• Johnson & Johnson heiress Casey Johnson is under arrest for grand theft after stealing fancy clothes and baubles from a supermodel ex. NYP reports, "the thief stole jewelry, shoes, 600 pages of a legal document, clothing—even her underwear. The thief also left a bizarre calling card—a used vibrator was found in her bed and a wet towel was on the floor." Casey was apprehended after on-again off-again girlfriend Courtenay Semel texted victim Jasmine Lennard some troubling news: "There's a problem, Jaz, Casey Johnson just got into bed with me and she is wearing your underwear." Lennard appears to be of sexuality: opportunistic, judging by myriad photos of a scantily clad Lennard clinging to the arms of well-dressed octogenarians (and Simon Cowell?). Point being: I am so ready for Casey Johnson's made-for-TV movie. [NYP]
• 
  
• "Party Girl History of Alleged Tiger Woods Mistress Surfaces." Here's what I learned: (1) Rachel Uchitel is a professional starfucker. She promotes high-end Vegas and NYC clubs including Tao, Marquee, and Stanton Social, and is tasked with scoring celebrity appearances (2) She went on at least one date with Will.i.Am (3) Her mother is a Palm Beach socialite with a condo next door to Rudy Giuliani's. [NYDN]
• 
  
• Speaking of Uchitel, HuffPo has an enlightening slideshow of "Gloria Allred's Women." The famed lawyer to tabloid-bait females (Bill Clinton harassee Paula Jones, Nicole Brown Simpson's fam) has been hired by Uchitel. [HuffPo]
• 
  
• Richard Gere may be fined up to $50,000 for chopping down 200 trees in his Westchester estate without acquiring a permit. Deforestation without paper work is a no-no in the Bestchester, and even "very popular" Little League dads are not immune. [P6]
• 
  
• Speaking of Tiger Woods, oddsmakers are having a field day with a sports star scandal. Odds are that he'll buy his wife an expensive ring (+500), admit to having an affair (+275), get a divorce (+250), and/or was drunk at the time (+200). Odd that he stays with his wife are worse. (-150) [TMZ]
• 
  
• Heidi Klum and Seal's baby daughter had her photographic debut in a classy black-and-white pic on her parents' website. Lou Samuel is as photogenic as you'd imagine, and has a shocking amount of hair. [NYDN]
• 
  
• Jennifer Aniston is helping promote her yoga trainer's DVD, and there's a Self magazine tie-in, too, because uptight women who wake up at 5AM to do yoga and study techniques for non-bulky ab sculpting in Self are the only fans sad Jen left. [P6]
• 
  
• Shaquille O'Neal's wife moved to L.A. and, days later, filed for divorce, a clever move that is perhaps related to California's even-steven division of assets and alimony laws. Shaq, however, isn't having it, and filed papers to force the legal proceedings back to Florida, where Shaq lives and Shaunie used to. [TMZ]
• 
  
• Drew Barrymore and Justin Long, and Jimmy and Nancy Fallon, went on a double date for brunch. Too cute. [P6]
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• The thorn in Elisabeth Hasselbeck's side is back: The woman who claims Hasselbeck plagiarized her book has refiled charges, after her first suit was tossed out earlier this month. The lady says her suit against The View's co-host was tossed out on a technicality, which she has now fixed it. I'm torn on how to react to this news: On the one hand, Hasselbeck is annoying and unoriginal, so the suit feels right. On the other, someone who refiles near-identical lawsuits repeatedly doesn't sound so great, either. I hate it when I don't know who to cheer for. [TMZ]
• 
  

• Megan Fox says she has supernatural sexual powers. I say it comes from her freaky thumbs. Those freaky, beautiful thumbs. They resemble the thumbs of other superpowered individuals. But she's using her powers for the best of bests: doing it. [Showbiz Spy]
  
  
• John Travolta's going to testify in the extortion case regarding the paramedics who tried to roll Travolta during his son's death. [TMZ]
  
