The White House crushed the dreams of thousands of Star Wars fans yesterday when they officially rejected a petition to start building a Death Star by 2016. The petition wasn't quite as successful as the idiotic one to deport Piers Morgan, but it did garner over 34,000 signatures, 9,000 more than necessary to receive…
Whooop! Whooop! CAA Kitchen Fire! Just when you had been lulled into a false sense of Death Star culinary confidence—positive that no incendiary Chinese appetizers would again engulf the TV lit department in thick clouds of cabbage-and-pork-scented smoke—comes this CAA! Kitchen! Fire! Deathtrap! Exclusive! "Subject:…
Our noting earlier of a rumor that CAA assistants were now being made to park in a life-size Connect 4 board on the bottommost level of the Death Star parking structure brings us this report from an operative directly affected by the new policy:
As if life wasn't hard enough for the Stormtrooping underclass aboard the CAA Death Star—one moment, they're required to spend an afternoon with their foot wedged beneath their boss's wobbly Aeron chair, the next, they're returning a baby coldcuts platter to Jerry's for not having "enough girl meat"—Deadline…
Some accounts place Robert De Niro's recent defection from CAA to Endeavor as a move at least a decade in the making. That inevitability didn't lessen the sting for an anonymous CAA operative, however, who chimed at Deadline Hollywood Daily on Thursday with a poetic reality check entitled, "Why Did Bobby Leave Us?"
In another case of life imitating art, The Death Star is under attack! By Hitchcockian birds of prey, no less!
Sometimes, all it takes is something relatively insignificant—say, the firing of two proton torpedoes down a thermal exhaust port that leads directly to a reactor core, or an overcooked chinese appetizer—to fell the seemingly invulnerable. This just in from a Defamer operative stationed in the vicinity of the CAA…
Having received a tip that the building that formerly housed the 360 Restaurant and Bar is leaning, we threw it open to you, our intrepid readers, to send in photo evidence suggesting whether or not the angle was merely an optical illusion, or if in fact at any given moment There Will Be Blood patrons at the nearby…
