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'Detoxes' and 'Cleanses': Bullshit
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bjonston
01/22/09

In reply to 'Detoxes' and 'Cleanses': Bullshit
Me. I'm partial to painkillers.
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jaxdesert
01/22/09

In reply to 'Detoxes' and 'Cleanses': Bullshit
my favorite is the assertion that master-cleansing scours out the 15 pounds of old waste that is like "spackle on the walls of your intestines."

the mental image is priceless.
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Smitros
01/22/09

@jaxdesert:

Almost as bad as a case of the grout.
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Pope John Peeps II
01/22/09

In reply to 'Detoxes' and 'Cleanses': Bullshit
When I diet, I prefer the Jezebel method. I merely bring up the site, and start reading comments until the dumb boggles my mind. Then I get dizzy, throw up, fall down and wake up with no appetite at all.

After 3 days I've lost 10 pounds, and I start to say things like KITTEH and NOM NOM, and change my screen name to "Pope John Peeps loves Brad Pitt's sexy voice... nom nom nom"
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k122n
01/22/09

@Pope John Peeps II: wow. after that font of vitriol, my level of respect for you just dropped. kinda sad.
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Pope John Peeps II
01/22/09

@k122n: Not for me. I don't give two shits about you.
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k122n
01/22/09

@Pope John Peeps II: never thought you did!
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Pope John Peeps II
01/22/09

@k122n: I just love it when strangers agree on the internet! Warm and fuzzy!
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The One
01/22/09

@Pope John Peeps II: Hey! I thought I was the only one who uses that Jezebel Diet!

I don't owe you any royalties or anything, do I?
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The One
01/22/09

@Pope John Peeps II: "I don't give two shits"

Don't let Mary hear you say that! She'll put you on the BP cleanse and give you a colonic!
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PrincessKashmir
01/22/09

@Pope John Peeps II: That stupid sentence-as-screen-name thing is driving me up a damn wall.

There was a post about how some black designers were upset that Michelle Obama didn't pick one of their dresses for the inaugural balls or something. Someone commented that she should have gone in FUBU or Sean John. Not the wittiest of remarks, but still. Person was practically thrown out of the discussion and called a racist. When someone timidly suggested it was a joke, one of the offended replied that she's a comedienne. A comedienne. God damn.
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contradicto
01/22/09

In reply to 'Detoxes' and 'Cleanses': Bullshit
So what you're saying is that the colonics and cleanses don't work because Mary is obviously still filled with crap.
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NoWireHangers
01/22/09

In reply to 'Detoxes' and 'Cleanses': Bullshit
My roommate did the Master Cleanse. He got totally thin, but he also shit saltwater for 10 days. But I live in Los Angeles, so this type of thing is common. If you're not shitting yourself on a cleanse, you're not trying hard enough.
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mathnet
01/22/09

In reply to 'Detoxes' and 'Cleanses': Bullshit
The thing that can be helpful about them is their psychological clean-slate, making-a-change effect (a benefit some people get for free from New Year's resolutions or whatever).
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PandoraSpocks
01/22/09

In reply to 'Detoxes' and 'Cleanses': Bullshit
This shit's been around since the 60s.
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SidAndFinancy
01/22/09

@PandoraSpocks: That's why I need the colonic!

[instantrimshot.com]
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Bitter Poor
01/22/09

In reply to 'Detoxes' and 'Cleanses': Bullshit
How much of a dumb fuck do you have to be to honestly believe in this crap? Seriously, a basic understanding of high school science explains how it "works," and how it's incredibly unhealthy for you!
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Claire Buoyant
01/22/09

@Bitter Poor just wants her little musical notes back...: Sadly, a basic understanding of high school science is what a lot of people DON'T have.
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Bitter Poor
01/22/09

@Claire Buoyant sez stfu, nefu, eat yer tofu: I never understood how people could go to school for so long and not pick shit up.

