This morning, we got a tip about a sighting of Banksy painting on the side of Thunder Jacksons in NYC. Bucky Turco went and took pictures of the work. Shortly afterwards, Gothamist and others proclaimed that the piece was in fact by Nick Walker(pictured)—another well known stencil artist from Bristol, England.

Well.

The piece at Thunder Jacksons is by Nick Walker. You can see the theme in his own photos on Flickr. Our own original tipster wrote in to say, "I stand corrected. It wasn't Banksy - it was Nick Walker...the pics of the artwork show a signature that happens to be Nick Walker's. Youtube has some videos of Nick Walker working and he is the guy who was at TJ's last night."

But, asked for more information, the same tipster added this: "While he was outside doing his stencil sombody asked if he was banksy and he said he was."

Nick Walker said he was Banksy. [This is also corroborated by Gawker commenter chickenjungle, a.k.a. Abbe Diaz, here. She says she was at Thunder Jacksons last night and heard Walker say the same thing]. With that in mind, allow us to quote liberally from Bucky Turco's just-posted item at Animal NY:

According to a waitress at the newly stenciled Thunder Jackson restaurant, who witnessed Banksy painting the wall last night, "the whole thing took him about 15 minutes." When asked if she was positive it was Banksy, she emphatically stated "yes," and then awkwardly added, "Banksy is Nick Walker, they are the same person. Oops, I don't think I was supposed to say that." When pressed on why Banksy would use different names, she spilled, "He uses that identity because of visa and passport issues." The waitress added that Banksy is going to make a big announcement about his identity but not while he's in town, "He has a whole master PR plan, but he's waiting till he leaves the country."

Wow. If true.

Walker is often described as a predecessor, friend, and/ or rival of Banksy, and has certainly benefited from Banksy's publicity himself. He told Bloomberg last month:

Walker said that he had got know Banksy in Bristol, western England, in the late 1990s when he was invited to be part of the ``Walls on Fire'' group of graffiti artists.

``We don't talk too much now,'' he said.

Now let's run through the case against this theory. It started with an unsolicited tip. It has only a handful of sources. Theoretically, any of them could be lying, exaggerating, or misinformed. But it's worth noting that none of them have any readily apparent reason for making any of this up. We'd be happy to hear some art experts weigh in on Nick Walker vs. Banksy from a technical angle; but the similarities in their styles are obvious and unmistakable.

So, smart people: is Nick Walker Banksy?

First of all, the layoffs. There is no official word yet, but we're hearing from inside that up to 20 people have gone, including executive Matthew Rosenberg; Joyann King, fashion editor at ElleGirl.com; Holly Seigal, senior editor of Ellegirl.com; and Dei Lewison, producer of the Elle websites. (There's no word on the former store salesman boyfriend whom insiders said Elle's self-promoting creative director, Joe Zee, installed at the fashion magazine's website.) The casualties were called to a meeting at 10.30 and then left to stew for quarter of an hour before digital boss Todd Anderman breezed in to fire them.

Another casualty is Glenn Kenny, whom Kliger talked up so much when he shut down the US edition of Premiere, the entertainment magazine. When the title was shuttered, Kliger said Kenny—the magazine's "most recognizable name"—would remain as an online movie critic and blogger. Kliger told the Wall Street Journal: "We saw trend lines for both ELLEgirl.com and Premiere.com moving in very positive, healthy directions, and we didn't necessarily feel that the print versions, which were not trending in a reasonable timeline toward profitability, enhanced what the digital versions were providing." So, why the cutbacks at a division which Kliger said would provide Hachette with over 20% of its revenues and most of its advertising growth?

First of all, Hachette has always been an abortion of a magazine company. It was a rag-tag collection of also-ran titles put together by David Pecker, now busy losing money at American Media. The company is owned by a dysfunctional French conglomerate, which never gave Kliger the resources or authority he needed to make the group a significant player. Much of Kliger's talk—about grand web plans—was just designed to bamboozle credulous journalists who might otherwise see a marginal magazine group in decline. Earlier in his tenure, Kliger was said to be much loved by his French bosses. More recently, we heard the relationship had broken down. "I'd heard the French were rats," he's known to complain. "But now I know."

Second, it's experiencing the same pressure to cut costs that is affecting other print publishing groups—except more so. Lagardere, the French company which owns Hachette, recently disclosed its US revenues were flat—and that was not even counting the revenues sacrificed when Premiere folded. The firm is moving out of the 40th floor of its Manhattan headquarters to save on rent; business trips have been curtailed; and editors are forced to print stories from inventory because editorial budgets do not allow new commissions.

