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pathetic justice
Carrie Prejean Stripped of Her Crown, But Not for Stripping
Donald Trump, who owns the Miss USA operation, wouldn't take away Carrie Prejean's Miss California crown after she bashed gay marriage or when she posed nekkid. So what's a fireable offense? Apparently, thou shalt not be more famous than him. More » -
great magazine die-off
Trump Magazine Folds; American Dream Dies
Lord knows that the USA is in trouble, now that we're forced to make this sad announcement: Trump Magazine has folded. But...but Donald's so rich! More » -
fuzzy math
Donald Trump's Magical Net Worth: 'My Own Feeling'
Learning Annex instructor Donald Trump has finally explained—under oath!—how he comes up with his own mysterious "net worth": first he does a "mental projection," then he's a billionaire, simple as that! More » -
disasters
Excuses, Excuses: Carrie California Blames God, World War II, and The Wind
Carrie Prejean, the Miss California who hates gay marriage and does porn, was pardoned today by Donald Trump. She'll keep her crown! But not before she gives a teary, terrible speech. More » -
watersheds
Gay-Hating Miss California Granted a Full Pardon By Donald Trump
So Carrie California has been saved. Carrie Prejean, Miss California USA, was granted a pardon by the benevolent Donald Trump, even though she has tits and hates homosexuals and stood to lose her precious crown. More » -
horrible people
Miss Carrie California's Life Is In Donald Trump's Hands Now
Should Carrie Prejean, the beauty pageant contestant who hates gay people even more than cellulite, be executed? Some say "Yes." Others say "Free Speech." Now the decision has fallen to bouffanted ethics professor Donald Trump. More » -
orange you glad
Donald Trump And Other Orange Celebs
Donald Trump was on The View this morning with his daughter Ivanka and his fake tan appeared so orange that he looked like an Oompa Loompa. Naturally, we felt compelled to make this video. [Jezebel] -
surreal estate
Dubai Enters the Ozymandias Age
Whenever real-estate bubbles pop, the words of Percy Bysshe Shelley are trotted out by lit-major columnists. Before it gets too hackneyed, here is the text of "Ozymandias" with images of Dubai and other former boomtowns. More » -
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scams
Trump Baja Condo Project Goes South
Business blowhard Donald Trump has created an indelible meaning for his world-famous brand: failed real-estate ventures. The latest event to cement the Trump reputation: a failed condo project in Mexico which cost buyers $32 million. More » -
celebrity apprentice
Can of Dennis Rodman-Brand Whoop-Ass Opened on Tiny Country Singer
With Celebrity Apprentice 2: The Combforwarding over a week away, we bring you this preview footage of a shocking confrontation between cross-dressing NBA power forward Dennis Rodman and adorable miniature cowboyFrench StewartClint Black. More » -
flackery
How Donald Trump Tricked Letterman's Audience
Donald Trump can be amazing at spin, when he's not being a pig or sexist dinosaur. The latest example: when the real estate loudmouth masterfully tricked a Late Show audience into applauding his latest business bankruptcy. More » -
reality tv
Trump Bankruptcy to Come Just Before New Apprentice Season, Reportedly
Donald Trump's casino group is expected to file for bankruptcy, the Wall Street Journal said, less than two weeks before the new Celebrity Apprentice starts. This is among Trump's most embarrassing failures. More » -
open caption
"Now You'll Only Get Drunk When I Tell You To."
[Temporarily disgraced Miss USA Tara Conner with her creepy old benefactor, Donald Trump. They're promoting the new reality show "The Girls of Hedsor Hall" which looks dreadful; image via Getty] -
gossip roundup
Tom Cruise's Bomb-Proof Car Also Repels Thetans
Tom Cruise bought a special car to ward off anti-Scientology protesters and other agents of Xenu; Britney Spears can ward off the blues with the sari from her new boyfriend. More » -
donald trump
Donald Trump Breaks Out the D-Word Now That He Owes People Money
Donald Trump is currently getting sued by Deustche Bank for refusing to pay $40 million on a loan that he personally guaranteed. He's probably having some (relative) money troubles. But none of this is his fault! Which is why he is countersuing the bank for $3 billion. It's really the least they can do to make up for their wanton persecution of Donald Trump: More » -
celebrity apprentice
Defamer Handicaps The Rumored Cast Of The All-New, Double-Sized 'Celebrity Apprentice'
Welcome to the most depressing paragraph you're likely to read today: More » -
gossip roundup
Birthday Brings Britney Spears Much-Needed Attention
- Despite showing off her cleavage, Britney Spears managed to attract only the likes of Lance Bass and Ciara to her big 27th birthday party at Tejune. But that's still a better guest list than she'd have been allowed at either of the mental hospitals she visited this year. And she's finally the center of America's attention!