  
• Oh, man. How does it feel to be Deryck Whibley, the Sum 41 lead singer now getting divorced from and by Avril Lavigne, after she spent the summer partying on a yacht with greaseball oil heir Brandon Davis? Well, probably shitty. They've been together since she was 17, got married when they were 21, and now at 24, Lavigne's saying L8R to the original SK8R BOI. Which is the kind of thing he should be reassured by, though: she went from a Canadian punk rocker to Brandon Davis, which is the celebrity romance equivalent of going from drinking lots of Schlitz with the occasional hit of weed, to smoking meth and getting all scratchy and jaw-clenchy. Brandon Davis, Avril? Really? Say L8R to your dignity. Whibley need not worry about karmic retribution. [Page Six]
  
  
• Taylor Swift may write a song about being Kanye'd by Kanye West at the VMAs, thus resulting a hip hop beef on par with LL Cool J and Canibus, but not on par with, say, Jay-Z and Nas. Because this one's a no-brainer: Swift will slay West with her sick rhymes about destroying him up the ass with a fist and a jammy, or whatever rappers scream at each other about when they beef these days. [US]
  
  
• Yoko Ono calls Britney Spears a survivor. Meanwhile, remember that time Yoko Ono broke up the Beatles? [US]
  
  
• Michael Jackson's brothers are filming a reality show. This is why I'm glad I only have one brother and zero reality shows. [Showbiz Spy]
  
  
• Jay-Z called Kanye West "super passionate," which puts him in the same category of bark-happy rapper DMX, and where's DMX now? In the kennel, or wherever rappers go to have their careers put down or at least go away for a few years. [Showbiz Spy]
  
  
• Jon Gosselin won't charge for his signature. Good thing, because anyone willing to pay for his signature should probably be jailed or sentenced to a particularly intense colonic to get whatever bad chemicals are inside of them that's forcing them to do that extracted in the most visceral way possible. [TMZ]
  
  
• Rebecca Gayheart—yes, Eric Dane's wife, she of The McSteamy Affair—is preggers. She's said to be having quite a bit of trouble with morning sickness. Doctors attributed it to reading too much Gawker in the morning. Apparently, the rage-induced anonymous binge-commenting provoked by typos were making her queasy. [Page Six]
  
  
• Stone Temple Pilot Scott Weiland had a seizure on an airplane, which had to be piloted to the ground in order for him to recieve appropriate medical care. Hopefully, he's okay. [TMZ]
  
  
• Justin Timberlake's "What Goes Around, Comes Around" philosophy has been transcended...by Justin Timberlake. The other night at Avenue, Timberlake skipped the line. Some girl gets faux-pissy and jokes to Timberlake that he can't skip the line, to which he replies "Oh, I absolutely can," in all sincerity. She then asked for an autograph (clearly a tourist), to which he replied that he would, but he's too wasted (the best excuse in New York). Every now and then, Timberlake should be allowed to—or even, be encouraged—to be a dick. I mean, jesus, this is guy that brought sexy back. He has a quota to fill, assholes. [Page Six]
  
  
• Is it a good sign or a bad sign when a director misses a press junket for her first movie? Take, for example, the hot mess that's going to be Drew Barrymore's Whip It, starring Ellen Page as a rising roller derby-ette. She missed the press for the Toronto Film Festival because she was out getting tanked with Amanda Seyfried a couple of nights before. [Page Six]
  
  
• Some guy tried to violate the magical ecosystem of Hollywood by assulting blessed Hollywood munchkin Ryan Seacrest. He tried to get into Seacrest's clown car, Seacrest did what anybody else would do—pulled away—and now he's going to face 15 days in jail and is ordered to stay away from Seacrest. If the man is secretly an aspiring unicorn, this is essentially equivalent to a particularly heinous, roundabout instance of self-immolation. [NYDN]
  
  
• Katherine Heigl and Josh Kelly have a new Babsian in their lives, the 10 month-old Naleigh, adopted from South Korea. It's really pretty cute, and there's a picture. You thought I was going to go somewhere else with that, didn't you? Fuckoff. I like babies. [Page Six]

Finally, Shana Tova, Jews! It's the first day of the Jewish New Year, and if you're not at synagogue for the high holidays, feel free to email Rabbi Foster (I was bar-mitzvah'd: that certifies me, no?) at Foster [at] Gawker [Dot] Com with all of your resolutions for the Jewish New Year. Rising ponzi schemers: I'm listening, and have a solid client base. Now: bump this shit.

