Consultant "John" and Cornell Business School employee "Lisa" are both married, Guest of a Guest reports, though now that their pictures and email thread are being seen by the entire world those relationships are severely endangered. Blame John's denial fetish: without all that sexual teasing he so clearly relished, he might not have been "WAY TOO FUCKING HORNY" to think straight at work and properly operate Outlook or whatever.

The full email exchange, apparently copied under the leaked email, is an odd mix of sexual panting, taunting and discussion of the mistress' children (who John apparently met) and their eating habits. It's pasted below, but here are some highlights, via Guest of a Guest:

(Top pic: Fredonino on Flickr)

Full thread:

From: John >

Date: November 6, 2009

To: Lisa >, $JSEvents >

Subject: RE:

Thanks! Tell him Hi right back at him when ya see him later!

Hey, can you re-send me that link to the article about Obama, and the one world, NWO? I misplaced the link to that, and hadn't finished reading it yet.

GOD, I can't stop feeling like you're tickling me, and I can't stop TASTING you!!! This is all VERY DISTRACTING!!! :)

From: Lisa

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 1:58 PM

To: John

Subject: RE:

Trevor wanted me to be sure to tell you hi he's up here with me today or around here somewhere (I think he took the bus up to the mall).

From: John

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 1:56 PM

To: Lisa

Subject: RE:

Ha! At the very LEAST!!! :)

From: Lisa

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 1:55 PM

To: John

Subject: RE:

That's how I hope to go, only to be revived so we could do it all over again. I guess that would mean doing it TWICE!!!!!!!!!!

From: John

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 1:54 PM

To: Lisa

Subject: RE:

Ha! Yes, my thoughts exactly!

Tickled and licked and orgasmed to death!!! :)

From: Lisa

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 1:34 PM

To: John

Subject: RE:

I don't think you will either (she said with a devilishly shy grin), but what a way to go.;-)

From: John

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 1:32 PM

To: Lisa

Subject: RE:

GOOD LORD HAVE MERCY ON ME!!!

And by this method, you bring me right to the edge of release, over and over and over again, yet each time I'm denied,and fiendishly tickled even more???

I don't think I'll survive!!! :)

From: Lisa

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 1:23 PM

To: John

Subject: RE:

I see me sitting in your lap straddling, really.facing you with my legs draped over your restrained arms and then wrapped around you and your chair holding you in place you're pinned and unable to move. I'm leaning back ever so slightly with my hands braced on your desk, helping me to grind my pussy against you.

From: John

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 1:21 PM

To: Lisa

Subject: RE:

OH DEAR GOD HELP ME!!!

You are pushing buttons that are getting me WAY TOO FUCKING HORNY for being stuck at work!!!

And just WHAT am I supposed to do now??? I can practically FEEL your torturous little fingernails flitting across my stomach, and they're making me ACHE with the desire for RELEASE!!! :)

From: Lisa

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 1:07 PM

To: John

Subject: RE:

I have visions of strutting into your office in nothing but a trench coat and CFM heels locking the door duct taping your hands to the arms of your chair teasing your with my nails and tongue, tickling, poking, prodding..and then straddling your rock hard cock. Only to stop just seconds before you cum..and start all over again.

From: John

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 1:03 PM

To: Lisa

Subject: RE:

Ha! Again, I SECOND that motion! (No pun intended!!! :))

From: Lisa

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 1:02 PM

To: John

Subject: RE:

Yep, that sounds EXACTLY like something I would do.forget twice, I'd be doing it over and over and over and over again!!!

and I'd give anything to be doing exactly that right now!

From: John

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 1:00 PM

To: Lisa

Subject: RE:

Yeah, you are CERTAINLY THAT for me also Baby! And I second the motion on time to hold you in my arms.

I think about the time spent on your couch often, in that regard. Plus, I also recall looking deep into your eyes, touching your face, and kissing you SO DEEPLY

And I also recall your naughty little hands getting very playful, snaking their way down my shirt to tickle!!! :)

From: Lisa

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 12:57 PM

To: John

Subject: RE:

AMEN to that sweetie.you are my ounce of sanity in a very insane world right now .thank you so very much for that.I just wish I could spend more time hiding in the safety of your arms..

From: John

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 12:55 PM

To: Lisa

Subject: RE:

Yeah, me too!

And you are CERTAINLY THAT for me also Baby, among many other wonderful things! :)

From: Lisa

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 12:51 PM

To: John

Subject: RE:

(I like the private porn star best of all hehehehehe)

From: John

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 12:48 PM

To: Lisa

Subject: RE:

ALL OF THE ABOVE BABY!!! :)

From: Lisa

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 12:46 PM

To: John

Subject: RE:

I knew I could count on you!!! You're my hero!!!! My knight in shining armor!!! My private porn star!!!!!

From: John

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 12:44 PM

To: Lisa

Subject: RE:

OH, I can SERIOUSLY help you with both of those Baby, don't worry!

