People move to big, bad New York City, puff out their chests, and declare that they're ready to take on the world. If they can make it here, they can make it anywhere! But they can't make it without a smiling babysitter paid to open the door for them. Or can they?
Hey, why didn't anyone ever think of this before? Instead of just allowing gang members to go places and do things, tell them they can't go places and do things. Places are only for good people! Gang problem= solved!
Oh good: due to the general sense of panic afflicting the financial world, European regulators are considering a temporary ban on short selling. This is stupid.
It's pretty eerie how the media industry—which makes its money by selling advertising—is not capable of making a single decent ad for itself. The dying newspaper industry is now pinning its hopes on the classic lonely man's rationalization: "Smart is the New Sexy."
Bill Keller, the T. Herman Zweibel of New York Times columnists, is back with another edition of "Former NYT Editor Bill Keller Reveals Himself to Be Little Better Than The Average Topeka Capital-Journal Weekly Lifestyle Columnist, in a Spectacle That's Embarrassing for Everyone Involved." Today: Bill Keller uses his…
It's early, but this should be a lock for Most Awful Story of the Day: Isayah Muller (pictured) graduated from high school in the Bronx on Tuesday. Afterwards, he went out to a celebration dinner with his family. When his father, Andre, got back in the car after the dinner, he found that a $200 bottle of cologne was…
Patriotic Americans everywhere rushed home from church yesterday afternoon in order to tune into the "U.S. Open" golf tournament, knowing that god, in his infinite beneficence, would understand that enthusiasm for the "U.S. Open" is part and parcel of doing His work. Imagine their shock, then, when the NBC…
When you think "Texas universities," you think "places that are far, far too gay-friendly." And while the Texas legislature was unable to give college kids the right to carry guns on campus, it will be damned if it doesn't deal with this homos-in-college issue.
People like to go to Hawaii. It's nicer there than where they live. When they go to Hawaii, they get guidebooks, and go to the places that the guidebooks recommend. Sometimes, some people fall down and get hurt at the places they read about in the guidebooks. How to solve this tourists-getting-hurt-sometimes problem?…
Jesus Christ: According to the final word in trendwatching, the New York Times Style section, those god damn hats with animal faces and animal ears on them that make the wearer appear to be a mentally feeble four year-old girl "are a trend that shows no sign of going away."
Three men charged with planning a "Mumbai-style attack" on the offices of the Danish newspaper Jyllands-Posten appeared in court today, and denied the charges against them. We hope they're telling the truth. This cartoon-inspired terrorism is past its expiration date.
In our little list about how to breeze through airport security we forgot to include one very important point: Do not punch a TSA officer in the chest, even as a joke. Damn—we're too late.
Need a Halloween costume, but don't want to dress any differently than your usual woefully stereotypical fauxhemian garb? American Apparel has you covered.
Brah scent AXE has a new product called "Ex-Friend," which describes your social life after you start wearing AXE. In this latest ad from Argentina, it's embodied as a sexually-harassing mute fisherman apparently bent on rape. Sounds about right. [Copyranter]
In your class warrior Thursday media column: the media is congenitally unable to stop covering stupid stories, Mississippi's Fresh Air censor resigns, more theories of David Westin's departure, and Paste magazine freelancers are left high and dry.
Guy Ritchie is okay when it comes to fast-paced gangster movies; but his new genre of "five-minute-long perfume commercials in which (SPOILER) Jude Law and the model lady just wanna stand almost-nekkid by the Eiffel Tower" leaves us strangely unaroused.
The average teenager sends nearly 3,000 texts a month. Experts say that kids these days are literally addicted to texting. Wow. Talk about a shitty addiction. Where's the glamor? We have the formula for breaking this useless, unsexy addiction.
The summer's been fun, but you might as well just sleep through the rest of it. The climactic event has occurred. That's right: the paper of record has decided which sport is most popular in The Hamptons this season.
After getting a ton of bad publicity for canceling Fresh Air last week, Mississippi Public Broadcasting follows it up today by firing a reporter who leaked a memo about the show's cancellation. The journalism instinct, it's strong there. [via Romenesko]
As we bemoan advertising's ongoing death of euphemism, we must also ask ourselves which is worse: an ad which coarsely references vagina-shaving; or today's ad, which pretends to reference vagina-shaving, then pulls a switcheroo? Pander to us better, please. [Adfreak]