At least that's something to liven up the long, tedious awards show that is like the Oscars, but with more categories, worse dresses, and Tony Shalhoub in the audience. We predict that Harris is going to do a lovely job, just like he did earlier this year at the Tonys. Then they will ask him to co-host the Oscars with Hugh Jackman and it will be the biggest gay event since Judy Garland dueted with Barbra Streisand. He has said that he may sing and do some magic tricks but he will not be drinking or dancing.

The later he is going to leave to a bunch of the pros from reality shows like Dancing with the Stars and So You Think You Can Dance. SYTYCD's hip-hop duo Napolean and Tabitha D'umo are choreographing a number that uses talent from all over the tube, including Stars hoofers Karina Smirnoff and Maksim Chmerkovskiy, seen here rehearsing for the show.

Producers aren't only relying on Harris and a dog and pony show to get things rolling. The Washington Post's Lisa de Moraes says that winners are being encouraged to make more heart-felt exciting "You like me, you really like me" speeches. Those thanking their driver's personal assistant will be cut off, but those getting all Sally Field will be allowed to ramble on. No word yet on whether or not stars will be allowed to rush the stage to try to take the award for Beyoncé.

As for those actual winners, it looks like it's going to be a repeat for critical darlings 30 Rock and Mad Men and HBO will win all the movie categories just like it does every year. At least this year the camptastic Grey Gardens will be doing the mopping up. It would be great for Drew Barrymore to win. She really acted in this movie, and then if she goes on stage we can make fun of her bad dye job on Monday morning. That's almost as good as another swan dress.

Here are the rest of the nominees in the categories you care about. The actor's races could go any way, but will the world stop spinning if Mariska Hargitay beats Kyra Sedgwick? No. But it might if Charlie Sheen manages to pull out a win.

We'll be hoping for a few underdogs to pull of some upsets while live blogging the whole telecast on Sunday evening. Tune your sets to CBS and join us on the big night. Then all the witty things you have to say about how horrible The Mentalist is will be heard by more than just your coffee table.

• Farrah Fawcett, rumored again to be on her deathbed, and Ryan O'Neal are finally getting married after all those long, tumultuous years together as a Hollywood couple. And surely this will be filmed and turned into a primetime television special. [Sun]
  
  
• Fox News anchor Kimberly Guilfoyle, the ex-wife of San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsome, and furniture designer Eric Villency are ending their brief marriage. [Page Six]
  
  
• Horrible lad-mag FHM has named Megan Fox the sexiest woman to ever live in the history of the universe, or something like that. [Sun]
  
  
• It's rumored that Paul Giamatti may replace Sean Penn in the upcoming Three Stooges flick after Penn decided to take an extended period of time off to spend time with his family. [EOnline]
  
  
• Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon go to the gym together wearing matching outfits from head to toe. [Daily Mail]
  
  
• Matthew McConaughey has announced that he has knocked up girlfriend Camila Alves with their second child. Further, he did so shirtless while running on the beach with a bandana on his head. [Daily Mail]
  
  
• Have you seen how Drew Barrymore and Justin Long dress up to attend baseball games? Good God this is obnoxious! [DListed]
  
  
• Paris Hilton has taken her act to Dubai and has discovered the joys of riding camels. She's there to try on some clothes or attend a nightclub opening or something important like that. [PITNB]
  
  
• When Justin Timberlake flies to Paris, he does so with a large bodyguard carrying an automatic weapon to scare off any potential autograph seekers. [TMZ]
  
  
• Miley Cyrus took a "provocative" picture with her 44 year-old director and posted it to her Twitter. [Sun]

• Samantha Ronson upgraded her Lindsay Lohan relationship to "It's Complicated" on Facebook after blanking her relationship status during the couple's breakup. The two have also resumed talking on the phone again, instead of just texting. At this rate they should be romantically screaming at one another again in a matter of days, just like old times. [Us]
• Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt couldn't close a deal to sell their wedding pictures exclusively to any of the celebrity magazines. Maybe because it's their second ceremony and nobody cares anyway? Naww, better to blame the economy. [Scoop]
  