Third, the grand multimedia experiment has been an utter failure. The early experiments with interactive TV were dismal, predictably. But nor have Kliger's more recent investments in branded web titles such as Premiere.com fulfilled the promise he saw for them. Hachette recently allowed Quantcast, a web measurement firm, to monitor traffic. Those numbers are not protected by a password. All the Hachette website put together garner no more than 200-250,ooo unique visitors per day; one of the biggest, Elle's website, only attracts of the order of 60,000. Embarrassing.

Hachette hasn't said whether it will be replacing any of the staff let go today. "There is no stability here, no one knows what's going on or what is happening," says a tipster. Elle, Car and Driver and various other titles certainly have some sort of following, even if exaggerated by pay-for-praise public relations interns. Their economic value may be better realized in some other media group, if anyone is still buying. As for Kliger himself, the tittle-tattle is that his contract is coming up for renewal—and it won't be.

[Photo shows Kliger with his former mistress, speaking coach Amy Griggs, and daughter.]

As with Arrested Development, Super Deluxe was a cult hit that just didn't get huge mainstream attention — like pretty much every video content site besides College Humor. But also like the show, it introduced some great talent who are going on to better deals. Well, at least one of them.

Brad Neely, creator of the classic "Washington, Washington" cartoon, got a TV deal for his two Super Deluxe series "Baby Cakes" and "Professor Brothers." Super Deluxe has a preview:

But if the site drops shows like Chasing Donovan and Derek and Simon (which already looks dead), I hope to god they get a deal somewhere else. Because I ain't watching "Tim and Eric" again.

Clinton Supporter Pressures Pelosi Over White House Battle [CNN via TPM]

On last night's Gossip Girl, they were able to toss off references to Tinsley Mortimer, the Waverly Inn, and Page Six (among lots of others) with the ease of an up-on-the-gossip local. It just feels a bit more organic. Couple these timely references with all the around-town sightings and paparazzi photos, and you blur the line between the reality and the fiction. Coverage of the show is everywhere and multi-faceted. It's like living the show in real-time! If blogs and whatnot are chattering away about where a show is filming, who saw who where, etc. then you've got instant, sort of "unearned" buzz. And, yeah, it's basically free. This may seem annoying to some, but it does get people curious and watching. This isn't to say that Ugly Betty has quite the same rabid cult following as teeny drip shows like Gossip Girl, or that the solid hit needs much help, but still the potential is there for some "oh look there they are!" excitement. Plus, on location just looks better. Oh Michael Urie, where aaare youuu?

The Eric-is-gay plot line was just as silly and expected and satisfying as one could hope. And the Asher tie-in was surprising and funny and full of teeth. ("Get this faggot out of my house!") The Lily and Serena comfort the 'mo stuff was a bit maudlin, but understandably necessary. It's sort of a bummer that the Eric/Asher relationship is kinda over before it started, but I'm sure there will be other twinky idiots on the horizon for our diminutive little friend.

Leighton Meester was in fine form (she's the best actress of the kids, I think) as Blair maneuvered all the gay rumors via Gossip Girl (great to see her heavily featured again!) and crushed little squawking Jenny Humphrey. The nice little button of sadness put at the end of their battle was warm and smart, and leads me to think they may not actually be "done' as Jenny so wearily declared.

This is all, of course, just preamble to the wham bang holy holy shit final scene, in which a devastated, weepy Serena, having had yet another scary "I'm gonna tellll" run in with Georgina, broke down at Blair's house. What was the secret, Blair and everyone else wanted to know. It involved video, so I assumed it was porn. But...um... no. "I killed someone," Serena moaned. And then that music! That thumping, scary scary music. I must admit I got up and did a little "WTF???" dance and then made my roommate rewind and replay the last scene. It was shocking and brilliant and just what this show needed to really get the soapy fantastic stuff going. I can't wait to see where they take this. Hopefully it won't fizzle and die too soon... LIKE THE MAN SERENA KILLED. Shocking clip is below.

Crazy! And, I should mention. This Friday, at 8pm at the People's Improv Theatre, Sara Benincasa, comedienne (and Gawker commenter!) is hosting a panel discussion on this here show. I will be one of the panel members, joining some fantastic funny folk, so if you're around you should definitely come. It's going to be silly (and boozy) and there is free GG-themed food. Info is here.

