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Your Next President: "I have a son I haven't seen nor paid child support for in 17 years."
Hey everyone, I just wanted to let you know that I've switched to a new write-in candidate for president after receiving the following very important email on our tips line! I admire Leonard F. Gundy's decision to leave the Army "Signal Core" in 1982 because "I love to give orders, I hate to be given orders," but I do wish he had some Air Conditioning experience. But that's what running mates are for, right?!?! Will you vote for him too Y/N? His very convincing email is after the jump. More »
awkward
Hillary Clinton, Butter-Grubbing Date From Hell
Bill Clinton's labor secretary, Robert Reich, gave an interview for the Times magazine this weekend focused largely on economic and political issues. But he also recounted a college date he had with Hillary Clinton, apparently before she moved on from 4-foot-10 Reich to barbecue-fed, 6-foot-2 Bill. Reich, who publicly repudiated the Clintons starting in December, of course used his memory of the date as yet another chance to shiv the couple, by painting Hillary as a budget-busting glutton for grease: More »
awkward
Ouch: After starlet Scarlett Johnasson, clearly crushing hard, gushed to Politico earlier this month about her lengthy email dialog with Barack Obama, the Democratic presidential candidate felt obliged to set the record straight about his connection with ScarJo. What's their status? In A Relationship? It's Complicated? Actually, they are JUST FRIENDS OMG WTF, Obama told reporters on his plane:
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Obama Denies Textual Relations With Scarlett Johansson
Ouch: After starlet Scarlett Johnasson, clearly crushing hard, gushed to Politico earlier this month about her lengthy email dialog with Barack Obama, the Democratic presidential candidate felt obliged to set the record straight about his connection with ScarJo. What's their status? In A Relationship? It's Complicated? Actually, they are JUST FRIENDS OMG WTF, Obama told reporters on his plane:
More »
awkward
Anderson Cooper Outed, Forgiven By Al Sharpton
Anderson Cooper was talking last night about fundamentalist Christian attacks on Barack Obama with minister Al Sharpton, author Roland Martin and Family Research Council President Tony Perkins. The talk turned toward religious tolerance, and suddenly Sharpton was outing CNN's prettiest anchor as, gosh, some kind of sinner? "I might think what you do, Anderson, is going to put you in hell, but I'm going to defend your right to get there," Sharpton said. Then everyone laughed, either because Sharpton made some kind of innocuous joke outing Cooper as a typical shouting-head TV news sinner, or because virulent, institutionalized homophobia is hilarious. Anderson blushed and managed to say something dignified, while maybe secretly wishing he was officially gay so he could let loose a verbal spanking that would make Keith Olbermann's "Special Comments" sound like bedtime stories The End. Clip after the jump. UPDATE: Changed a sentence to make it clear Sharpton might not have been alluding to Cooper's sexuality. More »
feuds
Hillary Clinton Rage Continues At Vogue
Last fall, before she realized she would soon need every last scrap of sympathetic coverage she could get, Hillary Clinton ditched a Vogue interview and photo shoot because it might maker her look too elitist or feminine or something. Anna Wintour in January penned a bitchy editor's note about the incident. And now the poor writer who had to go through the excruciating, months-long process of setting up the damned interview is letting off some steam. Julia Reed is now free to tell how she really feels about Clinton communications director Howard Wolfson, and that's what she does today in Women's Wear Daily: More »
the olds
How Obama Will Destroy McCain's Sad Videogame
Creaky old presidential candidate John McCain can't work The Google, so it's kind of amazing he beat his young, internet-savvy rival Barack Obama to the punch in making a videogame for his campaign website. Unfortunately, McCain's game is a sad imitation of Space Invaders, a pixelated smash hit c. 1983, but with pigs in place of the aliens, since it's about how McCain shoots lasers at pork barrel politics, or something. You just know Obama's game will be better, and the Daily Show tonight imagined exactly how. "McCain, you know I love you, but you're f—-ing old," host Jon Stewart said. If the Obama camp picks up this game idea and runs with it, it could do for political videogames what "Yes We Can" did for political YouTube music videos: make them not excruciatingly boring, briefly. More »