And I will be SO FUCKING HORNY after I get done SPANKING that FINE ASS of yours for hours, you'll be FULL for a week after you swallow me! And I hear that CUM is an excellent source of protein, as well as other nutrients!!! :)

From: Lisa

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 12:39 PM

To: John

Subject: RE:

Because more than half the time, I'm actually just fixing for just Jake as Trevor has already eaten half the house by the time I get home. And the minute we come in the door, Jake is heading straight for his highchair and wanting fed before I even have my coat off. So I fix him something quick (grilled cheese, omelet, etc.). Or over the weekend I'm make a big pot of something so we can have leftovers, which Jake and Trevor don't mind, but I get sick of them within a day or two and resort back to popcorn.I'm bad, I know.I think I need a good spanking.and to be put on my knees and force fed.

From: John

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 12:34 PM

To: Lisa

Subject: RE:

Well, the my willing to feed you part goes without saying Baby!

So when you're fixing dinner for Trevor and Jake, why don't you just make enough for you also?

From: Lisa

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 12:30 PM

To: John

Subject: RE:

It's the same thing I had yesterday honey.truth be told, I really don't eat very well anymore. I'm so busy with Jake that I don't have much time to fix anything decent for myself it's easier for me to fix him and Trevor dinner and then throw a bag of popcorn in the microwave for myself.BUT, if you're willing to feed me, I'm willing to swallow each and every time!

From: John

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 12:27 PM

To: Lisa

Subject: RE:

Leftover chicken from last night. And a diet Mountain Dew!

A bagel is your lunch??? You need to CUM up here more often to I can feed you properly!!! :)

From: Lisa

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 12:25 PM

To: John

Subject: RE:

A bagel and a soda.what are you having?

From: John

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 12:24 PM

To: Lisa

Subject: RE:

Ha! I hear ya!

What's for lunch today?

From: Lisa

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 12:16 PM

To: John

Subject: RE:

.I'm just sitting here eating my lunch and giggling at this whole conversation, we just crack me up!!!

From: John

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 12:15 PM

To: Lisa

Subject: RE:

Yes, you CERTAINLY WOOD Baby!!! :)

From: Lisa

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 12:01 PM

To: John

Subject: RE:

I'd have you up in the front seat right next to me.and although my car is an automatic, I do know how to drive a stick shift.and I'd be sure to have a stick to shift on my way home.

From: John

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 11:59 AM

To: Lisa

Subject: RE:

Ha! EXACTLY where I was going with this sweetie! See, we are on the same wavelength, as usual!

You have me in the back of your car right now, tied up in the back seat. And you're sitting on me, giggling and tickling, giving me sort of a preview of what I can expect when you get me home! And I am sitting here SO FUCKING HARD from thinking about this!!! :)

From: Lisa

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 11:54 AM

To: John

Subject: RE:

That depends on your definition of concerned But if I'm lurking in the dark to get you then conversely, you could be lurking in the dark to get me and just the mere thought of that doesn't concern me, but makes me very wet.

From: John

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 11:52 AM

To: Lisa

Subject: RE:

Ha! Too funny Lisa!

So let's see you like bats, the dark, and the idea of tying me up, kidnapping me, and then mercilessly tickle torturing me!

Should I be concerned??? :)

From: Lisa

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 11:49 AM

To: John

Subject: RE:

LOLOLOL.see, even the powers that be knew how much I liked the dark, so they just shut power of .sadly it came back on which is just as well, cause I was too far away from your desk any way!

From: John

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 11:21 AM

To: Lisa

Subject: RE:

Ha! Oh? And why is that??? :)

From: Lisa

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 11:07 AM

To: John

Subject: RE:

That's on my schedule for Monday.first thing.actually, if Don leaves Sunday night, I'll be making a night time raid.after all, I work best after dark.

From: John

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 11:05 AM

To: Lisa

Subject: RE:

Ha! What was it you said to me last week? Something about tying me up and taking me home, never to be seen again??? :)

From: Lisa

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 10:56 AM

To: John

Subject: RE:

You're sooooo willing.one of the many admirable traits I find so endearing about you.

From: John

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 10:54 AM

To: Lisa

Subject: RE:

OK!!! :)

From: Lisa

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 10:53 AM

To: John

Subject: RE:

Let me cum up there and feel ya.I need to see for myself.

From: John

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 10:52 AM

To: Lisa

Subject: RE:

AT LEAST!!! The way I'm feeling right now!!! :)

From: Lisa

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 10:50 AM

To: John

Subject: RE:

Yes it would.at least twice!

From: John

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 10:50 AM

To: Lisa

Subject: RE:

That'll work!!! :)

From: Lisa

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 10:48 AM

To: John

Subject: RE:

I'd do a private showing for you babe.just you, me, and your lap.

From: John

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 10:47 AM

To: Lisa

Subject: RE:

Only if YOU'RE dancing there Baby!!! :)

From: Lisa

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 10:44 AM

To: John

Subject: RE:

You and me both baby.so any big bachelor plans for the weekend?? Kumas? (hehehehe.)

From: John

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 10:43 AM

To: Lisa

Subject: RE:

Don't I wish!!! :)

From: Lisa

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 10:06 AM

To: John

Subject: RE:

It (and me) are only a bus ride away.

