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conspiracy theories

Montauk Monster In Secret Mutant Army?

Ken Layne over at Wonkette has done some heroic digging into Plum Island, the Department of Homeland Security-run animal horror lab suspiciously close not only to Montauk, where our friend Monty washed ashore, but to a long string of terrifying outbreaks and hybrid animal attacks. We knew from the start of the Montauk Monster mystery that Plum Island was at the center of various conspiracy theories, but when one looks at the entire awful history in one blog post, one must inevitably conclude that, despite its shifty and inconsistent denials, the federal government is assembling there a fearsome monster army that, if left unchecked, will someday slaughter us while we sleep. More »

11:15 PM on Thu Aug 7 2008
By Ryan Tate
57,680 views, 29 comments

Latest by rowaan: All this certainly does not make me less of a conspiracy theorist. I just knew something like this would happen. more »

celebrity science

Things You Regret Missing: 10 Celebrity Ebay Items

Ebay is not just for auctioning off books related to obscure literary feuds; it's also a good place for members of the working class to hustle mementos of the humbling moments when celebrities crossed their paths and acted like jerks. One item that you just missed bidding on: a receipt from an Atlanta-area restaurant signed by Outkast rapper Andre 3000. The meal cost $46.01. Andre's tip: $0. But the receipt sold for almost $15, so the waiter came out ahead. That said, let's segue into THIS: a look back at some other fabulous celebrity-related items that appeared on eBay in the recent past: More »

1:10 PM on Thu Jul 31 2008
By Hamilton Nolan
4,936 views, 25 comments

Latest by HeatherNumber1: I can't be the ONLY person who bought a signed tee from Dustin Diamond, can I? Oh no! Screech's house is in danger! more »

for sale

Life-Auctioning Man is Making a Killing

When Ian Usher separated from his wife, he figured he might as well walk away from his home, his job, his friends, and all his worldly possessions while he was at it. So he put the whole damn works up for grabs on Ebay and the bidding, which started this morning, is through the roof. "The British immigrant to Australia, who said the trigger for his bold offer was the break-up with his wife, had hoped he would attract a bid of 500,000 dollars (477,000 US). Shortly after the seven-day auction began Sunday, a bid of 300,100 dollars for 44-year-old Ian Usher's Perth-based lifestyle was listed on the Internet auction site eBay. By late afternoon, some 40 bids had been made with the highest offer at 650,000 dollars. 'I brought out the champagne at three o'clock when it passed the 400,000-dollar mark,' Usher told the Australian news agency AAP. 'It's unbelievable that it's going up like this so early in the auction.'" More »

2:55 PM on Sun Jun 22 2008
By ian spiegelman
4,090 views, 81 comments

Latest by skahammer: @UnstableMabel: That's too bad about your back. NB: Nurses in the US don't actually have to carry the patients around with them. Usually. Another unfortunate legacy of exile for you to deal with, I guess. more »

webtards

Eleven Ways The Internet Can Kill You

While I was pulling an all-nighter this weekend watching YouTube, my stomach started to growl even though I'd had like a whole thing of goldfish crackers and a bottle of Kahlua, and as I popped a diet pill and scratched a couple scabs off my forearm, I had a vision of the eleven ways the Internet could kill you. (Please don't sue: Of course not all the sites and practices listed below are directly responsible for any deaths. But if you're already at risk, you might just get yourself killed when you use them.) More »

8:00 AM on Tue Apr 22 2008
By Nick Douglas
59,722 views, 31 comments

Latest by raincoaster: See, if you sub in gin for Kahlua you never have these problems. Trust. more »

charity

Win A Date With Tad Hamilton, I Mean Scarlett Johansson

Good news, boys! You can finally get a date with Scarlett Johansson, the S&M circus girl of your dreams. Like a firefighter from Staten Island, she's auctioning herself off for charity (specifically, OXFAM). The highest bidder will enjoy not only ScarJo's company, but a ride in a fancy limousine (like a millionaire or something!), the chance to go to the premiere of her new movie He's Just Not That Into You, and (the crown jewel) a note handwritten by the actress herself. I can't decide what will be more awkward: the quiet limousine ride where the fact that you paid for her time is so palpable you can feel it slapping you in the face, or the end-of-date mortification of Scarlett, obviously in a hurry, shoving a little piece of paper into your hand and saying "Uh, here's your note. It says 'Hi'" and then running away. The current bid on Ebay is $205. Ah, the greater good! [Us]

1:08 PM on Mon Mar 3 2008
By Richard
3,993 views, 63 comments

Latest by TMDoc: can we get a refund if she doesn't put out? more »

thetans

Scientology's E-Meter Of The Future Revealed!

For those of you curious about how Scientology's breakthrough "E-meter" technology will evolve over the next 250 years, the answer is here. On Ebay! An inventive pioneer has returned from the year 2257 with the incredible, futuristic version of the E-meter that will, by then, be as common as television and nicotine in US homes [pictured above: the pedestrian current version, which has nothing on the future one]. After the jump, the exclusive pictures of this once-in-several-lifetimes offer, and a description from the inventor himself. Bidding currently stands at $43. We can't think of a wiser investment. More »

3:30 PM on Fri Feb 29 2008
By Hamilton Nolan
5,205 views, 18 comments

Latest by TMDoc: was it made in China? toxicity may affect my thetan count. American-made e-meters are the way to go. more »

webtards

Ebay Sellers Revolt, Proving Again That Internet Users Don't Get Strikes

Some eBay sellers decided to protest the site's rule changes, which include ending negative reviews (which didn't matter in the ratings-inflated eBay world where everyone stamps "A+++++ WOULD BUY AGAIN" on every transaction) and discounting fees for power users. Does it mean eBay will reconsider? Well, recently I wrote about how Digg saved itself after some users threatened to boycott the social news site. What I failed to mention was that Digg was never in any danger. This revolt, like nearly every "revolt" in a major web site in the last five years, had no effect on the user base at large; the small cohort of disgruntled users would have made a stink for a week and given up. The same thing happens on Facebook every week, and founder Mark Zuckerberg pretends to listen but never really changes policy. Unlike those sites, on eBay, the strikers really are betting their livelihoods. So do they have a chance? More »

5:23 AM on Fri Feb 8 2008
By Nick Douglas
4,226 views, 32 comments

Latest by Missy66: Please forgive me ahead of time, this will be a long response, so please don't fuss at me I gave fair warning. Well, here's the real deal from someone who makes less than $1000 a month, but it is the only source of income I have so I can take more »

our bad

Funny Comic Leads To Betrayal, Auction

Some time ago, this very website told you to read Achewood, the funniest thing on the internet. And many of you did! Little did we know it would end in tragedy, played out, as it so often is, on an electronic auction website. More »

2:45 PM on Tue Dec 4 2007
By Pareene
6,119 views, 51 comments

Latest by whokilledallthemandelas: @Cesare_the_Somnambulist: Hahaha! Is there any other kind? more »

"The auction is for a Dell Latitude D600. 60GB HD, 1 GB memory, Dual Band Wi-Fi, Very light scratches on the top, Screen is scratch free and shows up crystal clear. She took good care of the laptop. It has all the newest updates, and comes with office, Roxio and other programs. Just an all around good laptop to have. I bought this as a gift for my ex. What is included in winning this auction is not only the laptop, but also everything else she left. Right now it is the laptop, the bag some cables, the power supply, some personal items, sunglasses, clothes and a book 'the story of O.' I will be cleaning my place this weekend so the bounty will grow." [eBay]

24 comments

The latest culprit: eBay, whose new classified service spells trouble for traditional newspapers. [MediaPost]

1 comment