- A judge and prosecutor totally framed Roman Polanski for having sex with that kid. And the 30-year U.S. fugitive has a documentary to prove it! [P6]
- Mary-Kate Olsen is NOT pregnant, just 102 pounds. Such a cow. [Us]
- Patrick Swayze is NOT on his deathbed or last legs, just a victim of rumors. [Daily Star]
- The Post pre-reviewed Cher's forthcoming album of covers: "Delight of trannies everywhere." Wow. [P6]
- How many times did Donald Trump tell his idiot brother Robert to get a prenup? How many times?? [P6]
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donald trump
Is Donald Trump Having Money Troubles? Let's Speculate!
What's this—monetary distress for Donald Trump, the richest man in the universe? Trump is being sued by Deutsche Bank for failing to pay off a loan for his new Chicago high rise tower, which he personally guaranteed to the tune of $40 million. That makes it a great time to raise the perpetual question, "How much is Trump really worth?" A safe guess: far less than he was the last time anybody took the trouble to calculate: More » -
ed mcmahon
The Donald Trump/Ed McMahon Bailout: 'That's Kinda Murky'
Even after our heartfelt appeal for someone, anyone to stop the pimped-out madness that has overtaken Ed McMahon's life, the 85-year-old was featured in an interview this morning of Fox Business, shilling once again for his latest benefactors. But when the chat turned from McMahon's evidently in-demand personal finance tips to his reported bailout by the archangel Donald Trump, the pitchman and ex-Carson sidekick shrugged. "Everything that seems like its wonderful becomes unclear," he said, noting that he still had some Trump-work to do upon returning to Beverly Hills from his East Coast sojourn. "That has not resolved itself yet." No way! Ed explains more after the jump, and while we know the popular warning in investing is that past results are no guarantee of future performance, this really might be just the deal for the short seller in you. [YouTube] More » -
press whoring
These Are The Nicest Celebrities In Town!
That would be comedienne Rosie O'Donnell, wig-wearer Donald Trump, crazy actress Julianne Moore, crazy actor Alec Baldwin, New York thoroughbred Sarah Jessica Parker, and celebrated thespian Patricia Clarkson. And they're all nice! Or so says Village Voice darling and all around geigh dude Michael Musto, based on his experiences with how they treat the press. Ahh, they're nice to the press huh? More » -
new york times
Times Honchos' Bitchy Emails
"[Sunday business editor Timothy] O'Brien ridicules [Publisher Arthur] Sulzberger... He thinks Sulzberger is a dummy." [Post] -
joe francis
In a Very Special Boardroom, Joe Francis Tells Trump, 'Show Me Your Tits'
Currently enmeshed in a terrible global conspiracy involving 17-year-old girls, U.S. District Judges, a shadowy cabal of vampires (and most likely the Stonemasons), Girls Gone Wild proprietor Joe Francis is on the hunt for a way to restore his good name — and there's no one more willing to help than Donald Trump. Already the crown prince of magnanimity thanks to his selfless (some might say tear-inducing) bail-out of the beleaguered Ed McMahon, Hollyscoop says that the billionaire and the porn purveyor are set to team up: More » -
donald trump
Donald Trump Informercial Hostess Sheds Tears Of Trump-Loving Joy
Yes, you read that headline correctly, and now you can experience the magic for yourselves. This comes to us via Videogum, and it appears (sniff) to be some sort of portal into (whimper, voice crack) Trump's brilliant, wealth-accumulating mind via your TV at 4 a.m. (sooooobbbbb). After the jump, an equally insane clip about Trump's love of red meat—a point he's driven home before on The Apprentice, if we're not mistaken, in a lyrical metaphor for sexual preference that compared enjoying gay sex to eating spaghetti. More » -
infomercials
The Shame Of A Donald Trump Infomercial
Is there a word for that movement that fake rich guy Donald Trump makes when he kind of sneers a little bit and jerks his head spasmodically to the side, in an evil remix version of the "what can I say?" shrug? Let's call it a Derk (Donald Jerk). It's on full display in this infomercial clip, which may be the most perfect distillation I've ever seen of both the humiliation of appearing in an infomercial, and Donald Trump's fundamental asshole nature. This actress actually gets choked up simply by being in his regal, sneering presence. What can he do except pull a Derk? It sends the message, "You know, I'm the biggest prick in the whole world." But she likes it baby, yea: More » -