shouting heads
Terror At Michelle Obama "Doing God-Knows-What In The White House"
Michelle Obama went on The View yesterday to soften her Fox News-propagated image as a whitey-hating terrorist baby mama, but the appearance is only making the cable pundits talk about her image problems more. Exhibit A: Michelle Bernard said on MSNBC's Hardball that the makeover is needed "so people aren't terrified thinking this black woman is going to be doing God-knows-what in the White House." Bernard is the daughter of Jamaican immigrants, so it would be a stretch to lump this comment in with all the recent racial smears against the prospective first-lady, but it does beg the questions, some posed by an astute email tipster: Just what, exactly, could Michelle Obama do in the White House? Install a mosque? Fill it with purple leather couches and tiger-printed throw pillows? Change the tap water with malt liquor? Clip after the jump, plus a look at the cringey promo for this episode of Hardball. More »
advertising
Insane Political Ad Must Be A Joke
This campaign ad that's been making the rounds, for Republican Sen. John Cornyn of Texas, is such a complete self-parody that it must be an intentional joke. From the John Wayne voice-over to the longtime lawyers' ridiculous cowboy outfits to the poetry, yes, poetry, the whole video is just crazy. Crazy enough to get linked and laughed at all over the internet (Wonkette did a nice poem). But not so insane — and this is the giveaway — in any way that makes Cornyn seem unelectable to a typical voter. It's full of lines like this: "That place out yonder needs more men like you/who shoot straight/and talk straight/and enjoy a good brew/Big John!" See? The first three lines sell the candidate's key messages, just like a political ad, while the last two are nutty enough that you'll forward the ad to your friends, so "Big John" doesn't have to spend a lot of money to defeat upstart Democrat Rick Noriega. At long last, the Web is empowering highly-placed Republicans, instead of just confusing them. [YouTube]
publicity stunts
Hooker Hotel Brings Together Obama, Clinton
Oh, hey, bitter Hillary Clinton supporters! The Barack Obama presidential campaign knows many of you are threatening to vote for Republican presidential candidate John McCain because supporting Obama would feel like swallowing insults to feminism and, I guess, the "popular vote" in the sham Florida and Michigan elections or whatever. To help you get over these irrational fears you are selling out, a triumphant Obama and a heavily-indebted Clinton would like to meet you personally, in Washington, at a hotel famous for bringing together powerful male politicians and desperate female whores. Bring your checkbook! Leave your uncomfortable analogies at home, please, kthxbai. [Daily News]
feminism
Watering Down Michelle Obama
Well, you can't say the National Organization for Women didn't warn you: Barack Obama might be leading a campaign for change but, judging from a story in this morning's Times, Michelle Obama will be forced to bend to established patriarchy just as would-be-first-lady Hillary Clinton did 16 years ago. The Times writes about how Obama, a Harvard-trained lawyer, is known for bridging racial divides with bold, frank talk. "Her style is still to say: 'Hey! I'm going to tell you where I stand, and you figure out where you stand,'" said a former illegal immigrant who started a Chicago school with Obama's help. But American is scared of smart, mouthy ladies, so the Obama campaign is giving Michelle a makeover to make her far less interesting: More »
the olds
Sad John McCain Can't Work The Google
David Gergen just made a good point on CNN about John McCain: We all laughed when the Republican presidential candidate said he didn't use a Mac OR a PC, and that his second wife did all his internet surfing for him, but McCain's luddite tendencies are screwing up his campaign and thus could wreck the country someday. Exhibit A is Clayton Williams, who was to host a McCain fundraiser but who was discovered to have once made a crass rape joke. It turns out the rape joke has long been in Williams' Wikipedia entry, ranked number three by Google in a search on Williams' name. Whoops! McCain clearly needs to learn The Google. As internet-savvy Barack Obama can testify after his jettisoning of vice-presidential-screener James Johnson, it won't weed out all the tainted associates, but it's great for that critical first cut. Clip after the jump. More »
