While frequenting a strip club in San Francisco last night, retired porn star Jenna Jameson took the opportunity to endorse Mitt Romney for President.

I write you, my friends, at a grave time in this country's history. Apparently people think they can just record any old YouTube endorsement of Barack Obama without the possibility of it backfiring and costing the Democrats the presidency. Ben Affleck endorsed John McCain for the greater good of the Democratic Party…

General Colin Powell was a swell guy when he was commanding the first war in Iraq. And he was just super when, as Secretary of State for George W. Bush, he sold the second war in Iraq to the United Nations. But now that he's endorsed Barack Obama for President, Powell totally cannot be trusted—and he's black! So says…

Former Secretary of State under George W. Bush, Colin Powell, endorsed Barack Obama for President on Meet the Press this morning. Powell, a Republican and longtime friend of John McCain, said, "I think he is a transformational figure, he is a new generation coming onto the world stage, onto the American stage, and for…

Hey losers—it's the Democratic primary today in lovely New York Town. "So what," you're saying, "who cares? Are there love-children and hockey moms involved? Was anyone tortured by the Vietnamese?" No, but this election is much more important to you, the voter. Because in November, your vote won't count for shit. New…

CNN shouter Lou Dobbs is apparently "mulling a run for New Jersey governor." Oh, please let that be true! Current governor Jon Corzine is quite unpopular and "Republican officials" claim the oddly orange-hued pseudo-populist pundit is "taking steps toward running" for that prestigious office himself. We cannot think…

Pageviews show that our Ron Paul endorsement isn't working out. We're going with Plan B: iGovernment, by Steve Jobs. Go buy a "Steve Jobs for President" T-shirt and see why he gets our endorsement.

At Valleywag we're bound by a strong sense of identity politics defined by one issue: pageviews. More views = more attention + more traffic-based bonus pay to keep our breakfast bourbon flowing. And when it comes to pageviews, Ron Paul's always-on boosters put Barack backers and Hill/Billies to shame, shame, shame.…