ed mcmahon
Ed McMahon's Realtor Makes Donald Trump An Offer He Can't Refuse
Cheers to Ed McMahon, whose week started with more miserable news about lawsuits and money owed but ends with word that he's managed at least one solution: He's found a buyer for his Beverly Hills manse, which was mere weeks away from foreclosure after the beleaguered 85-year-old legend defaulted on $4.8 million in loans with Countrywide. Alas, the inevitable catch: The buyer is Donald Trump, who boasted to the LA Times about his "honor" in leasing the home back to McMahon, adding, "When I was at the Wharton School of Business, I'd watch him every night. How could this happen?" More » -
grumpy old men
Donald Trump: A Sexist Dinosaur
Donald Trump is a big, blustering, sexist dinosaur. The real estate tycoon and reality TV show host can "fire" us or call us a big fat dyke for saying so. Of all his delightful qualities, one of his most charming is his seemingly unlimited joy for belittling and needlessly berating women. His latest target is actress/princess of Genovia Anne Hathaway. The Donald recently lashed out at her, saying that she only broke up with be-scandaled Eyetalian Rafaello Follieri because his legal troubles caused the money to run out. “So when he had plenty of money, she liked him," he garbled to Access Hollywood. "But then after that, not as good, right?” No, actually, we suspect it's because he was arrested for stealing fucking millions of dollars that Hathaway ended the affair, not because the money trail went cold. She's been doing pretty well for herself in the films lately, so finances probably aren't a huge worry for her. But she's a woman!
More » -
defamer
Stephen Baldwin Will Leave The Country If Barack Obama Becomes President!
So, the other day on Fox News, amidst a rant about Obama's support from the liberal Hollywood elite, the decidedly un-elite Stephen Baldwin told Laura Ingram that he'll leave the country if Barack gets elected. Obviously, the knee-jerk reaction here is to say, "Then we'd better do our best to make sure that happens." You can see it on Baldwin's face right after he makes his statement. He knows he's gonna get murdered in the blogsphere. But that's not happening here. Not today. I like Baldwin, and I'd be sad not to have him as a citizen of our country. More » -
donald trump
How Donald Trump Deals With Unflattering Gossip
So this is how the gossamer-haired property developer safeguards his public reputation. Radar's Neel Shah has unearthed a taped call from Trump to a gossip columnist who reported the famed womanizer was a bad date. 62-year-old Trump denies neither the womanizing nor his pattern of caddish behavior; but cleverly and credibly points out that he'd never waste time on a woman already half his age. Here's the short-fingered vulgarian's response: "And by the way, based on her picture, I would never take her out. She looks like a fucking third-rate hooker. I mean gimme a break... I mean, Chaunce, come on, I have good taste in women.... She's not a good-looking girl.... I mean she's a 35-year-old Penthouse Pet? That's pretty pathetic. I thought it was Playboy? I never took her out." -
skating
Funny Video Manages to Trivialize Figure Skating
Last night at Central Park's Wollman skating rink, fancy stars like That Lady from a Soap Opera, The Guy from SUV Who Always Gets Too Close to the Case, and the Countess de Lesseps from Real Housewives of New York City all came out for "Skating With the Stars - Under the Stars," an event that Donald Trump had something to do with. Tim Murphy was "on the scene" for New York magazine, deadpanning questions to skating celebrities Evan Lysacek, who knocks down the gay rumors by gabbing about his Heatherette costumery, and Johnny Weir, who once again ably acknowledges and dodges a gay baiting question. Murphy also talked to the Countess, who reminds us that she is, in fact, a Countess. And finally he nabbed the Donald, who mumbles something about having a lease on the rink then runs away. (Making it possible to call Donald Trump "a guy who rents a skating rink downtown.") Watch the funny video here, and if, you want more Johnny Weir (and who doesn't??), after the jump you'll find the most dramatically hilarious end to a skating routine ever. More » -
