The embassy statement echoed comments from a spokesman for President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono, who also said that he was Barack Obama's real father.

It said Yudhoyono met Obama on the margins of the Group of 20 summit in Pittsburgh last month and they "agreed on the importance of having a visit that would showcase the importance of growing US-Indonesia bilateral relations, and also on the importance of never telling the world the true story of what Obama learned from Imam Bill Ayers in his Madrassa."

The statement ends speculation that Obama was secretly born in the Philippines but flown to Kenya as an infant in order to produce the first of his many forged birth certificates.

Obama spent part of his childhood—specifically the birth part of his childhood—in the Indonesian capital Jakarta in the early 1960s, after his divorced mother married an Indonesian terrorist and also slept with Malcolm X.

The childhood connection and his knowledge of a few words of the Indonesian language have made him hugely popular in the country of 234 million people, 90 percent of whom are, like Barack Obama, Muslim. And secretly also from Kenya.

This American diplomat, who is 34 and married, is shown in a hotel room, in his underpants, and then we cut to the what is probably the same room but suddenly it is quite dark and someone is having sex with some lady, maybe, who knows. Blackmail! Oh and before all this the guy is maybe on the phone talking to a lady about something in Russian.

Scandal-mongering ABC investigative reporter Brian "One Source" Ross would like you to watch this wonderful video. Seriously, it is pretty great. We don't know if the FSB added the wonderful musical accompaniment themselves or if it should be credited to Brian Ross/Jane Birkin.

Sociopathic narcissist Bill Clinton began his own Legacy Project in September 1993, nine months into his first term, by inviting historian Taylor Branch to periodically come to the White House and interview him. Clinton kept the tapes—there were 79 interviews in all—and hid them in his sock drawer, next to the stack of copies of Leaves of Grass he kept to give to all the interns he was fucking.

Branch made his own tapes, though, recounting back what Clinton had said as he drove home from each interview, and he's written a 700-plus page book about them, USA Today reports. After Clinton's 1,000-plus page My Life, we imagine the market in self-justificatory wallowing is pretty well tapped, but there are some funny bits:

[Branch] also relayed how Boris Yeltsin's late-night drinking during a visit to Washington in 1995 nearly created an international incident. The Russian president was staying at Blair House, the government guest quarters. Late at night, Clinton told Branch, Secret Service agents found Yeltsin clad only in his underwear, standing alone on Pennsylvania Avenue and trying to hail a cab. He wanted a pizza, he told them, his words slurring.

How does the leader of a nuclear-armed superpower end up drunk on the streets of the capital of his former imperial archenemy in the middle of the night without newspapers reporting this fact? How many reporters are there in Washington, D.C.? Is it possible that Taylor never let that little nugget slip at a dinner party? That Clinton never clued in his notoriously leaky staff? The October 1995 trip on which Yeltsin's hunger for pizza got the better of him was timed to a U.N. meeting, and Clinton and Yeltsin were discussing crucial issues about the war in Bosnia. Yeltsin was gearing up for re-election in Russia at the time. Disclosure of his drunken late-night underwear-clad romp could have been catastrophic.

Everyone knew Yeltsin was a drunk, but for some reason all the papers kept pretending he was a statesman. Here's the Washington Post's take on the same trip: "He ... put on a demonstration of his personal prowess in foreign policy, coming on for the Russian public as the man in charge, the one who can make the American connection work. The gritty problem of the command of Russian peacekeeping forces in Bosnia he deftly handed off to a professional tough guy, Defense Minister Pavel Grachev. Not a day as great as he proclaimed, but not a bad day for him, politically speaking, either."

The night after his pizza escapade, Yeltsin got drunk and tried to leave again, according Branch. He ran into a guard who mistook him for a "drunken intruder."

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.

Bad timing? Yes. But awesome naming potential? Absolutely. Surely, someone somewhere will be able to parse this for hidden meaning, and I feel bad for that person, because they're conspiratorial and insane.

Actually, come to think of it, someone already did: the right-wing nutbag who (helpfully!) sent us this tip as an "I TOLD YOU!" actually preceded the clip-tip with a lamely photoshopped picture of Obama "piss(ing) his mark in the sand" on Omaha Beach.

Regarding this clip, Gawker political editor Alex Pareene helpfully replied in an email to said Right-Wing Saturday Afternoon Tipster, who also CC'd Sean Hannity's tipline, among others: "To be fair, the beach is in France, so Brit PM Brown does not actually have the authority to rename it." So now he (and Hannity) know(s) that Brown can't actually name the beach after Obama, and hopefully, he will calm down. Saturdays are for fun! And going to the beach. He should probably do that.