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[Bright Shiny Morning on Amazon]

1) People Forgot What the Hell Was Going On
People are easily confused. Serialized television is hard to understand when you stop in the middle and then start up again on some arbitrary date. In the countless interviews magazines and newspapers have done with actors and other creative types on television shows, many have said things to the effect of "Oh we were just humming along, picking up momentum. It was such a bummer to have to stop." (Desperate Housewives' reinvigorating Dana Delaney storyline comes to mind). When there was nothing left for audiences to see, for an indefinite time, they slowly steeled themselves to cope with the bitter loss. It was time to move on and forget. And that's not easy to undo. It takes time and therapy. This is why comedies have done fine; there's no difficulty jumping right back in. My advice is to just let it be for now, then come back, publicity guns blazing, in the fall. That's what people are used to.

2) Like Adopted Gypsy Children, Viewers Secretly Wanted to Run Away
Many people don't like their addictions (I should know). But you suffer through them anyway because they're a part of you. If cigarettes were to just suddenly disappear one day, unavailable for months at a time, I'd probably quit once and for all. And I'd be happy about it. The same can probably be said for Ugly Betty or CSI. What better time to open a book, take a walk, or, more realistically, ramp up one's porn viewing and knickknack shopping on this creaky old internet? People, I think, were secretly glad for all this extra time in their lives. And now they don't want to cede it back to the glowing box, Dr. House MD be damned. I advise the networks to alter the way they relate viewership to advertisers, at least for the time being. Emphasize the quality and loyalty of the viewers who've stayed on. Everyone else will realize that they were rash and foolish to leave. They'll come crawling back. They always do.

3) Grand Theft Auto
America is a violent and hormonal teenage boy. People want things blown up, and they want them blown up now. I really have no sense of just how big this game is, but the computer and news people are telling me that lots and lots of people are playing it, often until the wee hours, instead of doing their civic duty and watching TV. If you can shoot/rape them yourself, why watch someone else do it on SVU? This, obviously, will blow over, once people beat it or get bored or realize they've been alone for three days and haven't said a word aloud in hours.

Basically, I don't think the nets should be too worried. These are just inevitable post-strike aftershocks. The main thing is to just focus on the fall, while churning out that popcorn reality garbage that people so love in the summer. And hey, CW. While you're at it, why not show some reruns of that summer series from long ago, Young Americans? I really miss that stupid show.

Chloe Parker went from tycoon tot to tycoon twat... She's got it all. Daddy, money, and one of those tiny little dogs that rich people keep in their vagina... Her penthouse in Algonquin's exclusive Little Barkings district is a palace in the sky complete with a motor drawbridge, torture dungeon, and servants with scurvy. This is real estate we can only watch on television and masturbate over. (After the jump, the clip, and two screenshots from Liberty City's self-mocking version of the web; and here's blow-by-blow coverage of Grand Theft Auto's new release from Kotaku.)

Dating Tips for Hollywood Never believe them when they say they're in love with you.

Never believe them when they tell you where their heart is.

Never believe them when they say they're only going to sleep with you, especially when there is a social climbing opportunity in front of them.

Never underestimate their need for celebrity, money, and fame.

Never believe you can fix it by being true or nice.

Never EVER believe love is more important to them than anything Hollywood.

Don't date in Hollywood. Realize that for them, it's all BUSINESS.

You could check the recently leaked "bibles" of the Church—we don't have time to go through all 600 pages of drug-addled scifi nonsense. But we do know that "people" are not "people," but rather immortal alien spirits called thetans who will indeed live on well after the dead of their shell bodies, so a Scientologist doesn't need to worry about nonsense like cancer. Which could be why they never bothered to remove it from their fancy ship! The Level 8 Operating Thetans on board will live forever anyway.

Of course, without the training courses for OTs available only on the Freewinds, it'll be much harder for celebrities like Cruise and Jenna Elfman to achieve Cleared Theta Clear level, the point at which they become gods capable of creating their own universes.

Scientology Yacht Sealed and Docked in Curacao [IReport]

One of YouTube's selling points is the ability to embed its videos on other pages. This allows free discussion of those videos, just like excerpting an image or text. But the Church turned off embedding in their clips. In fact, you can't link to just one video by clicking from the Church's official channel. You have to search for their videos.

Then you can find this creepy clip of a ceremony celebrating the Church's "International Way To Happiness Foundation." A South African dignitary thanks the Church (or more precisely, a supposedly secular wing of the Church) for starting a program in his country's prisons. An Israeli publisher thanks the Church for healing the Middle East, as does a Palestinian education official.

