Trump, known for mispronouncing "h" sounds as "y" sounds and for making up his own net worth based on a magical fantasy formula, has now been whittled down to a 10% stake in his own Atlantic City casinos. Which are bankrupt, btw. For the third time.

And who was formerly on the board of these failed gaming monstrosities, and "involved in the negotiations with creditors"? Ivanka Trump, currently occupied with her full-time battle against the mean business press, which she is waging on Twitter.

Tell us the secrets of your success!
[Pic: Getty]

The Observer is, at heart, a small little paper written by very smart people. It's not really the ideal pawn in a game of New York media mogul social climbing. Which will not stop Jared Kushner and his new bride from using it for that purpose!

Ivanka (who declined to give Crain's an interview for their story, although her dad did) twitted conspiratorially, "Do you think it's because of late Jared's new paper, The Commercial Observer, has stolen the last of Crains' few remaining advertisers?" Somehow we doubt that is the case! The story is mostly a pedestrian and factual recounting of the last few years of Kushner's and Trump's uniformly laughable rise to DIZZYING HEIGHTS of business moguldom or something, despite the fact that both of them are silver spoon kids with no discernible talent for actually making money, apart from slapping the "Trump" brand on various shitty baubles. Jared is actually astoundingly good at losing money, so far.

What Ivanka calls "misinformed and pointless" is actually just a roundup of the various inanities and business failures she and Jared have racked up in the recent past. The worrying thing here is not that Ivanka (who, her dad says, "loves the public, she loves to be out there") is upset; it's that she and her husband seem to be totally enveloping the New York Observer in the Trump Brand. Ivanka's book ads were just the beginning. The fact that it's now impossible to discuss one of New York's most literary weeklies without being one degree of separation from discussing Donald Trump does not portend a happy future.

And get off Twitter, Ivanka. That will be one million dollars.
[Pic via]

• Donald Trump is now getting into bed with his worthiest apprentice/prodigal daughter Omarosa. The pair are becoming partners to produce Omarosa's Ultimate Merger a new show which will attempt to find a husband for the reality star. The show's active subtext will address the question: what is crazier, to get married on a TV show for the attention or to actually want to spend the rest of your days on Earth with Omarosa?
[Variety]

• What with Robert De Niro's film career looking more and more like some rickety nostalgia act, Tribeca sees no doubt safer waters on the small screen. Tribeca has just signed a two year deal with CBS television to develop new shows. [Variety]

• Someone has stolen a percent of ABC! Since the digital conversion, the network's clearance rate — the percentage of American households with access to ABC's affiliates — has mysteriously fallen one percent, and no one can figure out why. The single percentage point could be worth $15 — 20 million a year, but more importantly, the new digital statistics now put ABC below the despised Fox network in national access. [Variety]

• The network meanwhile has pulled the plug on witch-drama Eastwick while ordering more episodes of Jerry Bruckheimer's new procedural The Forgotten. [The Wrap]

• While Oscar's best picture race may be getting all the attention, the Hollywood Reporter writes that the animation category is shaping up as the hottest race on the book, with the field potentially increasing to five films instead of the past three. Pixar's Up faces a conundrum as it looks at potential nominations in both the animated and best picture categories, leading to the possibility that its supporters will be divided in which award they vote to give the film, a split vote which could lead the balloon film empty handed. The category also looks to become a referendum on the state of film technology today with its ranks including everything from motion capture (Christmas Carol) to hand drawn 2D (Ponyo) to claymation (Mary and Max). [Hollywood Reporter]

• Meanwhile in the main category, The Wrap's Steve Pond writes that despite the new ten film wide category, the best picture race appears to have already boiled down to a very stable, very small group of contenders, with the Oscar world basically having decided that the Best Picture of 2009 will be either Precious, Up in the Air or The Hurt Locker. [The Wrap]

• Recession or no, the buyers have been out at the American Film Market. Hoping to snag the next District 9, international agents have picked up the rights to new films starring Mel Gibson, Bruce Willis and Jodie Foster. [The Wrap]

• Disney wont have Mark Zoradi to kick around any more. After being passed over for the top job last month, the President of Disney pics, a 29-year veteran of the company, has announced he is stepping down. [Hollywood Reporter]

The Africa honeymoon follows Wednesday's private reception for their nearest and dearest friends, relatives and tenants — 1,000 people at the Puck Building. And even then friends may still be discussing the wedding invitations they'd received. It had a flier inside for Donald's other golf properties.