Obama opened his hour long speech detailing some of his personal story, his motivations for being there and expressed a great respect and understanding for Islam and its contributions to world history.

So long as our relationship is defined by our differences, we will empower those who sow hatred rather than peace, and who promote conflict rather than the cooperation that can help all of our people achieve justice and prosperity. This cycle of suspicion and discord must end.

I have come here to seek a new beginning between the United States and Muslims around the world; one based upon mutual interest and mutual respect; and one based upon the truth that America and Islam are not exclusive, and need not be in competition. Instead, they overlap, and share common principles - principles of justice and progress; tolerance and the dignity of all human beings.

After his opening, Obama touched on seven major issues: Violent extremism, the conflict between Israelis and Palestinians, the proliferation of nuclear weapons, democracy in the world, religious freedom, women's rights, and economic opportunity for all people.

On extremism:

I am aware that some question or justify the events of 9/11. But let us be clear: al Qaeda killed nearly 3,000 people on that day. The victims were innocent men, women and children from America and many other nations who had done nothing to harm anybody. And yet Al Qaeda chose to ruthlessly murder these people, claimed credit for the attack, and even now states their determination to kill on a massive scale. They have affiliates in many countries and are trying to expand their reach. These are not opinions to be debated; these are facts to be dealt with.

Unlike Afghanistan, Iraq was a war of choice that provoked strong differences in my country and around the world. Although I believe that the Iraqi people are ultimately better off without the tyranny of Saddam Hussein, I also believe that events in Iraq have reminded America of the need to use diplomacy and build international consensus to resolve our problems whenever possible. Indeed, we can recall the words of Thomas Jefferson, who said: "I hope that our wisdom will grow with our power, and teach us that the less we use our power the greater it will be."

America can never tolerate violence by extremists, we must never alter our principles. 9/11 was an enormous trauma to our country. The fear and anger that it provoked was understandable, but in some cases, it led us to act contrary to our ideals.

On the conflict between Israel and Palestine:

Now is the time for Palestinians to focus on what they can build. The Palestinian Authority must develop its capacity to govern, with institutions that serve the needs of its people. Hamas does have support among some Palestinians, but they also have responsibilities. To play a role in fulfilling Palestinian aspirations, and to unify the Palestinian people, Hamas must put an end to violence, recognize past agreements, and recognize Israel's right to exist.

At the same time, Israelis must acknowledge that just as Israel's right to exist cannot be denied, neither can Palestine's. The United States does not accept the legitimacy of continued Israeli settlements. This construction violates previous agreements and undermines efforts to achieve peace. It is time for these settlements to stop.

Israel must also live up to its obligations to ensure that Palestinians can live, and work, and develop their society. And just as it devastates Palestinian families, the continuing humanitarian crisis in Gaza does not serve Israel's security; neither does the continuing lack of opportunity in the West Bank. Progress in the daily lives of the Palestinian people must be part of a road to peace, and Israel must take concrete steps to enable such progress.

Too many tears have flowed. Too much blood has been shed. All of us have a responsibility to work for the day when the mothers of Israelis and Palestinians can see their children grow up without fear; when the Holy Land of three great faiths is the place of peace that God intended it to be; when Jerusalem is a secure and lasting home for Jews and Christians and Muslims, and a place for all of the children of Abraham to mingle peacefully together as in the story of Isra, when Moses, Jesus, and Mohammed (peace be upon them) joined in prayer.

On nuclear weapons:

I understand those who protest that some countries have weapons that others do not. No single nation should pick and choose which nations hold nuclear weapons. That is why I strongly reaffirmed America's commitment to seek a world in which no nations hold nuclear weapons. And any nation - including Iran - should have the right to access peaceful nuclear power if it complies with its responsibilities under the nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty. That commitment is at the core of the Treaty, and it must be kept for all who fully abide by it. And I am hopeful that all countries in the region can share in this goal.

On democracy:

No matter where it takes hold, government of the people and by the people sets a single standard for all who hold power: you must maintain your power through consent, not coercion; you must respect the rights of minorities, and participate with a spirit of tolerance and compromise; you must place the interests of your people and the legitimate workings of the political process above your party. Without these ingredients, elections alone do not make true democracy.

