A-oooooga! The sound of the approaching tugboat shatters the night’s fog. I make the boat sound with my own wet mouth.

I can’t.

A porthole is a boat, a boat a ship of life. Tossed upon the seas of life am I, watching from my porthole boat. A boat, a boat. A boataboat. Putt putt putt putt putt.

Beppppp. Bep bep bep. Here is my paper note pad and here is my pen, in my mouth along with the note pad. Hello I’m here for the interview. A real professional, live on the scene.

Last year, a Tibetan mastiff reportedly sold to a Chinese businessman for $2 million. Now, the New York Times reports, surplus mastiffs are being sold to slaughterhouses for $5 each.

Woot! Have you heard someone say this? Woot! (they say). Lordy, lordy.

O cummm, all ye faithfulllll. Cummm cummm cummm, it's Christmas.

If I had a cowboy hat, what would be inside? Nothing but a furry dome—and a mouse that likes to ride!

I would like to tell you a story, about a friend. A story? An elegy, perhaps. A friend? A soul. As fly as mine own when I'm getting all that static electricity nonstop.

Fly! Heart roaming thru the heaven's subtle firmament. Soar! Onrushing fervor in my verisimilitude.

The bump on my tongue is not just the end, of my tongue. It is the beginning— dash dash dash! Of a story.- - - -

I would not say that the cereal in the box was given to me. What I would say is that, through a series of events, I came to have access to the cereal in the box.

When I look into a fire... I feel hypnotize.

I like a dead bird. I like a live bird. Any kind of bird is allowed to hang out with me.

Tony. Tony? Tony! Tony. Tony! Tony.

The sissko kid, was a friend of minnnnne. Hey! Sisssssko kid, was a friend of mine. Hey! Who is that kid? If you don't know, he's my friend. Sing that tune!

Urrrrrggggh. Sometimes if you eat a bug your stomach says: no thank you, I don't want that.

A dog, Gawker's best-known columnist, explores the mysteries of nature in today's column: "Trees are not sticks. It's important to remember that. Sticks can fit in your mouth." A dog maintains a Kinja blog here.

I think that I shall never see/ A poem, lovely as a tree