Thanks, dad. You're a real embarrassment.

As I would imagine her father might say, let's just cut to the bullshit and get to the point. Ivanka Trump is getting married to Jared Kushner like, right now. Depending on when you read this they might literally be clasping hands under the chuppah at this very moment. That's not even the beautiful sun you see shining out there today — it's just the reflected wattage from the two real estate scions, "lit from within by wealth and privilege".

But for all that wealth and privilege, the Times wedding announcement is kind of a hot mess! On the one hand, it's got the primo spot in print: upper left hand column, adjacent to the featured "Vows" article about a zaftig production lady who had to spend her special day with, of all people, Kelly Ripa. But there are numerous oddities. In contrast to the standard listing of names in the announcement headline, we get a complete sentence: "Ivanka Trump Weds Jared Kushner". Which is fine, (and maybe more SEO-friendly?) except the layout appears like this in print:

       Ivanka Trump
Weds Jared Kushner

So that for a moment I thought he had some secret first name and wasn't just Jared Kushner but was W. Jared Kushner. And I'm sorry but people who do the first initial thing always kind of creep me out! So that caught me off guard. Moving on, great picture (the Post has the full one; I like her outfit) but they totally didn't "arrange themselves with their eyebrows on exactly the same level and with their heads fairly close together".

Who wrote this announcement? No, I'm seriously wondering, because we need to discuss the context and grammatical decisions behind each and every sentence. First, we get a full E! Where Are They Now episode about mama Ivana, who "founded two companies in New York: Ivana Inc., which handles her speaking engagements, books and other commercial ventures; and Ivana Haute Couture, which sells jewelry, perfumes and cosmetics on television". But in contrast, information about The Donald is extremely glancing, solely relegated to the nonrestrictive clause "her father's real estate company" in a sentence about Ivanka.

Probably not surprising. But Donald gets off easy in comparison to Charles Kushner:

"The bridegroom's father, who is a founder of his family's real estate business, stepped down as the company's chairman in 2004, owing to his legal problems, and has since resumed his title."

WHAT. I get that they've already namedropped the name of the family empire earlier in the paragraph (in addition to being the publisher of the New York Observer, Jared is, casually, "a principal in the Kushner Companies") but that sentence! So catty, structured as it is so that the whole "stepping down" is the primary active verb; the meat of the sentence. Me-ouch. Given the close relationship between father and son, the language is all the more puzzling.

[Photo via New York Magazine]

I like Jared and Ivanka. They're both such pretty princesses, and say what you will about the evils of nepotism: at least they keep themselves busy. Ivanka's Twitter feed has also won me over. Just this morning she went on a hike (I really, really would love it if she subscribed to Peggy Noonan's definition of "hike", btw) and her crowdsourcing call to arms about possible wedding song selections yielded a treasure trove of suggestions, including this, which: yes.

Jesus, other people got married this weekend too, you know. Like the aforementioned Lori Schulweis, a production coordinator for the Regis and Kelly show who had the distinct fortune of having her meager love life and her weight discussed live on air all the time. That is not something that ever ends well. Finally, even the poor woman's 97-year old grandmother was like "um, have you tried match.com, dear?" Ultimately she found David Buder, who didn't mind it on their first date when she "was pulling out a picture of her dog" and "somehow the bar stool she was on tipped".

But more importantly: how annoying would it be to have Kelly Ripa as a guest at your wedding?

Here we have Madeleine Resnick and Jeffrey Novich, two lovers brought together by their love of higher education — she is the membership coordinator at the Penn Club, he a private SAT tutor — and questionably named startups:

"The bride's mother is a public relations consultant there, and is a founder of BigOoga.com, a networking site for entrepreneurs. The bride's stepfather is a financial analyst at Northern Trust Bank in Chicago.

The bridegroom, 29, is a private SAT, math, and physics totor for Bespoke Education in New York. He is also the founder of VocabSushi.com, which helps students learn vocabulary using sentences from news articles."

Good god I hate the Internet.

Elsewhere this weekend, some frightened groom has to contend with a father-in-law who was a top State Department official in Caracas, Venezuela and Chiang Mai, Thailand (oh yeah, Jack can talk Thai REAL well); this picture looks photoshopped, right? and multiple couples met at the nation's most important singles bar: Harvard.