From: John

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 10:05 AM

To: Lisa

Subject: RE:

Wow! I just LOVE that idea! And it would require no extra seasoning, seeing as how it would have your savory juices all over it!!! :)

From: Lisa

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 10:01 AM

To: John

Subject: RE:

Uh,a bright blue thong.if you want more specifics you;ll have to just see it for yourself.it could be your lunch;-)

From: John

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 9:59 AM

To: Lisa

Subject: RE:

Well, be specific please!!! :)

From: Lisa

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 9:57 AM

To: John

Subject: RE:

A thong of course.

From: John

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 9:56 AM

To: Lisa

Subject: RE:

That sounds VERY SEXY to me!!! What kind of panties do you have on??? :)

From: Lisa

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 9:53 AM

To: John

Subject: RE:

I really hate the weekends anymore, how pathetic is that?!!?

On another note, I look like a damn schoolgirl today. Jake was up at 5:15 this morning and full of piss and vinegar so I had very little time to get ready. My hair's up in a pony tail and I've got on sneakers, jeans, and a sweatshirt.

From: John

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 9:51 AM

To: Lisa

Subject: RE:

My thoughts EXACTLY Baby!!! :)

From: Lisa

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 9:50 AM

To: John

Subject: RE:

Damn.wish I could be a bachelorette this weekend!

From: John

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 9:49 AM

To: Lisa

Subject: RE:

Ha! That's it exactly!

That was a GOOD ONE Lisa! Thanks! I'm going to start calling them that!!! :)

From: Lisa

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 9:47 AM

To: John

Subject: RE:

So you get to be a bachelor this weekend, just you and the kamikaze birds.

From: John

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 9:45 AM

To: Lisa

Subject: RE:

Hard to say, my wife is on her way down there now, and the family is divided on what to do at this point.

From: Lisa

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 9:43 AM

To: John

Subject: RE:

How's your mother-in-law? This must be such a difficult time for all concerned.

From: John

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 9:42 AM

To: Lisa

Subject: RE:

Yeah, me too! I thought about you bunches yesterday!!! :)

From: Lisa

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 9:41 AM

To: John

Subject: RE:

Glad you're back. I've missed you for sure. but then again, I'm always missing you!

From: John

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 9:38 AM

To: Lisa

Subject: RE:

Hi Baby!

Much better, thanks! Here at work now.

From: Lisa

Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 8:33 AM

To: John Wilson

Subject:

Good morning sweetheart.you've been MUCH on my mind this morning. I'm worried and anxious to hear how you're doing this morning.

Yesterday news came that 10,000 Hotmail accounts had been compromised, but all of you internet snobs were like, "Hotmail? Haha, (some sort of internet snob joke about varieties of email, and which are cool and which are not)."

Well now your precious Gmail has also been compromised, the BBC reports. But, sayeth Google:

The firm stressed that the scam was "not a breach of Gmail security" but rather "a scam to get users to give away their personal information to hackers".

Stop being so dumb and you won't get "compromised," like that! Same advice dads have been giving to their daughters for years.
[Want more expert insight on this issue? Sorry, Ryan Tate's not awake yet.]

Not well! As TPM Muckraker explains, not well at all.

After the fact that McKalip forwarded the objectively racist Obama email to all his tea party friends made it to the internet, McKalip promised to stop "making media appearances on health system reform," which was a nice step, but not as nice as it would've been if he'd announced that he was taking some time off from health care politics to "go fuck myself."

McKalip stopped pretending to be a regular doctor in favor of "patient choice" for slightly less than one month. By mid-August he was giving quotes to reporters about how "Healthcare is a service that people buy in this country." And those reporters failed to identify him as a professional conservative activist. Instead, he was called a "local physician," even though he lives in Florida, and this rally was in Montana. Christ.

And, obviously, he is still going to various meetings of anti-reform people, and speaking at those meetings, and he is still emailing his Tea Party Patriot friends, telling them about how much exciting work he is doing, meeting with members of congress and so on.

But after his recent email to those friends, one of the patriots remembered that McKalip is something of a racist embarrassment to the movement. TPM:

On Saturday evening, an activist named Denise forwarded that message from McKalip to a Tea Party email list. In response, another Tea Partier, Rob Neppell, objected, saying that McKalip's "presence discredits us all with the taint of racism" and arguing that he should be "shunned."

That seems like a fair point. But not to "Consumers for Health Care Choices" founder and conservative think tank "senior fellow" Greg Scandlen!

At that, Scandlen took umbrage. In a response to the group, he called Neppell's message "a slander against one of the best men I know," and argued that McKalip merely "made one mistake. He forwarded an offensive picture of Obama. PERIOD. He didn't create it. He didn't endorse it." (In fact, McKalip wrote "funny stuff" above the picture.)

He was only A LITTLE BIT RACIST. He didn't endorse the idea that Barack Obama is attempting to institute incredibly industry-friendly insurance reforms coupled with subsidized health coverage for people just above the poverty line because he is a stupid African witch doctor with a stupid bone in his stupid nose, he just found an image suggesting that interpretation amusing and then he forwarded it to a listserv. PERIOD.