• Miley Cyrus can't bring herself to dump her 20-year-old underwear model boyfriend in person, so she's doing it though the tabloids. She's growing up so fast! (That said, the 16-year-old singer's new/old boyfriend Nick Jonas isn't allowed close his bedroom door when he makes out with her.) [Gatecrasher]
  
• Jennifer Aniston is supposedly afraid to leave her hotel room, because she might run into Angelina Jolie on the streets of New York, where both actresses are shooting movies. Please. Even Aniston isn't paranoid enough to think she's just going to accidentally walk onto Jolie's set in the oh-so-teeny-tiny city of New York and bump into her. [Life & Style]
  
• Courtney Love is talking trash about Pamela Anderson in the Post, saying she's white trash who lives in a trailer park and doesn't even have a credit card. Perfect. [P6]
  
• Jessica Lange is refusing to step aside into the Emmy awards' Best Supporting Actress slot so Drew Barrymore can have be the only Grey Gardens nominee for Best Actress in a Movie. [P6]
  
• Stephen Colbert used to get stuffed into lockers in high school. "If there was no locker, they would stuff me into a wall." [Gatecrasher]

Almost everything uttered by the mother and daughter in the Maysles' 1975 documentary, on which HBO's film is based, is quotable, but much of it came off as the delusional ramblings of two women suffering from folie à deux. But by digging into their backgrounds in the new film (starring Jessica Lange and a lispless Drew Barrymore), their motivations and bon mots become much clearer, and often brilliant. Like when Little Edie said, "The hallmark of aristocracy is responsibility." Her parents were pressuring her to get married, as soon as she turned 18, to a man who could secure her future and provide her with the same kind of lifestyle in which she'd been raised. Her father Phelan told her mother that marrying off Little Edie was her job and her "sole responsibility."

Little Edie had a pipe dream of entering show business and didn't want her ambitions to be stifled by marriage and children, the way that her mother's were. However, Big Edie's philosophy on life was a little shrewder, essentially telling Little Edie to marry for money, which will give her the freedom to do whatever she wants. This shed a whole new light on the conversation the two had in the documentary, in which Big Edie told her daughter that she's "not free if [she's] being supported, to which Little Edie replied, "I thought you said you're not free when you're not being supported."

The film shows how and why Little Edie gave up her life in Manhattan (which included an affair with married man Julius Krug, Secretary of the Interior, played by an aptly cast, bloated Daniel Baldwin) to live with her mother at Grey Gardens, as well as the breakup of Phelan and Big Edie's marriage of convenience, a situation that became increasingly inconvenient for Big Edie when she refused to scale back her lifestyle and burned through her Bouvier inheritance. She and Phelan never legally divorced — although he did eventually get a "fake Mexican divorce" — and Big Edie lived off the meager $150 allowance her ex-husband provided for her until his death, when all of his money was left to his "new fake wife."

The Beales' lack of financial stability was evident in the documentary, but no one really knew why they didn't just sell their massive East Hampton estate, as the land alone would've provided plenty of money for them to live comfortably. Here, Big Edie explains her reasoning, when her sons are pleading with her to be more financially responsible in the wake of Phelan's death.

After the county raided their home, Jackie O (Little Edie's first cousin and Big Edie's niece) finally stepped up to the plate and paid for cleanup and renovations to the dilapidated mansion. The relationship between Jackie and Little Edie was a tense one, due to Edie's jealousy over Jackie's celebrity. Her acrimony toward Jackie (played by dead-ringer Jeanne Tripplehorn) is seen here:

Perhaps the biggest question fans of the documentary have had is "What the fuck happened to Little Edie's hair?" It turns out that she had some kind of anxiety condition since she was young, which caused her hair to fall out. After her father died, she was left bald.

The best part about HBO's Grey Gardens is that — like the documentary — it shows these women to be nonconformists who would rather cut themselves off from society, than have to give in to its rules. They'd rather forfeit luxury than their dreams, even if it meant that they were just dreamers living in squalor. Finally getting to see the limited choices that life presented to them, their eccentricities now seem seem relatively sane.

