Gawker: end times

Sesame Street Absorbed By Department Of Homeland Security

Moe — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 11:09:51 EDT

The Department of Homeland Security is employing the cast of Sesame Street to indoctrinate America's littlest citizens in the nuances of societal distrust and paranoia. This makes sense because Sesame Street is a Leninist television program produced by the socialist government and dating back to the height of fiscal crisis brought about by the reckless expansion of the welfare state to whose beneficiaries Sesame Street was engineered to placate.

And the Department of Homeland Security represents the biggest expansion of government since the New Deal!

“We all want our children to feel safe in this world,” said Meryl Chertoff, wife of Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff, at a ceremony held at the John Tyler Elementary School to announce the partnership. "And who better to do that than our Sesame Street friends, Grover and Rosita!”

I don't know this "Rosita" but I am pretty sure she is made in China.

One By One

Nick Denton — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 16:58:11 EDT

Stock prices over the last year of Morgan Stanley, Lehman Brothers, AIG, Merrill Lynch and Goldman Sachs.

Harvey Weinstein Makes a Blog

Pareene — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 16:48:26 EDT

Weinstein Company head Harvey Weinstein is blogging away at Portfolio in a perfect storm of terrible news that we are required to cover. He is mad at you for going to Batman instead of some bullshit pretend indie he released to no acclaim. IT WON FOUR BAFTAS. The problem is the lying, biased media. "So, you see, its not that I'm not focusing on great independent films, it's just that no one is paying attention to them." So go see some weepie pretend indie and help Harvey Take Back the Multiplex! [Portfolio via NYO]

Monkey-Piloted Robots Will Kill Us All

Pareene — Thu, 29 May 2008 09:27:48 EDT

This is just like the other night when we flipped past ABC and Charlie Gibson said "up next, the robot revolution," which is a story we thought he probably should've led with. Anyway, monkeys finally control robots with their thoughts and mankind is basically defunct, now. [NYT, Drudge]

END TIMES: TERRIFIED CONSUMERS CAUSE RUN ON RICE

Pareene — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 12:21:30 EDT

The world is running out of food! And not even fancy foods like heirloom cherry tomatoes or Sonic's deep-fried macaroni and cheese bites, but the basic boring foods that it seems like we should have plenty of, like rice. Rice! So Sam's Club, the warehouse division of Wal-Mart, is now "limiting sales of Jasmine, Basmati and long grain white rices." [Reuters]

Hell Week: Is Everything Falling Apart?

Pareene — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 17:25:27 EDT

Was this week a peek at a terrible future? A dreadful harbinger of things to come? Will all the weeks be like this from now on? Yeah, news-wise, it was slow, which is deadly for a blog like this, but it shouldn't have been slow. Two gubernatorial sex scandals! A heated election! A collapsing economy! Shouldn't it be crazy here? Maybe we're all too depressed to write about it! Look at Drudge. The image above has been on top of his site all day. He's talking about the presidential race, but everyone feels like that crying smiley face this week. Right? Let's take a look at the tape:

The economy is collapsing. The markets surged on the news that Eliot Spitzer contributed rather too much to the black market economy, but then things miserably continued on their unmerry way. Bear Stearns just collapsed, pathetically, and now the feds are bailing out the banks. Not usually a good sign! Plus the housing market thing, and the plummeting dollar, and all sorts of other stuff we can't for the life of us understand.
The politics! Man, the politics. Have you seen these politics? They're a mess! A crazy and angry old man toured Iraq, where he wants us to remain for 100 years, and he's mixing up Sunnis and Shiites, still, on the week of the fifth anniversary of our massive fuck-up there. And everyone is too exhausted to be outraged about it anymore! Barack Obama talked about the war this week, but it didn't receive anywhere near as much attention as when he talked about how the blacks and whites still can't get along. The speech was a total inspiring downer, basically. The response to it was pure downer. Even though most people liked it! But his poll numbers are suddenly not looking so hot against the confused old man. He was tortured, so you gotta like him!
"An elderly man has killed himself by programming a robot to shoot him in the head after building the machine from plans downloaded from the internet."
Oh, and media. Media's always bad news, right? If we're hearing media news, it's layoffs and revenue shortfalls. Not even awesome old man Sam Zell can reverse Tribune's downward spiral. Also, the internet! If the internet ad boom busts (which it will, Nick Denton keeps insisting), we're fucked. PageSix.com folded this week. After three months! Rupert Murdoch didn't give it a chance—he's not too excited about this internet thing, apparently. He should know! He bought MySpace!
Stuff White People Like!
That shit in China? Ugh.
denton: first time I've really contemplated the horrors of recession
denton: last autumn it seemed, intellectually, a possibility
denton: now I'm starting to hear stuff from friends
denton: paintings taking longer to sell
denton: (from a dealer friend of mine)
denton: buyers disappear
denton: pagesix.com going under
denton: layoffs where a friend's wife works
Choire Sicha is terribly lonely.
It's Easter, the holiday where we celebrate the brutal murder of an innocent man by a tyrannical government. They humiliated him first, see, and also when all the Gawker sites were down the other day (yesterday, right?) we made the mistake of reading the amazing Errol Morris/Philip Gourevitch piece in the New Yorker about the woman who took the photos at Abu Ghraib. It involves a mummified kitten head! We wish we didn't like Errol Morris, then we would have an excuse to skip his Important Movie on the subject.
A fucking baby moved in across the hall. This is Bed-Stuy! Not Park Slope! The baby is apparently as miserable about the state of the world as the rest of us, and considerably more vocal.

