Well, Ed Norton went into Primal Fear mode and quietly kicked ass all over New York:

Norton passed the halfway point of the NYC Marathon in 1:48:08, and he made it to the 35K mark in 3:08:18. In a post-race interview, Edward Norton used one word to describe the experience of completing his first marathon in New York - "phenomenal." However, the race wasn't without its challenges. "You know you are going to hit tough spots, in a weird way mine came early in the race, but then I got my second wind around mile 18 and felt great the rest of the way," said Norton.

He also beat Sarah Palin's recorded marathon running time, for whatever that's worth.

Mario Batali's business partner Joe Bastianich ran 3:42:36, he probably got mad carb'd up on some awesome pasta while you ate Mac and Cheese. Anthony Edwards ran a lazy ass 4:08:20. Good thing he doesn't work on ER anymore because a bunch of patients would die because he's so slow. Tara Costa ran 4:23:12, but do you even know who she is? You don't care. Well you should, asshole. She was on The Biggest Loser and ran a marathon faster than you ever will. Alanis Morissette ran 4:28:45, probably because she had one hand in her pocket, but do marathon runners have pockets? Pouches? Whatever, everything's gonna be fine fine fine. Except for those goddamn cheaters. Cheaters! says the New York Times. They've got crafty tricks:

Some take shortcuts, stepping off the course and rejoining it closer to the finish, often sneaking into Central Park once they enter Manhattan near Mile 16. Other racers hand their identities to faster runners, by giving them their designated bibs or the electronic timing sensors that attach to their shoes to officially record progress at intervals on the course.

So, guess you can't just get on the F train. Sucks. And I bet the 8 year-old kids who run the marathon way faster than they ever will make cheaters feel like losers, too. Unless he cheated. Maybe he did.

But you know whose times didn't turn up? Bloodsexsugarmagik Voodooperson David Blaine, wacky NYT food scribe Mark "The Minimalist" Bittman, and model Veronica Webb. Uh oh. Did they sissy out?

Mark Bittman hasn't returned my email so if anybody has any intel on this, I actually really like Bittman and kind of want to know what his excuse is, because it's probably pretty good. He might still be running. Veronica Webb was definitely there! But maybe she got lost in the Bronx? That'd be funny. She also might still be running. You know David Blaine tried to levitate the length of the course or walk 637 dogs while running the New York Marathon or something dumb like that, and it didn't work, so he probably just disappeared. He might still be running, or levitating, or whatever. Also awesome is this Rabbi calling David Blaine a pussy. Here's a list of famous people who ran for good causes.

Marathons are weird things. Lots of people running around with a bunch of numbers on their chests. Seems like a lot of work for nothing, from this vantage point. Either way, a lot of people like to do it, and I hear some of them enjoy it so much they pee themselves. Literally. Runners who don't stop to go to the bathroom pee on themselves! It's like going in the shower but the shower is your own sweat and you feel like you might die so you know fuck it you only live once right? Right. This year, an American guy peed on himself more than anybody else did. He ran 26.2 miles in 2 hours, 9 minutes and 15 seconds. So in less time it takes to see Wicked, this guy ran all around New York City and peed on himself and probably got a drink of water, too. Did we mention he's an American! He is? Yes! He is. Most of the time runners who win the NYC marathons are from places like Ethiopia, where the female winner hails from. So basically they're just cheetahs in people's bodies. And this guy's from San Diego, so if he has anything in common with Caster Semenya he/she's a cougar in a people body. Get it? That was stupid. Anyway, look, a guy from San Diego ran really really fast:

It was very emotional when I finished," said Keflezighi, who made the sign of the cross after the finish and when he passed the point where Shay had collapsed. "Part of it is just visualizing your dream and your dreams have become reality…"

Or whatever. Now he gets $200,000 to spend on lots of awesome Nikes.

UPDATE: Mark "The Minimalist" Bittman has written in!

I finished in 4.45. Or 4.46. They haven't posted my time because I'm a non-celebrity and don't rate I guess.

You know what the NYC Marathon's running? A CON. Bittman's a celebrity in my book. Have you seen his baller-status cooking videos? You really should. It's a crime Bittman isn't more of a celebrity.

Also! Models can haz finishing timez, according to a commenter. Yay! We are glad she's not still running.

Farrow's been blogging the last 12 days of Being Hungry For People Exponentially Hungrier Than Her. She finally threw in the towel - or ate it - on the David Blaine-trained strike when she was told she couldn't do it anymore without, um, dying:

"I have been instructed by my doctor to stop my fast immediately due to health concerns-including possible seizures. I am fortunate. The women, children, and men I am fasting for do not have that option."