In another video, a narrator explains how you are a thetan, not a body or mind. Another clip introduces the auditing process. In that clip, it sounds weirdly like the therapeutic process in the psychiatric field that Scientologists like Tom Cruise have publicly denounced.

But most of the clips are innocent slideshows with a narrator gently listing beliefs that would fit with mainstream Christianity. Every clip has a cheesy grocery-store soundtrack. The net effect is to make the Church look like another dull religion or self-help class and not, as some critics label it, a murderous cult.

Either way, because the Church disabled the option to embed their videos, I can't show you the clips here but can only link to them. I've downloaded some copies, but uploading them here might violate copyright law as long as there's another copy on the Church's channel.

The Church paid for its special channel. Anyone can disable embeds, but a specially formatted user page doesn't come free. YouTube helped the Church integrate its custom menu into the channel, though of course it didn't create any of the content. Nor did YouTube endorse the Church or give it control over other users' videos, and all such accusations I saw provided no evidence.

But I'm baffled why the Church, after putting together such a friendly little propaganda channel, not only disabled all comments (a reasonable way to avoid actually diving into two-way conversation) but disabled embedding and turned its channel into a tidy menu. That guarantees that hardly anyone will stumble onto the videos. I guess the rest of the world should be glad that the Church doesn't get the Internet.

What may piss off some viewers is that the Church is advertising their channel all over YouTube. This might explain the no-embed rule; the Church is specifically targeting YouTube users, not the Internet at large, though I see no reason to specifically hide from everyone outside of the video site. But one user was creeped out by Church ads appearing on popular channels like Smosh, Awkward Pictures, and Playboy, even though any creator can ask YouTube to keep certain advertisers off its page. Guess everyone just needed the money. At least I can still show you the anti-Church videos.

[pics via Vanity Fair]

House of Sand and Fog director Vadim Perelman will helm the project, and Wanted star Angelina Jolie is still confirmed as unassailable railroad magnate Dagny Taggart. Burns claims that four studios have already contacted him about international distribution rights, and suggests that if he acquires the rights to Rand's other smash The Fountainhead (they're currently held by Paramount), Jolie's life partner Brad Pitt would be interested in playing architectural gunslinger Howard Roark. [Box Office Mojo]

Michelle Rodriguez

played: badass from the tail section Ana-Lucia Cortez

killed by: Michael

post-death appearances: While producers insist that Rodriguez's abrupt departure from the show after her DUI arrest in Hawaii was planned all along, her character is rarely mentioned and hasn't returned to the show in any form.

post-Lost projects: Rodriguez' once-promising career has stalled. Her next project is the third sequel to The Fast and the Furious, where she reunites with other actors from the original film (Vin Diesel and Paul Walker) whose careers haven't exploded as much as they'd like. Fortunately for Rodriguez, James Cameron loved her in 2000's Girlfight and is giving her a major role in his 3-D project, Avatar.

Ian Somerhalder

played: rich, beautiful Locke-disciple Boone Carlyle

killed by: An accident while trying to get into an airplane in a tree.

post-death appearances: He appeared in some non-notable flashbacks, but as the island's first key death, has been largely ignored during the rest of the show's run.

post-Lost projects: Had the most frighteningly bad television sex ever with Michelle Borth in Tell Me You Love Me. He'll appear in the UK thriller The Tournament this year.

John Terry

played: Jack's father Christian Shepherd

killed by: Heart disease, presumably brought on by alcoholism and/or callous disregard for his own son's feelings

post-death appearances: The ubiquitous doctor (or his dead spirit) likes to hang loose on the island, whether it's in tall grasses or rocking chairs in the house of the mysterious Jacob.

post-Lost projects: Terry is working on multiple television and film projects, the most distressing of which is no doubt Matthew McConaughey's debut as a producer, Surfer, Dude. Yikes. Expect plenty of Christian Shepard in Lost's last five episodes of the season.

Cynthia Watros

played: psychologist-mental patient and noted chubby chaser Libby

killed by: Michael

post-death appearances: Despite Watros being arrested in the fateful Hawaiian same DUI that took the "life" of Michelle Rodriguez, she came back to haunt her killer this season, but has yet to return for ghost-human intercourse with her one true Hurley (Jorge Garcia).

post-Lost projects: Starring in a failed CBS sitcom pilot with Ed's Tom Kavanaugh, My Ex-Life.