Parlour Game

Pareene — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 13:22:58 EST

Results 1 - 10 of about 128 for "blogger who came in from the cold". (0.36 seconds)
Results 1 - 10 of about 870 for "there will be blog". (0.27 seconds)
Results 1 - 2 of 2 for "no country for old bloggers". (0.22 seconds)

Results 1 - 1 of 1 for "bringing up blogger". (0.29 seconds)
Results 1 - 10 of about 5,370 for "a blog too far". (0.22 seconds)
Results 1 - 1 of 1 for "blog over the river kwai". (0.24 seconds)
Results 1 - 1 of 1 for "blogging of lot 49". (0.31 seconds)
Results 1 - 2 of 2 for "crying of blog 49". (0.19 seconds)
Results 1 - 3 of 3 for "bloggerhouse-five". (0.11 seconds)
Results 1 - 2 of 2 for bloggermarch. (0.09 seconds)
Results 1 - 1 of 1 for "the cook the thief his wife and her blogger". (0.15 seconds)
Results 1 - 1 of 1 for "who framed blogger rabbit". (0.17 seconds)
Your search - "harold and blog" - did not match any documents.

Yahoo! Publishes Recipes For Tomorrow's Laid-Off Employee

Pareene — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 17:37:15 EST

Yahoo! Food helps you adjust to the coming recession with this "dressed up" Ramen "recipe," a truly sad collection of words to end up in a sentence together. Next week: how to make a rucksack and the fine art of pencil sales! This will certainly come in handy for anywhere from hundreds to thousands of people in the next couple weeks. [Yahoo]

Headlines Of the Damned

Pareene — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 13:44:51 EST

"Hillary sits down with 'Access Hollywood'"

Seth Godin doll is a mind grenade for your ideavirus

Pareene — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 16:53:28 EST

Would you like to buy a life-like action figure modeled on popular internet-based "marketing guru" Seth Godin? Yes? Then please never, ever introduce yourself to us. [NerdApproved]

There Will Be Blood

Pareene — Wed, 02 Jan 2008 16:40:22 EST

OIL HIT $100 A BARREL TODAY EVERYONE PANIC! It closed comfortably below that at $99.62, and adjusting for inflation it's not actually the highest it's ever been, but we're well on our way! Everyone invest in Flintstone cars. And Google. [NYT]

Who Will Dig Through Harvey Levin's Trash?

Choire — Fri, 28 Dec 2007 09:31:37 EST

In response to the success of TMZ TV—it's the top-rated new syndicated show!—a reader asks:

But will the TMZ "reporters" and publishers, begin to seel their own TV celebrity make them fair fodder for gossip entertainment TV? Presumably they all have personal lives complete with alcohol consumption, love affairs, break-ups. driving violations, etc. We need a new website that covers the gossip on entertainment reporters iReportTMZ.com might work...."

YES. That is exactly what needs to happen next in America. Either that or mass deportations, hard to tell. Or! Blindings???

The streets of the East Village are so very ...

Choire — Mon, 24 Dec 2007 11:45:23 EST

The streets of the East Village are so very "I Am Legend" right now! It's like the rapture happened and only sleepy sinners are, at last, left behind! Hoorah. (This means: Cute dudes going to the deli in sweats.) This is a great preview of what New York's going to be in twenty years, after the mosquitos bring Chikungunya north from the tropics, like they did in Italy! End times! As my mother put it in an email yesterday: "WTF— it's 61 degrees there??" The Alaskan walruses are biting the hot dust! China's glaciers? Not so glacial. (Who knew China had glaciers?)