Bill Clinton Donates His Celebrities To Obama
Clinton "reached out to Obama-backers, like vicious Clinton-basher David Geffen... [saying] 'We all have to get behind Barack now.'" [Daily News]
barack obama
The Five Internet Jokes That Will Make Obama Win
The Internet can change elections! Just not through Meetup and Friendster like some people thought. Okay, these five pictorial jokes about Barack Obama and John McCain won't be entirely responsible for Obama's imminent November victory. They're just mobilizing the base! Because Influential Thought Leaders don't join "One Million Strong For Obama On Facebook," but they do link to political jokes on their Tumblr blogs. More »
journalismism
Media Latest Entity To Ruin Everything For Hillary Clinton
Did loutish talking heads on cable news networks ruin Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign with the magic of "sexism?" They couldn't destroy Barack Obama with incessant repeats of racially-inflammatory sermons from Rev. Jeremiah Wright, but this "sexism" is said to be extra strong. On the CBS Evening News the other night, Katie Couric pulled out her mystical "notebook" and read a fable about sexism in which a blonde lady has her career ambitions destroyed by sexist men in the television industry. Mistaking this for a story about Clinton, America promptly got very scared and upset, and the Times sent two reporters out to ask everyone in the media if sexism shouldn't be stopped with "outrage." Here's what they found: More »
journalismism
Fist-Bump Tutorial For The Awkward
Oh, hey, look: A newspaper writer actually made a good, funny internet video! And his name isn't David Pogue! It's not clear if the North Carolina News & Observer's J. Peder Zane has a theater background like Pogue, but his tutorial on how to do a "fist bump" in the "New Camelot" era of Barack Obama is more natural and relevant than one has any right to expect from a print journalist. Watch as Zane's words deliver the message that everyone wants to be as cool as Obama, while his actions imply that most white guys are better off embracing their inner stiffness.
race-baiting
Fox News had commentator Michelle Malkin on to talk about how Barack Obama's wife Michelle has not been the victim of unfair conservative attacks, and as she was speaking the network displayed the caption seen above: "Outraged liberals: Stop picking on Obama's baby mama!" The term "baby mama" is, of course, slang for the unwed mother of one's child (married ones usually just called "wives"). This is sort of like when Anderson Cooper of CNN misused the term "boo," except vicious and racist instead of adorable and funny. It also follows incidents in which Fox asked whether Michelle Obama did a "terrorist" fist-bump with her husband and in which it circulated unsubstantiated rumors that she used the term "whitey" in a speech once. Whoops! Fox News has "accidentally" injected another crazy defacto allegation about the Democratic presidential candidate's wife into the mainstream dialog. Disingenuous semi-apology to follow shortly. (UPDATE: Already happened.) Video after the jump.
More »
Fox Calls Michelle Obama A "Baby Mama"
Fox News had commentator Michelle Malkin on to talk about how Barack Obama's wife Michelle has not been the victim of unfair conservative attacks, and as she was speaking the network displayed the caption seen above: "Outraged liberals: Stop picking on Obama's baby mama!" The term "baby mama" is, of course, slang for the unwed mother of one's child (married ones usually just called "wives"). This is sort of like when Anderson Cooper of CNN misused the term "boo," except vicious and racist instead of adorable and funny. It also follows incidents in which Fox asked whether Michelle Obama did a "terrorist" fist-bump with her husband and in which it circulated unsubstantiated rumors that she used the term "whitey" in a speech once. Whoops! Fox News has "accidentally" injected another crazy defacto allegation about the Democratic presidential candidate's wife into the mainstream dialog. Disingenuous semi-apology to follow shortly. (UPDATE: Already happened.) Video after the jump.
More »
election