Adewale_Akinnuoye-Agbaje

played: priest and murderer Mr. Eko

killed by: The smoke that had better be explained by May 29 lest fans of Lost will cry into next January.

post-death appearances: none. Akinnuoye-Agbaje's desire to stay in character on set throughout his run on the show may have turned off some higher-ups. No word on whether he threatened to condemn their souls to hell.

post-Lost projects: Akinnuoye-Agbaje nabbed the role of Heavy Duty in Stephen Sommers' big budget G.I. Joe adaptation. He'll no doubt have to be replaced when he punches Dennis Quaid in the face during an on-set altercation.

Dominic Monaghan

played: everyone's favorite Driveshaft guitarist Charlie Pace

killed by: The sweet mistress of the sea.

post-death appearances: He appeared in a flashback in the first episode of this season, but is unlikely to return in any other form.

post-Lost projects: He's worked on a script with Lord of the Rings co-star Billy Boyd, and presumably trying not to look too pathetic so Lost co-star Evangeline Lilly won't break his little hobbit heart again. Oh, and he's also been cast in the Wolverine movie as that X-Man you all know and love, Beak. You're not familiar with Beak? Get on that.

Mira Furlan

played: everyone's favorite shut-in and weapons expert Danielle Rousseau

killed by: Presumed dead after taking multiple arrows to her body cavity while en route to safety with her daughter.

post-death appearances: It's too early to tell, as Furlan's character's fate is still somewhat up in the air.

post-Lost projects: The so-called Croatian Meryl Streep is already a winner after escaping from war-torn Yugoslavia in the early 1990s.

If you really want to blow your mindhole, check out the invaluable Lost wiki Lostpedia's spoiler page.

Carlton Cuse and Damon Lindelof Talk Lost [Movieweb]

Reason No. 1: Because, frankly, the show can be really boring.
Wasn't that crazy when Blair and Serena weren't friends for about fifteen minutes? Or how about that nutty Chuck/Blair/Nate triangle that kind of just... fizzled? Weren't you happy to see that Blair didn't make a dramatic exit from New York via gyrocopter? No? Oh, that's right. The most exciting about this show is its "scenes from the next..." clips. Everything is always wrapped up neatly, with character arcs that are low and shallow and the same all-too-wise teenagers figurin' stuff out shit that made Dawson's Creek an execrable horror. But, like I said, I do like it. Or rather, I like its potential. Hopefully now that the show has (arguably) become The CW's flagship series, the writers will feel comfortable stretching a storyline out over more than two episodes. Maybe for once Dan won't do the right thing or Serena won't beam beatifically, feeling sorry for someone. Oh, and maybe they'll just toss the parents out the window all together. Could someone please explain Rufus Humphrey to me? Are we really supposed to want to watch the mumblings and fumblings of a someone who looks like he just wandered off the set of Singles? Get rid of him, get rid of all of them (even the likable Kelly Rutherford and Margaret Colin). No one wants to watch the olds. They're a prime example of how off-tone the show is, both in its timidity and its characterizations. Please, writers, go back to the books. Realize again why they were so popular. (Hint: because everyone was fucking and doing drugs all the time. Not making fake winter wonderlands or talking to their parents.)

Reason No. 2: Because, actually, no one gives a shit.
Let's use the The Hills as a comparison. The MTV reality show, unlike Gossip Girl, is actually a cultural phenomenon. Yeah, yeah. I know "everyone watches GG on THE INTERNET! Isn't that revolutionary!" and so on. I say pshaw. That's all spin by a savvy PR team. The general public doesn't actually care about this low-rated show. The Hills, on the other hand, got John McCain to say that Heidi Montag is a "very talented actress." The Hills' brilliant marketing plan has metastasized into a medium all its own. It's big, it's messy, it's (surprisingly) real. Gossip Girl's zeitgeist is all overly manufactured and too carefully choreographed (and, apparently, easily bought into by reporters from New York magazine). The problem is that the show is fiction, and when you have the real lives of the stars competing against the fake lives of the characters, the what-should-we-care-about vote is split. If this show was as popular as it's purported to be, well I suspect that it would actually be, you know, popular.

Reason No. 3: Because "ironic" enjoyment of television is overdone.
All right. We get it. You're too smart for it. But you love it anyway. It's the same reason you bray at the screen when Bret picks Ambre over Drunk Girl or whatever. I'm just as guilty of watching crap and raving about it as anyone else, but let's face it: everybody has guilty pleasures. Everyone stands in the kitchen in their underpants eating cold pizza sometimes, and everyone watches something that's not "well respected." At this point there have been so many articles and blog posts and all other manner of crap in the "so bad it's good" vein, that the whole idea has become so bad it's bad. It's not funny or exciting or interesting when a magazine puts out a "Best. Show. Ever." cover story on a show as placid and flaccid (shoot me) as Gossip Girl. Could they be trying any harder to build up a mediocre show? It's about New York! We finally have a new Sex and the City to analyze! Ironically! Hahaha, isn't it all hilarious and kitschy (and queer) of us? No. It's just normal. It's just people being people. Get over it.