Dating Columnist Takes Brave Stand Against Tabloid Era!

Choire — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 16:10:29 EST

Julia Allison, the editor at large for a magazine called Star, has issued a bold treatise in support of the work of Rachel Sklar, the Huffington Post media critic. "Rachel calls out the media on their hypocrisy in a FAIR way, which, it might be noted, is a quality many journalists today sadly lack," Allison writes. "They seem to think that in order to be critical, they have to be bitchy/snarky/cruel or—on the other extreme—they don't analyze critically at all, instead choosing to come down predictably (lazily!) with a hackneyed throw-away blurb and maybe an ad-hom attack, just to spice things up. It's nice to see a writer really THINKING about the issues about which she writes. You can tell she's a lawyer by training."

NewsCorp Holiday Party Celebrates... Climate Change

Emily Gould — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 12:00:27 EST

From the mailbag, about the big News Corp. party on the 14th: "Omg you would not believe the news corp holiday party invite. it's in the form of a comic book about how 'we saved the planet. (*not yet but let's party like we did.') My favorite nauseating bit: 'When it comes to climate change it's important to remember the 3 Rs: Relax!! Rejoice!! Rock!!' Whew—i feel so much better about my planet's future now that NEWSCORP is on it! Also we're asked to wear something blue in honor of COOL CHANGE, the party's theme. And all the rooms at the hilton have appropriately dubbed monikers for the party (my favorite being the escalators, now renamed 'The Winds of Change' that will blow you to the appropriate part of the venue). Good god." It goes without saying that you must send us images of this invitation NOW.

Selling Ourselves Is The Only Job Any Of Us Will Ever Have

Emily Gould — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 12:25:21 EST

There's this kid named Sean Aiken who is doing a different job every week for a year, Times workplace ponderer Lisa Belkin writes. "In the spirit of his generation — the one that brought us extreme sports, and made a mini celebrity out of a blogger who traded a paper clip for a house, and a mega celebrity out of a socialite who went on reality TV to move from job to job in 'The Simple Life' — Mr. Aiken has begun a most unusual search." Digest that for a moment, millennials: you are responsible for not only Paris Hilton and One Red Paperclip, but also extreme sports. Also, when it comes to the future of your employment, you are as fucked as a base-jumper without a chute.

Sean has chronicled his search to find lasting satisfaction in temporary employment via—what else?—a blog! He still hasn't found what he's looking for, but he has inspired his fellow twentysomethings, says the author of a book about workplace trends. ""He sends the message 'job-hopping is O.K.,' 'moving around is O.K.'"

And, she says, it's a good thing someone is sending this message, because it's not like Sean and his contemporaries have a choice in the matter. "The reality is they might prefer one job that would last forever and end with retirement, but that kind of job doesn't exist anymore."

But you know what you can do? That's right, rise to Internet-fame and convince yourself that that's your metier!

"Talking to [Sean], and scrolling through his Web site, one can't help but conclude that he has in fact already found his job, one not available to his parents' generation, but which his will refine and perfect."

"Mr. Aiken's life work might well turn out to be the marketing of Sean Aiken."

Okay, sure. We'll check back in with Sean, and the One Red Paperclip guy and Julia Allison et al in another five years, and see how that career path is working out for them and the world. That is, if the thing hasn't been mercifully consumed by a fiery apocalypse by then.

Amazon's New "Kindle" Is Not Exactly Setting The World On Fire

Sheila — Mon, 19 Nov 2007 16:50:20 EST

Today, Amazon told the world about Kindle, a "wireless portable reading device with instant access to more than 90,000 books, blogs, magazines, and newspapers." We're guessing it's called "Kindle" because soon all books will have to be burned, as we will no longer know how to interface with them without our wireless readers!

"I love slipping into a comfortable chair for a long read," Amazon founder and CEO Jeff Bezos reminisces. However, it seems that something deep inside him has been asking, 'Is there a way to get the emotions and experiences I love from books, but combined with the possibilities of advanced technology?' Apparently, there is!

Kindle uses something called "electronic paper" to make the experience "nothing like reading from a computer screen." Except, of course, that it is exactly like reading from a screen. The Kindle can also, unfortunately, hold two hundred books. Its "advanced technologies" mean that you don't even have to be near a Wifi hotspot to log in and start readin' the millions and millions of pages available to you.

