple from her small gathering. However, as we just noted, Katie is reportedly jealous that Victoria has become chummy with Eva and Kate. But really, Katie, are we still in high school? Sure it's lovely to have a BFF, but this new jealousy-driven behavior is striking us as being very Single White Female of you. We know that Tom keeps you on a short lease, but surely you could find some other pro-Scientology friends to play with. Say, maybe, Erica Christensen or Laura Prepon? We know they're not quite as major as Posh, but at least with those two, you'll always be the queen bee!

[Photo credit: Getty]

• VICTORIA BECKHAM AND KATIE HOLMES' FRIENDSHIP 'STRAINED' [Showbiz Spy]

As we reported, on the night of April 16th when Posh and Becks held an intimate dinner the night before her actual birthday, only a select few glamour girls were invited, like Eva Longoria and Kate Beckinsale. But being the clever talentless superstar that she is, Posh sneakily planned a bigger, better, over-the-top celebration last night, inviting the more usual suspects like Will Smith, Elton John and Gwen Stefani.

And, thankfully, Tom and Katie. But it turns out Tom had a good excuse for missing last week's gathering; he was busy saving the world one gala at a time by presenting an award at the Will Rogers Motion Picture dinner that night.

And as for Katie, we're never ones to jump on the premature pregnant guessing game, but compared to her most recent trend of showcasing her trim figure with body-hugging dresses, this loosely fitting shift dress is the ideal shape when it comes to hiding baby bumps. Has the all-mighty Cruise sperm struck again?

[Photo credits: X17]

• TOM AND KATIE CELEBRATE VICTORIA'S 34TH [Just Jared]