All right, that's it. Rant over. I shouldn't write anymore. The New York article is forced and wayyy overdone, but nothing on The CW deserves this much attention.

Spotted: R., the pajama-clad Gawker writer, seething with jealousy that his far more respected "colleagues" got to meet Chace Crawford. So sad.

xoxo

The vast majority of YouTube partners haven't talked about what they're pulling in. Neither has the company. And there's really no incentive to; revealing the pay would only make users more agitated when they're not at the top of the list. So we're not sure how much Tay Zonday or Chris Crocker are making. But I can tell you this about the Internet stars that South Park killed off:

1. Tay Zonday, "Chocolate Rain": Unknown, but possibly a good amount. Probably made more from his Dr. Pepper commercial.
2. Tron Guy: Probably nothing; he was only part of other people's videos
3. Gary Brolsma, "Numa Numa": Maybe a little from his uncomfortably bad sequel that racked up nine million views, though this was before the partner program officially launched. But the original Numa Numa, which got eleven million views, was just someone else's copy; remember that Gary was the last huge video hit before YouTube, back when everyone had to download Windows Media and Quicktime files.
4. Star Wars Kid: Nothing. Settled a lawsuit against the kids who put his video online (again pre-YouTube though copies are up at the site), and some bloggers raised money for him out of sympathy.
5. Sneezing Panda: Nothing.
6. Dramatic Prairie Dog: Nothing. Apparently taken from CollegeHumor.com, where someone took a clip from a Japanese show and added the dramatic sound. One site claims it was an animated GIF long before it became a video.
7. Chris Crocker, "Leave Britney Alone": Probably nothing; he doesn't have ads on his channel so he must not be a partner. And I haven't heard anything new about the reality show he was supposed to star in.
8. Chinese Back Street Boys: Almost certainly nothing; the clips seem to have been uploaded by someone else, and no ads appear near them.
9. Laughing Baby: Nothing. No ads. A shame too, cause this video got over 45 million views.
10. Afroninja: Nothing. The clip wasn't his.

Meanwhile Bethenny went to the racetrack for her birthday, where her father's creepy friend Lou gave her a little black negligee. Because, um, I don't know. Ew. It was a truly uncomfortable moment, but one that Bethenny handled with a bit of her usual good character. LuAnn took the fam to the Statue of Liberty, where old grampa de Lesseps (well, actually her husband) yammered on about the family's history and how important they are. There's something so wicked and menacing about LuAnn's face, isn't there? I really think she would kill a man if she felt she had to. And poor Alex... Well, poor Simon, I guess. After some awkward vibrator conversation (also, what's with his extremely loud and grating laugh?), he learned that his step-father passed away back in Australia. This means he was forced to return down under and be apart, for a long long time, from his dear, horsehair beard. Their insane bond is a bit startling.

And that's it my friends! I have to admit that I didn't watch this episode very closely, as I was busy attending to real life matters. Imagine that. But what about this show as a whole? What does it say about us, about New York City, about housewives? Well, actually, not all that much. It tells us that five women somewhere in this farkakte city are willing to let their ambitions and pettiness balloon and lift them, fake parts and all, into the grainy heavens of TV fame. I just don't think they realize that those balloons have already popped and they've plummeted all the way down to the bottom. And that's really the joy of these shows, isn't it? Wasn't it Oscar Wilde who said "we're all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars"? Except, some of us in the gutter aren't looking at the stars, we're looking at other people in the gutter who think they're in the stars, looking down at the people in the gutter. So. There you go.

Will this be the last of the New York ladies? No! It's coming back. Yay!(?) Also upcoming? The Real Housewives of New Jersey, about five wealthy "McMansion"-living suburbanites who navigate the chilly ennui of leaves falling from the trees every autumn and the first blush of crocuses in the springtime. Or something. Good Lord.

Members of the anti-Church site Operation Clambake are discussing the story with mild skepticism. While Scientology does have a presence in Norway, the whole affair could be a coverup for another cause of death, or a political maneuver.

Either way, expect the Church to look bad whether it's guilty or not. Because, dude, alien spirit bodies and Tom Cruise?