Also, it'll set you back $400.

Oh, and you can watch a video of Nobel Laureate and author Toni Morrison discussing her "Kindle experience" here.

In These Web 3.1 End Days, Is Jimmy Kimmel The Only Cultural Arbiter Left?

JonLiu — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 17:05:15 EST

Lee Gomes's "Portals" column in the Wall Street Journal usually addresses the question concerning technology with a boomer-friendly sort of phenomenology—as in, "gee whiz, look at this phenomenon!"—and little else. Today's edition seems at first no exception: Gomes has discovered a YouTube "bulging" with all sorts of talentless novelty acts—actually mostly just one sort: pasty white guy incongruously singing and/or dancing—that become famous, in a way. But Gomes interviews some of them, and finds them remarkably attuned to the limits and liminality of "being the latest, greatest Web meme... [mere] human kitsch." We learn, then, that the struggle for First Life self-actualization still demands the imprimatur of Man. And what kind of Man?"Mr. [Adam "Chocolate Rain"] Bahner is hoping his appearances on the likes of 'Jimmy Kimmel' will turbo charge a career in show business and voiceover."

Good news for books! John Grisham's "Playing ...

Emily Gould — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 11:55:11 EST

Good news for books! John Grisham's "Playing For Pizza"—the story of a washed-up American quarterback whose trip to Italy to play for the Parma Panthers leads to hijinx—is no longer #1 on the Times hardcover bestseller list. Bad news for books: "Playing for Pizza" is now at #3, bumped by a new Patricia Cornwell novel with "dead" in the title and a "paranormal romance" called "A Lick [hmm!] Of Frost." More distressingly, "The Orc King"—the story of a dark elf named Drizzt Do'Urden—is all the way down to #17. Of course, the list "is not a completely accurate barometer of what the reading public is buying," so phew.

Staph Superbug Hits N.Y.U. Dorms

Choire — Sat, 03 Nov 2007 15:37:41 EDT

The staph superbug currently terrorizing an already hospital-phobic America—Methicillin-resistant staph infection, which killed a 12-year-old Brooklyn boy earlier this month—has struck a male student who lives in an N.Y.U. residence hall, according to a memo sent by an N.Y.U. health administrator this morning. The student was hospitalized this week and has since been discharged.

TO: STUDENTS IN RESIDENCE HALLS
FROM: Henry Chung, MD
Associate Vice President for Student Health

RE: A Case of Methicillin- resistant Staph. aureus (MRSA) in a Residence Hall

Yesterday morning, we received word of a case of a student with a skin infection positive for Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus (MRSA). The male student — who lives in an NYU residence hall — was hospitalized for two days and has since been discharged, resumed his normal activities, and is doing well.

We have contacted the New York City Department of Health to let them know about this case.

We have taken common-sense steps, including a thorough cleaning of the room in which the student resided. While transmissions in community settings are low, we have contacted his roommates to let them know what to keep an eye out for with regard to their own health and we can confirm they are doing well.

Please let me assure you that there is no danger to members of the NYU community resulting from this incident. As reported in the media, the risk of contracting MRSA infections is generally low and can be treated effectively if caught early. If anyone has any concerns about his or her own health, he or she should call the Student Health Center promptly ((212) 443-1122) or come to the Nursing Assessment Service on the 3rd Floor of 726 Broadway. [...]

Kreepokalypse!

Choire — Fri, 02 Nov 2007 12:00:41 EDT

Click to enlarge.
Previously: Kreepieween.

One of our new favorite blogs, Ephemerist, ...

Choire — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 10:40:29 EDT

One of our new favorite blogs, Ephemerist, notes that "Guns & Ammo, 'the nation's leading gun and ammunition magazine,' also has a blog"! And it's amazing! It makes me want to shoot people right now! [Fully Loaded]

Great news, everybody! TMZ TV, the most erudite ...

Choire — Mon, 15 Oct 2007 09:40:24 EDT

Great news, everybody! TMZ TV, the most erudite and thoughtful of your celebrity news options on the idiot box, is a hit! "It was the top-rated new show in syndication by a wide margin, delivering a 1.7 household rating, or about two million viewers, according to Nielsen Media Research." [NYT]

Perez Hilton To Be Deposed In Lindsay Lohan Cocaine Trial Of Century!