It was also fun to see recreations of how the infamous estate looked before they let it go to pot.

And of course, there are plenty of Little Edie's fashions on display. (A gallery of Grey Gardens fashion is coming tomorrow.) And while this isn't the most revolutionary costume, I think it's the best costume for the day, you understand.

Drew Barrymore and her on-again, off-again puppy-ish ex-boyfriend Justin Long are set to star in a romantic comedy together, this one about long distance relationships. And if by "long distance" they mean the distance between canyons, like troughs of a wave, and how far away the isolation of fame can make you feel even when you're standing right next to someone, then I'm sure they'll both really bring something to their roles. [Variety] State of Play director Kevin Macdonald will travel a long distance... back in time, to direct The Eagle of the Ninth, a Roman-times story starring Jamie "Billy Elliot" Bell and possibly Channing "Shut Your Mouth and Drop Your Trousers" Tatum. Promisingly, the logline begins as such: "a wounded Roman soldier and his loyal Celtic slave..." Hm. [Variety]

Some British lad has joined the cast of the new Twilight movie, called Staking 2: Hectic Hullabaloo. Jamie Campbell-Bower, from Sweeney Todd, will play one of the Voltrons, an Italian clan of vampyrs. [Variety] Zack Snyder's "Alice in Wonderland with machine guns" Sucker Punch has found its lead. Emily Browning, that little girl from Lemony Snicket, will play an asylum inmate who creates a violent fantasy world in her head. She's joins such acting luminaries as Abbie Cornish and Vanessa Hudgens. [Variety]

Those tangled up in the flailing New York City film industry can step back from the ledge for just a second. New York State legislature has voted to extend the lucrative tax break program that buoyed the local industry for another $350 million worth of tax credits. TV shows looking to film in New York may be deterred by the new conditions of the program, though, as the credits are not open-ended. There are also strict limitations on how much of a break each production can receive. But still. Good news. [Variety]

The still reliably-employed Lucy Lawless has landed a new gig, one that returns her to familiar ground. She'll again be working with Xena: Warrior Princess creators Rob Tapert and Sam Raimi, this time on a series (for Starz, sigh) called Spartacus. She'll play the tough bosslady of a camp of gladiators. This comely fellow will play the title role. [Variety] Speaking of comely fellows, NBC and DirecTV have renewed their laboriously-praised joint venture Friday Night Lights for two more seasons. So more of Riggins and Hoodad and Whatshisnuts, ladies. Go team! [Variety]

The Wackness director Jonathan Levine is directing a movie for Fox Atomic about a babysitter. No, it's not some big-breasted young lady who gets horribly taunted and murdered, it's a boy who has funny things happen to him! The Sitter, which "will harken back to Adventures In Babysitting", is about a college student suspended for a semester who returns home to live with his moms. Then he has to babysit. Hilarity ensues. [THR]

MTV has ordered four more seasons of its crazy old coot of a series The Real World. This will bring the total for the 17-year-old reality thing to a haunting 26 cycles. The producers are currently filming a Cancun-set season, so where will these four new installments take place? Atlanta? Dallas/Houston? St. Louis? Orlando? Adamsville, RI? Emblem, WO? What do you think? Oh, also... four more seasons of Road Rules, too. So. [THR]