I was "homeschooled" in the loosest sense of the world, and educated myself enough to get through high school level testing, and get in advanced placement classes in college. And I'm that not incredibly smart. I just...you know, picked up books and read them. Amazing, right?
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Claire Buoyant
01/22/09

@Bitter Poor just wants her little musical notes back...: When people ask me, "how do you know all this stuff?" I answer, "when you went to school, did you pay attention?"
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Bitter Poor
01/22/09

@Claire Buoyant sez stfu, nefu, eat yer tofu: Hello! I am starting to think education is wasted on some people.
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The One
01/22/09

In reply to 'Detoxes' and 'Cleanses': Bullshit
Does Scary actually believe this crap (bad pun, I know), or is she just shilling?

I actually made the mistake of going to her site and clicked on a link that is somehow supposed to "prove" her point, and the "doctor" who agrees with this nonsense is actually a veterinarian. Another doctor she references is an M.D., but is clearly loco. "Spiritually centered integrative medicine" is what I seek when I want a tarot reading, not when I'm ill.
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TheUpMyAssPlayers
01/22/09

@The One: People are sheep, they'll believe Anything with the right marketing.
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ThereMustBeAPony
01/22/09

@The One: Here's Step 2 in Mary's commitment to a healthy lifestyle:
"Colonic at Release (during cleanse)- Sometimes I get a little backed up during a cleanse so this not only helps, but because of my cleansing diet, the crap on the walls of my colon are exfoliated and released."
Doesn't even make sense. The "cleanse" makes her constipated so she "needs" a colonic. Yikes. (But it's all provided gratis, as are the botox and restalyne face injections she claims she needs).
If they weren't shilling this stuff people, it'd just be something else. I shudder at the thought of seeing a picture of Julia stuffing a "Weight Watchers" mini cake in her face.
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The One
01/22/09

@ThereMustBeAPony: Very little she posts makes any sense, grammatically or otherwise.

It's kind of sad that these women in their 20s are doing all this to their faces and bodies, when those of us a decade older who aren't in a manic craze to inject toxins into our faces while pushing shit out the other end somehow manage to enjoy life and look like normal people, not wax figurines.

I have no intention of having someone stick needles of botulism and/or synthetic goop into my face. Ever. Yes, I have some minor lines on my face, but I'm not a kid anymore and I don't want to look like one again.

What will these women be doing to themselves when they're in their late 30s? Full face lifts? Face transplants?
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Hydroceph
01/22/09

@TheUpMyAssPlayers:

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blix
01/22/09

In reply to 'Detoxes' and 'Cleanses': Bullshit
Balderdash! Next he'll say that colliodal silver is bad for you.

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ADismalScience
01/22/09

In reply to 'Detoxes' and 'Cleanses': Bullshit
I went on a cruise once - a fun thing that I will never do again - and snickered through a 10-minute presentation about "toxins" and "cleansing." A pudgy woman nearby shot me dirty looks the whole time while I made snide comments to my companion. Then, given that my wife and I were unlucky enough to be randomly seated with this creature at dinner, she explained to me how many "inches" she would lose in her scheduled treatment session the next morning over bread, caesar salad, shrimp cocktail, three glasses of wine, a filet mignon, and some ice cream. I told her that it wouldn't count if she measured herself now, and then I asked the maitre'd to reassign us.

I wonder if she got all those awful pesticides and preservatives out of her system?
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Hydroceph
01/22/09

@ADismalScience: People like that make me long to stop breathing. Or them. Either way.

The problem with stupidity being its own reward is that they never seem to realize how dumb they are.
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Mount_Prion
01/22/09

In reply to 'Detoxes' and 'Cleanses': Bullshit
So does this mean I shouldn't give my credit card number to the Oprah's #1 Superfood people who keep writing to my gmail spam box?
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Kid Twist
01/22/09

In reply to 'Detoxes' and 'Cleanses': Bullshit
What about those footpads?
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hamburgerhotdog
01/22/09

@Kid Twist: The commercial fails to understand the basic physiology of a tree, so you probably don't fare much better.
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Botswana Meat Commission FC
01/22/09

In reply to 'Detoxes' and 'Cleanses': Bullshit
Hamilton never misses an opportunity to pimp "Super Squats."
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Dickdogfood
01/22/09

In reply to 'Detoxes' and 'Cleanses': Bullshit
Blurring the lines between medicine and food does injustice to both.
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