• Uh-oh. When you read the headline "Paris Strikes Back at the Kardashians," you know you're in for some shit. #BEEF is the word. All I have to say before I read this is: Team Paris. Because it takes more to manage fame than a large ass and a bunch of braindead sisters whose names begin with K, you know? Paris backed out of the game for a while. Kept in on the DL, nahmean? She knows how to moderate these things. Now, let's see....oh, well this just sucks: Paris is "jealous" of Kim and Ko. because Kim and the Kardashians are kommanding all of this attention that she used to. So now she's gonna unveil a new line of products and let us know that her and boyfriend Doug Reinhardt are stable and normal and are also kind of thrifty, or something. I don't like this at all. If Paris wants to get back on the scene, cool, except real recognize real, P: don't change your stupidly lavish ways, you're watering down the product. All that said, still: Team Paris. [Page Six]
  
  
• Meh, meh, okay. Fine. Boris and Natasha-esque gossip duo Rush and Molloy did an okay job this Sunday, after they rocked last week with crazy Scientology nonsense. This time, it's crazy strip club nonsense. Shitbag Michael Lohan supposedly wanted girls who looked like—eww—his daughter to dance for him, and Lindsay came in the week after to (heh) meet them. Madonna stiffed the dancers. Bill Maher was, naturally, a piece of shit. Bill Gates left a $3,500 tip. Demi Moore and Bruce Willis were, of course, totally cool. And then there's this gem:

  Ann Landers? The advice columnist?

  "Yeah, she interviewed John Kennedy Jr. while girls danced around him."

  Word. Related: let's bring back George, please. [NYDN]
  
  

• Okay, Diane von Furstenberg: clearly, you ate your vegetables and drank your Pimp Juice for dinner the other night, because this is pretty awesome. DVF was at a jam at The Standard and decided she needed to go home because it was ovah for her. Her rooftop Meatpacking District lair—I'm serious, it's like something that emerged somewhere between Narnia and Spaceballs—is just a few blocks away, so she decided to hoof it. Having recently been mugged in Spain, she pointed to tall, good looking guy at the party, and said, You, you are escorting me home. Baller status. DVF, we approve. [Page Six]
  
  
• Papa Lohan, besides being insane, is still in deep contention for Fuckface Father of the Year: he skipped out on some promise to raise money for special needs kids. [Page Six]
  
  
• Scary Metal Bro from Slipknot got married in Vegas, and him and his wife walked down the aisle to For Whom The Bell Tolls. Well, his mother definitely isn't Jewish. This is like the opposite of the Chris Brown Wedding Dance people. [People]
  
  
• Page Six: Michael Moore, you're fat and you're movie sucks. Also, you've done nothing to win the favor of Page Six, like escorting Diane von Furstenberg home. Asswizzard. [Page Six]
  
  
• Get this: some model named Chanel Iman thinks the Boom Boom Room is a great place to hang out. Big fucking surprise. Related, Gawker readers, for purposes of context, you should heretoforth do whatever research is necessary to understand what a Boom Boom Room is and why it's significant to this here feature. Because you will be reading about this Room of Boom Boom. Oh yes. You will. [NYDN]
  
  
• The guy who used to be Billy Mays' partner on Pitchmen, Anthony Sullivan, wants a six-foot wall put up around his home because neighbor Derek Jeter has one, too. Yes, well: Derek Jeter also gets to have sex with Minka Kelly, but you don't see me trying to have sex with Minka Kelly, do you, Anthony? Jesus. Just be happy for him. You're worse than Jason Street. Also, notice how I had to actually preface Anthony Sullivan's name with what he did to get famous? That's because he's not famous enough to get cleared for building a six-foot wall in Tampa. [Page Six]
  
  
• Dear Art Garfunkel: Just because you're Art Garfunkel doesn't mean you have to treat the world like an Art Garfunkel. I hope Paul Simon laughs at you the next time he sees you, you complete assface. Art Garfunkel screamed at someone for a tissue and also told someone to quiet down a developmentally challenged person after they were making noise in his show, after which, they were escorted out. That's so sad. You know who'd write a great song about it? Yup: Paul Simon. Asswizzard! [Page Six]
  