In fact, one early-blooming power couple met even before they made their way to Cambridge! Shane Wilson and Jessica Manners — OMG yes "Ms. Manners", and you're goddamn right she's keeping that name — met when they attended one of those high school nerd camps (oh, don't roll your eyes, you know you all went to CTY at Johns Hopkins too, geeks!) to study topics like "the future of New Jersey" and, apparently, "how to talk to the opposite sex".

In the wake of the Thrillist/Jetblue (TM) World's Most Boring Scandal of 2009, I should make a full disclosure: I am not a fully objective party, having once shared a delightful brunch with Jessica and Shane that was marred only by their blatant disinterest in firing up a game of Taboo. What was up with that, guys?

And so normally I steer clear of the featured video interviews with One Lucky Couple on the Times website, because they're just a little too Christopher Guest-y for me to accept that they're real, but I made an exception in this case. And the 2ish minute mark aside — "we both got in early so ... that worked out" — this was pretty touching! As one friend put it, when you know the people involved, "it's like Altarcations, but all of the ha's are awwww's."

And really, when the groom brags to the national newspaper of record that his bride's "nose is very squishy", you kind of have to awwww. Because that, folks, is true dorky beautiful love.

[Ed. Even I emailed Phyllis the following editorial directive earlier this morning: "SQUISHY NOSES!!!11!" Of course, she was already on this. Also, even though they're not being scored: she's keeping her last name, -2, but it's "Manners," so +4. Amirite?]

This week's matchup:

Heather Elliot and Stuart Rachels

• The bride graduated from Duke, received a Master of Philosophy from Yale, and earned a law degree at Berkeley: +5
• The groom graduated summa cum laude from Emory, was a Marshall Scholar at Oxford, and earned a PhD at Syracuse: +5
• The bride was Ruth Bader Ginsburg's law clerk: +1
• Ruth Bader Ginsburg did not have any part in officiating the wedding: -1
• "In 1981, at age 11, Mr. Rachels became the youngest American chess master, a record he held until 1994": +2
• The couple are both professors: +3
• At the University of Alabama: -1
• The bride's mother had the same job as Rene Russo in Outbreak: +1

TOTAL: 15

Lindsay Levkoff, Jeffrey Lynn

• The bride graduated summa cum laude from Tennessee, earned a master's at Oxford as a Fulbright Scholar, and tacked on a Harvard MBA: +7
• The groom has a law degree from Oxford with an MBA on the way, graduated magna cum laude from Penn, and also went to law school at UVA: +9
• The groom's mother is chairwoman emeritus of the Arizona Theatre Company and his dad is on the board of trustees of the Heard Museum in Phoenix: +2
• "Ms Levkoff and Mr. Lynn may be among the few couples who can say that former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher played Cupid for them.": +1985

TOTAL: Hubba bloody hubba.

• It's hard keeping track of Jennifer Aniston's alleged love life. One day she's screwing Gerard Butler, the next it's secret meetings with Brad. Now she's apparently staying in close contact with her "ex" John Mayer, on whom she's "hooked" and "can't let go." Yes, it can all get confusing, but at least she only has three in the rotation. For now. [NYDN]
  
  
• Jon and Kate Gosselin's former babysitter claims Jon hacked into Kate's emails and now Kate's saying she may talk to her lawyers because she's "disturbed" by it all. Yeah, so are we. [Us]
  
  
• Oh, haha! Professional actor Jesse Metcalfe joked that he got erections while making out with Eva Longoria. No wonder this guy doesn't get more acting jobs. [TMZ]
  
  
• Donald Trump continues his war of words on Tilda Swinton, who opposes his plans to construct a golf course on a Scottish coast. She compared it to poor people's forceful evictions during the Highland Clearance's gentrification, which led Trump to say of the world-famous actress: "It's a shame that she would disgrace the thousands of Scots who suffered for her own personal gain and in order to get some easy publicity for herself." [Page Six]
  
  
• Tao will pay Kim Kardashian $50,000 to "celebrate" her birthday at their Las Vegas location. Life's truly unfair. [Page Six]
  
  
• Paul McCartney's son, James, was trying to quietly start a music career. Now the papers are on to him, so that bubble's burst. [The Sun]
  
  
• California claims Patti LuPone owes nearly $10,000 in back taxes, but her people say it just isn't so, because the actress is "meticulous" about paying the tax man. So there! [Page Six]
  
  
• Ahhh! We've seen scary skinny models, and Miranda Kerr definitely deserves honorary mention. Well done! [Daily Mail]
  
  
• Melissa Rycroft, who's a "celebrity" for being on The Bachelor and Dancing with the Stars, has swine flu... [NYDN]
  