(Meanwhile: Kent Conrad doesn't want to have a Finance committee vote on health care reform until the CBO can score it, again, based on all the amendments they are voting on, which could take like a week or two, whatever, LET'S NOT BE HASTY. This caught Max Baucus off-guard! Jonathan Cohn thinks the committee will vote on the bill "later in the week, at the earliest," which means Christmas.)

Fox News' Major Garrett asked White House press secretary Robert Gibbs at yesterday's briefing about claims that Axelrod was spamming people who never asked for White House emails, and was shocked and astounded when Gibbs said the only way to find out if they were on the White House's list was to find out if they were on the White House's list. Which would require turning over their names to the federal government, which would then kill them.

Today, Fox News reported that Garrett has indeed turned over the names of his emailers—with permission—to the White House so they could check them against the list. The story darkly implies that the White House is monitoring your computer right now: "Some wondered if visiting the White House Web site automatically places them on an email distribution list." That is obviously, transparently, and plainly impossible, and the "some" who "wondered" about it are frightened, confused 85-year-olds or paranoid schizophrenics.

We asked you if you had received Axelrod's email, and we got dozens of responses from people who claimed that they had gotten the email but hadn't signed up for it. Some people said they've been getting emails for months from Barack Obama, Michelle Obama, etc. So what's the deal? The first thing to figure out is if the email actually came from the White House, as opposed to a friend who forwarded it or a GOP black ops crew trying to get the Obama=Big Brother meme going, because everyone knows that spam is the forerunner of tyranny. Already, conservatives are trying to turn Axelrod's email into SpamGate.

So we asked everyone who said they got the Axelrod email to send us the header info. Here's an example from one reader, with the recipient's email address redacted:

This email came from servers owned by GovDelivery, a St. Paul, Minn., firm that describes itself as "the world's leading provider of government-to-citizen communication solutions," and appears to have been contracted by the White House to manage its email blasts. The "account code" is "USEOPWH"—U.S. Executive Office of the President, White House. We called GovDelivery and spoke to CEO Scott Burns, who declined to confirm or deny that his company works with the White House, but said "you've obviously got the header information for that email, so draw whatever inference from that you will."

We'll take that as a yes. And many of the readers who claim to be spam victims provided identical header info. So we're confident that people who at least believe they never signed up for White House emails got Axelrod's.

How does the White House gather its email list? Burns said GovDelivery provides a platform for sending out mass emails, but that "the list acquisition strategy in not in our control."

"We give clients tools to make it easier to sign up for things from their web site," Burns said. GovDelivery's platform is, by default, opt-in—meaning that only people who have signed up get the emails. "But clients can also bring their own lists into the system. When someone buys our platform, it's an opt-in system. But the judgment is the client's if they want to add other addresses or lists." In other words, GovDelivery doesn't control who the emails go to, and if the White House wanted to add addresses of people who didn't sign up, it could have done so.

There are a couple theories as to what's going on here.

1) The most likely is that all the people who say they never signed up are just wrong. "People's memories suck," says Stu Shulman, a political science professor at the University of Massachusetts who has studied the politics of mass email. "And people filter their memories through their ideological prisms. If there are 500,000 or 1 million people on the White House list, there will be hundreds who signed up for it and don't remember doing so."

2) The White House is harvesting emails from sensible but questionable sources. The whitehouse.gov privacy policy has this to say about its email list: "[W]e maintain email lists to keep interested, eligible individuals informed about important topics, and individuals must affirmatively request to join them." That's pretty clearly limits the list to people who have asked to be on it. But some of the people we're hearing from say that, while they didn't sign up, they have emailed the White House in the past. The White House may have automatically added those people to its list—a perfectly reasonable thing to do, but also an easy way to needlessly piss people off. Many White House-affiliated sites also have comment forms—Change.gov, for instance, has a discussion forum that requires an email address to log in. If they're pulling addresses from those sources, it appears to be a violation of the privacy policy.

3) The White House has added lists from the Democratic National Committee or Obama's campaign to its list. Gibbs furiously rebutted that notion at yesterday's briefing, we think because it would be illegal to do so (we're checking with legal sources on that point). But many of the people we're hearing from are not Obama fans, so it's unlikely they signed up for his campaign emails. And many insist that they never emailed the White House, either.

4) The White House is pulling email addresses gathered by other federal agencies into its list. All sorts of federal agencies offer email alerts of various kinds. The White House could have merged those lists into its own. But still—many insist they've never signed up for any government email list.

5) The White House is buying spam email lists. This is insane and impossible to believe.

6) This is all a GOP disinformation campaign, and all the people claiming not to have signed up actually did sign up with the intention of presenting themselves as victims of evil Obama-spam. Or, more likely and more deviously, GOP operatives have been buying email lists and using 20-cents-an-hour labor in Indonesia to sign them up, one-by-one, to the White House list in the hopes of painting Obama as a tyrannical emailing monster. This is not as crazy as it sounds, and is in fact kind of brilliant. Burns, the CEO of GovDelivery, says he has been tracking what looks like a deliberate effort to monkeywrench his company's systems. "We've seen a real spike in traffic of people signing up other government institutions to our email lists recently," he says. That wouldn't explain the Obama spam, but it does make clear that it's possible to game the lists.

