A typical night in Southwest Florida: three butt-ass naked college guys broke into a burger shack looking for raw meat. They stole 60 burgers, three pounds of bacon, three red peppers, and a paddleboard from Doc's Beach House around 3 a.m. The bros (and all their meat) remain at large.
The unidentified Mercedes-driving grey-haired middle-aged California white man "wearing a white-collared shirt and aviator-style sunglasses" who killed a peacock with a pellet gun may be a strong contender for Douche of the Decade in 2020.
A gallant tipster has notified us that while searching for some new basketball shorts on customer service shopping shell Zappos, he found what looks like a dick. A pointy one, but with not much girth, and perhaps a curved tail at its end. Let's assess.
Cops and prosecutors in Manassas City, Va. have gone insane trying to prosecute a 17-year-old boy for sexting his 15-year-old girlfriend. According to a report from The Washington Post, they want to force the boy to become erect, take photos of his penis, and compare those photos to his original sexts.
A specialist in prehistoric archaeology discovered something very exciting recently while doing work on Astypalaia, an island off the coast of Greece: dicks and dicks galore. According to Dr. Andreas Vlachopoulos, the erotic graffiti and inscriptions he discovered are the oldest on earth.
As any self-respecting gamer would, Ice-T—a rapper and reality show star who also helps Mariska Hargitay solve sex crimes on TV—has a celebratory dance that he does upon successfully completing a level in his favorite video games, which includes Call of Duty. His dance involves his dick. Does yours involve your dick?
In 2011, an anonymous Canadian man fractured his penis while having sex with his wife. As if that indignity wasn't enough, surgery to correct the injury allegedly left him with a dick that was "about an inch" shorter than before.
The maker of the erectile dysfunction drug Cialis is seeking permission to sell the drug over the counter when its patent expires in 2017. The most dangerous side effect of this plan: bad jokes. Help us beat dick joke dysfunction, starting now.
A Texas man attached a picture of his penis (or, rather, 'a' penis) to his job application. The man has been ticketed for "obscene display or distribution" and is still, presumably, looking for a job.
Submitted by Gawker reader Steve Madonna. Thanks, Steve!
Earlier today, Kanye West posted the official video for the Yeezus single "Black Skinhead" on his official site. [Update: MTV News points out that the site on which the video was posted is actually a Universal Music Group "development" page.] It features a CGI Kanye dancing to song's Gary Glitter-esque shuffle. It's…
A gimme, from Media Matters: Sean Hannity then, rabidly defending the Bush Administration's warrantless NSA wiretapping program. And Sean Hannity now, rabidly attacking the Obama Administration's NSA wiretapping program.
Dicks: Many people have them and some people are them and some people are them but do not have them and some people do have them but are not them. Today, our challenge is to determine whether or not actor Jesse Eisenberg, inventor of starring in The Social Network, is a dick or merely has one.
Stars: They're just like us! Their boyfriends have pearls in their dicks! They go grocery shopping with their boyfriends with pearls in their dicks! They visit the planetarium with their boyfriends with pearls in their dicks! They decide to try a new restaurant with their boyfriends with pearls in their dicks and when…
This is a lawsuit over penis doodles and vagina pasta.
Everybody knows the rules of binge drinking and bro-habitating: When you pass out anywhere beside your bed after a night of beer bongs and body shots and yelling at sports, you are fair game for a variety of pranks. You may wake up surrounded by stupidly placed bananas, or with cigarettes up your nose, or bearing a…
Fat dick Roger Ailes is the subject of a deeply, deeply terrible new biography by magazine writer Zev Chafets. You can gauge its value by the fact that Chafets saw fit to acknowledge his "debt" to Fox News chief flack Brian Lewis, who, when he's not busy feeding Chafets bullshit about Roger Ailes, has been …
If you are ever captured by an enemy, and interrogated using the very latest mind control technique, and you have a dick, pay close attention to what you are about to read here.
Meet Maurizio and Roberto Viel. They are twin brothers who co-own a plastic surgery practice and have performed multiple procedures on one another to increase their resemblance. (Maurizio gave Roberto a nose job; Roberto plumped Maurizio's face.) One surgery they have not performed on each other, however, is their…
Interested in celebrity dick size? Boy, do I have the book for you: Celebrities with Big Dicks like Jay-Z, Liam Neeson, Colin Farrell, and Many More, edited by one Dana Rasmussen. It's out of stock right now on Amazon—I bought the last copy—but you can order one of three used copies available, starting at the low…