  
• ...And MSNBC's think Rycroft's announcing her swine flu for publicity. [MSNBC]
  
  
• Poor Fred Durst! Married three months and it's already over. [People]
  
  
• Just when you thought the Kanye/Taylor Swift scandal had gone to tabloid heaven, Taylor Swift hints that she may make fun of it when she hosts Saturday Night Live. Sounds like too easy a set-up. [Star]
  
  
• Sources say GQ photo-shopped January Jones' boobs to make them bigger, but photo editor Dora Samo insists Jones just uses what her mama gave her: "Yes, they're real. And they're spectacular." [Page Six]
  
  
• A second autopsy reveals that cocaine did not contribute to Billy Mays' death. Now, let's let the poor man's family rest. [NYDN]

• Oh, it's on: Tilda Swinton has joined a fight against Donald Trump's latest golf course, which would be built on the Scottish coast and would displace residents. Trump's people responded by calling Swinton and other protesters "extremists." We imagine Swinton can get a bit more extreme than a petition. She looks sweet, but we see some crazy in those eyes. [AP]
  
  
• The ever-fecund Heidi Klum gave birth to her and husband Seal's fourth child, a girl named Lou. Klum's probably too exhausted to speak, so Seal released a statement wondering — and explaining — how he found even more love in his heart for the new tot. We could try to be cynical about this, but good golly, Seal and Klum just too darn adorable. [People]
  
  
• Carrie Underwood will host a two-hour holiday special that will feature Dolly Parton and David Cook. Because, you know, all the other recent variety shows have done so well. [Reuters]
  
  
• Remember when Tyra Banks told us all to kiss her fat ass and stop discussing her weight because she loved herself and all that? Well, now she's dropped four dress sizes. Body confidence must be out this season. [Daily Mail]
  
  
• In other weight-related "news:" Star magazine had an expert say that Tori Spelling's only 95 pounds, so Spelling tweeted that she's 107 pounds and the tabloid can weigh her if they want. The aforementioned expert, meanwhile, says that 5'5" Tori's still 13 pounds shy of "remotely healthy." These weight wars sure can be ugly, huh? [Star]
  
  
• Madonna's former trainer, Tracy Anderson, will have to defend herself against a $1 million lawsuit filed by an ex-boyfriend who swears she used her feminine wiles to put a curse on him and make him spend his money on her business. He also claims she made up big, fat whopping lies, like that she had been in Cats and was a Power Ranger, all easily verifiable facts. [Page Six]
  
  
• Paul Anka will receive 50% of the publishing rights from Michael Jackson's new track, "This is It," because he helped write it. [TMZ]
  
  
• Joe Francis participated in last weekend's gay rights march in DC not because he wants to get good press, but because knows the pain of being dogged by the religious right and can therefore empathize with the same-sex crew. Um, really? [Page Six]
  
  
• Some say gay writer Gore Vidal's an anti-Semite, which explains why people such as former NYC mayor Ed Koch are furious he'll speak at the famously Jewish 92nd Street Y next week. Koch, who some say remains closeted, remarked, "Those who invited him are, as Jews, either most forgiving, or schmucks. The latter word is intended to cover masochists." [Page Six]
  
  
• Are you an Elvis fan with cash to burn? Well, you can bid on a lock of the singer's hair at an auction. It's expected to sell for at least $8,000. [Reuters]
  
  
• Can you believe it? A Los Angeles doorman didn't recognize Whitney Port and she had to wait in line for a half-hour until someone set him straight. Oh, the indignity! [Page Six]

Oh, we forgot to mention that Ivanka's jewelry line is sponsoring her own party as well. No wonder it's called The Trump Card: Playing to Win in Work and Life, cause she's combining both together! Here is the invite for Wednesday's party, where the name Trump appears no less than nine times, fully one-eighth of the total words on the invite (that's counting times and logos). Quest Magazine is hosting the event in name only, so that there would be another name on the invite other than Trump. We just can't wait to see a picture of Donald Trump and Ivanka Trump in Trump Tower at the Trump book party drinking Trump Vodka. The caption will look like a game of hearts, but with fewer kings and more jokers.

The book itself sounds just like what you would expect from something that has a cover about as '80s as a Dynasty rerun. From the Barnes and Noble description:

The Trump Card also features "Bulletins" from Ivanka's BlackBerry that tap into the wisdom of today's leaders, including Arianna Huffington, Tory Burch, and Cathie Black. "We've all been dealt a winning hand," Ivanka writes, "and it is up to each of us to play it right and smart."