Choire — Thu, 11 Oct 2007 14:35:43 EDT

Back in July, DJ Samantha Ronson filed a defamation suit against folks who said she'd placed coke in Lindsay Lohan's car. (For those just tuning in, Lindsay Lohan is a rising young starlet and a staple of wholesome Disney films.) Blogger Perez ("Mario Lavandeira") Hilton's posting said that Ronson "planted drugs that were found in Lohan's car after it crashed into a tree in Beverly Hills on May 26, and that she set up her friend to be photographed while under the influence of alcohol," according to AP. For a defamation claim, she must prove somehow that he acted with malice. Says Perez's attorney: "If Ms. Ronson is attempting to get some sort of relief in court and to show that Mario Lavandeira had any malice, I think she's going to a hardware store for milk. It's just not going to happen." Where did they find this guy? Ms. Ronson also stated that she has never "handled" cocaine.

Lohan friend sues blogger for defamation [AP]

Ice-Free Canada To Become Backdoor World Power!

Choire — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 09:20:26 EDT

A unified front of left-leaning ice-friendly countries, led by Russia and including Canada and Denmark, has begun to emerge from the once-frosty north. So far, they're just demanding the immediate return of all the ice they lost this summer. (This year, "six Californias" of open water appeared in the Arctic.) But what no one has asked is: Why do these fringey countries like ice so much? Is it because they have nothing else? Unfortunately, now that Canada's dollar is oddly similar to an actual dollar and a donut at any one of the 2,733 Canada-based Tim Horton's costs like four actual dollars, we must listen to their distress. But they are misguided! God's great plan for His world has at last granted Canada a Northwest Passage! Freed from this sad dependence on ice and misery, Canadian sea shipping lane dominance will turn Toronto into the new Tokyo, and Montreal into the new Seoul! Though Regina will still suck pretty bad.

Britney Boy Gets TV Deal

abalk — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 12:00:46 EDT

Reality TV just got a whole lot more realer! Chris Crocker, stalwart defender of Britney Spears and all-around role model for fame-hungry teens everywhere, might have just hit the big time!

Variety reports that

44 Blue Prods. has inked a development deal with Chris Crocker, the Internet superstar whose tear-filled defense of Britney Spears has generated nearly 8 million hits on YouTube in just one week.Plan is to develop a docusoap built around Crocker, a 19-year-old who lives with his grandparents in Tennessee. Even before the Britney clip, Crocker had developed a large Net audience via numerous video performances posted on MySpace.com.

"It's going to pretty much be the 'Chris Crocker experience,'" says the production company's president. "We consider him a rebel character that people will find interesting. He's going to be a TV star." We can't wait!

And if we've said it once, we've said it a million times: There is no faster way to achieve your dreams than posting a second-take video of yourself pretending to cry about insults hurled at a washed-up teen-pop starlet who has just given a completely appalling performance on a live music video awards show. It's pretty much a sure thing.

'Britney' guy may get TV gig [Variety]

Go See Some Gossip Girls

Choire — Wed, 12 Sep 2007 10:20:13 EDT

Note to set-crashers: "Gossip Girl," according to no parking signs, is shooting off Madison Square Park tomorrow, circa E. 25th Street or so, so you can go see the shallow for yourself. The T.V. show, which debuts next week and is about private school hissy fits between power-hungry bitches and date rapists and Upper East Side youngster alcohol consumption and a tawdry New York semi-blog, is getting a ton of advance, including in today's Times, even though it's on CW, one of those channels we don't really associate with a number. I've seen the pilot. It gives me that terrible trashy super-eww end times feeling. This means that it will be an incredible success.

TMZ TV: Tommy Lee And Kid Rock Go At It

abalk — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 11:30:23 EDT

Last night saw the debut of "TMZ" in its televised form, and we're kind of astounded. It's actually really good in a "death of Western culture" kind of way: crass, snappy, humorous, knowing, smirking, and sarcastic. Their turnaround time is impressive, and the little graphical flourishes they toss in make a good case that this is the new standard in omnibus trash television. It's just a day old, so it might be too early to judge, but today we're going to spend some time figuring out why it works so well. Anyway, here's how they covered the Tommy Lee and Kid Rock fracas at the MTV Video Music Awards.

Kristian Laliberte Is The New U.N. Ambassador From Doucheland

Emily Gould — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 16:40:19 EDT

From the e-desk of noted socialolgay Kristian Laliberte comes a missive with an opening that gave us pause:

Dear Friends,
Some of you are already helping with this amazing event, but I wanted to invite those who are not the chance to buy tickets. I am the Vice-Chair for the Junior Committee, and tickets at the Junior level are $250.00.