• There are two sides to every story. The witness's and the publicist's. After a Stalker whispered to us that Padma Lakshmi, Top Chef hostess and former Shalmiar to Salman Rushdie's Clown, had raged at a (fellow!) hostess at Schiller's Liquor Bar on Thursday night, her publicist told Page Six that it is untrue. "She had called in advance, and they were expecting her, and everyone was lovely. She loves Schiller's and their staff. It's totally untrue." [P6]
• Estranged mother and daughter dynamic duo Candy and Tori Spelling are in a race to publish books that few people will read! Candy keeps pushing up her Stories from Candyland release date to compete with Tori's new book, VicTori Over Japan or some punny nonsense. We understand why Tors is doing this, she's broke now that her B&B went bust, but Candy has like four hundred trillion dollars, plus the still-beating heart of Jennie Garth in a small wooden box, given to her by a hunter. Why does she need book monies? To fuck over her daughter, that's why! [P6]
• Matt Damon's wife, a Miami barmaid named Luciana who was heroically rescued from sticky night booze-swilling obscurity by the dashing Jason Bourne, received a T-shirt with the phrase "I'm Fucking Matt Damon" emblazoned across it, along with a note that said "You're actually the only person who can wear this." She doesn't know who sent it. But whatever. Bragger. [P6]
• Are Drew Barrymore and her erstwhile flop-topped boyfriend Justin Long back together? Might be! They were caught rubbing their faces together on Thursday last, says a source named Brew Darrymore. [P6]
• As feared, Olivia Palermo cannot be destroyed by fire. [P6]
• Oh dear. Battered music star Rihanna might be starring in a "young and sexy" remake of the 1992 smash hit The Bodyguard. That animate pile of muscle and sinew that talks, Channing Tatum, is slated to costar. [NYDN]
• Jessica Simpson continues to do the whole dumb-blonde routine, even though people long ago gave up the idea that it was a joke, and are now concerned that perhaps she's unwittingly wearing lead Daisy Dukes. Whatever the answer, she's still messing up songs at concerts that people presumably paid a lot to see. So. [Us]
• Levi Johnston, the strapping young moose hunter who saw Russia, saw France, and saw himself inside Bristol Palin's underpants, explains that the couple broke up partly because he wasn't "mature" enough. The 19-year-old, clearly burdened by the sad separation but dedicated to his search for clarity and adulthood, proceeded to crush a beer can on his head, finished pipelining that chick who works at the Pipeline Club, hopped aboard his Ken's First Snowmobile Snow Machine, and headed off toward Anchorage, whooping loudly. He'll come back any day now, just you wait and see dear. [Us]
• Oh lord. Perpetually lonely and miserable actress Jennifer Aniston is now claiming that she wasn't, in fact, dumped by John Mayer. As she ran down the street, in a tattered wedding gown, carrying a small boombox playing "Here Comes the Bride" on a cassette over and over again, she told passersby that it was her decision to end the year-long relationship. "It was! It was meee!!" she shrieked into the night. The next morning, she was escorted off the Johnson family's lawn in Thousand Oaks. As a policeman put her into the car, she looked up with big, watery eyes, and said "It was a lovely ceremony, wasn't it?" He nodded kindly, shut the door, and off they drove into the sun-dappled brand new day. [Showbiz Spy]

WHAT'S NEW: It looked for a moment like the aging He's Just Not That Into You had done in New Line's climate-controlled film cellar might have punched up its all-star romcom flavor. Yet as taste test results pour in, we're learning that might have been a little too premature an assumption. Not premature, however: The expectation that the Barrymore/ScarJo/Aniston/Affleck confection will win the weekend, wringing around $22.6 million of date-night loot and safely distancing itself from The Pink Panther 2's $16.8 million. Look for the stop-motion fantasy Coraline to present the weekend's big 3-D X-factor on 2,200 screens, pulling enough viewers from the top-two openers — as well as holdovers Taken and Paul Blart: Mall Cop — en route to a surprising, Focus-satisfying $11.2 million.

Also opening: Darth Weinstein's own shelf-dust Fanboys; the Lysistrata-ian, Soviet-era sex-for-water comedy Absurdistan; and the much-anticipated Thai martial-arts offering Chocolate, about a "special-needs girl with a special need to kick some ass." We can't make it up, we swear.

THE BIG LOSER: We suppose Summit Entertainment had to follow its blockbuster Twilight with something, but we had hoped it wouldn't be yet another grim, garish confirmation of the B-flick factory the studio actually is. Yet here comes Push, the psychic actioner pairing Chris Evans and Dakota Fanning as a telekinetic and a clairvoyant trolling Hong Kong for some experimental drug that, should it fall into the wrong hands (namely Djimon Hounsou's), would wreak some global havoc. Like, say, a sequel. We love noshing on some delicious junk now and then, but since we get the feeling that even Summit itself would hesitate to lick the frosting off this particular cupcake — and with Chocolate calling our names anyway — we'll pass. As will the rest of America; see you at $7 million and on Flopz™ by June.