The main question is: Would the Obama administration be stupid enough to deliberately blast email people who hadn't signed up? Spam is a rage-inducing phenomenon, and to knowingly send out political messages from the White House to people who didn't ask for them was sure to spark foreseeable backlash.

"If they did what people are saying," says Shulman, the political science professor, "It's probably not illegal, but it's stupid. It's bad etiquette and bad policy. But if you think about it—why is Obama president? Because he ran a really tight ship, and used technology better than the other guy. They're really savvy about things like this, so it's hard to believe there was some rogue who started spamming people."

We emailed the White House to ask them how they came up with the list, but haven't heard back. If they ask us for our tipsters' names, we will ask the tipsters for permission to hand them over. Unless, of course, they tell us not to, like this guy just did:

FOR YOUR INFORMATION ONLY
So far, I have received two of Axelrod's emails and am convinced it is because I sent emails to both of my senators protesting the health care bill. Am I now on an enemy's list and is the government able to take over my computer (as reportedly possible when one goes to cars.gov?)

Please do not share my email address with ANYONE (except maybe Major Garrett if he needs it).

I hope this helps any research you are doing in this regard.

It's written by David Axelrod, and here's how it starts:

Dear Friend,

This is probably one of the longest emails I've ever sent, but it could be the most important.

Oh boy. First off: If you actually describe something as viral, that means it's not viral. Viral is a self-regenerating, word-of-mouth, prairie fire. When the most powerful institution on the planet announces that it is propagating a communication, it's called a press release. The fact that people can forward it doesn't mean it will take over the internet. Even stodgy corporations know this: When the smart ones launch viral campaigns, they don't tell anyone where it's coming from until it gets a foothold.

Second: You're not going to grab the attention of a random independent citizen by telling them off the bat that this e-mail is really long. And you're certainly not going to induce them to immediately forward it to friends and family with gripping stuff like this: "A recent national survey estimated that 12.6 million non-elderly adults –- 36 percent of those who tried to purchase health insurance directly from an insurance company in the individual insurance market –- were in fact discriminated against because of a pre-existing condition in the previous three years or dropped from coverage when they became seriously ill."

There's a reason White House white papers are rarely forwarded around in endless e-mail chains.

Also, it's all true. Which completely defeats the purpose. Here's what a pro-reform viral e-mail should look like:

Fwd: THE TRUTH ABOUT SARAH PALIN

****READ THIS YOUR LIFE WILL DEPEND ON IT****

WHY??? Hasn't SARAH PALIN facebooked about her own private DEATH PANEL?

FACT #1: On June 19, 1983, Sarah Palin's GRANDMOTHER Martha Palin died allegedly of cancer in Winchester, Idaho. Sarah Palin claims she was in Alaska on that day but STATE RECORDS show that she flew to nearby Montana on the day before. This is on PAGE 29 (two-thirds of the way down) of the Sarah Palin book called "Sarah". Where is Martha Palin's DEATH CERTIFICATE and why did Sarah "Barracuda" pull the plug on her OWN grandmother? Because she didn't have INSURANCE!

FACT #2: Charles Grassley is GAY. Did you know that? Just saying.

FACT #3: The Aetna Insurance Corporation (TAX ID# 7398-927) is NOT AN AMERICAN COMPANY. They are registered in Austria at Einsiedlerplatz 4, 1050 Vienna and AETNA is an acronym for Austrian Enterprise for Total Negation of America. Adolf Hitler was born in Austria (Wikiepedia). AETNA has spent $34.957 million (US) to defeat BARACK OBAMA's health care reform (Federal Election Commission Report 635-09, page 342) and shipped 43,387 stolen AMERICAN kidneys to Austria in fiscal year 2007 for transplant to Austrians (AETNA 2008 Annual Report—look in index for KIDNEYS).

FACT #4: Help BARACK OBAMA defeat Sarah Palin and the INSURANCE AND STOLEN KIDNEY INDUSTRY or this country will never be the same as you remember. My cousin had AETNA and went to the hospital for an appendix removal and it went bad and doctors kept him there for six weeks without telling him why. AETNA tried to charge him $6,354.28 for the stay! He fought it and then got laid off and went on GOVERNMENT-RUN MEDICAID which paid for everything and then at a check up the MEDICAID doctor told him HE ONLY HAD ONE KIDNEY and STILL HAD his appendix. COINCIDENCE?

Concerned citizen,

Barack Obama

They did not even fire him. He is suspended with pay.

And his email to the Boston Globe reporter, which calls Gates a "monkey" four times, is decidedly super racist and insane.

But in Obama's America, being suspended because you said you would've pepper sprayed any banana-eating jungle monkey who dared talk back to you is a violation of your "civil rights," thanks to the liberal political correctness.

Barrett claims he is not a racist, and, testing credibility even further, claims he'd never even used the phrase "banana-eating jungle monkey" before the day he wrote it four times in one email.

His lawsuit claims his civil rights have been violated; Barrett's lawyer said the words referring to Henry Louis Gates, Jr. were misinterpreted.