I am writing on behalf of The United Nations.

We paused here, as you no doubt just did, to clean the gobs of spat-out beverage off our monitor. And as we paused, we wondered whether the world was really as topsy turvy as it had seemed there for a second, or whether Kristian was perhaps exaggerating the importance of his role a tad? Well, you be the judge.

The United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime (UNODC) and Equality Now, would like to invite you to the Gala Dinner and Premiere of the Hollywood film Trade starring Kevin Kline, at the United Nations Headquarters. The film powerfully depicts the problem of international sex trafficking of women and children. Although the movie's narrative is fiction, it was inspired by "The Girls Next Door," an article by Peter Landesman published in The New York Times Magazine in January 2004.
This is the first time any major motion picture has held a world premiere at the UN. The premiere will take place at 7 p.m. on the 19th of September, 2007, in the historic Trusteeship Council Chamber at UN Headquarters in New York. The UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon will open the Premiere. The screening will be followed by a gala dinner in the magnificent UN Delegates Dining Room, from 9:00pm until 11:00pm. So far the host committee includes Meryl Streep, Kevin Kline, Hillary Swank, Sigourney Weaver, Sam Waterston, Stanley Tucci, Candice Bergen, Gloria Steinem, Phoebe Cates, Marisa Tomei, Eve Ensler, Ivanka Trump, Bianca Jagger, Jack McCollough, Lazaro Hernandez, Bijou Phillips, Zani Guggelman, Rachel Roy, Jessica Stam, Lucy Sykes, Eleonora Kennedy, Trade producer Roland Emmerich (director/producer/writer of "The Day After Tomorrow", "The Patriot", "Godzilla", and "Independence Day"), and Terry George (director/producer/writer of "Hotel Rwanda" and director of "In the Name of the Father"). Additional confirmed supporters that will be in attendance include Ted Turner and her holiness Sai Maa. Music will be provided by Mark Ronson.

To view a trailer of Trade, please log onto www.tradethemovie.com. All proceeds of the event will benefit victims of human trafficking.

I would like to ask for your support in the form of a ticket or table purchase for this amazing event. Individual tickets are $250. Tables are $5000 and seat ten.

As the UN is reaching out to the next generation of influential young people, we think he would make a great addition to the attendance. [Ed. Note: HUH?] I would be grateful if you could let me know at your earliest convenience so that we make all necessary arrangements.

If you have any questions, or would like more information, please contact me.
I hope you can join us.

Kind regards,
Kristian

New York's Oldest, Nastiest Gay Hooker Bar Closed

Choire — Wed, 29 Aug 2007 10:34:51 EDT

Julius, the worst and most amazing craphole bar in New York City, a place of such filth that one was reluctant to touch even a bottle of beer, was seized by the Department of Taxation and Finance earlier this week. Where will the roaches, the infirmgays and the wasted teen hookers go now? But at last West 10th Street is safe for Sarah Jessica Parker's nanny and her ilk.

Julius Closed, Seized For Nonpayment of Taxes [Eater]

From the mailbag: "Not sure if you've heard ...

abalk — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 12:50:13 EDT

From the mailbag: "Not sure if you've heard yet but the Hilton on 6th and 53rd is spewing bubbles from the roof. I work nearby and we are assured it isn't dangerous, but the result of a massive window washing effort. The pic might not be of too high quality (camera phones all suck) but the view out my window is pure craziness."

New York got the total lunar eclipse this ...

Emily Gould — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 09:20:26 EDT

New York got the total lunar eclipse this morning at 4:51 a.m., not long before moonset. If you're a hippie who believes in astrology, you can use it to excuse or explain anything bad, weird or confusing that has happened to you or the world recently. Handy! Right, Owen Wilson? (Or, if you're a crazed Pentecostal, you'll note that the blood-red moon presages"the coming of the great and glorious day of the Lord.") [AP, photo: Juddejah]

The Times' Lede blog notes that today's news ...