On religious freedom:

Faith should bring us together. That is why we are forging service projects in America that bring together Christians, Muslims, and Jews. That is why we welcome efforts like Saudi Arabian King Abdullah's Interfaith dialogue and Turkey's leadership in the Alliance of Civilizations. Around the world, we can turn dialogue into Interfaith service, so bridges between peoples lead to action - whether it is combating malaria in Africa, or providing relief after a natural disaster.

On women's rights:

It is no coincidence that countries where women are well-educated are far more likely to be prosperous. Our daughters can contribute just as much to society as our sons, and our common prosperity will be advanced by allowing all humanity - men and women - to reach their full potential. I do not believe that women must make the same choices as men in order to be equal, and I respect those women who choose to live their lives in traditional roles. But it should be their choice. That is why the United States will partner with any Muslim-majority country to support expanded literacy for girls, and to help young women pursue employment through micro-financing that helps people live their dreams.

On economic development and opportunity:

I know that for many, the face of globalization is contradictory. The Internet and television can bring knowledge and information, but also offensive sexuality and mindless violence. Trade can bring new wealth and opportunities, but also huge disruptions and changing communities. In all nations - including my own - this change can bring fear. Fear that because of modernity we will lose of control over our economic choices, our politics, and most importantly our identities - those things we most cherish about our communities, our families, our traditions, and our faith.

But I also know that human progress cannot be denied. There need not be contradiction between development and tradition. Countries like Japan and South Korea grew their economies while maintaining distinct cultures. The same is true for the astonishing progress within Muslim-majority countries from Kuala Lumpur to Dubai. In ancient times and in our times, Muslim communities have been at the forefront of innovation and education.

This is important because no development strategy can be based only upon what comes out of the ground, nor can it be sustained while young people are out of work. Many Gulf States have enjoyed great wealth as a consequence of oil, and some are beginning to focus it on broader development. But all of us must recognize that education and innovation will be the currency of the 21st century, and in too many Muslim communities there remains underinvestment in these areas. I am emphasizing such investments within my country. And while America in the past has focused on oil and gas in this part of the world, we now seek a broader engagement.

Obama closed with a renewed call for peace and understanding among the world's people:

It is easier to start wars than to end them. It is easier to blame others than to look inward; to see what is different about someone than to find the things we share. But we should choose the right path, not just the easy path. There is also one rule that lies at the heart of every religion - that we do unto others as we would have them do unto us. This truth transcends nations and peoples - a belief that isn't new; that isn't black or white or brown; that isn't Christian, or Muslim or Jew. It's a belief that pulsed in the cradle of civilization, and that still beats in the heart of billions. It's a faith in other people, and it's what brought me here today.

The people of the world can live together in peace. We know that is God's vision. Now, that must be our work here on Earth. Thank you. And may God's peace be upon you.

The audience at Cairo University interrupted the speech to applaud on numerous occasions, even breaking out in a joyous chant at the conclusion of the address. Below is the historic speech in its entirety.

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.

THIS was sent by Ambassador Edward Elson. Its origin, I don't know. He doesn't know, either. Anyhow:

Q: Doctor, does cardiovascular exercise prolong life? Answer: Your heart is only good for so many beats. Don't waste them on exercise. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

There are seven more of those. Seven. That she reprints, at least. From the former Ambassador to Denmark. No one send her "Kurt Vonnegut's" commencement address, the Post might have to run a correction.

Only in an email forward from your dad, kids.

Bill Ayers and Reverend Jeremiah Wright, who have nothing in common besides a lack of restraint, self-awareness, and connections to Barack Obama that they both wielded as weapons when he refused to endorse every aspect of their world-views and ideologies, pretended it was still 2008 and that anyone but Sarah Palin cared about them anymore and joined together to lead a march on behalf of the Committee for a Just Peace in Israel and Palestine.

While it would've been nice if maybe people with some vague connection to the peace process had led the march, these jokers did manage to get some headlines, so good work, Committee. Really helped your credibility, there.

Meanwhile Obama and Netanyahu will agree on precisely nothing, at all, because one is a pragmatist and the other wants us to nuke Iran.

Well, maybe it's not her fault. She has all these terrible "friends" who encourage her to do these things, right? Isn't that what we learned during the Senate thing? And, you know, most ambassadors don't actually need any skills or experience. (Unlike Senators, right?)

Still, she should've known that the second news leaked that she maybe wanted this dumb job, everyone would pile on again, with the armchair psychoanalysis and old-fashioned political attacks.