  
• OMFGFGGG okay, wow, deep breath, okay. There's some story about Kelly Osbourne and a dog and a Swatch store but it doesn't matter all you need to know is that if you click on the link you will see a picture of something spawned from the demon asshole of hell and it's terrifying and almost kind of rock and roll but still Jesus be prepared and don't say I didn't warn you because I just did. [Page Six]
  
  
• Rosie O'Donnell's partner moved out and they're no longer making whoopie under the same roof. This is sad, except great, because I don't have to think about Rosie O'Donnell having sex again for another six months. Breakfast! It tastes worse coming up. [NYDN]
  
  
• The guy from Hair has a huge dong. Go figure. Some lady ripped off his loin-cloth when he was doing his ridiculous hippie dance in the audience during the show and he got to let the sun/follow-spot shine in on his wang. [Page Six]
  
  
• Ugh. Sammy Sosa, you are freaking me out right now. Mark McGwire's balls shrink so you go and become white? So fucked up. Ughhh. Don't get it. [TMZ]
  
  
• Carrie Prejean's sextape is just aching to get out there. Also, best Carrie Prejean's Sextape-Related Headline: Carrie Prejean Has More Sex Tapes Than John McCain Has Houses. Genius. [NYDN]

Hey! It's Sunday. Enjoy yourselves today. Be thankful that you both (A) are not Art Garfunkel and (B) have gotten all of the Art Garfunkel's out of your life. And if you don't, maybe today would be a good day to do it, no? I hope I'm not your Art Garfunkel. In the mean time, a little jam from Paul Simon. I'd pick something from Capeman, but we're not that far into the day. So, let's do this instead:

[Photo via Bauer-Griffin]

• Christopher Walken makes dead chicken sit up, stuffs the Eiffel Tower up its ass, and serves it with pears to discerning cat. It's all very French. [Ezra Klein]
• Angelina Jolie slept with her mother's boyfriend when she was 16 because Andrew Morton says she did, but she definitely did not have sexual relations with Rosie O'Donnell who once talked to her on the phone and was instantly terrified. Donald Trump would like to learn that trick but his combover won't let him. [Dlisted]
• George Clooney makes triumphant return to TV! By sending us a Memphis cop/ Elvis impersonator who lives at home. Yup, sounds like drama. [Movieline]
• Hugh Jackman and Daniel Craig are starring in some play - perchance you've heard of it? Just walk to Broadway and follow the screams. And now they're going on double dates together. New York has never been prettier.[Lainey Gossip]
• Bea Arthur is a Golden Girl. She willed $300, 000 to The Ali Forney Center, an organization that helps homeless LGBT youth.The Center plans to use the cash to buy housing for 12 youths and name the building after her. [Towleroad]
• Michael Jackson's latest and last movie, This is It, will debut this weekend. Dame Elizabeth Taylor, who has seen a few movies in her time, thinks this one beats them all hollow. "If you listen to his lyrics," she twittered, "they are those of a modern day prophet and it beseeches us to listen to him and what he sang." Roger Friedman agrees. Jeffrey Wells, on the other hand, has a headache and isn't willing to put out to the Smooth Criminal. [Hollywood Elsewhere]
• Jude Law and Sienna Miller, notorious drama magnets and ex-lovers currently working in the same part of the same city, are "self-destructive, self-defeating, horny". Can they remain apart? NEVER! [Celebitchy]
• Brit Hume has guerrilla/pirate fantasies about Obama. [LA Times]
• Diane von Furstenberg got mugged in Spain. However, the next day the Spaniards gave her a "big award" so she's all right. [Page Six]
• P Diddy grabs his junk on a balcony in Rio, offends blogger who runs offensive website who then says offensive things about him. [Drunken Stepfather]
• Mandatory Gosselip Update: Could our long national nightmare be over? HA! As if. [NY Post]

We took the V (for Vogue) train all the way out to Queen's Center in Rego Park, Queens to find the queen of the fashion world. The Mall itself looks like any other mall in any city in America, and the Macy's is like any other Macy's.

