Since kids these days are already bombarded by advertising at school graduation speeches and on their school math tests, why not just go ahead and wrap their school lockers in ads, too? Good, let's do that.

Those damn kids with their damn cellphone computers, always making noise during class with their text IMs and the picture mail. Wouldn't it be nice if we could find a practical use for all that techno-garbage and have the added bonus of not having to hear those pimply faced idiots' squeaky little voices? Well, it…