Do you mean all those women have been dealt a winning hand or that each and every human has? It looks to me like a bunch of privileged white ladies are holding all the cards while the deck is stacked against the rest of us.

For a family as into self promotion as the Trumps, it's amazing that Ivanka has been so mum about her wedding plans and that she is releasing a book less than two weeks before he planned October 25 wedding to Jared Kushner of New York Observer fame. Wouldn't that cause undue attention to the wedding? Actually, it will probably cause undue attention (and potential sales) to her new book. Very crafty indeed, Ms. Trump.

Oh, and where is the wedding being held? At Trump National Golf Course, no less. At this rate, she's going to name her first born Trump Kushner-Trump.

• There's high-flying drama in the house of Oprah. One of the talk show queen's personal flight attendants filed a lawsuit in which she claims she was inappropriately fired over bunk "mile high" claims. Other attendants, including Gayle King's daughter, claimed that Corrine Gehrls and pilot Terry Pansing had sex during a flight, but both parties denied it — and passed a lie detector test. Still, Oprah refused to give them their jobs back and now Gehrls wants $75,000, which she could find in Oprah's couch. [Us]
  
  
• Irritatingly cute singer Michael Buble has found a new lady love — his music video vixen, Luisana Lopilato. She speaks little English. Score! [Page Six]
  
  
• A hearty congratulations to Christina Hendricks, our favorite Mad Men redhead, who was married this weekend. We're sure our invitation got lost in the mail. [ET]
  
  
• Prison's taking its toll on Roman Polanski, whose lawyer says he's "depressed." And that depression will no doubt deepen if he's extradited. [THR]
  
  
• Penelope Cruz won't say if she's pregnant, but she wore a loose-fitting dress, which in Hollywood code means she is. If only all of life's big announcements were so easy. [Showbiz Spy]
  
  
• Emmy Rossum, who's reportedly sleeping with Counting Crows front man Adam Duritz, says she understands why "chicks dig him," which is funny, because we can't imagine why... [People]
  
  
• Madonna's brother, Christopher Ciccone, fancies himself an artist. [Page Six]
  
  
• Finally! After being denied the chance to be on I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here, former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich will now live his reality show dreams on Donald Trump's Celebrity Apprentice. Now, isn't it time we all make more concrete rules about who exactly counts as a "celebrity." [Chicago Tribune]
  
  
• Kourtney Kardashian's unborn child will be a boy. [NYDN]
  
  
• Dannii Minogue, Kylie's less famous and less talented singer, made an off-hand remark about an X Factor star's sexuality, apologized profusely, but people still want her head. [The Sun]
  
  
• Late reality star Jade Goody's ex-husband, Jeff Brazier, vowed never to let her widower, Jack Tweed, see Goody's children again because he's a no good drinker with anger problems. Fair enough. [Daily Mail]

• The reprehensible yet fascinating Kelly Bensimon fluttered about a party the other night asking people to smell her because she wanted a Tom Ford perfumer to make her a new scent. Which we're sure makes sense in her mind and her mind alone. [Page Six]
  
  
• Dina Lohan's absolutely livid that ex-hubby Michael would go on television to claim Lindsay has a drug problem. So she's talking to the tabloids, instead. Oh, for the record, she insists Lindsay's doing a-okay. Relatively, at least. [Page Six]
  
  
• Marge Simpson will be on the cover of Playboy and has a 3-page spread. Is it wrong that we're curious? [TMZ]
  
  
• Three years after he referred to TR Knight as a "faggot," Isaiah Washington still can't get work. [MSNBC]
  
  
• It's a done deal: a bench warrant has been issued for Michael Jackson dead doc and deadbeat dad Conrad Murray, who owes $13,000 in child support. [Inside Edition]
  
  
• Donald Trump's one cold son-of-a-bitch. Daughter Ivanka writes in her new book that Marla Maples was once a few minutes late getting to their private plane, so he left her behind on the tarmac. [Page Six]
  
  
• Hmm. Maybe Jon and Kate Gosselin aren't quite as childish as we imagined: they managed to get along for their twin daughters' birthday party. But, of course, it's only one day. [NYDN]
  
  
• Geri Halliwell should have her celebrity powers revoked, because she wore a dress from seven-years ago. If you see her, spit on her. [Daily Mail]
  