When we arrived, it appeared totally empty, a security guard pointed us toward the Fashion's Night Out event, and that's where all the people were clustered.

We talked to Keyana, one of the girls who works in the store. She said that on a normal Thursday, the place is packed with shoppers. Tonight, there was no one there but the melee surrounding the upcoming event. So, there are fewer people shopping than usual? "Yeah," Keyana said. Did she know what all this was about? "There are some people coming, but I don't know who." Who do you want to come. "Tommy Hilfiger or Kimora Lee Simmons. I'd want to see them."

On the other side of the stage was the line for the fifty people who got tickets to have their Fashion's Night Out T-Shirt signed by Wintour and Michael Kors, who was also in attendance. A group of nice ladies in line said they got there at 4 pm, an hour before the event started, and got tickets no problem. They had come up from south Jersey just for the event. "We wanna see Michael Kors. We're big fans," one said. They each bought a T-shirt, and one woman spent $80, so Anna's scheme is working—a little.

Nearby, Rose wasn't lucky enough to get in line. Why was she there. "I love Project Runway. I just want to see Michael Kors," she said. "Some Anna woman is going to be here too, but I don't know who she is. Some magazine woman. I know who Nina Garcia is though."

The CEO of Macy's comes out and introduces Kors and Kate Hudson. Wait, no Anna? The pair introduce the cast from Hair who do a few numbers. Then Mayor Bloomberg comes on the stage and introduces Wintour and Diane von Furstenberg. Bloomberg says when Wintour and DVF first pitched him the idea was crazy, but no one says, "No" to these two women. How true.

Wintour and Kors come sit at a table and sign autographs for the 50 people in line. Wintour is uncharacteristically all smiles and greats each person very pleasantly. We're just trying to get a good photo. There is a huge rush to get pictures of the two at the table.

While standing there a nice older Latina asks me to take a picture with her cell phone. I kindly oblige. I hand her back her phone and she says, "Mayor Bloomberg?" No, he left. "Oh, who is it?" Anna Wintour. "Not Bloomberg?" Sorry.

Suddenly a woman starts screaming something about Anna Wintour being the enemy because she wears fur and how Vogue should be ashamed of itself. Security quickly sees her out. We can't see Anna's face at this point, but she appears unfazed.

After about 20 minutes it's time for the bob to leave, and we snap a pic of it from behind. "Who was that?" an older lady nearby asks. "She's the head of Vogue," her friend replies. Did the pair enjoy the event? "It was fun, but it was so short." Are you going to stay and shop? "Not here. We're going to JCPenney."

Anna was off to Bloomingdale's on Lexington Avenue, and we followed. This time, we were behind the press line, waiting with the rest of the paparazzi and a swarm of people who were there to see Gwen Stefani. It appears that Anna was a last minute addition to the roster. When the PR girl comes out and tells the paps that Gwen and Anna will be coming out, they get all upset. Apparently, a photo of Gwen and Anna is worth way less than one of Gwen alone.

One shooter asks his friend, "What's happening?" "Anna Wintour is coming out with Gwen." "Who's that?" "She's the real life Devil Wears Prada."

The pair come out and everyone takes their pictures. After a minute, Anna pushes Stefani into the spotlight and leaves with a quick "Goodbye, Gwen." Stefani follows her. The photogs are all in a tizzy because they didn't get their solo Gwen shots. After a couple minutes, Stefani comes back and the flashbulbs start going off and everyone is shouting orders for poses.

We think it's rude that on Anna's special night, everyone would rather see some pop star turned designer. We leave in protest, happy with our blurry pictures and knowing that we got close to our obsession twice in one day.

I mean, just look at that picture! You can see right into the nitrogen-filled chamber where the clothier receives her "food treatments" and carries out her 15-hours-daily rest cycle. Andre Balzas, who designed the looming inn, simply says that the two buildings "share views of each other." Which is a fancy artist guy way of saying you can see one from the other one.

