If you said, "In order to train employees to provide better customer service and a more consistent quality of coffee beverages for me, the consumer, to enjoy," then congratulations. This is supposedly the correct answer.

If you said "Maybe to talk about the outbreak of hand herpes among the workers?" then you really need to start getting your news from media outlets of a higher caliber.

Pissed at the news, Starbucks threw a tantrum, dropping "Happy Planet" as a juice partner and signing on with fellow soulless corporate behemoth Pepsi instead [Vancouver Sun]. "We hate happy things," said Starbucks in my imagination.

Among the feedback we've gotten:

• 5W's turnover may be even higher than Gawker's. Some employees like to refer to "Fired Fridays." The turnover rate at the junior level, especially, is described as "ridiculously high." One former employee says "having a child would have been more pleasant" than her time at 5W.

• Those who sit close to Ronn's office are subjected to overhearing "many rants and arguments."

• Ronn forced his staff to endure "Q&A sessions" in which he "would simply talk about himself."

• As the bad press about Ronn has piled up, members of his staff have asked him to stay out of the public eye. But, of course, "Ronn does not heed their advice. Ever."

• On business trips, some employees were asked to stay with friends to save the company the cost of a hotel room.

• Although reporters frequently complain about being driven crazy by PR spam from 5W, the company management's strategy has been articulated as: "bcc the shit out of everyone."

• 5W's LA office, opened in 2005 to give Ronn a plausible identity as a bicoastal PR maven, is struggling. We hear that it's gone through three general managers in a year, and that its headcount is at an all-time low—fewer than ten employees. What's the reason? Besides a bunch of unhappy employees with no leadership, it could have something to do with the rumor that the office's management "condoned" a staff event with a male stripper, which was described as "extremely embarrassing"—particularly for the lone male employee attending.

I attended the Stabucks meeting on Tuesday... drunk, and in full costume. The majority of the employees recognized the bullshit of the meeting and decided to make it more intereseting by coming in costume. I dressed up as Lake Michigan, another went as a mime, another as Jimi Hendrix, and some homosexual went as someting like: I-want-to-dress-like-a-girl-but"the buckies"(as well call it)-won't-allow-us-to-express-our-true-selves. We were so drunk we all passed out on the comfy chairs. All in all the meeting helped me catch up on my sleep.

Holla!

Real Starbucks employee here.

Yesterday's training session really was three hours of wasted time. A large chunk of our re-education included watching a video on how to steam milk. My loud, sarcastic comments during this video actually prompted one of the more sincere baristas to chastise me with "Sssh! I can't hear the milk." We also talked about "renewed commitment to environmental principles," which is fucking bullshit because most Starbucks outside of the NY metro area have a motherfucking DRIVE-THRU LANE.

I regret to inform you, however, that Starbucks is really not as evil as Gawker's commenters seem to think. Sure, our coffee is bitter and overpriced. Sure, I got a nasty case of herpes on my hand because management is too cheap to buy more than one pair of rubber dishwashing gloves for a staff of fifteen. But hey, I'm insured to the hilt, so the Valtrex to quell said herpes is deeply discounted.

Alright, maybe I'm not making such a great case for my employers right now. But why all the vitriol from commenters? Go hate on the schmucks at Cake Shop or Bowery Poetry Club or something. Their coffee's not that much better, their employees don't have health coverage, their bathrooms aren't any cleaner, and your chances of being snobbed off by some kid with an indier-than-thou haircut are exponentially greater.