Farrow enough. Stepping in to take her place? A ringer! Sir Richard "Rock" Branson. Sez Branson: "I'm honoured to be taking over the fast for the next three days from Mia Farrow in her courageous stance to support the people of Darfur." Nice, but really? Maybe this is the easy party line, but doesn't the island-owning Branson have the coin to simply foot some of the bill in Darfur? Or to send a private security force in to help the situation? (Answer: Dar!...)

The best part about this - since the political upside on Celebrities Doing Things Inspired By David Blaine has yet to pay off in dividends - is that it's a multimedia presentation. Watch as Farrow remains stunningly "coherent" and "fine."

She's got the crazy eyes. Related: celebrities without food encouraging others to go without food is just a shitty idea all around.

Today, the half-ass nature of Blaine's stunt is being pointed out across the UK, in India, and domestically. But did America's prestigious media outlets bother to point out the very germane fact of Blaine's hourly breaks when they initially reported on his stunt? Let's see:

The AP (no mention of breaks):

What's David Blaine up to? Oh, just hanging around.

The magician-daredevil is proclaiming "I'm doin' all right" after starting his latest endurance challenge - 60 hours hanging upside-down, without a net, above Wollman Rink in Manhattan's Central Park.

CBS (no mention of breaks):

Illusionist and endurance artist David Blane plans to spend 60 hours hanging upside down in Central Park without a net. He faces serious health risks such as hemorrhaging and blindness.

And most hilarious of all, ABC News (no mention of breaks):

For three days and two nights, illusionist David Blaine will enjoy an unusual view of New York City's Central Park — one that can only be enjoyed from six stories in the air, while hanging upside down...

Dr. Ronald Ruden, Blaine's physician, told ABCNews.com that when he first heard the name of the stunt, "It scared the crap out of me."

Considering the various health hazards Blaine may face as he hangs in the position for about 60 hours, Ruden's concern is warranted. He said the stunt will be all endurance — no smoke and mirrors.

"How he does this I'm not 100 percent sure," Ruden said. "He seems to have the ability to use his mind to control his body to not experience pain and discomfort, as well as take away his basic drives to eat and sleep and defy his fear."

"We don't even know what the physiology of this is," he said with a laugh. "I hate that."

ABC, of course, is airing the big TV special on Blaine's stunt tonight. Should be awesome.

6:45 p.m. yesterday:

Sent in at 2:15 today by reader Jesse Waites:

Sent in about 4:00 today—even when he's not standing up on his cheating platform, he has a harness to hold up his head?

I think we now know that his big ABC special tomorrow night is gonna be pretty anticlimactic. Got an explanation? Email us.

[UPDATE: One reader writes in: "Myself and 3 colleagues were there today around 12: 45. We saw the same thing. The security there said the Emt’s check him out for about 10 min per hour standing upright on the crane you have pictured." How can you hang upside down for 60 straight hours when you come down every hour? Ha, it's a trick question!]

[UPDATE 2: Mollygood also noted Blaine's cheating ways yesterday. Backlash!]

[UPDATE 3: We got this email from Patrick Smith, an executive vice president at Rubenstein Associates who is Blaine's flack:

Rubenstein Associates represents David Blaine and I personally have handled publicity for every one of his challenges. There has been no claim that David was going to hang upside down for 60 hours without a break. In all of his discussions with the media, he said he would have to occasionally get his head above his heart and lower his legs to correct circulation. About once every hour, David comes upright for about five minutes for a medical and equipment check. He has something to drink and he relieves himself, something even David can't do upside down.

His doctors told him quite simply that if he didn't correct blood flow, he could die.

David began the challenge at 8:34 am Monday and concludes at about 10:45 p.m. Wednesday. That's about 62 hours.

Stop by the Wollman Rink, especially Wednesday night, and enjoy the spectacle. It's free.

And give the guy a break.

In a move we simply cannot fathom, Papa Joe actually attempted to steal Romo away from his longtime sports agent and agree to sign a contract with him for a reported $67.5 million. As every single character on Lost has said myriad times..."WHAT?" This guy used to be a Texas minister, realized his daughters had great racks and decent smiles, threw out his Jesus Fish stickers, and marketed them to the pop industry. A few reality shows and plastic surgery sessions later, the Simpson girls are still wallowing dangerously close to the D-List. And simply because he's a Cowboys fan, Joe hand-selects his favorite player to date his pouty daughter by luring him in with her push-up bras and even poutier lips. Inevitably, Romo realizes the great rack only goes so far when all Jessica really does is screw him over on Game Day (and not in the good way), so Joe has the nerve to, essentially, ask Tony to pay him money for the pleasure of schtupping his daughter? We think there's a word for this, and that word is gall.