Doree Shafrir — Thu, 16 Aug 2007 17:40:25 EDT

The Times' Lede blog notes that today's news has been especially depressing: hundreds dead from an earthquake in Peru, 500 dead from a truck bombing in Iraq, thousands homeless after floods in North Korea, flooding in Texas, a hurricane forming in the Atlantic, Wall Street is tanking, and those miners in Utah probably aren't getting rescued. Yay, reality! The comments are particularly hilarious. [NYT/The Lede]

Spotted Pig Sneakers Out Now, Waverly Inn Clogs To Follow

abalk — Fri, 10 Aug 2007 15:00:52 EDT

Continuing the idiot trend of ludicrous footwear for every imbecile occasion, a pair of sneakers celebrating popular downtown gastropub The Spotted Pig are now available to the general public. This set, in Batali Orange, should be in stores soon. Fair warning: If we see you on the street wearing these, we will punch you in the colon, hard.

DC Shoe x The Spotted Pig Orange finally dropping [Freshness]

That Really Was A Tornado In Brooklyn

Choire — Thu, 09 Aug 2007 09:00:53 EDT

Dear Brooklyn: Like a sugared-up 11-year-old, you're always claiming things. Sometimes it's "That dirty Pole touched me in a bad place." Sometimes it's "We invented electroclash and it's good!" A lot of the time your outrageous claims have to do with babies and how great life is and the joys of microbrewing beer. You know: Lies. Over the years we've started to ignore you—which meant when you came to us yodeling about a tornado yesterday, we smiled, nodded and backed away. I guess it's just hard for all of us to tell your "personal" truth, the James Frey kind of truth, from the actual truth sometimes. Maybe you should go back to your "great apartment" and think about that?

National Weather Service Confirms Tornado Touched Down In Brooklyn [NY1]
Photo: Rebecca]

TMZ Once Again Capitalizes On Abject Stupidity Of Society

abalk — Wed, 08 Aug 2007 12:25:52 EDT

TMZ.com, the celebrity website dedicated to the destruction of the west's 5000-year tradition of literacy and culture, ups the ante today: They're launching Star vs. Star, an online game "combining the fantasy sports craze with the world's obsession for all things celebrity."

Hollywood junkies are invited to create their very own celebrity dream team to see how each "performs" in the tabloid world. Players will be able to initially choose from over 250 celebrity stars - each featured on their own vibrant collectible online virtual trading card - to assemble their 10-person roster. Within the game, stars accumulate points based on how often they appear in celebrity news sites, blogs, headlines, pictures and videos. Celebrity data is updated in real time, seven days a week so breaking news and celebrity scandals affect the game as it happens!

You know how we're always like, "Write down this date, it marks the end of civilization as we know it?" Well, today we mean it.

The full soul-sapping press release follows.

York, NY, August 8, 2007 - Number one celebrity news website TMZ.com has teamed up with Worldwide Biggies Inc., a digital entertainment studio that creates online experiences for young adults, kids and families, to launch the innovative online celebrity fan game Star Vs. Star. The game that formally launches today features a celebrity fantasy league, a weekly video webcast and amazing photographs.
Combining the fantasy sports craze with the world's obsession for all things celebrity, the Star Vs. Star fantasy league presents the ultimate test for the celebrity-obsessed on which Hollywood star will come out on top...and not in the jail cell! Hollywood junkies are invited to create their very own celebrity dream team to see how each "performs" in the tabloid world. Players will be able to initially choose from over 250 celebrity stars - each featured on their own vibrant collectible online virtual trading card - to assemble their 10-person roster. Within the game, stars accumulate points based on how often they appear in celebrity news sites, blogs, headlines, pictures and videos. Celebrity data is updated in real time, seven days a week so breaking news and celebrity scandals affect the game as it happens! The game is organized into a nine-week season with weekly match-ups and a final championship game for each league. Players can form a league with their friends or join one online and build teams made up of the most popular, scandalous and notorious celebrities by trading within their league.
Whether or not a player chooses to join a fantasy league, gossip fanatics can still take part in all the celebrity antics and action by playing an online viral card game. Based on the classic card game 'War', users instead select 52 of their favorite colorful Star Cards to play the Star Vs. Star Card Game available in a variety of locations on the Internet. Celebrity gossip hounds will undoubtedly drool over the gorgeously detailed celebrity photographs featured on every trading card.

"We're excited to team up with Worldwide Biggies on a game so closely mapped to our audience," said Alan Citron, General Manager of TMZ.com. "Celebrity gossip has become a 24/7 phenomenon and Star Vs. Star adds to the interactive experience."
Albie Hecht, CEO and Founder of Worldwide Biggies added, "Star Vs. Star is a new exciting way for the world's celebrity crazed to show off who, what, and how much celebrity knowledge they have in a unique and innovative way. It's truly a fresh game for casual gamers looking for something different to fill their ever-growing celebrity appetites!"