"The choice of words were poor; but they weren't meant to characterize professor Gates as a banana-eating jungle monkey," attorney Peter Marano said. "They were meant in a response to behavior and characterizing the behavior. Not the person as a whole."

Yes, just something about the way Skip Gates was behaving suggested, to Barrett, a monkey, in a jungle, eating a banana. We get it. Totally not racist.

(Even if he's not a racist [he is a total racist btw] his email suggests he's a completely unhinged PTSD-case who will snap and shoot a child for stealing a magazine basically any day now, so he should probably not complain about the suspension with pay thing.)

Today the New York Times ran an op-ed about the wild world of internet microcelebrity by Bill Wasik, a senior editor at Harper's. But which one?! The mag's publisher sent this email to his staff about the threat they face today, and every day:

From: John R. MacArthur
Date: 2009/7/30
Subject: Harper's/Harper's Magazine
To: [Harper's staff]

I hope everyone has read Bill Wasik's excellent op-ed in today's Times. But I also hope you noticed that the paper of record, in its infinite arrogance, identified Harper's Magazine as "Harper's" in his ID line. Believe me, everyone on the staff has to insist — even fight — to get us identified correctly as Harper's Magazine. Title confusion with Harper's Bazaar is a terrible problem; if you don't believe me, ask Frank, who will tell you a story in confidence about the latest egregious example. Nowadays, these seemingly small details are crucially important to our health. Even in routine correspondence you must identify the magazine as Harper's Magazine, at least in the first reference.

Rick

He writes well for a fashion guy, don't you think?

[Frank, what is this egregious example to which Rick refers? Please tell us in confidence! (Not really in confidence).]

Earlier this week, some poor woman who got reamed by Liz, repeatedly, in very unprofessional and unnecessarily mean emails, leaked those emails to Politico. Justice! And, plus side for Liz, now everyone knows that she prefers "Elizabeth" (and is a psycho). And now, more Liz emails, from Wonkette!

Last year, some mildly amusing and incredibly harmless emails from House schedulers were leaked to Wonkette. There was mild ribbing, from the famous Wonkette blogstress lady, about how it was kind of funny that no one knows where a grocery store is. Leaking these emails is, like, mild rebuke stuff, right?

Or is it "YOU ARE A POOR EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING" stuff? Liz?

From: Becton, Elizabeth
Sent: Friday, May 23, 2008 9:55 AM
To: XXX; XXX; Democratic Schedulers
Subject: RE: We Have a Mole Amongst Us

What kind of nasty, petty, poorly written (Did these people graduate from middle school to high school?) site is www.wonkette.com? And what a base, narcissistic, illiterate group of readers they have! I will never venture to that site again. It was a total waste of my time. However, this email is for the mole among us. You are a poor excuse for a human being. You are not a team player. If I ever find out who you are, I will gladly advertise that it was you who forwarded the emails to the low-rent wonkette site. I will further inform the Speaker's Office, Standards on Official Conduct, and all the other appropriate offices of what you did. And if you got paid for it, my lowly, putrid, little wonkette reader, you have committed a crime and you will be punished for it when you are found. I have contacted Telecom and I have informed them of what has happened and since it's a quiet day, they are checking all the forwarded emails from this list serve.

And to my team players and fellow schedulers, I apologize that I had to include you on this email. This email was intended for the lowly loser among us.

Have a nice day!

Elizabeth Becton
Executive Assistant/Office Manager
Office of Congressman Jim McDermott

Hah! The other ones about getting the lunch lady's name wrong, are also instant classics. This woman is a treat.

From: Julie Scelfo
To: 'Julie Scelfo'
Sent: Tue, 28 Apr 2009 11:39 am
Subject: request from Julie for your out-of-town friends

Friends,

I'm looking for someone to interview outside of New York and really need your help.

According to US Census data, the high number of layoffs and unfavorable economic conditions have forced many
grown adults to move back home with their parents, and some parents to move home with their adult children. For a story about the ups and downs of this living arrangement, do you know anyone who fits the bill? Or more specifically, do you know someone outside of New York who might know someone who fits the bill? I ask because it's been really hard for me to find people in this situation, mainly because living quarters in NY are typically tight so this doesn't occur as often in the Big Apple as it does elsewhere.

Thank you for forwarding this to anyone who might know someone-either whose kids have moved back home with
them, or whose parents have come to live with them. I'm not looking for young adults who move home after college because they haven't yet found a job. Rather, the people I'm looking for are full-fledged adults who previously established their own households, but had to give that up due to economic circumstances.

I am reachable at the below email and phone.

Thanks so much for your help!

Regards,

Julie

Julie Scelfo, Reporter

The New York Times

Unlike with Sarah Palin's emails, there's not really a public-spirited reason to post the screenshots the hackers took, except, of course, pure voyeurism. The detail-by-detail, appointment-by-appointment depiction of the lifestyle of a rich and famous actress is all engrossing stuff for the masses (and for us). And yet it feels oddly unsatisfying — the same drip, drip, drip of minutiae that the Internet famous overshare on blogs and Twitter.

