In your holy Tuesday media column: Rupert Murdoch bathes his children in shit, David Brooks' wild undergrad antics exposed, Google has irrational hope for online ads, Playboy goes 3-D, and Donna Brazile is tired of hearing herself talk.

Lady Gaga and Sandra Bullock: What do these two attractive female celebrities have in common? They were both featured in the headlines of conservative opinion columns today! Let us investigate why Sandra Bullock and Lady Gaga were in the headlines.

Remember David Brooks, the Long Island defense contractor who spent $10 million on his daughter's bat mitzvah in 2005—the Rainbow Room blowout featured performances by Aerosmith, 50 Cent, Ciara, and Tom Petty among others—and was later accused of using company money to pay for it?

Barack Obama was sworn in as our first foreign-born Muslim President one year ago today. He gave a pretty nice speech that everyone has already forgotten. It is too bad he was already a huge failure, one week in!

Once a day we like to take a second to point out a comment that we found especially funny, interesting, or (maybe someday) uplifting. Today we get a reaction to Haiti and big bad Republicans.

Because David Gergen, Jon Meacham, Howard Fineman, Mike Allen, Josh Marshall, David Brooks, and Gail Collins did! Also: Mara Liasson, who works for NPR and the Fox News Channel that Obama wants to destroy.

Like any red-blooded American op-ed columnist, David Brooks has joined the cacophony over Jimmy Carter's "racism" remarks. But, sadly, his latest outburst won't allow comments. He's doing us all a great disfavor.

It only took New York Times official reasonable conservative columnist Ross Douthat three months to turn in his first completely dishonest paint-by-numbers Republican hack op-ed. Did you know that red states rule, and blue states drool?

Hey baby, what's your major? Philosophy? Oh yeah? Me too. Wait? David Brooks said what? God/Print/Hip Hop/Web2.0/Print/Facebook and Philosophy is dead??? And then 446 unemployed philosophy majors commented in protest??? Oh, hell no.

Ha, the University of Chicago's newspaper dug up a 1982 column by NYT bobo David Brooks. It's about his nightmares. He had an intense fear of gargoyles, zombies, and totally weird wallpaper:

Barack Obama is wooing the milquetoast-conservative punditocracy tonight, at George Will's house (obvs). And the Times better have the killer inside scoop, because its columnists are all up in that dinner party.

We're back from vacation and need to learn to hate again, so let's check in with famous New York Times conservative columnist David Brooks, shall we? Today, the last conservative intellectual in America is writing about this new recession we're in, and how it will make so many people sad, and mad. There is no money!…

"Not once did we consider asking Washington to bail out the Sun," proclaimed the conservative New York newspaper in a deathbed editorial this morning that cited the importance of adhering to its highminded free-market "principles." But it turns out that they did almost precisely that kind of! See, some of the Sun's…

In what is perhaps a brilliant meta move, today's David Brooks column on how aggregation is the new taste is actually composed entirely (and without citation) from ten years of embittered blog posts, fifty years of William F. Buckley essays, that one Adbusters feature, and a healthy dose of Marshall McLuhan: "On that…

Why. Why would anyone make this. David Brooks is admittedly the best illustration for "corporate dude" basically ever, but that is exactly why this is so terrible and wrong.

"Obama, accompanied by his wife Michelle and the couple's two young daughters, was met with a roar of acclaim as he took the stage to the strains of U2's "City of Blinding Lights." [NYO]

Friedman's oblivious egomania, Dowd's insouciance to basic norms of logical argument, Kristof's admirable ambulance chasing: all such other Times op-ed superpowers pale in comparison to David Brooks's truly awe-inspiring, magisterial laziness. Like a frat boy funneling a brew, he sits waiting for ideas to trickle down…