  
• Nicolas Cage, whose popularity continues to astound us, reportedly owes the government about $6 million in back taxes. National treasure, indeed. [TMZ]

• Tyra Banks sat down with Larry King last night and revealed her deepest, darkest secret: she likes being naked. Unless the lighting's bad. Then she goes on a Naomi-esque rampage. Also, she's not Oprah, although Tyra tells King he doesn't need to use her last name. [CNN]
  
  
• Paparazzi under attack! Two photographers claim Tom Brady and Gisele's security guards opened fire on them after they shot pictures of the super couple's post-wedding bash in March. Now they want $1 million. [NYDN]
  
  
• Director Mike Tollin, who has a football-centric documentary coming out on ESPN, argues that Donald Trump killed the short-lived, 80s-era United States Football League, of which his New Jersey Generals were a part, by having it compete with real football. Trump, naturally, dismissed Tollin's work as "third-rate." [Page Six]
  
  
• Big congrats to underrated couple Sarah Michelle Gellar and Freddie Prinze, Jr: they just welcomed their first child, a girl named Buffy. Psyche. the little bundle's being called Charlotte. [Us]
  
  
• Someone hired Alexandra Richards to DJ for three hours, but she left after nearly 40 minutes so that she could eat dinner with friends. Then, when the club refused to pay for the whole time, Richards charged by the minute. We know prostitutes that do that, too. [Page Six]
  
  
• Woody Harrelson became a vegan to fix his acne. [Page Six]
  
  
• Chloe Sevigny has found herself a new man: Jason Segel, who's on that show that also stars Neil Patrick Harris, How I Met Your Mother. [Page Six]
  
  
• Howard K. Stern's in even more trouble over Anna Nicole Smith's death: prosecutors will reportedly five more felony charges against him for his alleged role in her descent into drug addiction and "pharmaceutical suicide." For the record, that's a total of 11 felony charges he's facing. [TMZ]
  
  
• Geri Halliwell wants the world to at least think there could be a Spice Girls reunion. Maybe to keep us all in line? [3am]
  
  
• The perpetually confused Mischa Barton was going to the opera the other night, saw a red carpet and just started walking it, then realized it was the Alice Tully Hall premiere of Michael Moore's new movie and then booked it to the opera's venue, a little place called the Metropolitan Opera House. Poor thing. [Page Six]

For those of you keeping track of Gaddafi's expeditions, he originally tried to erect a tent in New Jersey, but those plans were squashed. Then he tried to book a room in New York's ritzy Pierre Hotel. No madmen allowed, however, so now he's trying to set up camp at a Bedford, New York, estate owned by Donald Trump's company. The town's supreme leaders have halted the tent's construction, but can't suspend the sensational coverage.

Of course the cable news networks are all over this scandal and CNN even brought in a man whose brother died in the Lockerbie Pan Am bombing, a bombing that has been given new life after the recent release of Libyan spy Abdelbaset Ali Mohmed al-Megrahi from prison. Fine, yes, we're all angry. Gaddafi's a lunatic who deserves an international cold shoulder. Yet, here we are, a nation absolutely gripped by his visit. And that's exactly what he wants.

This whole thing's really quite the meeting of the media whores. Gaddafi loves attention. In fact, he lives for it, and has been basking in weeks of news coverage about his visit, the first time he's graced our nation with his maniacal presence in four decades. Trump has a preternatural adoration for media sensation and though his company has distanced itself from the happenings — apparently the property's being rented to a Middle Eastern company — this connection no doubt pleases the boss man, whose appetite for headlines knows no bounds.

While certainly Gaddafi has had a hand in terrible attacks in the past, he's largely a joke. He tried to take over the African Union and failed. He's unpopular in his country and his once-mighty fist looks more like a limp wrist. The outrage surrounding his visit only bolsters Gaddafi's image as an international man of terror, an image better left to some other visiting dignitaries, like that Iranian guy. What's his name?

Eh, no matter — these people are like Freddy Krueger: turn your back on them and they cease to exist. Presto! World peace.

Information obtained by the Guanabee blog, in an exclusive interview with Michael Schwandt, choreographer of the last four pageants, tells that far from a purely scientific study of the looks, talents and poise of each contestant, one man's preferences may be guiding the outcome of the race.

According to Schwandt, the dark hand of Miss Universe owner Donald Trump is in fact at work,behind the curtains, secretly culling the field of pageant thoroughbreds. Apparently, the winnowing of the contest down to its 15 finalists happens not just in the meticulous parading and exhibiting skills viewers across the galaxies watch on TV, but in an Extra Special Private Judging Round in which contestants display themselves for Trump alone.