To further assist players with their fantasy experience, the Star Vs. Star website will also feature a unique weekly video web show called The Celebraddiciton Report. The program provides a forecast of upcoming celebrity news and gossip to help players decide whom to trade and whom to keep on their team. The site also features a community-driven message center where players can get to know fellow league members, discuss strategy and celebrity news.
About TMZ.com
Just named by Time magazine as one of the "25 websites we can't live without," TMZ- a joint venture between Telepictures Productions and AOL- has enjoyed a meteoric rise to prominence by breaking the biggest stories in entertainment. From Mel Gibson's DUI arrest and subsequent encounter with law enforcement to Michael Richards' racist diatribe at the Laugh Factory to the death of Anna Nicole Smith to Paris Hilton's trip to the slammer, TMZ has consistently been credited for breaking the biggest stories dominating the entertainment news landscape and changed the way the public gets their news. Regularly referenced by the media, TMZ is one of the most-cited entertainment news sources in the world, utilized by thousands of global newsgathering organizations and setting the national agenda for what is the entertainment news.

About Worldwide Biggies Inc.
Worldwide Biggies, with offices in New York and Los Angeles, is a new digital entertainment studio creating hit intellectual properties for kids, families and young adults that are born on the web with multi-platforms designed for additional distribution in film, TV and licensing. Worldwide Biggies launched its first multi-platform hit on Nickelodeon and Nick.com earlier this year with The Naked Brothers Band and has produced the Video Game Awards on Spike TV, which Hecht created during his tenure as the network's president. In March, Worldwide Biggies launched www.worldwidefido.com a website dedicated to user-submitted videos of dogs - one of the most popular categories of web video. Worldwide Fido is "the place for the best dog video on the web" with monthly contests and prizes in several categories.

"My today's Paris Hilton item. Supposedly ...

Emily Gould — Mon, 06 Aug 2007 11:30:16 EDT

"My today's Paris Hilton item. Supposedly she was seen at the Beverly Hills Hotel newsstand checking the latest publications. Seeing if she's in them. If she was, she bought it. If not, not. I can't believe she didn't buy everything. She's in everything. So I almost doubt my own item. So I almost think I should punish myself. But who can have a column without something about Paris Hilton, right? I mean, even if it's only semi partially right, right?" Is... everything okay over there, Cindy? [Cindy Adams]

'The Manny' Is a Huge Success

Emily Gould — Mon, 30 Jul 2007 12:50:06 EDT

Today Gatecrasher reported on yet another party for socialite Holly Peterson's "book" The Manny, the racist-'viral'-marketing marred debut whose lack of even trashy-fun value we noted a while back. It's, like, the tenth party we've heard of for this book, which came out in June, so far, and we were all ready to make a joke along the lines of "10 parties, that's one for every book that someone actually went into a store and purchased!" So we looked up Nielsen Bookscan numbers in an attempt to confirm our hunch. Bookscan tracks about 70% of retail sales, but doesn't track bulk buys ("special sales.") We rubbed our hands together gleefully, waiting for the dismal digits to appear on our screen.

Except ... Bookscan has The Manny at 25,195.

Well ... maybe Holly's billionaire dad bought a few copies?

Sadly, this doesn't seem to be the case. One easy way to tell whether a bulk buy is responsible for a book's sales is the New York Times Bestseller List. In fact, this is one of the few things of which that list is a reliable gauge! If a book has solid, Manny-level sales a month and a half after pub and hasn't even cracked the extended list, it's safe to say that its success isn't based on purchases by individual consumers.

But The Manny cracked the extended list the week of July 15, coming in at #29. So, people really just are that stupid.

Congratulations On The Book Sale, Perez Hilton!

Choire — Wed, 25 Jul 2007 14:27:27 EDT

Exactly a month ago, blogger Perez Hilton's book proposal was floating around the shops. Guess what! We hear a publisher bought it, for a "high five figures"! Here's to literature, and here's to some cash paying off Perez's legal bills in the wrangling against the photo agencies.

Bedford Avenue To Collapse Under Weight Of Parody

Choire — Wed, 25 Jul 2007 14:10:51 EDT

Next month, the moment you've been... waiting for? Hipster love, on stage, but all double-cross ironic—like Xanadu only ugly and less gay. It's like a swift kick in the pants to the idiot village that is Williamsboard, one hopes.