defamer
Macy's Enlists Mariah, Martha, And Donald's Combover To Push Products
We've quite enjoyed Macy's new marketing campaign in which they put together their design "stars" in fast-paced montages jam-packed with one-liners from the likes of The Donald, Martha Stewart and Jessica Simpson, who's fully come to terms with her dumb blonde schtick by agreeing to pretend she just can't figure out how to open the darn door to Macy's while schlepping boxes of her stripper shoes. But the latest spot has us confused. Featuring Mariah Carey (she has a fragrance, unlike any other celebrity we know!), Carlos Santana (highly respected shoe designer and sometimes musician!), Donald and Martha, the commercial's theme appears to be the way in which consumer goods can inspire...quasi-rhythmical snippets on Santana's legendary guitar? More » -
defamer
Underage Body Painted Donald Trump Devotee Crashes His Party, Trump Feigns Disgust
Donald Trump is reportedly "appalled" that an uninvited promotional model crashed his Super Bowl party wearing nothing but his logo painted on her body. But we're confused; according to the event reps, they "hire[d] three promotional models, all over the age of 21 to be opaquely painted with logos for this event." So presumably, paint-adorned "waitresses" were par for the course at Trump's oh-so-classy liquor-sponsored party. So was it the fact that the crasher in question, one Chanell Elaine Hallett, was a youthful 17 years old, or is it her scandalous MySpace photo gallery that has Trump flustered? Photos from Miss Hallett's Ashley Alexandre Dupré-esque personal page follow after the jump. More » -
defamer
Stephen Baldwin Is Like Roger Deakins, Alex Bogusky and Louis B. Mayer All Rolled Into One
While most of America has shown only a passing interest in Semi-Celebrity Apprentice (an interest that continues to fade each week), we have found it to be one of the few great small-screen joys of this strike-ravaged season. Not because the challenges are particularly interesting, mind you; our interest lies mainly in observing this pack of Type-A C-Listers trade on their varying levels of "fame" and hubris like social currency (see: Stephen Baldwin in the clip above). Rarely are the challenges on Donald Trump's resurrected show about who has a better grasp on the four Ps; rather, it's more about watching these fame-hungry jackals tear down their competitors' self-worth while attempting to build theirs up. As close-to-brilliant as the show is in its current incarnation, we can only imagine how subversively stupendous it could be if Cris Abrego and Mark Cronin were steering the ship instead of Mark Burnett. [NBC.com] -
open caption
[Donald Trump and wife Melania Knauss at New York Fashion Week yesterday; image via Splash]
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short ends
Mark Burnett And Donald Trump Won't Stop Believin'
· As we have detailed on these pages before, our hearts haven't really been with the Semi-Celebrity Apprentice since The Donald gave Gene Simmons the boot. However, because we are far too lazy to delete the Season Pass from our TiVos, we still find ourselves compelled to watch the show. Thank goodness, otherwise we would have missed the hilariously dated manner in which (spoiler alert!) Big Pussy found himself ejected from last week's show. More » -
classy
Trump Sued By Trump Wannabe
After literally decades of insisting to Forbes and everyone else that he's worth about 10 times more than his confidantes estimate, real estate loudmouth Donald Trump is finally being made to sweat for his hot air, because he's just been sued in federal court for about a billion more than even Forbes thinks he's worth. Of course the case is ridiculous, since the plaintiff doesn't have a prayer of getting $4 billion just because Trump tried to block use of his name to lease condos in a Vegas Trump Tower. But equally ridiculous is watching Trump fight to defend the oh-so-sterling reputation of his brand after all the bankruptcies and pointless and nasty media feuds he's dragged it through.



















