[Photo credit: Popcrunch]

• JESSICA SIMPSON'S DAD ATTEMPTS TO SELL 'ENGAGEMENT', ENRAGES TONY ROMO [Us]

boomp3.com


Magician/performance artist David Blaine cornered The Usual Suspects star Kevin Spacey at a William Morris party in New York City on Monday night. Spacey started off the conversation by asking about Blaine's most recent stunt, but Blaine immediately shifted the conversation to the film The Usual Suspects. Blaine explained that he had seen The Usual Suspects over fifteen times and still hasn't been able to fully wrap his head around the concept of Spacey's character being the infamous Keyser Soze. Spacey chuckled slightly and went on to explain how his character turned out to be the criminal mastermind. Blaine paused for a moment, then said he may have to sit down for a while because his mind had just been blown.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

• Oprah.com

So here's a super-weird sighting - I saw David Blaine, Leven Rambin and Julia Allison eating dinner together at Koi in the Bryant Park Hotel tonight (Thurs) around 6:30. He seriously had cards out on the table doing a trick and Julia was laughing really loudly. She was wearing a black Chanel dress - it was pretty conservative. Leven was wearing some tan sweatshirt thing. Blaine was wearing sunglasses. When they left Blaine and Leven got on a motorcycle together and Julia took a photo of them.

• Michael Richards, the remix. That didn't take long. [Complex]
  
• John Higgins, Broadcasting & Cable editor, R.I.P. [Broadcasting & Cable]
  
• Please, someone stop this Giuliani 4 Prez juggernaut before it goes too far, like the White House. [ABC News]
  
• David Blaine is still an idiot, yet people still like him. Therefore, people are idiots. [TMZ]

· Because we know you'd never speak to us again if we let a paparazzi photo of Lindsay Lohan's not-so-elusive naughty bits go by without a link, here you go (NSFW). We hope you feel just as dirty as we do.
Soggy illusionist/modelizer David Blaine plans on staging his next feat of incredible endurance with the help of Michael Jackson, with Blaine locking himself inside a 10-foot-by-10-foot Lucite box with Jackson, five Make-a-Wish kids, and a case of cheap wine for a week. Blaine is not expected to survive the stunt.
OJ Simpson's lawyer cordially invites the Goldmans to try and get their share of his client's Big Book Of How I Would Have Stabbed My Ex-Wife And Her Lover To Death money, but denies that the Juice has a secret place where's he's going to hide his cut.
Being a nerd desperate for one of the first PS3 systems is more dangerous than you'd think.
UCLA students: "Don't taser us!" Sure, now they say it.

Bubby's is a classic Tribeca eatery that harkens back to an earlier time. A time when men were men, and magicians were magicians. A time when real magic involved sexy assistants, changing one's last name to "Copperfield" to conceal Jewish heritage, and successfully tricking a supermodel such as Claudia Schiffer into dating oneself, notwithstanding the fact that one is 100% gay and bears a striking resemblance to Prince.

Sadly, the era of rabbits and endless silk scarves has given way to the era of David Blaine, a magician so beyond worthless card tricks that he must resort to standing on a pole for 35 hours and swimming in a fish tank at Lincoln Center. While Copperfield is out there doing real magic, like impregnating women on stage "naturally without sex" and finding the fountain of youth, David Blaine is doing highly magical things like sitting in a box for 44 days without food. If that qualifies as magic, someone get those Auschwitz survivors a primetime special! Hayo!

As Blaine's annoying stunts are obviously not magic, one wonders about the real motivation behind his feats. Sure, the stunts bring him fame, and fame allows him to hump babes including Fiona Apple, Madonna, and Josie Maran, but there is another, more sinister reason behind his seemingly pointless exploits. Pancake-eating fatso Blaine steps into a box or a fish tank, consumes only vitamin water and nearly dies, but loses weight. That's right - Blaine's stunts are actually weight loss plans. And no self-respecting celebrity loses weight without publishing a book about it. Expect Abracadabra: No Longer a Fatass in bookstores near you.

So, why was Blaine feasting at Bubby's? Probably carbo-loading for his next weight loss stunt - hanging from the Brooklyn Bridge by a rope. No word yet on whether the rope will be around his neck.