All Diane von Furstenberg wanted when she built an enormous glass igloo on top of a building in the most populous city in the United States was a little privacy. Is that so much to ask?

[Cityfile]

• Patriots quarterback Tom Brady supposedly proposed to supermodel Gisele Bundchen aboard a private jet and is now engaged. Literally millions of reporters are investigating this rumor, right now, including at the Boston Globe, an actual real newspaper. [Sun]
• Condé Nast wouldn't want you to think its CEO is flying to Hilton Head on a company jet while the company is closing magazines. I mean, honestly, Hilton Head? [P6]
• MTV reality star Whitney Port is rumored not doing any actual work for employer Diane von Furstenberg. Why anyone would accuse Barry Diller's wife, of all people, of conducting a sham relationship is beyond us. [P6]
• Madonna tried to spread the official story about her peaceful, happy Christmas with her children and ex-husband, but then a picture surfaced of her new Brazilian lover, and the British press soon decided she looked like an old freak, maybe Michael Jackson, specifically.
• Michael Jackson (specifically) has a new $37 million home, secured by selling old junk inside his other home. [Sun]
• David Mamet told his NYU students that Bill Cosby was a whore and that "only people who are full of shit whisper." The latter at least, is demonstrably and ridiculously unrue. [P6]
• Mark Anthony will officially divorce Jennifer Lopez on Valentine's Day, at his concert. So romantic. [Gatecrasher]

The Boy Who Talked To Dolphins
First hissed about by LA Rag Mag, J.D. Ordonez was said to be the captain of Cooper's heart this spring. He's young and Latino, two qualities Cooper seems to enjoy in a fella, and he trains dolphins. Few people know that if you train dolphins, you are automatically the Gayest Person Ever, and you should be kept in a glass case and studied for your magical properties. Like Scrooge McDuck's mystical First Dime. It seems the Coop tried to harness this boy's power, though Ordonez denies it completely, telling us: "I am NOT/HAVE NOT been in a
relationship with Anderson Cooper."

The Mystery Man
Little is known of the shadowy "friend" that Cooper was seen walking with last Fall. At first we thought he was a fellow named Cesar. But were wrong!

Praising And Burying (in) Cesar
Cesar is this fellow, who was seen behaving intimately with Andy some two years ago. Last we heard he was a wine distributor, making him, if not the Gayest Person Ever, somewhere close by.

Wait, Did I Already Hand Out the Title For Gayest Person Ever?
This summer the Coop apparently dated an assistant to fashion designer Diane von Furstenberg. This is funny because she is the beard for gay man Barry Diller. Anderson supposedly wanted this young gent to move in with him. It looked like true love, though some suspected that the kid was just using poor Coopy-Poopy for his vast riches. A tipster told us: "The young boy toy brags to everyone that listens that he is saving a shitload of money on rent and using AC as a piggy bank for his boy toy expenses. guess the Silver Fox can't tell the difference between someone using him or else he doesn't care. He tells his upset parents it's only a temporarily thing to live with a guy so 'old and boring' and he actually only went out with him the first time on a dare." Just terrible.

The Asian Dog Walker
From a tipster, yesterday: "I was sitting at an outdoor table today, at Eros Cafe in Chelsea, when Anderson Cooper pulled up in a silver Saab. He dashed into the diner, with a baseball cap pulled low - but, left a fawn French Bulldog locked in the car. Ten minutes later, a handsome Asian guy walked up, unlocked the car, took out a backpack and walked the dog down the block."

Another Gay Boyfriend
Finally we get to Jonathan Chase. He is an actor, one might say. He was in the art house film Another Gay Movie which is American Pie but with gay people and buttsex. All we know of their supposed liaison is what Ms. Musto wrote: "No, wait, this is better. Anderson Cooper. Jonathan Chase. Discuss at length." So who the hell knows.

So there you have it. He goes on many dates and we're all sort of quietly jealous but love Anderson for being Anderson, just the way God made him.

homobot v3.0's new line beats the original, "When You Get To Be As Successful As I Am, All Of Your Credit Cards Are Enormous."