THE UNDERDOG: Face it: This is a make-or-break year for you and your Oscar pool. Seventeen wins won't cut it anymore. Luckily, Magnolia Pictures is pulling for you, offering this year's Oscar-Nominated Short Films as a means of sharpening your competitive advantage in at least two categories. Add in the extra benefit of all of them being generally good (a few are outstanding, including Pixar's Presto, pictured), and really, there's no excuse to say "No." We'll offer our own handicapping guide later today, but clear a couple hours this weekend to judge for yourself.

FOR SHUT-INS: A sparse week of new DVD releases includes Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, a two-disc edition of Zack and Miri Make a Porno, the good Dakota Fanning alternative The Secret Life of Bees, "deluxe" reissues of the first three Friday the 13th films, and the indispenable-to-somebody Becker: Season Two.

This morning on The View, Elisabeth Hasselbeck was all bent out of shape about Phelps' bong hit, giving the tired spiel about how he's a role model and he's setting a bad example, blah blah blah. She went on to claim that since he's willing to use illegal drugs to have a good time, maybe he's open to using illegal drugs to advance his career, as though weed is a gateway drug to steroids or something. Whoopi shot her down pretty quickly, and admitted to enjoying pot.

Elisabeth's argument hinged on the fact that Phelps accepts money to endorse products. One of those is Rosetta Stone, the language-learning software, which is just about one of the most sedentary activities a stoner could enjoy, aside from watching The Wizard of Oz on mute while playing The Dark Side of the Moon. (I should know, since I've been using the program to learn Spanish.) His other sponsors, like Omega and Speedo, totally don't give a shit.

And they shouldn't, because it's silly — in my opinion, anyway — to pass judgment on those who take part in something as innocuous as pot smoking, which many believe is lot less harmful for one's body than alcohol. Besides, despite the fact that it's technically illegal, so many people smoke weed recreationally that it's not all that taboo. Here's a list of celebrities who have either been caught smoking marijuana, or admit willingly to doing so.

Woody Harrelson



Woody is an activist for the legalization of marijuana and hemp.

Willie Nelson



So is Willie Nelson.

Frances McDormand



Frances McDormand was on the cover of High Times in May 2003, in which she said, "I'm a recreational pot-smoker. There has never been enough of a distinction between marijuana and other drugs. It's a human rights issue, a censorship issue, and a choice issue."

Seth Rogen & James Franco



The pair stared in Pineapple Express together, and shared this maybe real/maybe fake joint on stage while presenting an award during the MTV Movie Awards last summer.

Cameron Diaz & Drew Barrymore



Also friends who share.

Justin Timberlake



Timberlake, who used to date Diaz, has been very open about how he smokes weed, sometimes even with is mother. He also admitted that he was stoned out of his mind when he was Punk'd by Ashton Kutcher.

Kimora Lee Simmons



Kimora Lee Simmons took one of the stoniest mugshots after she was arrested in 2004 for possession.

Nicole Richie



Nicole admitted to having smoked pot, as well as taking a Vicodin, when she was arrested for a DUI charge in 2007.

Paris Hilton



Nicole's buddy Paris' reefer madness has been well documented.

Michelle Phillips



Former singer from The Mamas & The Papas said as recently as 2001 that, "Marijuana should definitely be legalized. I think we should let everyone smoke it without fear of being thrown in jail. It's the greatest drug in the world!"

Snoop Dogg



Duh.

Redman



We'll be here all day if we start listing rappers.

Lil Wayne



But we'll mention Wayne for good measure.

Mariah Carey



Mariah is such a goody-two-shoes that she'd never publicly admit to marijuana use, but on her most recent album, she made plenty of weed references.

Charlize Theron



Academy Award winners like their weed, too.

