Gawker: Dumb Things

LonelyGirl15, Her Advertisers, And Investors Form 'The Resistance'

Hamilton Nolan — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 14:34:48 EDT

Remember LonelyGirl15, that fake-ass scripted YouTube series that got really popular for a minute when everybody thought it was real and turned into a media phenomenon? Well it's coming back in a major way! Which means its rabid fans are still lurking out there, and have been doing who knows what for the last several weeks waiting for this. "LG15: The Resistance" (*chuckle*) will debut 12 new weekly episodes next month, produced by a CBS-funded firm and "integrated" with advertisements. Resist, yes. The show's promo—a total ripoff of those 'Anonymous' anti-scientology vids—after the jump.

[via Agency Spy]

Comical PR Man Has No Time For Editing Or Democracy

Hamilton Nolan — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 10:08:18 EDT

As soon as you see an op-ed which begins, "As the owner of one of the 25th largest public relations agencies in the U.S.," you should immediately guess that it's an opus by none other than language-challenged sock puppeteer and unapologetically incompetent superflack Ronn [sic] Torossian, head of 5WPR. "Let's begin with the basics: Bribery is unacceptable, yet for a democracy or civilized government, it is wholly abhorrent," writes Ronn. Please explain, sir!

The Sunday Times recently ran a damning investigative story on a lobbyist, and Ronn is here to offer up the other, less logical side of the argument:

• Lobbyists and PR firms are hired (PAID) to represent entities and to advocate on their behalf. It doesn't mean that they agree with the causes, but business is not academics, it is just business.

That's what gangsters say too.

• Having access and dropping names is a key part of business for lobbyists, PR firms and those of us in political life...Do friends not introduce one another for business? Is bringing a friend to golf, joining the country club or fraternity not about paying for access? Of course it is, and this is no different. He had access, and dropped names. That's not a scandal.

That's what gangsters say too.

• Many in the PR business are often too quiet about actions by an overzealous media attempting to make headlines and sell ink. Media oftentimes can endanger a client's business interests to the point of no return.

Those media: always trying to sell that ink! Perhaps someone should pay them a visit.

Other things that can endanger your business interests include lying on purpose, calling your employees synonyms for "vagina," and ensuring that all of your underlings are total clowns.

[Bulldog Reporter; pic via MB]

Rapper Wants Millions For Losing Battle To Biggie

Hamilton Nolan — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 12:24:10 EDT

If you were a totally unknown rapper who suddenly appeared in a documentary rhyming alongside the late Biggie Smalls, one of the greatest and fattest men to ever pick up a microphone, wouldn't you be happy for the publicity? (Yes, if you were smart). Not if your name was Supreme, a Brooklyn rapper who is suing some documentary makers for $20 million (good luck) for using footage of the Notorious B.I.G. battling Supreme in 1994. It caused him "mental distress," the poor lil guy! The Post says the suit "neglects to say who won the war of words between Supreme and Biggie," but we're gonna go with "Biggie by a mile," based on classic clips like this one:

[NYP]

Fox Biz Helps Newswoman Realize Dream Of Shaking Booty

Hamilton Nolan — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 13:54:55 EDT

Rebecca Gomez knew way back in the heady '90s that she wanted to get into the important field of business journalism. So she worked hard, paid her dues, and now her dream has come true! She co-hosts Happy Hour on the Fox Business Network, a show described as "easy to understand for those of us who are not financial gurus." Ha, yes, well Gomez helps bring complicated finance stories down to earth for even us simpletons. Like she does in this clip, by strutting her stuff in a dress made for "girls with well developed booties." Living the dream! [Hispanic Magazine via Talking Biz News]

How To Manage 20-Somethings: The Real Shit

Hamilton Nolan — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 16:50:05 EDT

Totally irrelevant newsweekly-turned-listicle-magazine US News & World Report brings you a straight-talking list of ten tips for managing an office full of 20-somethings, according to old business dude G.L. Hoffman. His pointers include "Add value," "Let them use their media," "They want standards," and "Expect varied, non-chain-of-command type communications." Whatever that means. As an actual 20-something, I'm communicating up G.L. Hoffman's chain of command that this list is straight up crapola. You are old and your advice is dorky, Mr. Hoffman! And too long—we 20-somethings have no attention span (or respect for our elders), due to drug use. After the jump, five real tips for managing an office full of 20-somethings, should you ever find yourself in such an unlucky position:

Food: Can we get some free food up in here?

Shut Up: Dude, you are old and we already know how to do this stupid job, so please just shut up.

Don't Sweat It: Don't sweat it, man. We got it all under control. Don't freak out.

Money: Pay us more, why don't you?

Work: It totally sucks. Nothing you can do about it. Sorry.

YouTube Gets Graffiti Writer Fame, Jail

Hamilton Nolan — Tue, 27 May 2008 16:09:10 EDT

A tagger in LA named Buket got arrested and charged with inflicting $150,000 worth of property damage with spraypaint. The same could be said for a lot of graf writers, so why is this kid on the front page of the LA Times' website? Because he got famous by posting videos of his most daring bombing expeditions on YouTube! Two of them (including one with almost 170,000 hits) are after the jump. I have to give him props for being brave enough to edge out on that freeway overpass. But then I take away those props because, you know, he got himself arrested by putting his crimes on YouTube.

[via LAT]

"Our customers wanted more flip-flop luxury"

Hamilton Nolan — Mon, 05 May 2008 13:17:59 EDT

See these flip-flops? They're not just any flip-flops. They're high fashion, "Married to the Mob" flip-flops, and they cost $42. Can you spot the reason why this is stupid? That's right: you pay ten times what you would pay for a plain pair of flip-flops, in order to have a brand name which is covered by your foot when you are wearing them. I imagine fashion snobs must just hang these flip-flops jauntily over their shoulder instead of slipping them on their feet, so that the logo can shine freely. In fact, the entire idea of paying extra for name-brand flip-flops is a bit ridiculous. But the price tag can get much, much worse than $42. Allow us introduce you to PechePlatinum—the "World's Most Expensive Flip-Flops."

PêchePlatinum uses PêcheBlu's patent pending ultra-sports shoe base with hand-matched crocodile straps for magnificent comfort. These ultimate flip flops are for those who want to express their individuality in a world of mass production.

Who wants to be seen as just another schlub wearing mass-produced flip-flops? "Our customers wanted more flip flop luxury and crocodile worked perfectly to add quiet elegance, which is the essence of our footwear," said the company's CEO, hilariously.

And here they are, in all their glory. They cost $400. Please email us if you spot these on the streets:

9/11 Ads Are Just A Bad Idea

Hamilton Nolan — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 12:41:39 EDT

You'd think at some point, in a creative review meeting, some advertising exec would stand up and say, "Maybe the 9-11 picture's not such a good idea." Such a simple sentence. But no! The latest example of incorporating a nationally traumatic terrorist mass murder into an ad: this spot for SABC Radio [via AdScam], with the tagline "There's More To See On Radio." Such as the Twin Towers burning. So hey, listen to the radio! Click through for a larger image, and pictures of the five worst 9-11 ads we've covered in the past:

Greatest Hits: Smoking Is Terrorism

At Least It Helped Literacy In Spain

Scary Foreshadowing By Pakistani Airlines

Nature Has 9-11 Too!

MTV Is Concerned About Hunger As Well As 9-11