• Sad Tori Spelling is un-joining the 90210 spinoff because she's making like half as much as Shannen Doherty. Which is unfair because Spelling wrote a bestseller! Wait, really? (Yes. Sigh.) [Deadline Hollywood]
• A blogger successfully pissed off a real-life princess! Very awesome, New York Social Diary. [P6]
• Katie Holmes skipped a huge Scientology party in LA to take her daughter to see Mary Poppins in New York, where she's preparing for her Broadway debut in All My Sons. What does she have against flying on Tom Cruise's jet to Tom Cruise's crazy Scientology party?? [X17]
• Tom Cruise told Ben Stiller, "I want to have big hands," then did a crazy dance. Stiller: "If this thing was on YouTube, it would be all over the world." [Scoop, second item]
• Courtenay Semel, who is a lesbian and the daughter of the ex-CEO of Yahoo and who does spell her name like that, is officially having a fling with Tila Tequila. But she at least admits it's a publicity stunt. (Not being a lesbian, but being a Tila Tequila lesbian.) [P6]
• Paul McCartney might marry Nancy Shevell of the Hamptons. [Oh No They Didn't]
• Bill Cosby's daughter Evin, who has a boutique in Tribeca, has been told "you speak like a white woman," so she can totally relate to Barack Obama. In fact, maybe she should try emailing him about that! [R&M]
• Diane von Furstenburg, the designer and the wife of IAC honcho Barry Diller, made inappropriately racy dresses for Mena Suvari. [P6]
• Lindsay Lohan requested the song "I kissed a girl" from Samantha Ronson, so let's all giggle. [Mirror]
• Gloria Gaynor is re-recording "I Will Survive," for some reason. Be afraid! Be petrified! [New York]
• Alex Rodriguez donated "at least" $500,000 to Madonna's charity for children in Malawi, supposedly. [R&M]

The vicious side of the Cooper boyfriend rumor has the young man temporarily using Cooper for his money, and planning to toss him aside when the novelty wears off — or at least pretending this is the plan for the sake of his more disapproving confidantes. But that could also be BS circulated by jealous gay friends!

And it's not like Cooper couldn't be using his boy toy for his own selfish purposes. A live-in layabout could handily prevent any more of the anchor's many stalkers from moving in!

But there is one amusing angle: Von Furstenberg is of course herself the "wife" of famously closeted tycoon Barry Diller. The fashion designer, who's apparently been blabbing about the assistant's dating coup around town, is more discreet about her own gay's love life. Anyway, can anybody help identify the assistant? Clue: the silver-haired CNN anchor likes the Latins.

There's one person apart from shareholder John Malone who stands to lose when IAC is broken up: Alex von Furstenberg, adopted son of the internet conglomerate's boss, Barry Diller. The shaved-headed socialite, Diane von Furstenberg's son by her first gay husband, will still inherit a large part of his adoring stepfather's fortune. But after IAC is divided into five, Alex von Furstenberg may have trouble securing the front-row seats at Lakers games that are such a mark of social status in Los Angeles, where von Furstenberg has lived since 2005. He's been relying on Diller's office to cadge tickets to the bastketball games from Ticketmaster, the online ticketing service which IAC is spinning off. The IAC boss will remain chairman of Ticketmaster after the split, but one peons still hopes Diller and his relatives will no longer be able to use the service as a personal favor bank.

I am an employee at Ticketmaster and there is one major reason that we are counting the days until we are spun off from Barry Diller's IAC. Alex von Furstenberg. Barry Diller's stepson demands front row seats to every Laker Game in LA. His request trumphs all other Laker ticket requests from our President, CEO, celebrities, or valuable clients. His sense of entitlement is far worse than people we like to give tix to like Jack Nicholson, and he hasn't even done anything to earn it! What makes it worse is when other Ticketmaster employees look at the court seats we give him (from their nosebleed seats), they are empty because he misses the game! He is the biggest spoilt brat on the West Coast.