Screenshots of the shayek@mac.com email account, released by habitués of the online bulletin board 4chan, appear to be authentic. Breaking into the account was a simple matter of knowing Hayek's birthday — September 2 — and guessing at her security word (they claim it was the name of her best known movie role) to reset the account's password. Public-records searches show that the 323-area-code phone number Hayek listed in a sent email belongs to the actress. A spokeswoman for Hayek has not returned a call requesting comment.

The glimpses into Hayek's life revealed by her inbox are fascinating, even if mundane: The stranger-suckling actress has been invited to America Ferreira's 25th birthday party. She downloads a bunch of iPhone applications from the iTunes App Store — and she gets spam from Apple, just like the rest of us. As for the perks of being famous, a driver was scheduled to meet her flight arriving in Abu Dhabi. American Express has given her a new Gold card. (What, she doesn't rate the exclusive black Centurion Card?) Balenciaga and Stella McCartney deliver designer clothes to her apartment. She schedules "Japanese face massages." And she gets scans of stories about her in the celebrity weeklies.

In her haste to get the scoop, AllThingsD blogger Kara Swisher posted a version of Zuckerberg's memo which had a repeated paragraph. She's since eliminated the repeat, but we captured it:

Catch the differences? One says "will report," the other says "will be reporting." One uses treasurer Cipora Herman's last name, the other omits it. One says "we are fortunate," while the other uses the contracted form "we're." And one says Peter Currie will be "an advisor," while the other says only "advisor."

That's not the only oddity about the email. "Several versions I got of this memo had different punctuation in various places," Swisher notes in an update.

Why bother sending employees individual copies of a mass email with subtle changes throughout? There's only one reason to bother: Using the changes as tell-tale clues to identify whose copy got forwarded. That's what Tesla Motors CEO Elon Musk did recently in an attempt to find leakers. Each of those changes can, in theory, serve as an identifier; assemble a series of unique identifiers, and it's possible to trace a particular version of an email to a particular employee.

If Zuckerberg is really wasting time on games like this, it means that he has completely failed as a leader. It's a humbling admission that he no longer enjoys his employees' trust and confidence. And it's an insult, too — that he thinks his employees aren't smart enough to figure out what he's doing. Of course they are. It's just one more reason for him to resign immediately, before he does more damage to the company he started.

The new counts are fraud, unlawful electronic transmission of material outside Tennessee and attempts to conceal records to impede an FBI investigation.

The kid pleaded not guilty to everything and his trial will not happen until October. God, remember when it was a big deal that some HACKER HACKED Sarah Palin's email? Meanwhile Ashley Todd roams the streets of Pittsburgh a free woman!

We don't actually care if Dean Grouse of Los Alamitos, California wants to be a big racist, that is his business, but it is nice for all the racist-email-forwarders of the nation to learn that it is not appropriate, right? Still, ugh, what a moron this guy is:

Grose says he accepts that the e-mail was in poor taste and has affected his ability to lead the city. Grose said he didn't mean to offend anyone and claimed he was unaware of the racial stereotype linking black people with eating watermelons.

If he's "unaware" of that racial stereotype than the email has no joke! Jesus, Grouse, how dumb do you think we are? You'd have to be like Ashley Todd-level dumb to think that excuse makes any damn sense.

And hey, remember Ashley Todd? She was a genius performance artist who staged a little one-woman news cycle takeover in late October, while there was, like, "real" election news going on. Ashley carved a "B" on her face, backwards, in a mirror, and then told some policemen that a scary black mugger/political activist attacked her for loving America and having a John McCain bumper sticker, or maybe pin. All while she was in "the wrong part of Pittsburgh," which was, it turns out, a pretty nice part of Pittsburgh.

Well the cops very quickly got her to admit she just made it all up, and then she got arrested, and America laughed and laughed. What's she been up to since then?

After police determined the report was fabricated, Ms. Todd was jailed for a week and, upon her release, ordered to undergo counseling as a condition for her entry into the Accelerated Rehabilitative Disposition — or ARD — program.

Her probation could last anywhere from six to 24 months, according to Allegheny County District Attorney spokesman Mike Manko. The terms of the probation will be determined at her first hearing May 22.

So, yeah. Probation. The long arm of the law just carved a backwards "P" on the next 6-24 months of Ms. Todd's life! Case closed!

This guy, a Dean Grouse, is the mayor of some little shithole in Orange County. Do you see this image here, with the White House and the watermelon patch? That is what he found hilarious, this Grouse guy, and so he sent it out in a little email, captioning it "No Easter Egg Hunt this year."

Look, you are free to be a big racist asshole, and to find stupid racist jokes like this funny! That is your business! We are alarmed not so much by the quaint olde-fashioned racism of some white guy from Orange COunty but by the pure, indiluted idiocy that would cause this man, an elected official, to forward to the joke to everyone he knows, especially when he knows at least one black person.

"I have had plenty of my share of chicken and watermelon and all those kinds of jokes," Price told The Associated Press. "I honestly don't even understand where he was coming from, sending this to me. As a black person receiving something like this from the city-freakin'-mayor - come on."