Explaining about Trump's hands-on presence during the rehearsal Schwandt says in the Guanabee interview:

Then he does do something that's a bit odd. At all the shows, he pops in the day before the telecast and we line up all the girls in alphabetical order behind microphones. And they say their name, age and country. Then we line them up in alphabetical order in one single file line across the stage. And he basically walks by and has an assistant that takes notes on all the girls. And it's just kind of common knowledge that he picks six of the top fifteen single-handedly. So, the other nine of the top fifteen are judged in a preliminary show the week before and picked by those judges, but he picks six of the top fifteen.

The Miss Universe rules however, fail to note the Extra Special Private Judging Round and its impact on the race. They state, in the website's FAQ section:

HOW ARE THE SEMI-FINALISTS CHOSEN?
In 1997, a dual-paneled judging system was introduced. One panel judges the preliminary rounds; the other panel judges the live telecast. All contestants are judged in three areas of preliminary competition which are not always televised due to time constraints:
1. Interviews - Judges spend time with each delegate to learn about her successes, goals and ambitions.
2. Swimsuit Competition - Each delegate wears one of a variety of swimsuit styles provided by a sponsor.
3. Evening Gown Competition - Each delegate wears a gown she has chosen for herself.
All scores are tallied in each of the three categories. The contestants with the highest aggregate scores are named the semi-finalists. The competition is narrowed twice more to produce the winner.

HOW ARE THE TITLEHOLDERS AND RUNNERS-UP SELECTED?
Once the finalists are named, their scores are discarded, and they begin competing anew. In the final competition, the same three areas (Interview, Swimsuit and Evening Gown) are judged. The judges' scores in these categories are tallied and the winners are named live on the air.

Further, according to the Guanabee interview, Trump instituted the Extra Special Private Round after he had raised concerns that the official judges had failed to adequately reward prettiness. The interview reads:

Q: So, he's orchestrating at least a portion of the results?
A: Right. And, his reason for doing so, as he told me and he's told the girls before, is that he left it all up to preliminary judging in the past and some of the most beautiful women, in his opinion, were not in the top fifteen and he was kind of upset about that. And he decided that he would pick a certain number and let the judges pick a certain number.

Read the stunning interview in its entirety at Guanabee.

If there were one man fit to decide which of the Universe's beauties is fit to reign over us all, that man would no doubt be Donald Trump. However, without laws and regulations to govern even the most powerful of us, the Universe would be in chaos. Donald Trump, give this competition back to your people!

When Prejean's name came up in the Late Show interview, Trump offered his admirable but weak defense of her for being a dolt, prompting Letterman to jump in with an "anybody who wants to get married ought to be able to get married" comment. The studio audience then went nuts while Trump sat silent, all alone in the world for a few seconds with only a banana-yellow tie and a big, garish head as his friends.

Near the end of the segment, Trump spit out a bunch of names of judges he has lined up for the pageant, and he mentioned Andre Leon Talley as being one of them. Neither Dave not the audience seemed to know who the hell Andre Leon Talley was, which was oddly refreshing.

Fashion Week Daily got their hands on some or part of the guestlist for the premiere and published some of the names of the invitees. They include: Grace Coddington, Andre Leon Talley, Sienna Miller, Oscar de la Renta, Sean Combs, Tory Burch, Frederic Fekkai, Carolina and Reinaldo Herrera, Tommy Hilfiger, Melania and Donald Trump, Alexa Chung, Marc Jacobs, Donna Karan, Zac Posen and, of course, Si Newhouse.

The film, which is said to be highlighted by the behind the scenes head-butting between Wintour and Vogue creative director Grace Coddington, is set to be released for viewing by the commoners on August 28th.

Trump has a very particular business model: Get a reputation for being a wildly successful business mogul even though you are, in fact, a failure at business; capitalize on the reputation itself—instead of your purported mogul skills—to make a living. Donald probably makes more off books and TV shows and Learning Annex courses than he ever did off his crumbling real estate empire, and that's okay. It works for him.

And it can work for Gordon Ramsay! His own little empire of fancy restaurants has been collapsing ever since this little economic meltdown stopped hedge fundies from using their little expense accounts to buy, you know, food sold by Gordon Ramsay & Co. After a rapid expansion during the boom years, he's now closing restaurants during slow hours, cutting back on staff and expensive menu items and fancy dining room trimmings, and using "more economical ingredients." And look—according to the WSJ, his business model is evolving in quite a familiar direction!

