Bill Clinton, the man who famously "did not inhale," is definitely getting ready for the inevitable legalization of marijuana. We're pretty sure that he and Hil' have a gorgeous vaporizer all picked out and ready to go.

The swift collapse of Four Loko's empire now has the backing of White House narcs. Barack Obama's drug czar, Gil Kerlikowske — boo! — supports the FDA's effective ban on these comical caffeine-and-alcohol hybrids. We are the lamest country, ever.

Good news: we have a drug czar! Bad news: his kid uses drugs, like everyone's kid. It's just like some movie!