Yes! Come on! Grouse's response is remarkably idiotic and disingenuous even for the "sorry you got so upset by my racist joke" school of disingenuous non-apologies. Which is further proof of how amazingly stupid this man is, because honestly there is not even plausible deniability of racist intent when you forward a fucking black people eat watermelons joke to a black person.

Anyways now Pajamas Media will hire Dean Grouse to cover the was in Afghanistan, probably, along with the Chaffey Community Republican Women of California. (What the hell, California?)

Our tipster writes, by way of preface:

So I recently got this from a freelancer who now works at the Daily Beast. Believe it or not it is actually the most insidious and annoying email ever. Though it may not seem so prima facie, it in fact contains everything that is wrong with journalism and a particular type of freelance journalist. Where the source of the shittiness is unclear, I've annotated. Feel free to post but do not, per favore, use my name.

Bile, with footnotes! We love it. Syme is 25 and has a Tumblr, if that helps paint the picture. Syme's offending email:

From: Rachel Syme

Date: Wed, Feb 18, 2009 at 5:11 PM

Subject: Know anyone who has moved away?

Hi all,

Doing some canvassing for a story I am working on for a magazine [1] (if you want to know which one, I'll tell you when you e-mail me).[2] In any case, it's a very respectable one. [3] Working on a piece about New Yorkers who, despite being tried and true, have left the city due to downsizing of their jobs or hopes...but intend to come back. People who are taking advantage of the recession and down mood around these parts to pursue a longtime passion elsewhere, and then bring it all back home at some point. [4] Do you know anyone?

Let me know asap. [5] Feel free to pass this along to someone who might know someone as well. Looking especially for people who have left the finance sector to do this.[6]

And hello. [7]

Rach

And the promised footnotes!

1. Elision of the first person singular. Though Ms. Syme has taken the time to write this email and send it to hundreds of her contacts, she hasn't the time to start sentences with I. This stems either from the baseline assumption that of course she means I because everything is about her anyway or from insisting on a false sense of urgency and drama, because writing I is simply too time consuming. Related: False Amity.

2. Unnecessary Secrecy. Including this as a parenthetical aside, Ms. Syme infuriatingly presupposes the following: The reader of said email, who is being asked for a favor by Ms. Syme, wants to know badly exactly who she is writing for (as opposed to not caring). That though Ms. Syme won't share this information with hoi polloi, you will care deeply enough to email her to find out. Related: Universal Secrecy, the annoying habit of telling every friend, colleagues or acquaintance information of a personal nature and swearing each in turn to secrecy, often preceded by "Totally OTR."

3. Insecure Vainglory. But even though she can't tell you exactly which magazine it is, rest assured, it's better than the one you are writing for.

4. Offensively Clichéd Story. All this is a preface to a request for sources for perhaps the most clichéd and already written recession story ever. There's only one thing worse that receiving these sorts of emails for good stories you wish you had thought of. That's receiving these emails about bad stories, you've already thought of, realized have been written elsewhere and that, out of pride and professionalism, you've spiked.

5. Urgency Shift. Ms. Syme, no doubt late in beginning her research [OMG, Fashion Week!] would like you, dear reader, to drop what you're doing and respond as soon as possible. We're on deadline here people!

6. See point 4.

7. False Amity. Ms. Syme, with 841 Facebook friends, is not just a professional contact, she'd like you to know. She's also your friend. Even if the only moments of contact come in a request for sources or of personal crisis. Also presupposes, you'd be deeply hurt if she didn't say hello.

(Photo by Nikola Tamindzic)

It seems like a mostly legitimate question to ask, doesn't it? Whether or not they're having sexy sexy old rich scion sex, the special friendship between Sulzberger and Kennedy is well-documented. And when the publisher of your paper is BFF with a public figure, asking whether that friendship affects coverage of that public figure is certainly fair game.

But no, no comments allowed asking about the affair. When this guy tried, the City Room editors asked him to please not bring it up again. "we don't report stuff like this, regardless of the people involved." Stuff like... what? The Times certainly does report on the sexual lives of public figures, all the damn time, from Giuliani to Spitzer to Paterson. But reporting on the Sulzbergers not so much.

Anyway now obv you should all head over to the City Room blog and spam them with thousands of comments about this terrible coverup. (Don't actually do that, it would be really annoying.)

We are told the account was hacked, and images spread to various Web forums. (We were able to dig up a since-yanked reference to the account on a Pattinson fan site, but nothing more.) One image does indeed show McMurphy, purportedly aka Pattinson, alluding to hooking up with Stewart, while another shows chats with another girl. All in all, it's pretty tame stuff, making for a perfect publicity stunt for the still-in-theaters film. Although it's also plausible the account was genuine; Pattinson would follow everyone from Kristian Laliberte to Prince William's friends in being taken in by Facebook mischief makers — not to mention poor Paris Hilton and her sidekick phone. Screenshots are after the jump.

He got six months of house arrest and three years of probation. At his sentencing he apologized, and said this:

"When I look back on the story of my life, I can't believe it brought me to this moment. I am ashamed."

Actually an Access Hollywood gig leading down a road that ends in a criminal trial based on illegally-obtained salacious gossip is quite predictable. [Philly.com; pic via]