Mr. Ramsay generates about £10 million in annual revenue from television, publishing and endorsement contracts. That includes as much as $250,000 a show for the U.S. versions of "Hell's Kitchen" and "Kitchen Nightmares," which both air on Fox, a unit of News Corp., which owns The Wall Street Journal. Mr. Ramsay has poured about £12 million of his media earnings into his restaurant empire...

[Now], Rather than paying rent, Mr. Ramsay receives fees for licensing the Ramsay name, provides key personnel and advises on menus.

Licensing: that's where the smart money is. And though Gordon Ramsay and Donald Trump are both asshole, Ramsay is a lovable asshole. Big difference.

This new made-up designation supersedes our earlier proclamation that Gordon Ramsay was the "John McCain of Food.".
[Pic: Getty]

A judge tossed out Trump's lawsuit against NYT editor and author Timothy O'Brien for O'Brien's assertion, in his biography of Trump, that Trump's net worth was a couple hundred million dollars, rather than the billions that Trump claims. Despite Trump's assertions that his net worth is whatever the fuck he feels like it is on any given day, the "law" in the United States of America doesn't entitle him to humongous damages for "defamation" if he is "full of shit."

What's this country coming to?

• Eva Longoria says that she likes to be dominated during sex, even tied up with fancy silk ties around her limbs. Yes please! [Sun]
  
  
• A warning to the ladies of Manhattan—Leonardo DiCaprio is on the prowl. He's been spotted with a posse of bros all over town trying to pick up tail by playing the "I'm the king of the world card." [Page Six]
  
  
• Lily Allen isn't shy about going after what she wants. She recently proclaimed that she wanted to bone Snow Patrol's Gary Lightbody more than anyone in the world and basically invited him to come and get it. [Mirror]
  
  
• Kurt Anderson took a shot at Donald Trump in his new book and so naturally, the Donald fired off a retort, calling Anderson a "third rate writer." [Page Six]
  
  
• Harry Potter star Emma Watson, who recently shacked up with her boyfriend, said that she and Robert Pattinson, who recently knocked up a Twilight co-star, are "just friends." So now you know. [Gatecrasher]
  
  
• Victoria Beckham is a big fan of Sex and the City or something because she's taking acting lessons in the hope of landing a part in the movie sequel. [Daily News]
  
  
• So sad. The band Kings of Leon seems on the verge of breaking up. Basically, they all hate each other and recently came close to canceling a number of European tour dates after another backstage scuffle. [Sun]
  
  
• Michael Jackson allegedly had a string of gay lovers, including a Vegas construction worker who he was rumored to be head over heels for. [Sun]
  
  
• At 46 years-old, Demi Moore still looks pretty damn good in a bikini. Unfortunately, her husband is still a massive tool. [Daily Mail]

Technically, TMZ is reporting, that she was let go for "breach of contract." Prejean was originally granted amnesty by The Donald, after gay rights activists got up in arms about her hateful rhetoric and—oops!—some nude photos turned up. But now the axe really has fallen, because Carrie California just got too wrapped in fame—becoming a vocal anti-homo advocate and even guest-hosting on the execrable Fox & Friends. All of these after-beauty-school activities were supposed to have been cleared by the pageant, but what are rules, really?

So, she's losing her title not because she's an ignorant bigot, but because she didn't read the fine print. Doesn't much matter anyway, as another beauty queen from the Golden State, Miss Malibu Tami Farrell, had already assumed most of the day-to-day pageant duties when the whole nude/gay/Perez scandal broke out.

It'll be pretty hard to blame the wind for this whole mess, Carr.

The inVocus media blog got confirmation from Niche Media that the magazine has "ceased." That sounds so final!

Trump Magazine was launched in late 2007 as a joint venture by the Trump brand and Ocean Drive Media Group (now Niche Media Holdings LLC), targeting affluent readers in major U.S. markets. The quarterly magazine saw early success, cashing in on the booming advertising market for yachts and other high-end commodities.

Oh, I think I see the problem: there are no more "affluent readers in major U.S. markets," nor is there a "booming advertising market" for anything, much less "yachts and other high-end commodities," and furthermore Donald Trump is a wispy-haired goon who may or may not have any money, it depends on how many good feelings he has on a given day. So this magazine death may have dropped his net worth by billions.

[inVocus]