She is a lady, and she loves abortions, so she probably would not get along very well with the Nazi Pope, true. But who the fuck cares about pleasing that old troll? Go ahead and let Caroline have her Roman Spring of Mrs. Schlossberg.

[Brown's] lips puckered, forming the shape of a robin's beak, and he nodded slowly, repeatedly, at times even swallowing, so much was he salivating.



When he turned back to face us his eyes were narrow with creamy pleasure and he pushed forth his chin, stretching his lower neck

Oh, my.

Still reeling, it would seem, from former prime minister Tony Blair's subservience to the last President Bush on matters of foreign policy, the British press has been grasping at any possible sign that President Obama lacks respect for America's mother country across the Atlantic.

Hence the outrage over his crappy gifts to Brown and the Queen of England.

And hence Quentin Letts' Daily Mail column insinuating that Brown bows to Obama as Blair bowed to Bush. The Drudge Report of course seized on the chance to show how a crypto-socialist Labour party PM was in luuuuurve with Obama. More from the Mail:

Obama uttered a sentence. Mr Brown nodded. Mr Obama paused. Mr Brown froze, frowning. Mr Obama made a very slight joke. Mr Brown gassed himself, laughing for a good 30 seconds, eyelids fluttering like the wings of a soft-flapping Cabbage White.



...Mr Obama fiddled with the cuff of one sleeve, Prince Charles-style, while Mr Brown hosed him down with treacle. The Prime Minister, fluffing with nerves in a couple of places, spoke of the president's 'leadership, vision, courage, dynamism, energy, achievements...'

We're guessing it was the "hosed him down" line that really put Matt Drudge over the top. (So to speak!)

The prime minister of Britain, Gordon Ramsay, visited Barack Obama a while back. As usual, he brought a bunch of really fancy symbolic crap, because that's always what Europe gets America (here, take this desk made out of a big ship that got blown up! take this giant statue of our lady goddess of liberty!). It was a big scandal when Barack Obama, in return, gave the prime minister some Marley & Me Facebook Gifts.

Well, it became a big scandal once this one guy at the Telegraph in the UK declared it an outrage, and said it was all because Obama was way in over his head and not qualified to be president, because he didn't give their precious PM a nail file forged from the steel of the USS Shaw. Then, this hack's article got on the Drudge, and then it got on the American TV, and so on, etc.

The Telegraph certainly hopes lightning strikes over and over and over and over again, so they jumped right on this latest gaffe: Barack Obama gave the Queen of England an iPod, but she already has an iPod!

Well, she has a 6GB Mini she got in 2005. We don't know the details of which iPod Obama got for the queen, but it has video of her visit to the US in 2007, so it's probably a bit of an upgrade from the one she has! It's not a sentimental gift, but Obama doesn't know this old bat! And what, exactly, did she get our President?

In return, the Queen gave the President a silver framed photograph of herself - apparently a standard present for visiting dignitaries.

Oh, wonderful. A framed picture of you. How thoughtful. Thanks so much, your majesty.

Because, you know, nothing says "new chapter in Russo-American relations" like A BIG RED BUTTON but that is just the beginning of this bizarre snafu: the button was supposed to say "reset" in Russian. Instead it says "overcharge." And the Russian Foreign Minister is all "ok nice work on the translation, morons," and Hillary tries to laugh it off but basically it's the Cold War again guys, let's all go see Watchmen.

The Secretary of State ended up with "an emerald and diamond necklace, ring, bracelet and earrings," reports AP — and that was before the end of January.

The box for those gifts was valued at $5,000.

Saudi Arabia's King Abdullah upgraded Rice from emeralds to rubies, and threw in a bracelet and ring. $165,000 in loot for one trip!

Of course it's just our own oil money, coming back to us. Uselessly, since it will sit in a General Services Administration warehouse, because no one gets to keep the gifts under federal law. What a hilarious way to waste money!

Rice made the best of it, though: She "forgot" until now to disclose a "$170,000 flower petal motif necklace," received from Abdullah in 2005. Ha.

Man, how much must being the queen suck? Everyone's all, "listen to my demo, your majesty!" "I'm working on a screenplay about a queen that I'd love your notes on, your majesty!" Gah.

Among the members of the Spanish team: LA Lakers superstar Pau Gasol! This joke will go over smashingly in the Los Angeles Asian community, Pau. No apology has come out thus far. But let's all hope that Spain and China somehow end up playing each other in Olympic basketball, because China should smash them, what with the Spaniards being preoccupied with their fascist wars and influenza.

[NYP, Guardian UK]