AARP



In the summer of 2005, the American Association of Retired Persons (AARP) hosted a smoke-in to promote the legalization of marijuana. Celebrities that participated: Willie Nelson, Woody Harrelson (obvs), Bette Midler, Santana, Chicago, David Crosby and Graham Nash, Rod Stewart, The New Jefferson Starship, Tony Orlando, Ringo Starr, Tommy Chong, Snoop Dogg, and Robert Downey Jr.

Matthew McConaughey



When McConaughey gets loose, he does so with bongos.

Dionne Warwick



Her work with Burt Bacharach was way too mellow to not be under the influence.

Whitney Houston & Bobby Brown



They've got "Something in Common."

Sarah Silverman



Sarah speaks favorably about weed in her act, and smoked with Doug Benson in his movie Super High Me.

Doug Benson



Comedian Doug Benson has centered much of his career around pot.

Oliver Stone



He has the perfect name for someone who's been busted for pot on numerous occasions.

Dawn Wells



Mary Ann from Gilligan's Island was arrested last year for possession.

Dave Chappelle

The Pointer Sisters



Oliver Hudson tells a story about his first concert-going experience, during which the Pointer Sisters were getting blazed.

Paul Dinello



It's hard to watch this Strangers With Candy clip about smoking pot without thinking that writer/actor Paul Dinello believes what he is saying.

Barbra Streisand



In a 1972 Rolling Stone interview, Babs said, "I'd take out a joint and light it. First, just faking it. Then I started lighting live joints, passing them around to the band, you know. I was great, it relieved all my tensions. And I ended up with the greatest supply of grass ever. Other acts up and down the Strip heard about what I was doing - Little Anthony and the Imperials, people like that - and started sending me the best dope in the world. I never ran out."

Phelps Backed by Sponsors After Marijuana Photo [TCPalm]
Elisabeth Hasselbeck disses Michael Phelps; Whoopi Goldberg: 'I have smoked weed' [EW]

· So apparently the "dry, messy, bun look" Drew Barrymore is rocking is the hot new hairstyle, replacing last season's "puffy cloud look." If you can't perfect it, don't kill yourself, however. Before you know it the "rabbit head look" will have taken its place.
· Did you miss Ian McKellen's King Lear at UCLA Live? It's coming to PBS, but minus the frontal nudity. Damn it! Next year we're going for the subscription.
· If Michael Jackson's gotta go, he's gonna go out in Bel Air style.
· Regret having made out multiple times with a former boy band member? Cleanse yourself in the healing waters of Disgusting People I Have Made Out With.
· Do Something.org is auctioning off David Archuleta! (Well, the chance to "hang out" with him and four tickets to a "secret concert.") We know we don't have the kind of money to win this thing, so we just hope whichever bored, cougar heiress does returns him approximately the way she found him.

• Tom Cruise drives around in a bomb-proof vehicle, supposedly, because he believes anti-Scientology protesters want to kill him. He also believes he is following in the footsteps of a Galactic Confederacy faction that rebelled against an alien tyrant named Xenu who ruled the galaxy for 82 trillion years. So maybe take his threat assessments with a grain of salt.
• Here's Katie Holmes no longer looking like a zombie, although the Daily Mail's parenthetical is correct: "Shame about the shorts." [Mail]
• Britney Spears is now rumored dating the Bollywood dancer who choreographed her Womanizer video, and who she met at a party thrown by Madonna. Supposedly they've already been to India. Spears was previously rumored to be alternately crushing hard on ex-husband Kevin Federline or ex-boyfriend-and-paparazzo Adnan Ghalib. [Mirror]
• Former editor-from-hell Joe Dolce, now a flack, has taken on client-from-hell Heather Mills. This'll be fun! [P6]
• Toby Young, who wrote that book about his stint at Vanity Fair, is trying to start a charter school in Britain. [WWD]
• There's a big uproar in Britain because Prince Edward may have wacked one of his hunting dogs with his walking stick. The pheasant he shot dead could not be reached for comment. [Mail]
• Rebecca Jarvis may owe her CNBC job to Donald Trump, but she has the good sense not to mention this publicly, except when absolutely necessary. [P6]
• Drew Barrymore hooked up with Jason Segel, 28. But she's like 33, so whatever, right? What's with the cougar pawprint, X17? [X17]