"But—spoiler warning—things don't turn out so well for him. According to the source, in the fictionalized version the gossip is killed when his car is wired with a bomb." [Gatecrasher]

Reached for comment, Stern gave us some plot rumors of his own: "I hear that Burkle is being played by John Goodman. He goes to jail in the end—just like he will in real life—becomes the sweetheart of Cellblock C and finally gets to empathize with all those teenagers who found themselves face-down in the back of [his private jet] 'Air Force Two.'"

The gorgeous Palm Beach native visited Sheen on the set of a Hanes commercial he was filming with Michael Jordan outside LA, and took pregnancy tests in his trailer, says one insider. "She would throw them out in the garbage on set and place them right on top . . . everyone could see the sticks," said our spy, who added Mueller would walk around showing off her "enormous" yellow diamond ring to the crew.

The Journal cited anonymous network executives and sources close to Couric in its report. An CBS spokeswoman denied "plans for any changes regarding Katie," and a spokeswoman for Couric issued a statement that didn't address the matter.

Couric may end up replacing Larry King on CNN, the newspaper speculated:

One possible new job for the Ms. Couric: succeeding Larry King at CNN. Mr. King, who is 74 years old, has a contract with the network into 2009. CNN President Jon Klein, a CBS veteran with close ties to some at the network, has expressed admiration for Ms. Couric's work, and the two are friends. They had lunch in late January, and the anchor attended Mr. Klein's birthday party in March. Time Warner Inc.'s CNN said, "Larry King is a great talent who consistently delivers the highest profile guests, and we have no plans to make a change." Through a publicist, Mr. King declined to comment.

Mr. King's talk-show slot at CNN might be a better fit than evening-newscast anchor for Ms. Couric, who is 51. She made her reputation as a skilled interviewer when she was an anchor at the "Today" show on General Electric Co.'s NBC network.

Ratings for the Evening News have remained mired in third place for the 18 months of Couric's tenure. In fact, after an initial spike, Couric, once known as "America's Sweetheart," has never exceeded the ratings of her predecessor Bob Schieffer, the sort of conventional anchor she was supposed to zoom right past.

[WSJ]

1. The New (New) Bohemian

Core Members: Tara Subkoff, Arden Wohl, Leigh Lezark, Stella Schnabel, Waris Ahluwalia, Chiara Clemente, Leelee Sobieski
Style.com says: With their creative-class roots and Opening Ceremony duds, these free-spirit types are giving the anemic benefit circuit a badly needed shot in the arm. Find them anywhere "It" is at—from fancy galas to the smoky back room at the Beatrice. Suggested conversation starters? Indie filmmaking, whatever patron saint Chloë Sevigny is up to now, headbands.
Absurd quote: "We're always looking for answers. Some people are looking for it in a socialite maybe. But you know, it just depresses me: Some girl named Peaches who lives in the Bronx…looks at this world and says, 'Oh wow.' And I would never want to give off something that is an illusion, because you hurt people that way. And they're already struggling so much—the people." —Arden Wohl
We say: If these people are bohemians, then we're a goddamn mango. There's nothing free-spirited about putting on a $4,000 dress you didn't pay for and then hitting a $10,000-a-plate dinner (which you also didn't pay for), even if you follow it up with a night of indoor smoking at "The Bee." Anybody who uses "headbands" as a conversation starter should be punched in the face immediately, and have their headband stolen so they no longer have anything to talk about.

2. The European Union

Core Members: Vladimir Roitfeld, Julia Restoin-Roitfeld, Tatiana Santo Domingo, Margherita Missoni, Stavros Niarchos, Andrea Casiraghi
Style.com says: What do young moneyed Euros do in New York? Stick together. More cliquish than seventh-grade girls, this group's regular haunts include Cipriani, Da Silvano, and anywhere else that can charge $35 for a plate of pasta and keep a straight face. They also congregate at the Washington Square Park town house of longtime couple Tatiana Santo Domingo (the Colombian beer heiress) and Andrea Casiraghi (Princess Caroline of Monaco and Hanover's son). Margherita Missoni, who dates Casiraghi's stepbrother, Ernst of Hanover, is arguably the most outgoing of the bunch (and the most liable to mingle with the other social groups). But Stavros Niarchos, who's reportedly romanced Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan, has his own unique way of sampling American culture.
Absurd quote: "I've been in New York for four years now, and I feel that I have done it. It's a place where you can be busy all the time without ever doing anything." — Margherita Missoni.
We say: Busy all the time without doing anything? They could have a career in blogging — if they had careers. Apparently, one of the E.U.'s favorite "hotspots" is the British Airways' entertainment space at JFK, which pipes in the scent of freshly cut grass (you can't have them breathing QUEENS AIR, after all). Also, Stavros Niarchos? Bring your Valtrex prescription!

