A Cleveland man who was attempting to prevent his drunk friend from getting behind the wheel of a car got a bullet in his chest for his troubles.

Jessie Thorton, a 61-year-old retiree, was arrested and charged with DUI in Arizona despite having a blood alcohol level of 0.00. The reason the arresting officer gave to Thorton: “I can tell you're driving drunk by the look in your eyes.”

Two and half years ago, somewhere in Patterson, California, a man got shit-faced. He decided to drive his van into my family’s car.

Everyone knows there's literally nothing to do in Boston except get drunk (two of Time Magazine's Top 10 Things to Do in Boston involve looking at bodies of water). So maybe that's why cops are being so lenient to those who decide to get obliterated in the city.

Local police in Ireland's Kerry county will be allowed to permit some residents to drive drunk if a measure passed yesterday by county councilors is approved by the Department of Justice.

Returning to his Astoria, Oregon, home after a busy day of driving drunk, sideswiping cars, and fleeing the scene, 18-year-old Jacob Cox-Brown couldn't wait to let all his Facebook friends know what he'd been up to.

Country singer Randy Travis today had his third run-in with the cops this year after he reportedly got into a drunken brawl with the estranged husband of his girlfriend outside a church in Plano, Texas.

A man arrested for drunk driving in North Liberty, Iowa, was found to have a blood-alcohol level so high it could have killed him twice over.

A drunk driver crashes into oncoming traffic in Cocoa Beach, Florida and the entire harrowing ordeal is caught on camera.

Teen actress turned Maxim hottie Amanda Bynes, age 26, is currently in police custody after being arrested for a DUI last night, Gossip Cop reports in a rare article where the name "Gossip Cop" makes sense. Feel free to stage citizen gossip arrests on anyone who says it didn't happen.

A 40-year-old woman from Altoona, Pennsylvania was recently arrested for drunk driving after she tried (or, perhaps more tellingly, after she failed) to seduce a state trooper. And now you want some details, right?

One Boston politician is promoting new legislation that would call on parking attendants to keep drunk drivers off the roads.

And now, the final piece of evidence that first Muslim Miss USA* Rima Fakih is as American as the rest of them: Last night, the former Miss Michigan was arrested for driving drunk in Detroit enclave Highland Park. Just a good old-fashioned drunk-driving stripper. [NYDN, image via Getty]

We all know that the Smurfs movie ruins people's childhood memories, but does it also ruin people's very lives—namely, by leading them to reach frighteningly high intoxication levels in an effort to cope with its awfulness? "Yesssshhhhhh," traumatized mom Sarah Boushey might say, before sideswiping another car.

Kevin Daly, a 22-year-old Long Islander, was driving down the highway last night and drunkenly hit a cop car. Just your standard DWI, right? Oh no, it is far more idiotic than that.

Now this is just too easy, but here goes: Curry Todd, a state lawmaker in Tennessee who sponsored a 2009 law allowing people to carry handguns in bars and restaurants provided they don't drink, was arrested last night and "charged with DUI and possession of a handgun while under the influence."

DOs and DON'Ts for when you get a DUI:

Off-duty Secret Service agent Daniel L. Valencia was arrested for suspected drunk driving in Iowa on Saturday, where Obama was stopping on his bus trip. Maybe we now know who's responsible for all those Joe Biden motorcade accidents?

Brian Pollard of Kentucky received just a four-day jail sentence for a drunk driving-related crash that killed his passenger, because everyone forgot to tell the judge and prosecutor about the passenger, somehow. Pollard could face additional charges. [Image via AP]

Police have released the findings from their investigation into the violent, fiery death by car crash of Jackass star Ryan Dunn and passenger Zachary Hartwell: Dunn, who was driving, had a blood alcohol content was 0.196, more than double Pennsylvania's legal limit of 0.08. His Porsche was traveling between 132 and…