Those words could so easily be used to describe the former studio head's marriage blanc to fashion designer and longtime friend Diane von Furstenberg. Diller's widely known to be gay; a former boy-toy even wrote a lightly-veiled account of his two-year relationship with a tycoon nicknamed 'Bear' who sounds much like Diller; and his for-show relationship with Diane von Furstenberg has long been the subject of amusement among Hollywood insiders.

Here's just one tale that makes the rounds. At Ed Limato's pre-Oscar party, Barry and Diane (who had just recently tied the knot with a lot of eyerolling from those attending) were hanging out. People were sitting with comedians Steve Martin and Martin Short. Short noticed Barry was there with his bride, and said, “Isn’t it a shame that Barry and Diane feel they have to be here swanning and glad-handing for political reasons when they could be at home doing it?”

It's not as if Diller has kept his sexuality such a secret.

Sure, he threatened Michael Wolff if the media columnist, then at New York magazine, wrote about his personal life. "No. I don't think you understand," he told Wolff. "I would kill you." And a memoir by a former escort who claimed to have bedded various members of Hollywood's gay mafia was expunged of all references by name to Diller; though a character nicknamed The Bear, bearing some resemblance to the compact tycoon, did make an appearance.

But, at least at the level of gossip, Diller's inclinations have been a staple for at least two decades among journalists, fellow media magnates, the gay establishment, and their catamites. Diller has done little, beyond vague threats to journalists and publishers, to dispel the rumors. The tycoon's donations to charity include many gay causes. His former yacht, the appositely named Black Sheep, regularly docked at Provincetown, the gay summer resort on Cape Cod. (See video.) Page Six even reported, three years ago, that the high-living mogul "partied" aboard the boat with Chris Beckman, a pretty boy from the Real World: Chicago.

Several authors have gone beyond mere implication. The Operator, Tom King's biography of David Geffen, the most open member of the velvet mafia, states baldly that Diller is gay. Both Geffen and Diller were immediately sought out by the press when Michael Ovitz, the once-mighty Hollywood agent, blamed a mysterious gay cabal for his professional demise. And Maer Roshan, ridiculing the discretion of known gay celebrities, referred in New York magazine to Diller's long-term relationship with a former editor-in-chief of The Advocate, the gay magazine.

So why does Diller bother? There seems little doubt that the IAC boss and Diane von Furstenberg are close friends; they have known eachother for decades. In the homophobic Hollywood of the 1970s, it was probably useful for Diller to confuse the issue of his personal life. His counterparts might suspect, or know; but there was enough contradictory information to prevent exposure by the press. That's now less of a reason for dissimulation, of course: the dam has broken; newspapers and magazines, facing competition from gossipy blogs such as this, are much less easily browbeaten by privacy-obsessed moguls; they can't afford to repeat the official line without looking craven. Diller's marriage to Diane von Furstenberg was described, even in the normally straight New York Times, as a "merger".

But there's one other reason for Diller's marriage of convenience, and it's quite touching. Diller has no children of his own. Diane von Furstenberg, and her children Alex and Tatiana, are the closest the solitary mogul has to family. Diller is said to be particularly fond of Diane's 38-year-old son, pictured left. "He really loves Alex," says someone who knows them both. Diller deeded Alex his house in Malibu on his first marriage (no word yet on what the wedding present will be for his second, to Ali Kay, disclosed in today's Page Six).

That's not the extent of Diller's financial support: Diller has already financed Diane von Furstenberg's fashion label; it is widely assumed that he will leave his fortune to Alex and his sister. Which provides an explanation for the merger, if not for the pretense of a wedding ceremony, so bogus that David Geffen refused to attend. Marriage, apart from presenting a front to conservative high society, does make it easier to avoid inheritance tax. Now Diller had better fend off his hostile shareholder, John Malone, and extract some value from IAC's languishing portfolio of internet businesses.

The gay billionaire, who marries his fag hag so that he can support her children: that's an uplifting narrative; it loses some of its dramatic power if the billions evaporate.

What drives him is the vision. It's definitely not the money. He has this vision, and he's not quite sure what it is, you know, and then he kind of fakes until he makes it.