3. The Swans 2.0

Core Members: Amanda Hearst, Tinsley Mortimer, Fabiola Beracasa, Lauren Santo Domingo, Zani Gugelmann, Claire Bernard
Style.com says: This group is a closed set. Olivia Palermo, for example, has yet to recover from last spring's misstep—you know, when the now-defunct Web site Socialiterank.com published a letter that Palermo supposedly penned, apologizing for her status-seeking ways. It's still unclear if the missive was a hoax or an honest plea, but, no matter, it fell on deaf ears. Palermo's persistence has kept her at some of the parties, but not all the right ones. If you're not in the club yet, you probably won't be. Meanwhile, these socials—now inching into their thirties—can do no wrong. Tinsley Mortimer made a questionable move, posing for the cover of the New York Post's weekend glossy, Page Six Magazine, and no one blinked a false eyelash.
Absurd quote: "Paris Hilton brought to light the existence of the socialite to Middle America and the world. Before, it was either models or actresses—but socialites were, most times, born into this lifestyle. That's what fascinates people. It's a continuous lifestyle that people are fascinated by. But it's not all the media's fault. You know, it's us posing for the cameras and going out and exploiting the spotlight for our careers." —Fabiola Beracasa
We say: Olivia dodged a bullet, wethinks. Actually plenty of people blinked (and cringed and shuddered) at Tinsley's neurotic, self-consumed weight loss confessional. Also, no one really became "fascinated" with Paris until she started getting naked. Pretty much no one in Middle America has ever heard of Zani Gugelmann. In fact, they probably think that's the name of the ring master at Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey's Circus.

4. The Art Stars

Core Members: Dan Colen, Dash Snow, Ryan McGinley, Aaron Young, Nate Lowman, Mirabelle Marden, Melissa Bent, Amy Greenspon
Style.com says: Despite their "whatever, dude" mien, Colen, Snow, and their scruffy tribe of Lost Boys know that a gift for self-promotion is just as important as having a way with a paintbrush. Their biggest sell—apart from their actual art, of course—is their cooler-than-thou posse, of which everyone below 14th Street seems to want to be a part. "You realize that, like, your social context has a lot to do with, like, your success," Colen recently articulated.
Absurd quote: "It's funny to me that Dash [Snow] has become like a rock star, but he's so paranoid. That comes from graffiti culture—like, you want everybody to know who you are and you're going to write your name all over the city, but you can't let anyone know who you really are. It's, like, this idea of being notorious." —Ryan McGinley
We say: Full disclosure: We know next to nothing about art, so we can't even tell you if these dudes actually sell their shit. But everything you need to know can be found in the phrase "cooler-than-thou posse." And a person's popularity (excuse us, their "social context") shouldn't be determined by their success. It should be determined by the quality of their drugs.

5. The Catwalk Queens

Core Members: Lisa Cant, Gemma Ward, Lily Donaldson, Caroline Winberg
Style.com says: The only thing more intimidating than standing next to a model at a party is standing next to four models at a party. Especially when they're all giggling and taking pictures of each other on their camera phones and just generally having a waaay better time then you are. Curious as to how this sorority of gorgeousness operates, we turned to our trusted source on the inside, who gamely broke down the group dynamic: "Lily is the funny one, although Lisa has a good sense of humor, too. Gemma started off timid, because she's a long way from Australia, but is now comfy being a ringleader. And Caroline is just always up for a good time." So there you have it. Oh, and there's this: Aside from Donaldson, who dates Vladimir Roitfeld, everyone's single. Gentlemen, start your engines. (OK, forget it, you have no chance.)
Refreshingly non-absurd quote: "I had come straight from my auntie and uncle's farm, and I was wearing this big gray barn jacket with mud all over it. When the scout came up to me, I said, 'No, thank you.' But my friends were like, 'Hell, yes!' They forged my mum's signature and pushed me in front of the cameras." —Gemma Ward on breaking into modeling
We say: Anyone who's ever stood next to four models at a party and had to duck to avoid their protruding, malnourished sternums knows that it's usually more frightening than intimidating. What looks great in a picture can be kind of horrifying in person.

6. The New Kids on the Blog

Core Members: Leven Rambin, Hud Morgan, Mary Rambin,